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Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 6:53:17 PM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		Latetly, I've been pondering this question for a while: Why are we really into BDSM? Are some of us in it for sexual pleasure only? Or maybe, just maybe, we want to truly enhance our relationships with our spouses/significant other? Ever since I got into this lifestyle, this has been one question I've wanted to ask, particuarly as my search for a life partner has gotten frustrating of late.

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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 6:56:34 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		Why am I really into BDSM? because it's fun. 

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 6:58:30 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		control, power, makes me erect. ;)

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'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to Viridana)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 6:59:16 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I'm into BDSM mainly becsaue it is the easiest way for me to interact with others happily and consistantly.  Angel and I do fantastically, and neither of us would be completely fulfilled in a relationship that didnt have these aspects.

DV


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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Viridana)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:00:48 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Because dominance and sadism are simply parts of who I am.

The thought of finding a partner in an egalatarian relationship that I cant be fully who I am with is a thought that doesnt cross my mind.

I would rather be alone and waiting patiently then in a relationship that I am not finding fulfillment in.

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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

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(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:02:47 PM   
DocRudy


Posts: 153
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		Agreed. I tried vanilla relationships for a while.

God they were boring.

-DR

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:03:14 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		yeah, what he said! the mad wabbit that is.

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:17:27 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		Because it allows me an outlet with which I can let go and give up control.  And also because the level of devotion I show to my Master seems to get odd looks from 'nilla people.  They think I bow to his every whim because I'm weak, or "too young to know any better"... I can never get them to understand that it's a choice of mine and that it makes me feel fulfilled on a level that nothing else can match.

That and the sex is awesome.

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:17:32 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		I like getting hurt.  it gets me hot.
he likes hurting me.  it gets him hot.
they are a few pieces of a puzzle, that when put together, make a happy "picture" of us.


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"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:18:53 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm bored. l8r

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to lighthearted)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:31:16 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I'm into D/s because, with the right Dominant, I can be totally myself. I see this as something that is appropriate for me to have in my life until I die. It's easier to find people who are interested in D/s around people who are into BDSM than those I meet at church.

Just my thoughts........

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"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:31:30 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I engage in BDSM, because I enjoy the way it makes me and my partner feel...I engage in D/s because I like the way relationships have a mutual jumping off point. Eventually, my vanilla relationships have all kind of moved in this direction, but defining my needs from the outset makes life a whole lot easier.
 
But, BDSM, that's the icing on the cake. The D/s being the cake...I hope that makes sense.

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~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:36:59 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'm in it to find a fun and creative pervette.

Any other reason is quite insane-so far as I am concerned.

< Message edited by RRafe -- 9/29/2007 7:37:23 PM >

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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:42:49 PM   
DWCdelight


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		When Master is displeased with me I wonder if I belong in the lifestyle at all.  I strive so hard to please Him and then when I tell Him that I'm trying and He comes back with "Trying isn't good enough.  You have to DO" I feel inadequate as to know what to do!   I feel so bad when I know I've tried as hard as I can and it still doesn't please Him!  So I wonder:  Am I cut out for the lifestyle or not?  I don't ever want to go back to vanilla.  I could never be happy in a nilla relationship again.  But if I am truly such a bad slave and Master releases me, how will I ever find a Master willing to put up with  me?  I love the personal things that I do.  I call myself Master's PBS--His Personal Body Slave.  I also enjoy the sex!  I've never had better sex in my life.  But I sure don't want to be known as a sex slave because that's not what I'm looking for in a relationship. Nor do I want to get married again--ever!  I want a LTR.  I want and need a Master who can control me, but is willing to put up with my sassy mouth. A strict but benevolent Master?  I guess I'm trying to say that I'm something of a BRAT.  I am an enigma to myself, never mind to Master.  I think I'm unexplainable. 

Two more things:  1 - I've only been in the lifestyle two years and was collared by Master shortly after finding it; and 2 - O/our relationship is poly, which is hard to deal with at the best of times.  He says His slaves are not in competition with each other, which is a crock.  We compete for His time continually and He just can't see this.  And there is NEVER enough time!!! 

Why am I into BDSM?  I honestly don't know.  I wish I had the answer to that, knew what it was and was satisfied with it. 

Keep it safe, sane, consensual . . . and fun. 

(in reply to BlackKnight)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:44:34 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Because being held captive and ravished makes me feel pretty
And being subservient and pleasing makes me feel useful

Also because a real man deserves a real woman
and vice versa.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 7:45:04 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I'm into bdsm because I enjoy it on many levels and have fun. I'm into D/s because it's what fulfills me relationship-wise. Simple.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 8:01:53 PM   
sadomasokisti


Posts: 221
Joined: 10/20/2005
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		Guess I'm lucky

Author unknown, but it's the best answer I have seen.

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Pain is good. Extreme pain is extremely good

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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 8:11:23 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		That is a common question that I have heard asked or have been asked.  There are misconceptions from the vanilla world that "folks" into the lifestyle must be sick or at least have some type of mental / emotional problem.  I was really young when I had my first "dominant" experience and there was nothing wrong with me (even though I had no name or understood what I was developing. )
 
Innately I am dominant; it is who I am and for others as well whether submissive or dominant it is innate.  For others it is so called to "SPICE" things up. 
As far as what "NORMAL" is well that is subjective and who has to right to define NORMAL?
 
I say as long as we are truly enjoying ourselves and everyone involved is an ADULT and knows their role then we should continue having fun and being ourselves.  A lot of people FEAR what they do not know or have been raised with the idea that anything deviating from the "missionary position" is dirty; poor folks.
 
Just my two cents
Mistress Purple

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
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RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 9:09:33 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I just wandered in and can't seem to find my way out.

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 9:17:08 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Personally, there was never any "getting into it" or such as seems to be implied to have happened at some point by the OP.  Nor do I see why this question is so common...

Do people I don't know about spend the amount of questioning I've seen to BDSM on why they are into riding rollercoasters, going skiing with their spouse, enjoying getting a massage, etc.?

My BDSM activities and interests developed naturally along with my other likes and dislikes as I grew through childhood into adulthood to the age I am, and I am sure will keep doing so.

There's never been anything mysterious about my being bossy by nature or liking intense sensations...  those things are 100% the same as the fact that I like things organized and chocolate chip ice cream tastes great to me.  I just don't understand where these questions even come from.

I'm not being contrary at all, I truly don't understand when OPs like this come up (or the same IRL)...

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 20
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