RE: Why are we really into BDSM?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Why are we really into BDSM?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why are we really into BDSM?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 9:36:55 PM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPurpleFL
A lot of people FEAR what they do not know or have been raised with the idea that anything deviating from the "missionary position" is dirty; poor folks.

Yup.

Fear of pain, fear of physical helplessness, and fear of being dirty can all get the adrenaline flowing.

And when the adrenaline's on, our physical sensors get more receptive.

And when the nerves in our pants gets more receptive, sexy stuff gets sexier.

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)

Post #: 21

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/29/2007 9:46:28 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

<Fast Reply>

I'm here because this is my home. I learned very early on that I was always submissive in bed. And my first Master showed me how I really was submissive to men out of bed too. So I was introduced to my submissive side. He showed me I was more than a bedroom submissive. And there's nowhere i've ever been happier. I've tried too. I've lived in silence as my family has stated how sick people like me were. I've lived with friends thinking I was a freak or totally out of my mind for allowing myself to be taken advantage of. Because that's the way they seen it and believed it all to be about. But of course none of them but 1 ever wanted to know more. And that 1 moved on to the gorean lifestyle, because it suited him more than it did me.

Over time I discovered more about myself and more of what I really was. Needed, wanted to get and give. To the point that now my submission is deeper than anything sexual. When it became more than sexual, it became to a little harder for me to find a more compatiable dominant figure in my life. Over the past few years, i've started to discover that there are a few more doms out there that think as I do. Now don't get me wrong here... the sex is still good... when it happens .... but it's not what it's all about for me. It's much more deeper. Inside... outside... mentally... painfully... sensually....verbally.....oh lord I could go on...

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 22

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 12:18:47 AM

rmanrr

Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline

Greetings
Because it is a part of who I am. Period. Simple.

_____________________________

Be Well, Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 23

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 12:25:08 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCdelight

When Master is displeased with me I wonder if I belong in the lifestyle at all. I strive so hard to please Him and then when I tell Him that I'm trying and He comes back with "Trying isn't good enough. You have to DO" I feel inadequate as to know what to do! I feel so bad when I know I've tried as hard as I can and it still doesn't please Him! So I wonder: Am I cut out for the lifestyle or not? I don't ever want to go back to vanilla. I could never be happy in a nilla relationship again. But if I am truly such a bad slave and Master releases me, how will I ever find a Master willing to put up with me? I love the personal things that I do. I call myself Master's PBS--His Personal Body Slave. I also enjoy the sex! I've never had better sex in my life. But I sure don't want to be known as a sex slave because that's not what I'm looking for in a relationship. Nor do I want to get married again--ever! I want a LTR. I want and need a Master who can control me, but is willing to put up with my sassy mouth. A strict but benevolent Master? I guess I'm trying to say that I'm something of a BRAT. I am an enigma to myself, never mind to Master. I think I'm unexplainable.

Two more things: 1 - I've only been in the lifestyle two years and was collared by Master shortly after finding it; and 2 - O/our relationship is poly, which is hard to deal with at the best of times. He says His slaves are not in competition with each other, which is a crock. We compete for His time continually and He just can't see this. And there is NEVER enough time!!!

Why am I into BDSM? I honestly don't know. I wish I had the answer to that, knew what it was and was satisfied with it.

Keep it safe, sane, consensual . . . and fun.

Geez...you sound miserable...I guess I can see why you are wondering why you are in this...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to DWCdelight)

Post #: 24

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 12:33:23 AM

lynn23

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2004
Status: offline

I remember how I first found out about the lifestyle...I was 18 and aproached online by a couple...from that point on, even though I never spoke with them after that one chat, I couldn't get the things they said out of my head...I've realized parts of why I am into this...and i understand this isn't the case for Domme's...but I believe women should serve their men as best they can...not slavery but at least respect them, take care of them...it's so hard to find men that want that now a days...vanilla men take their partners for granted whereas Dom's may not verbally acknowledge respecting their sub, but they at least appreciate them...Also, nilla boys just don't know how to handle a flogger or be dominant and not sound like a jerk....they just don't take control like a Dom can...mmm, now I am trying to remember why I have let myself go so long without all that I just listed...

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 25

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 4:02:27 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

Latetly, I've been pondering this question for a while: Why are we really into BDSM? Are some of us in it for sexual pleasure only? Or maybe, just maybe, we want to truly enhance our relationships with our spouses/significant other? Ever since I got into this lifestyle, this has been one question I've wanted to ask, particuarly as my search for a life partner has gotten frustrating of late.

Because it is the most intimate and challenging (thus meaningful) expression of love and trust I know.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)

Post #: 26

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 4:05:41 PM

BlackKnight

Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Cause the kicks keep getting harder to find!
I didn't exactly get into bdsm, it was a evolving/naming jank

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 27

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 4:09:44 PM

kirii

Posts: 79
Status: offline

The only reason I am into BDSM is for the pain aspect. I like pain; I like being in pain; the more pain there is, the more I like it.
I do want to point out though that my intimate relationships with others are in no way centered around BDSM. BDSM for me is not sexual in any way; I do it only for the fun and for the pain that it brings.

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)

Post #: 28

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 4:10:54 PM

Decimus

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

You know Bob, I have to admit there are quite a few times on the forums I don't agree at all with what you are saying, but with what you just said I fully agree with that as shown by my signature quote.

_____________________________

Here is my story that some people have asked for, www.beginningofdreams.com

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 29

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 6:44:07 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I never made a choice to "get into BDSM". There was no conscious decision on my part that wanted to be submissive, i simply discovered that i am. I was submissive before i even knew this lifestyle existed. I cannot say why i am submissive and i've decided it doesn't really help me to try to figure it out. So i can't really say why i am into BDSM other than that it simply feels right and is who i am.

So my answer to these kind of questions is usually more along the lines of what feels right rather than why i'm in it. Semantics maybe but to me it is an important disctinction. When i am curled at my Master's feet i feel right. When my hands are bound i feel right and when he grabs my collar, slaps me and tells me "woman do it RIGHT" i get all warm and fuzzy and he usually ends up laughing because i get this huge smile on my face as i scurry to fix whatever i did wrong.

So for me yes, it is about sexual pleasure. Yes it is about a deep connection with my partner but it is also about being who i am fully and completely.

charlotte

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)

Post #: 30

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 6:50:02 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCdelight

When Master is displeased with me I wonder if I belong in the lifestyle at all. I strive so hard to please Him and then when I tell Him that I'm trying and He comes back with "Trying isn't good enough. You have to DO" I feel inadequate as to know what to do! I feel so bad when I know I've tried as hard as I can and it still doesn't please Him! So I wonder: Am I cut out for the lifestyle or not? I don't ever want to go back to vanilla. I could never be happy in a nilla relationship again. But if I am truly such a bad slave and Master releases me, how will I ever find a Master willing to put up with me? I love the personal things that I do. I call myself Master's PBS--His Personal Body Slave. I also enjoy the sex! I've never had better sex in my life. But I sure don't want to be known as a sex slave because that's not what I'm looking for in a relationship. Nor do I want to get married again--ever! I want a LTR. I want and need a Master who can control me, but is willing to put up with my sassy mouth. A strict but benevolent Master? I guess I'm trying to say that I'm something of a BRAT. I am an enigma to myself, never mind to Master. I think I'm unexplainable.

Two more things: 1 - I've only been in the lifestyle two years and was collared by Master shortly after finding it; and 2 - O/our relationship is poly, which is hard to deal with at the best of times. He says His slaves are not in competition with each other, which is a crock. We compete for His time continually and He just can't see this. And there is NEVER enough time!!!

Why am I into BDSM? I honestly don't know. I wish I had the answer to that, knew what it was and was satisfied with it.

Keep it safe, sane, consensual . . . and fun.

Sounds like maybe you need to find someone that fits you better.

My answer is the same as someone else's: BDSM is fun. D/s means that I'm with someone who is strong enough and that I trust enough to give up my control. I love eing able to let go of the reins and know that someone else is capable of handling them.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DWCdelight)

Post #: 31

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 6:55:01 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I like living my life my own way. I enjoy having sex the way I want it and being in charge. I enjoy kinky sex and the primal energy that comes from it. I want a man who focuses on me and what I want, don't get me wrong what he wants is important too. But over the years I've learnt that a man who wants everything his way is NOT the man for me, we would end up killing each other.

So why do I do it? Its a part of who I am.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)

Post #: 32

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 7:18:10 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

The B, S + M parts (for me) are just enjoyable. If I dive deeper into it, I could say they are ways I can express powerful emotions and feelings that have no natural, socially acceptable place; throwbacks from tens of thousands of years ago, where mating rituals, competition for resources, and pure survival were a way of life. Evolutionarily speaking, we are a blink of an eye away from other primates. Our bodies are designed to work hard, to experience and embrace anger and fear. Civilization doesn't permit these to be physically expressed anywhere, save in fantasy (books, film, music), or in competitive sports.

The D is the real reason I embrace 'BDSM.' I revel in the opportunity to be dominant with my partners. Dominance is a vehicle for me to be me; it isn't an end, but rather a means to an end of a more satisfying, intimate, and emotionally powerful relationship. I feel power, when I see a woman kneeling for me, obeying me, or when I am actively dominating her (holding her down, or simply holding her leash.) This doesn't mean she must be my slave, for me to enjoy her; it means I enjoy the fact that I can hold her submission.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 33

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 9:08:51 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I am into bdsm (aka the kinky activities) for the same reasons I am into non bdsm. They are enjoyable, they serve me and my life.

I am into Ds (aks the relationship authority dynamic) because it fits who I am as an orientation, just as heterosexuals fit into their dynamics.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 34

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 9:29:10 PM

newsub27

Posts: 18
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

Simple..........because it feels right!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 10:51:38 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I don't have a choice. Vanilla relationships don't work. So, I accept what I am.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 36

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 9/30/2007 11:24:06 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I'm here for the beer...... Yo, BARTENDER!!!!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)

Post #: 37

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 10/1/2007 1:20:55 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I was looking for a new screensaver and came across a montage of Impressionist paintings online and it has me thinking of how D/s is understood. Viewing Monet, Manet, Cezanne and Degas we are not looking at what is actually there, but we feel the sensations created. Those paintings use bright colors and brush strokes that blur lines of the subject as they create feeling.

If you take different people viewing an Impressionistic painting or being exposed to D/s, they don’t all get it. Some will be affected by the building effects of the color and pain while others will only wonder why they can’t see the subject clearly and why it hurts so much.

WE have a different way of seeing and it is a breakthrough art of feeling, movement, honesty, sex and domination/submission. In our painting the bright colors of day coming in the upstairs bedroom window of your house in the woods slowly change as the evening light begins to veil everything in Impressionistic feeling and truth. The shadow of the moving flogger disappears in the dark, but you still feel it long after I've left.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 38

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 10/1/2007 1:42:14 AM

RapidRon

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

There was something about it for me ever since I was young, so it's in the prewire somehow. Maybe it has something to do with the intensity of experiences and stimulation. Perhaps in relationships, giving someone your complete trust as you are helpless or receiving that trust as a dominant fulfills some deeper desire to connect in the most natural and naked (figuratively) of ways--without such careful pretenses which are the norm. I know women whom I've had this kind of relationship with develop quickly a firm trust in me, as if they know I really want what is best for them.

Ironically, I heard from people that they feel release when bound, and that the out-of-control that they feel helps to take the pressure off of their everyday; when they are in complete control of their taxing lives. I've also heard from someone that the pain from the bdsm physically helped to contrast and balance all the pain in their lives psycologically.

There are probably a lot of reasons, many of them pretty deep within our psyches.

< Message edited by RapidRon -- 10/1/2007 1:43:23 AM >

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 39

RE: Why are we really into BDSM? - 10/1/2007 4:41:02 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

When you're at work or in social situations, you're always tremendously restrained by protocol. It's like a diplomatic mission where you can never say what it is you mean. You must maneuver coyly in every conversation. Compare that with a downright steamy BDSM session where you actually do what you really want to do and she always enjoys you being the animalistic male that you were born to be. That's what I like about BDSM.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why are we really into BDSM?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094