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"Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 6:46:51 AM   
TheEnglishDom


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Is your partner on behavioral medication?  Anything from tranquilizers, anti-anxiety, attention deficit, to bi-polar disorder meds.

Should someone on these meds declare their situation up front?  Is it fair going into a new relationship, not knowing the full extent of someone's medical history?  How safe is play, when someone is heavily reliant on these types of medications?  Should the reason for our partner being on theses medications be looked into a little deeper?

I have come across many people over the years, both in and out of the 'BDSM World', that have been on behavioral medication, both dominants, and submissives.  In my experiences, and those shared with me by others, the majority of them have been positive.  There are of course those negative, and harrowing experiences that also come to mind.  Without going into specifics, there have been many occasions, that many people, have not found out till much later on that their partner has this need.  Whether it is a psychological, or clinical need, to give them some normality to their life, they are engaging in a very physical, and mentally challenging 'world', as the BDSM world can be.  Some handle it well, some on the other hand are putting themselves, and their partners at great risk.  Have you ever experienced your partner, during a 'play situation' just suddenly switch frame of mind, not realize who, or where they are, and completely freak out?  Did you do something wrong, or is it the effect, or reasons for their need for the medication?  During play, did you trigger a past bad memory or situation? 

It is always good to get to know your partner, but that would also mean taking a lot of time going over their past also.  Something not a lot of people do now days, to many are to eager to just rush into play without thinking of the consequences.  If someone is comfortable with you, they should and may disclose this very personal and private information about themselves.  Trust and good communication always being an integral part of it all, you would hope that some of the bad from the past, if it exists, would be disclosed.  What do you do if your partner does have problems?   As always, discussion afterwards can be good, to try to find out what the trigger was.  Maybe discussing what their attraction to the BDSM world is, some people strive to find something in it, and it may not be a good reason for their participation.  Would therapy be a better option?

There are going to be many reactions to this post, I am sure, some good some bad.  The purpose, is to get a reaction, and hopefully bring to light for some people, questions to ask, signs to look for, and what to do next when and if they find themselves in this type of situation. 

It is always a good thing to question yourself on your own reasons, or someone else’s, for this type of lifestyle or play, even better to always keep an open mind.  No matter what experiences we have all had, there is always a new situation coming around the corner that we may or may not have the means or experience to handle.   “We are forever learning, and someone who thinks they know it all, plays the fool.”

< Message edited by TheEnglishDom -- 10/2/2007 6:55:58 AM >
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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:01:00 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Is your partner on behavioral medication?
No, but i have been on and off.
Should someone on these meds declare their situation up front? 
Yes.
Is it fair going into a new relationship, not knowing the full extent of someone's medical history? 
If it could effect the relationship, no.
How safe is play, when someone is heavily reliant on these types of medications? 
Depends on the person, extent of condition in my opinion.
Should the reason for our partner being on theses medications be looked into a little deeper?
I think it should be discussed. How deeply is up to the parties involved.
 
I personally have a history of depression and recognise the triggers pretty much straight away and get medication for it. It has never proved to be a problem for me in any of my relationships.
 
When i was involved in a poly relationship the other female was bi polar and this proved for me too hard to handle. I always had the feeling she played on it pretty much to her advantage and it became unbearable.
 
Just my experience of course

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:05:55 AM   
HisCompletely


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline 		I agree it should be told directly upfront, and after getting to know that person, as each individual situation is different, it should be discussed and learned together. I believe the only way to know is to see for yourself .

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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:11:07 AM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		What about all of the people who have never taken the time to go see a doctor about what may be wrong? Meaning there are probably a lot more people who could benefit from professional help. I am on meds, both behavioral and pain. Does it make Me less in control, no. I very well know My limits. Sometimes it would help and other times it just isn't their business. Just My thoughts.
LordVelvet

< Message edited by LordVelvet -- 10/2/2007 7:12:03 AM >

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:12:22 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
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quote:

Should someone on these meds declare their situation up front? Is it fair going into a new relationship, not knowing the full extent of someone's medical history? How safe is play, when someone is heavily reliant on these types of medications? Should the reason for our partner being on theses medications be looked into a little deeper?


In any serious relationship, medical information inevitably should be disclosed.  That includes medication regimes.

Most medications for depression, adhd, and bi-polar do not adversely impair one's judgement--if they are properly administered and regulated, quite the contrary, in fact--and thus should not adversely affect play.

Should you "look deeper" into the condition?  Only to understand it.  Unless you are a qualified physician, psychiatrist, or some other therapist, you have no business questioning either the diagnosis or the treatment regime.




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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:19:16 AM   
DocRudy


Posts: 153
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		Being on anti-anxiety meds is not necessarily cause for a relationship ending.
Lying about it, or witholding information about it usually is.

-DR

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:22:10 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		yes you should be told up front. First off it shows honesty. Second you want to know if your going to be with A jeckly or hide  people on meds can do ok as long as they stick to it. when they do not. it is like a roller coster.
up one moment down the next.

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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:31:49 AM   
TheEnglishDom


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Alas yes, there is that side that have not been diagnosed or medicated etc.  There are also those that are perfectly 'normal' on the surface and all of a sudden hit a trigger point they did not know they had. As long as it's discussed afterwards, appropriately addressed, and even possibly 'actioned' by one, or both parties seeking help, hopefully it would not be a re-occurring problem?

It may not be your, or your partners, place to try to diagnose a problem, but it should be your place to realize the existence or potential of a problem.

< Message edited by TheEnglishDom -- 10/2/2007 7:33:09 AM >

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:40:59 AM   
GoldStallion


Posts: 68
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		I would always want to know about the health problems of any prospective partner - and pretty early on. Like before I start a physical relationship. It wouldnt be grounds for elimination (metaphorically or, probably, literally) as long as they wanted to sort themselves out ie get to the point where they are healthy without any tablets. Even if thats a long haul for them, as long as they are up for taking that journey I'd be OK. We are all mentally ill, there is not one perfectly balanced person alive or in existence now or ever; its just a matter of degree. Health does not come from a medicine cabinet. Health comes from how we deal with who we are and from taking part in objective reality and living life.

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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:43:39 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		well shit on me...i could have been with holding medical information and all those people wouldn't think i am so fucking crazy...oh wait, they kind of think its hot...

ya know...informed consent doesn't just go one way...that is, its not just the bottom side of the relationship/play that has to make a descion of informed consent...if someone on the Top side cannot personally handle a bottom who has psych issues or physical issues for whatever reason - their own issues, or they are shallow, etc. - then they should be aware of those issues so they can make an informed choice to say, "yes, i know they are there, i still want to continue" OR "no, sorry, thats too much for me" or some thing along those lines...

*steps off her soap box*

i tell even potential one time casual play partners of my physical issues and that my mind is a field of potential land mines...if they have questions i go further into detail...but as i mentioned in another post...i am very comfortable in my skin...i am also very aware of what goes on in my twisted little mind...so i may be on an earlier bus than some....yay me....that just means i went crazier sooner lol....

did i answer the question? was there a question? i don't want to scroll back....i am being lazy...ooo interesting looking fly..........


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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:49:06 AM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		Most of the conditions listed are not due for 'behavioural meds.'  Bipolar disorder, a chemical imbalance in the brain involoving seratonin, as well as others, is not a behavioural issue/disorder. The medications used generally and primarily replace the seratonin balance, the same for unipolar (depressive illness only without having ever had a manic phase) You have listed a range of conditions which cannot be all lumped together and called 'behavioural.' I agree as with any relationship disclosure should be expected. However, that being said, some of these diagnoses listed are too vastly different to be using the label of behavioural. You have sort of 2 categories here; mental illness and some relatively non-treatable conditions listed in the DSM as character flaws, meaning no real or effective treatment, no chemical imbalance. 

My thing is not with disclosure, it is with the grouping together of vastly different issues and conditions under one heading.

Be Well,

EG

This is in response to the original post, not to whomever this post happened to attach onto.

< Message edited by EvilGenie -- 10/2/2007 8:01:00 AM >

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:53:57 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I believe if you are seeking out a long term relationship you should disclose anything that might affect the relationship upfront. No matter how well you manage a mental health issue that is something a person should be aware of and in fact help show the person they are in fact managing their situation well.

I have known both genders both in this life and regular life to withhold information to prospective others about having Ums. We all would look down at that and to me this is pretty much the same.

This issue can often be extremely minor issue hopefully for most and all if we progress as a society but it is an issue that affects people in a relationship and it should be disclosed.



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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:56:04 AM   
GoldStallion


Posts: 68
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		I personally care as little about the label on the person as I do about the label on the bottle.

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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 7:56:56 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		EvilGenie...i learned long ago that there is no point in arguing semantics when the intention is there...his "label" may have been wrong but the rest of his post was written very well....and technically...i don't belive his label i so much wrong as outdated....and perhaps he hasn't been involved in the psychiatric field in quite some time so cut him some slack and subsitute the words you know are right (like every time he says behavior meds - say to yourself psych meds/sleep aids/pain meds/etc )

edited to add: kind of felt like a pepto comercial there for a second


< Message edited by chellekitty -- 10/2/2007 7:57:49 AM >

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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:06:37 AM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

Alas yes, there is that side that have not been diagnosed or medicated etc.  There are also those that are perfectly 'normal' on the surface and all of a sudden hit a trigger point they did not know they had. As long as it's discussed afterwards, appropriately addressed, and even possibly 'actioned' by one, or both parties seeking help, hopefully it would not be a re-occurring problem?

It may not be your, or your partners, place to try to diagnose a problem, but it should be your place to realize the existence or potential of a problem.


I do understand Your point. Thanks for seeing Mine.
LordVelvet

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RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:07:32 AM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		I spoke to both the issue of disclosure and labels, which is what I intended to speak to. I used my own semantics as I always do whether it be in this thread or any other. I don't find where I ever said the point was wrong though we all have our own soap boxes.  The point of the post was taken and responded to in my way just as others have felt free to do here.

Have a Great Day!

EG

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:07:33 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Almost 30 years ago I fell in love with a woman who was an undiagnosed manic-depressive (bipolar). Her behaviour in public was happy, gregarious, humorous and vivacious.

It wasn't until three months into the relationship that I witnessed the first event. We'd made love, fallen asleep, and left the stove on. When the food burned, and set off the smoke detector, we both woke up with a start. I rushed in to settle the problem in the kitchen, and when I came back I found she was suffering from amnesia. She'd forgotten the past six months (which included meeting me and all of our relationship).

She was in near panic to realize that she was in bed, nude, with a 'strange' man whom she could not identify.

Took three hours and the current newspaper to bring her out of it.

We spent a little more than a year meeting with doctors and specialists till we got her condition properly disagnosed. Along the way I discovered her mother had submitted her to electro-shock therapy before meeting me. That certainly didn't help. She also told me she'd been raped by an uncle while on vacation in Califormia. No one else knew about that, and I often wondered how much of that caused her other problems to be mis-diagnosed.

She was prescribed Lithium (the drug of choice at that time), and all of her problems came to an end. It was like a cure.

But this did change her personality. And over time, as it emerged, it became clear to both of us we were heading in different directions.

Until last year, it was the most amicable and heart-breaking ending to a relationship I'd ever experienced. She is still in touch with my family and often reminds my mother of how much she owes me for giving her a life free of her illness.


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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:12:52 AM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		Bob,

A wonderful and telling story/events. Thank you for sharing!

Be Well,

E Genie

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:16:47 AM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think that definitely, in the getting to know you stages of things, any illnesses that affect play--which includes ALL mental illnesses, treated or not--should be mentioned. I would also want to know that the person's therapist knows about their lifestyle and has cleared them for play, because the extreme emotions that can be caused by BDSM play can wreak havoc on those brain centers depending on what the person is on. I would think that would be part of an STD conversation, as well (as in, if you're talking about STDs, ask about other/mental illnesses as well).

Similarly with others above, existence of mental problems and/or behavioral meds would not be a deal breaker. A person who is not taking their meds as prescribed would be. That would be a requirement of a continuing relationship, and I refuse to police it. It becomes a matter of trust--If my partner can trust me to take my birth control and other recommended meds every day and get STD checks on a regular basis, then I can trust them to take their daily meds until they have shown an inability to do so.

I did have a roommate/one-time-girlfriend who hit me, and the requirement of her continued existence in our house was that she go on her behavioral meds again, which we (my BF and I) had had no idea she had been off. After a couple months (she got that long due to our financial situation, as my BF and I gradually picked up extra bills to accommodate her extra expense, which we considered to be a household expense because without it we all suffered), when she wasn't taking them still, I left (because miine was not the name on the lease). We're pretty good friends now, I don't know if she's on meds again or not, but without that extremely personal, close, shall I say romantic relationship, even without meds she's fine to deal with. It's just being in a relationship with her that's difficult when she's unmedicated.

So I wouldn't cut someone out of my life entirely JUST for needing meds whether they take them or not, but it depends on their behavior. Just like any "normal" person, their behavior decides things, not the existence or lack of meds.

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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:23:44 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I haven't read all the replies, but here is my position.

I have been suicidal off and on since I was in 8th grade.  I finally got diagnosed with depression and put on medication last May.  This is a very important chunk of information that someone getting involved with us needs to know.  I also have PTSD relating to my history of physical and sexual assault - this is not being medicated, but my flashbacks are down to less than one a year at this point so ... I'm hoping I'm actually done with them.  But again - this is information that anyone getting involved with us needs to have to make a decision about whether or not we are right for each other.  I don't want anyone to be surprised by the information, and don't want to get attached to someone who can't handle being with someone with a mental illness.

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