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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: This is very important to new users (10/8/2007 9:59:57 PM)
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Dear stpaulslaveuser,
My school of thought, my experiences and perspective is so very radically different from yours that it's not funny.
In terms of submission and a power struggle, I've found submission to be a very natural thing when it occurs. In fact without any struggle at all. It's sort of like just knowing when somebody is open to a kiss. It's just something that you can sense or are aware of when somebody is willing, reading and wanting to submit.
In fact when it happens, I don't even think they are thinking at the time that it's a gift or whatever else. It's it's own spark of energy that happens, a bit of a trigger. I don't think I'm missing anything here about submission when it happens. I'm writting purely from my own personal experience and sharing this with you.
When somebody submits, they simply allow you to take charge as well. I've always paced myself taking as much as they were willing to give. Actually, this slowly begins to happen in the Getting to know each other stages. It's something natural and is not like pulling teeth. Crap, I hate trying to disect this to death. Because it either happens or does not happen. It's all part of the Click or that spark and the process of how things evol and go. The pace is always different and leads up to somewhere instead of nowhere.
I beg to differ with your it's not easy being Dom, I'm sitting here trying to figure out how difficult it is. If anything life itself can be difficult at times. Actully playing the leading role is much easier for me compared to not playing it. Actually, I have magically found myself playing a leading role in social groups, bands and work environments.
Your remark about "Every time you find someone new you have to find out what they need, because almost none of them know what they want, or even like. They just think they do." I again have to disagree with this one. True, you have to explore what they want, need and desire. This is easy enough to do with good old fashioned communication. Most I've encountered at least had an idea of what they wanted, needed and desired. All else fails find out what they don't want, need or desire. This is the whole getting to know somebody stage. Most people have some idea one way or another. You can always explore "what if's" in conversation to get a better idea if they are open to it or not. Just communication skills in general. Ask Questions in things you are interested in, Share with them things they might find important about you. Cut to the chase even, some people try to play too coy for their own good. Some of my best conversations have been brutually honest ones.
I have to disagree with this as well "Also "Slaves" are something entirely different. A slave is someone who embraces the idea of ownership. Someone who thinks of themselves as an object. Either through fear, brainwashing, or who just thinks that way." While this may apply to some slaves it does not apply as a universal truth for everybody. The Ownership part, I'll give you an A+ with total agreement on that. However, everything past that comes from a school of thought different from myself and I'm certain a few other people. I can not find fault with your definition of what a slave is to you personally. I find fault with it being applied as some truth for everybody. Slaves are very much human. I'll give you an A+ for realizing some slaves just think that way. You appear to have a glimpse but not the whole picture of what a slave is or can be, along with reasons why a slave is a slave.
OK in your rant about fetishes! I'll give you an C+ on that. True just because somebody is into rough kinky sex, sucking cock and etc... does not make them submissive. Come on, there are Dommes and Switches and even Kinky Vanilla girls that love these things. Hell, I'm a Dom and I myself enjoy experiencing some pain from time to time. I even will eat pussy!
It appears you are on a Rant about Kinky Vanilla Girls. So what, they are just prospective BDSMers. I would not be so quick to dimiss that Kinky Girl that Enjoy Taking it up the Ass, Enjoys Sucking cock, or whatever else. She might be a sub, She might be a switch. Unless she had explored the Lifestyle she may be unware WTF she really is. If anything at all. However if there's kink involved that Falls under what the letters of BDSM stand for... she's into BDSM.
OK, I'm somewhat puzzled by what your wrote here... "Yes, being a sub means you usually have more than one fetish.
Yes you can be into BDSM and be a sub at the same time. Yes All of these things can and do mix". I contrast to your statement, I would like to say. That one can be submissive and not be into BDSM itself. All depends if you view D/s relationship that have been going on for thousands of years as Part of BDSM. Some consider D/s as part of BDSM, some simply do not. Anyways, there are some very submissive women out there that are not into any kinky BDSM activities. In terms of somebody being into BDSM and being sub at the same time, this is a bit of no brainer for anybody. I'm not certain where you were coming from in this remark.
Your comment "I think wearing a collar reflects this kind of scenario far more than someone just wanting to be handcuffed and spanked by their new lover so they can call themselves kinky or submissive." I give you an A++ on this, however it's a bit of a no brainer for anybody who taken the time to learn about collars, besides play collars used for Kinky play. Actually some people recieve multiple collars. One for Play, One for around the house, and a Dress Collar to wear in public. Hell, on top of that other things can be given. Such as Arm Bands, Slave Bells, Bracelets, Ankelets.... There's more beside a collar that carries a meaning to a slave or submissive. Some of these things, I've not seen posted too much about on here.
In regards to somebody posting a profile on Collarme.com, hate to break it to you. It's a big world with a shit load of people using the internet. People are going to open up accounts, write a profile. Not everybody is honest. Not everybody is hardcore into this lifestyle. Some just want a little kink and not the whole D/s relationship. Not everybody wants to become slave. Not everybody wants to submit outside of the bedroom. Some profiles have "Bedroom Submissive" only, and claim they have X+ years as being a bedroom only submissive.
I'm not certain exactly, but your posting sounds and read more like a personal rant about somebody specific, you had a less than pleasent experience with.
What is important that new users (newbies to BDSM) learn as much as they can about the lifestyle. About the different aspects, POV's and etc.. This way they can figure out where they fit in. After all people who enjoy kinky sex and desire it, where should they turn to look for other kinky people? Does anybody know of any "BDSM light" dating sites?
Personally, I can take any kinky vanilla and help them figure out where they fit it, and have the patience to explore what they like or don't like. If the kink is already there WHY not? Might be worth your time, to back up and reconsider, what it's like to plant a seed, watch it grow and water it some. Some of those kinky wanna be newbie vanilla's might be well worth the effort in the end.
How many of us have reached a point that we can honestly say we know what we are doing 1/2 the damn time anyways. BDSM and my experiences have been on going matter in my life. There's a few things, I've learned just from exchanging emails and doing message board posts. Anybody who reaches a point of thinking they know it all, well I find that one amazing. Hell, I still wanna get my Hand on a TENS unit and zap myself and perhaps somebody else with it. Do I know what the FUCK I'm doing with a TENS unit yet? HELL no.. fuck not. I have a general idea of what I'm getting into. I've been doing BDSM activities since I was 13. Experience is some subjective thing people try to guage by number of years, or whatnot. Actually, I honestly care less how experience somebody has. It's more about the mindset and willingness to simply Do what the Hell it is we all love and enjoy doing. There's always something new to try and do, there always some new spin on things.
OK, sue me... this was another long winded post of mine today.
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