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Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 1:44:07 PM

Alyoop

Posts: 138
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

Greetings All,

I was wondering how everyone dealt with having an alpha personality and being a slave/submissive.

For me, I am naturally submissive to men. Maybe that is my gorean back ground or whatever, but it is just normal for me to always want to be at a mans feet. I typically just see myself on the same level as women. In the professional world, I have to be strong and assertive making decisions and making sure what I say is carried out. This is often awkward when I am much younger than the people working under me.

Do you all find it difficult to give switch over the mindset of being dominating in some circumstances and being a submissive in others?

I don’t give my submission easily, I know that within my personality if I since that someone is emotionally/physically/or mentally weaker than I am, I feed off of that and try to use it to my advantage.

So how do you deal with it?

Ally

_____________________________

----------------------
Alyoop

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

Post #: 1

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 1:57:18 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Do you all find it difficult to give switch over the mindset of being dominating in some circumstances and being a submissive in others?
No, not at all. When i see Sir it is automatic.

I have to be dominant in my work life, im the landlady of a pub.
Actually you could ask me this again in a few weeks as i am holding a party at my pub which Sir will be attending. Should be pretty interesting how i balance the submissive / dominant sides of me when faced with both at the same time.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 2

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 1:57:43 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alyoop

So how do you deal with it?

I don't find it all that hard but I'm not submissive to all. Just Valyraen. I may be easier to sway, or more inclined to follow but I definately don't do the whole "want to be at men's feet" thing. Just not my nature, which works out beautifully because Valyraen isn't interested in a woman who feels submissive to all men.

We compare it to him being the alpha lion and I'm the alpha lioness. He tells me to go hunt and I bite the others if they don't do what I want. Probably not a perfect comparison but hey... I'm tired.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 3

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 1:58:46 PM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

you pose a good question, unfortunatly i don't know how to answer it. i actually have almost the opposite problem. i am naturally submissive, i tend to hop right away when someone gives me an order, i also tend to back down when i feel there is someone more dominant then me. this is not to say i don't speak up for myself or get my opinion across.

being new to the lifestyle, i am finding that i am having a hard time separating my at home submissive side from my at work submissive side. i need to reign myself in and be sure i'm not trying to serve everyone.

so how i have been dealing with this, is reminding myself i am my Dom's sub, not my boss's...

i hope someone is able to help you out if figuring out how to tame your dominant side.... but then again, that's not really a bad thing in the vanilla world...

best of luck

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 4

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 2:12:31 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Alphas and omegas have it easy...try having a beta personality and trying to find a constant balance, judging who is an alpha and who is an omega and who is another beta and if they are a stronger or weaker or equal beta...shit...no wonder sometimes i just want to climb to the top of something and get away from it all....thats why being a cat comes in handy....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 5

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 2:17:13 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

fast reply

i don't have a hard time coping with my alpha self when it comes to being submissive to Daddy. however there are times when it would get me in trouble (topping from the bottom). He likes it (so does my SO) that i'm assertive in getting things done ahead of schedule with a touch of perfectionism in my work.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 6

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 2:20:58 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

Alphas and omegas have it easy...try having a beta personality and trying to find a constant balance, judging who is an alpha and who is an omega and who is another beta and if they are a stronger or weaker or equal beta...shit...no wonder sometimes i just want to climb to the top of something and get away from it all....thats why being a cat comes in handy....

My heart bleeds ................

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 7

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 2:22:14 PM

cantilena

Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline

Hello to all in the forums. :)

quote:

Do you all find it difficult to give switch over the mindset of being dominating in some circumstances and being a submissive in others?

For me, the answer to this one is yes.

I don't identify as a Gorean, and am not submissive at all in my work and vanilla interpersonal relationships. Mindset is absolutely one of the most challenging things I work on. When I'm with a Dominant I trust, I can give in completely (and that's heaven), but otherwise, for me, yes it can be very difficult to go back and forth.

Not sure the ramble above helped whatsoever! Just thought I'd throw my two cents in. And again, hello to all.

l

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 8

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 2:25:25 PM

Decimus

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

I agree with Aquatic, I am only submissive completely to my Mistress. I respect women and if my Mistress wishes me to defer to another I will but usually it is she is a Goddess and I am a slightly lesser deity and everyone else is a peon :)

_____________________________

Here is my story that some people have asked for, www.beginningofdreams.com

(in reply to cantilena)

Post #: 9

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 2:25:51 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
My heart bleeds ................

purple cotton candy? cause that would be tasty

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 10

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 2:27:42 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
My heart bleeds ................

purple cotton candy? cause that would be tasty

your wish is my command

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 11

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 3:09:08 PM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Do you all find it difficult to give switch over the mindset of being dominating in some circumstances and being a submissive in others?

Not really. I am submissive to the person who owns me. And I am absolutely comfortable guiding those that ask for my opinion on things. I have a more domineering personality than a dominating one. I can be loud, and obnoxious, sometimes a know-it-all within a certain crowd. But towards Him, I am submissive.

quote:

So how do you deal with it?

I deal with it the same way I deal with keeping my vanilla life, and this life separate. I don't like doing it. I just do.

_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 12

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 3:20:46 PM

Alyoop

Posts: 138
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

Greetings everyone,

Thanks for your thoughts, earlier someone said that they thought maybe I was a switch because I have a more alpha personality. But maybe its just hard to describe that warm fuzzy feeling to give up the control to that special one.
Ally

_____________________________

----------------------
Alyoop

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 13

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 3:51:59 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Being alpha in "normal" life and submissive at home, or with your Dom, is not really difficult at all. It seems to be harder to try and get your mind around it than to actually do it. Those different personae - alpha bitch, nilla Domme, sub, slave, woman, girl - are all already inside of you and will come out and perform naturally when they are needed. Trying to reason it out just gives me a headache so I just am what and whoever I am at any given moment. Jarl says he's seen all the me's flying around all in the same evening and the switchover was imperceptible because it was just natural. I must say that it takes a very strong man to be able to keep up and Dom such a woman. He can put you into a frame with scening or ritual or protocol or whatever, he can put you back to alpha the same way. Otherwise he's just gotta be able to follow all your tracks and behave himself appropriately. If you're alpha, he's not gonna try and Dom that. When you are sub, his Dom should come out not his soft, cuddly side. It's not topping from the bottom, you are just being you and he's going to have to be able to handle all the you's as they happen.

All in my opinion only and taken from the relationship experience I have. Doesn't work for everyone.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 14

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 4:35:18 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

When I first started with this stuff, someone approached me and characterized me as an Alpha. I'm not sure I agree because after doing the necessary research to understand what he was getting at, it dawned on me that the whole concept of Alpha was a bit dodgy, and based on pseudo-science. I suppose what he was getting at the fact that I'm independant, responsible, capable of asserting myself and generally have my shit together and, even when its falling apart, it doesn't take a whole lot to put it back together. He felt that under his guidence, I could achieve much more than without him. He couldn't quite grasp the fact that achievement wasn't my thing, and saw that as a shortcoming. My ex-husband made the same mistake and was forever harping on me about wasting potential.

I am a reasonabley effective person. This doesn't make me dominant; it just makes me effective. Being effective, I've been pretty successful professionally even though I don't have a whole lot of ambition or drive. But people do tend to place their confidence in me because they know that if theres a job to be done, and it can be done (not all jobs can be done) I'll get it done, somehow and without a lot of fuss. I'm great at running meetings, guiding discussions and keeping people on task without getting involved in a lot of power struggles. I rarely take on leadership roles because I don't want to play the politics it takes to get those kinds of positions. The fact that I'm not interested in power enhances my effectivness and its easier for me to let others lead while I get stuff done. There's a huge difference between dominance and effectivness: one of the marks of dominance is that it doesn't have to justify itself through good works. It just is. Me? I'm a work horse and I have an internal need to work. Doing well in a profession doesn't necessarily mean one is Alpha or dominant.

As an s-type, I don't need a lot of micromanaging. I need to be told what to do, but I don't need to be told how to do it beyond a basic introduction (given that the task falls within my skillset). Show me a mess, and I'll get it cleaned up assuming I have the appropriate skills and permissions. I do need those permissions, though and if I have to deviate from established procedure, I'll need permission for that.

I guess my point is that the fact that someone has responsibility at work doesn't necessarily mean they are dominant.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 15

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 5:23:52 PM

cantilena

Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

Being alpha in "normal" life and submissive at home, or with your Dom, is not really difficult at all. It seems to be harder to try and get your mind around it than to actually do it. Those different personae - alpha bitch, nilla Domme, sub, slave, woman, girl - are all already inside of you and will come out and perform naturally when they are needed. Trying to reason it out just gives me a headache so I just am what and whoever I am at any given moment. Jarl says he's seen all the me's flying around all in the same evening and the switchover was imperceptible because it was just natural. I must say that it takes a very strong man to be able to keep up and Dom such a woman. He can put you into a frame with scening or ritual or protocol or whatever, he can put you back to alpha the same way. Otherwise he's just gotta be able to follow all your tracks and behave himself appropriately. If you're alpha, he's not gonna try and Dom that. When you are sub, his Dom should come out not his soft, cuddly side. It's not topping from the bottom, you are just being you and he's going to have to be able to handle all the you's as they happen.

All in my opinion only and taken from the relationship experience I have. Doesn't work for everyone.

I just want to say thanks for this post. It's given me some very good food for thought. I have to admit that the OP's question came at a very opportune time in my own life. This response may help me to clarify some of my own thinking on the topci... so thanks again for sharing, littlebitxxx.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 16

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 5:35:08 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alyoop

Do you all find it difficult to give switch over the mindset of being dominating in some circumstances and being a submissive in others?

Not at all the lifestyle doesn't define who I am or what I do. It and work don't mix. In fact, the fact that I have an agressive type career makes the moments when I can surrender even sweeter.
l

(in reply to Alyoop)

Post #: 17

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 7:46:13 PM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Agreed. That's what I want. I'm used to taking charge; in my job, I run a depertment and have to be assertive and Alpha or chaos reigns...I am just waiting for the day when someone comes along and I lose that sense of dominance...like, I know they are stronger than me, so I must be submissive.

Is that crazy, or does anyone else feel that way?

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 18

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 7:54:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Nope because my personality has nothing to do with my orientation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

Post #: 19

RE: Alpha Personalities. - 10/3/2007 8:00:25 PM

Alyoop

Posts: 138
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Nope because my personality has nothing to do with my orientation.

Is it odd that I feel honored that my thread was grased by "the" albrtatosses pressence? lol to bad it wasnt a bunch of links...

smiles, jk

Ally

_____________________________

----------------------
Alyoop

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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