chickpea
Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cantilena
Hello to all in the forums. :)
quote:
Do you all find it difficult to give switch over the mindset of being dominating in some circumstances and being a submissive in others?
For me, the answer to this one is yes.
I don't identify as a Gorean, and am not submissive at all in my work and vanilla interpersonal relationships. Mindset is absolutely one of the most challenging things I work on. When I'm with a Dominant I trust, I can give in completely (and that's heaven), but otherwise, for me, yes it can be very difficult to go back and forth.
Not sure the ramble above helped whatsoever! Just thought I'd throw my two cents in. And again, hello to all.
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I feel it difficult to switch back and forth. I have a naturally submissive personality but then I tend to have very strong opinions, I feel strongly about who and when I submit to someone. I will happily follow someone's lead (of course) at work a colleague at same or above level or even one below if they have a good idea. But if I feel they are not treating me well or bullying or have no respect for them, I don't budge an inch as I feel strongly in not being a doormat.
Before when I was new to my position as a manager, I would force myself to put an act of dominance/authority (almost borderline agressive bully) on at work (really difficult) as I thought I had to have this to manage and then I'd come home and it'd be hard to "switch off" the *act*. The Dom I was with was not pleased at all with the act...LOL to say the least and that ended up being disastrous to my BDSM relationship. So, I've had to check that act at the door at 5pm.... really, really hard as I've been doing it all day. It is important to project an air of authority (dominant personality) at work to steer people in the direction that I need them to go as a manager. So having a naturally submissive personality and to get people to follow me without the projection of a dominant personality I have to use other alternatives since if I act dominant at work or at home it just doesn't fly... who wants to follow a fake and who wants to Dom a dominant-acting submissive. lol
These days, I'm submissive personality as a manager as I use my listening skills and attending to my subordinates needs as an "enabler" as a way to manage. I pay attention to my subordinates personalities and needs and like to enable them to do their best at their jobs based on their own needs and motivations...within the context of accomplishing the company's objectives. They see that I pay attention to them, I am after their needs, and am a nice non-bullying person that doesn't get in their way and doesn't micromanage or dominate, unless they are just not doing their jobs (then here comes my dominant *act* lol). But I try to maintain a non-intrusive management style where I stay out of their way and let them do their job, and I serve as a resource, a guider, and a person to bounce ideas off of or let their needs be known to higher ups. I have an open door policy and always give out tasks that my subordinates are able to do or want to do or learn based on their individual needs. It's difficult to have a style where I "find a direction and bend people to my will". As one with a submissive-personality and a manager, I have to be creative and have to draw on my natural strengths to manage... so I focus on everyone's different needs and strengths, and let them tap into it in accomplishing the team's objectives.
Yes, it's still a change to focus on a goal within myself (without others guiding me) and just follow it. And also, it's hard for me to deal with other naturally submissive personalities who are my subordinates..sometimes when they just want someone to tell them what to do. They really just need someone to tell them what to do, which I really don't like doing...but have to force myself sometimes if it's what they need...ugh, you know where that's going. I much prefer them ideally to come to me and ask questions and run with their tasks. So there's still dominant stuff I have to do, but don't really feel I have a natural tendency and I have to constantly force myself to do.
I'm now presently working on getting myself focused on different things at work vs. non-work. At work, I get myself to focus on the company objectives and my subordinates needs. Outside work, possibly with my significant other, I focus on his needs and my needs. ...Lol, really tough but this focused-approach is a new approach I'm trying... and is a work in progress. But yeah, the personality thing is hard to switch on and off, so I've tried to use other ways besides putting on the act to accomplish my objectives in and out of work. Though sometimes you still need to put on the act which is part of the job.
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