adoracat -> RE: I have the Right!!! (12/6/2007 5:57:03 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote:
ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote:
ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote:
It is very scary living with the fear of losing such a 'mate'. Actually loosing one must be a feeling far exceeds any disappointment of never finding one. When tied so close the very thought of being untied for reasons out of your control weighs heavy in your heart and spirit. Ok, this hit me RIGHT between the eyes. The above statement is SO strong inside me that it is almost interfering with my ability to fully enjoy my relationship with my Master, and I'm honest to God at a loss as to what and how to fix it. I SUCK! Sincerely sorry about that. It was only meant to reflect us and how I feel. beth quoted it to give perspective to the 'die first' challenge. Oh my no...please don't be sorry or anything....its just when i saw that staring back at me in print I went "Holy shit! It was like a light bulb went on...and I KNEW that is what the "fear" I have in me is from....NOT that Master will "do" anything really...but that "something" will happen. You know...like waiting for the other shoe to fall. I need to figure this out, because I WILL NOT live the rest of my life in fear...I just won't. I CAN'T. you're right. you cant live your life in fear. last year in may, i never thought i'd face loosing Fallcon. it never entered my mind at all. in august when he went in the hospital, no. in september, when they said "cancer" and "surgery"? not again. in november, when they told us nothing was working? that's when he looked at me and made me make promises to seek again, to not follow him, to honor him by living. and apologised to me for not keeping his promise to outlive me. so i kept the promises, and have Daddy in my life and things are better again, but no matter how much i love and adore him, he isnt Fallcon. life goes on, even when you think you cant any more. kitten, reaching for the tissues
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