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RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 8/7/2005 9:29:47 PM   
richbtch24


Posts: 33
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		I think you may not have talked to someone that is really into the lifestyle. Although, even I am not sure what that is at times. But I can speak from some Doms that I have spoken to and asked for advice and most all have stated that you can not really jump into "play/sex" that is something that will come in time...if necessary or agreed upon. The person you spoke to must have been vanilla with a dominant personality. Because a true Dominant would not jump right into it, whether male or female. I would just like to clear the air and not make you believe we all carry the same belief system, just like any group, there are always a select few that can give your "kind" a bad name. Don't hold one instance high enough to shade out the rest that are not like that one. The whole purpose of building the relationship first is to "weed out" the one's that are not dedicated or are not true to their "role." As I am still new to this and still learning, I always carry an opinion as you can see with my other posts. Meeting and discussing first, or even if it is just through emails is always a benefit. Even finding out the simplest things like what movies/books a person likes can tell you a lot about a person. The smallest detail can reveal a lot about a person. I have come to realize that not everyone is as open if you ask a direct question but you can find out a lot about someone by asking them obscure questions.

As always just a rant,

Rob

(in reply to Niran)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 8/11/2005 4:58:01 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
i got ranted again, LOL. BTW, they were not "bad boys"; they were sissies from the Florida Bar Association.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to richbtch24)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 8/11/2005 9:22:34 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		Well there ya go, pink! Ya know what they say about lawyers, what else would you expect?

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 8/11/2005 10:23:46 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
Dom Timothy is one of those Doms i'd run off with if He were available. i get no "sissy" vibe from Him, LMAO.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 8/11/2005 2:13:10 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

Dom Timothy is one of those Doms i'd run off with if He were available. i get no "sissy" vibe from Him, LMAO.



Hmm from what I hear he's completely available, in fact they've been searching for someone to add for awhile now.

If it wouldn't require moving or becoming a primary relationship I'd certainly consider it myself :)

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/6/2005 8:11:26 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

More's the pity because its just one more wall a man who really is interested in them has to batter down. Sometimes you women put yourselves so high up in ivory towers we just can't reach you no matter how sincere we are. And there are also a lot of women in this lifestyle who don't seem to know what to do with a man who does actually care about them, shows real affection, etc. I see more profiles of women wanting to be treated like objects by sadists who will simply use them than I do women who both want love and know how to accept it. BTW, before someone says it, I'm not saying being a sadist and loving is mutually exclusive, it isn't. But, looking at many of the profiles you get the impression that there are a number of women out there who have this fantasy image of this cruel, uncaring, sadistic dom who doesn't show affection and will simply use them. Not my cup of tea, but to each their own I guess.


I thought that so well said about most here placing themselves upon a high unreachable pedstal waiting on the Prince Charming to come to them lmao

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to junkyard)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 6:20:09 AM   
TampaDaddyBob


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Speaking from the "gay" perspective, It's been my experience that most submissives are often hiding the fact that they are looking for a committed LTR, and have convinced themselves that their like for "kink" is a new way to differentiate themselves from other singles.

Then, after several months into the bd/sm/ds/leather relationship, they start questioning their DOM on the nature of their relationship and get disappointed that HE/SHE dosn't express the kind of feelings the sub wants!

I've found no matter how clear or open or honest you are wtih many subs, they have an underlying agenda of wanting a life partner.

_____________________________

Daddy Bob
Praticing the Undeniable Reality of Truth Through Pain Induction

(in reply to Niran)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 6:33:10 AM   
Sartoris32801


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us.


A bit harsh and certainly not true! You have a serious problem if you actually believe that. Of course we want to fuck, but after the heads hit the pillows many of us would rather have someone we shared common interests, goals, passions, lying next to us.

As for "love" , Not a good emotion to begin a relationship on.

Sartoris

(in reply to Niran)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 10:23:10 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavedesires
So my question, i guess is, what comes first...the relationship or the play (yes after some trust and respect is established) because is it not basic (foundational) to this lifestyle to find out if the play part is even compatible with the relationship??


For me? The power dynamic comes first chronologically, though not in priority.

In order my priorities are...

Structure.
Power Dynamic.
Relationship.

I will not sacrafice my structure to keep power, nor to keep a relationship.

(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 1:13:13 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavedesires

The truth is that men just want to fuck you. That's all they are interested in. If they couldn't fuck us, they wouldn't have us.


Oh?
And I though they had us to cook for them too.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 2:55:49 PM   
pastplayingames


Posts: 50
Status: offline
quote:

I see more profiles of women wanting to be treated like objects by sadists who will simply use them than I do women who both want love and know how to accept it. BTW, before someone says it, I'm not saying being a sadist and loving is mutually exclusive, it isn't.


I was about to...hehe.
Nothing wrong with wanting the whole enchilada!
~Christine

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 3:03:07 PM   
pastplayingames


Posts: 50
Status: offline
quote:

Ya know what they say about lawyers, what else would you expect?


A bit off topic, but..........
While lawyers were forming the foundations of nations, doctors were still bleeding people to death to cure them! <g>

~Christine
(applying to law school)

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 4:01:42 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pastplayingames

quote:

Ya know what they say about lawyers, what else would you expect?


A bit off topic, but..........
While lawyers were forming the foundations of nations, doctors were still bleeding people to death to cure them! <g>

~Christine
(applying to law school)


That's like saying the condottieri were necessary to Italian nationbuilding. [laugh]

John Warren
(survivor of law school)


_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to pastplayingames)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 4:03:10 PM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		Exactly,or saying that mosquitoes and fleas are neccesary for good skin health!

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 5:32:57 PM   
pastplayingames


Posts: 50
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: pastplayingames

quote:

Ya know what they say about lawyers, what else would you expect?

A bit off topic, but..........
While lawyers were forming the foundations of nations, doctors were still bleeding people to death to cure them! <g>

~Christine
(applying to law school)


That's like saying the condottieri were necessary to Italian nationbuilding. [laugh]

John Warren
(survivor of law school)


Respectfully, I see no mention of necessity, only what was. *smile*
~Christine
(striving to survive it as well!)

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 9:11:07 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pastplayingames
Respectfully, I see no mention of necessity, only what was. *smile*
~Christine
(striving to survive it as well!)


Seriously, try at all costs to retain a sense of compromise. I saw that extinguished in all too many of my fellow students. The "there can be only one winner" philosopy of so many of the classes created a group of people who saw any situation as a zero-sum game.

I was fortunate since all of my classes were taken pass fail because I was a graduate student in the larger university rather than someone in competition for an LLD.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to pastplayingames)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/7/2005 9:37:01 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TampaDaddyBob

Speaking from the "gay" perspective, It's been my experience that most submissives are often hiding the fact that they are looking for a committed LTR, and have convinced themselves that their like for "kink" is a new way to differentiate themselves from other singles.

Then, after several months into the bd/sm/ds/leather relationship, they start questioning their DOM on the nature of their relationship and get disappointed that HE/SHE dosn't express the kind of feelings the sub wants!

I've found no matter how clear or open or honest you are wtih many subs, they have an underlying agenda of wanting a life partner.

I couldnt agree with you more and whom better to hear it from than you

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to TampaDaddyBob)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/8/2005 5:42:48 AM   
pastplayingames


Posts: 50
Status: offline
quote:

Seriously, try at all costs to retain a sense of compromise. I saw that extinguished in all too many of my fellow students. The "there can be only one winner" philosopy of so many of the classes created a group of people who saw any situation as a zero-sum game.

I was fortunate since all of my classes were taken pass fail because I was a graduate student in the larger university rather than someone in competition for an LLD.


John,

I appreciate the advice and will keep that in mind as I embark on this 5.5 year part-time journey (joint MBA/law degree).

While I do have an intense desire to excel in whatever I do, I am a bit older than most and don't really have the goal of being a lawyer in itself. My motivation for obtaining a law degree is so that I can help my clients with estate planning issues (wills/trusts/etc) rather than sending them out to get it done as I do now....an adding another arrow to the quiver, so to speak. I think that will help to keep me grounded and not caught up in the "there can only be one winner" and 'one-upmanship' that is surely prevalent.

RE: My comment about lawyers forming the foundations of nations....
After discussing this with someone I think quite wise and whose opinion I value, I have learned much. Although I am correct in that 35 of the 55 delegates of Constitutional Convention did indeed have a formal education in law or studied law, most were not practicing law as a profession...nor was being a lawyer really respected as a profession at that time. As he so clearly stated to me, "It is Revolutionaries that formed this nation, not Lawyers." Guess my comeback to lawyer jokes needs work, indeed.....working on it <g>.

Again, thanks for the advice,
~Christine

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/8/2005 8:51:11 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir


quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran
Maybe I am just in a piss-poor mood, but I cannot think of one man I know that would, if forced to choose, would choose love over sex.


I don't think you've ever met a man who was in love then.

A man in love would choose love over living.



Ah,yes,the difference between living and living well.


_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: DOMS DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS FIRST - 10/8/2005 8:59:44 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavedesires


quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

Play is irrelevant and so is sex.


IMHO tis true if a true TPE exists within a relationship.

So how does one get to that relationship of TPE? By just freindship, mutual interest?

~~shy



the 64,000 dollar question
IMO
mutual respect,trust,shared interests and goals,commitment to each other and the relationship,and the biggie,friendship and of course earth-shattering sex.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 100
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