The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/6/2007 10:46:41 PM

AllforFun

Posts: 83
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline

I dont know how many other subbie guys there are out there with this problem, but it is a major one for me. I suppose it's society's standards, people's expectations, and my desires all colliding head on.

I am not a small man, a weak man, etc. I am the complete opposite. In almost all respects I am an alpha male. I am a natural leader among other men, I speak my mind when I feel that I must, and I dont ever take a back seat to anyone's lead. I am the type of guy that most people look at and say, "ok, lets not tangle with him." I am not bragging, its just a fact. I do not in anyway appear to be submissive.

And yet there is the call. The beck of the Moon Goddess and her leash which can tame the savage beast within. The need to be at Her feet. I guess I have always thought of it like, "strong men need their strong women." I dont know if that makes any sense or not, but im trying to explain here.

I have had several instances when women find submissive men to be quite comical. I think society in general finds it to be comical. I dont know why, but it bothers me. It is even worse for me because everybody expects the total opposite of me( I am a big guy). I know that they are thinking, "how in the world can he accept that?!" etc.

I know I am generalizing here, but I have had several instances where this accepted standard and view of things has impacted me. I have had fem subs look at me and actually be angry at me because I was a sub and not a Dom. I am so frustrated with this that Im about to just try to ignore these desires.

Have any of you guys had to deal with this? If so, how did you cope with it? How did you get it to just roll off your back? And to the Mistresses, have you had any subs like this and what did you do as a couple to deal with it? Do you hide it? Do you say screw the world and if you dont like it, I got this hulk sub who will bite you if I say so? lol.... Im kidding, but seriously, how did you overcome the pre-conceptions?

< Message edited by AllforFun -- 10/6/2007 10:49:14 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/6/2007 11:21:40 PM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

Hoooweee, What a great screename you have there Big Boi!

I may sound flippant, but I am being playful so here goes:
I was going to say to you, send me pics! I want pics! And: Come here Big boi!

#

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 10/6/2007 11:22:18 PM >

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 2

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 12:43:41 AM

MzticStormz

Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllforFun

Do you say screw the world and if you dont like it, I got this hulk sub who will bite you if I say so? lol....

That pretty much sums it up! Did you say you are moving to Texas? lol j/k. There are plenty of Dommes that enjoy big manly men. Who cares what others think or wish!? If they are truely mad at you for not being a Dom, then they aren't the ones that understand that you need to do what you need to to be happy so they aren't really friends anyway. When you find your right "Moon Goddess" you won't care either, and if you have already, go enjoy your leash!

Mz Stormz

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 3

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 12:58:44 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

I love the thought of a tall teddybear of a guy being my sub. and yes screw what everyone else thinks! Also you might want to put more into your profile, it is alittle sparse.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to MzticStormz)

Post #: 4

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 1:12:12 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

My sub is a manager, a very strong man and not a small man. He is not weak in any respect, in fact he can try to get a little toppy on occasion, until I let him know that he's pushing his luck and my good nature, lol.

I have a question for you, though. It doesn't really matter one bit whether a sub is 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide, or 5 foot and a mintie wrapper, weighing 29 kilo's. Physical size isn't an indication of strength, either physical or personal. Do you think that you would feel differently if you were physically smaller than you are?

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 5

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 1:19:03 AM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

You may be bolstered by such threads as this one:

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=984044

- which poses the question, to those attracted to men, what height of man do they prefer?

Although I'll rally for any size man who is beautiful, you'll be pleased to know that among women, including dominant women, the numbers are all in your favor. I believe there's a similar thread in, "Ask a Mistress," though you'll have to search for it yourself.

Often, the comments from dominant women are that they are excited to have a powerful man at her command or her mercy, and that, "kneeling, they're all shorter than I am!"

< Message edited by MadameMarque -- 10/7/2007 1:20:18 AM >

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 6

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 3:36:46 AM

AllforFun

Posts: 83
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline

Alright, lol. I probably need to improve my profile. I havent looked at it in awhile though.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 7

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 5:54:25 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Male submissives have it harder in the life because they are looked down upon by many Doms, pushed to be Doms by many female subs and treated like jokes by many Dominas--however, their drive, need, desire to be submissive is no less--and is cherished by many many Dominas----you continue to say, " but I am thus and so in the real world", " I am in charge", " I am bog amd strong"---you have not come to terms with YOU--that what you are is what makes you what you are---it is as if you feel the need to look over your shoulder and drefend the drive within you--IMHO it takes a man of great strength to choose to submit--no matter how tall or short he may be---after all when kneeling---they are all at the same height aren't they?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 8

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 6:03:12 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Fox was raised to be a leader, he was outgoing and aggressive in school, and physically he is on the edge of what I consider attractive meaning that he is more masculine than I normally am immediately attracted to. He's actually become more physically buff over our years together too.

But just because one is a leader does not mean one cannot be a follower. Just because someone is raised to be a certain role does not mean it feels natural or good or healthy for him. Just because a society has stereotypes and ideals does not mean that is natural merely more common.

Just because someone is "alpha male" to use the terms of the OP, does not mean he cannot bow to the "alpha female" of his group. In fact, the less limited we are by out own human ideals and the more we observe the rest of the world around us, the more we find that variation is common and that strict sex or gender roles are flexible. Wouldn't you think that the supposed most advanced creature (arguably humans) could be as flexible or has at least as much variation?

Anyway more directly to the OP's concerns about the rest of society.

Why is it the rest of society's business what you do in your private life?

When Fox and I are out the rest of the world sees a very polite gentleman and that actually frees us from anyone giving a damn about what we are doing. I think this is a real advantage for female dom and male sub couples -- the ideal of politeness do say that men should care for women and should be attentive to them, carrying things, opening doors, behaving like gentlemen. No one blinks an eye when my male slave slaves does these things but I note they do notice should another woman do it for me or should a woman do it for a man.

I think that dom women and sub men have far more they can do in public than what they realize and often we get caught up in worrying about how we don't fit in instead of noticing how very nicely we do.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 9

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 6:51:44 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

I am not a big guy. I'm a woman in a lesbian relationship, and very much a submissive within that relationship. I am also a highly competent professional and not at all submissive in my work life. I'm certain that my boss and my employees would be SHOCKED to find out how different I am inside my relationship.

Have you ever read Dr. Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People"? Covey sets up a paradigm of self --> sphere of influence --> sphere of concern.

The sphere of influence is stuff in your life over which you have direct control. This is the place you get things done and are successful in effecting change. This is certainly applicable to our non-business lives -- the sphere of influence is how you choose to think and act yourself within a relationship, and how you interact with the people close to you whose opinions and actions directly can affect your life and your actions.

Outside of that is what Covey calls the sphere of concern. Covey points out that we really accomplish the most when we are working within our sphere of influence, but that we waste a great deal of time and stress ourselves unbearably focusing on our areas of concern where we do not have control. In terms of private life, the opinions of people who are not in your sphere of influence (those who are not your immediate family; your spouse, dom/me, sex partner(s); or yourself) really, really don't matter. They are not in your bed having sex with you, or able to affect your life in any way because of what you choose to do with your sex life.

It's funny, sometimes, seeing my mother's wisdom so many years later in Covey's book. She always urged me to not worry about what others thought of me. Unless a person had control over my grades, my salary, or was a member of my family, then "smile and nod" and go about your business, doing what you know is right, that's what she always told me.

quote:

I have had several instances when women find submissive men to be quite comical. I think society in general finds it to be comical.

How nice of them that they've clearly let you know that they are idiots and aren't people you should waste time worrying about or chasing after.

I emphathize with this myself for different reasons... so many straight men just assume that a woman in a lesbian relationship just needs some "real dick" to straighten her out. Again, idiots who announce clearly to you that they are idiots save SO much time.

quote:

I have had fem subs look at me and actually be angry at me because I was a sub and not a Dom.

No more angry than I get when some men send me some raunchy heavy handed come-ons when my profile clearly says I am not looking for sexual partners and that I am for cry-ay-ay in a long term committed lesbian relationship.

The way I handle this is using another of my mom's gems of wisdom...

"Desire is the truest form of flattery."

Someone who wants into your pants, even if it is in a way you personally don't want, are in fact telling you that they are sincerely attracted by you in some way.

In your shoes, I would treat a female sub acting this way in the same way I would handle any other person coming onto me in a way I don't want. I tell them politely, "Sorry, you are not my type" or "Sorry, I am just not interested".

For concrete-headed morons who don't understand that "NO" means "NO", you can feel free to politely but firmly elaborate on what you REALLY think. "I am not here for YOU, this is MY life and MY body. If you don't like it, by golly there are so many other fish in the sea, you need to get over youself, and go on!" People who push beyond this point I feel free to give what Miss Manners calls "The Cut Direct". You just totally treat them as invisible, walk away from them if they start towards you, ignore the holy crap out of them. If someone persists beyond this point, it's time for restraining orders.

Overall, the hardest part to learn is to stop worrying about what people outside of your sphere of influence actually think or do. But that's the wisest thing to learn and internalize.

< Message edited by Drifa -- 10/7/2007 7:00:09 AM >

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 10

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 6:55:45 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

[Oops, edit attempt gone bad! Please ignore.

< Message edited by Drifa -- 10/7/2007 6:58:33 AM >

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 11

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 7:12:55 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

It's still the remnants of the male dominated society that has had the entire world in a choke hold for centuries. We are just barely beginning to break away from that. As we do there will be plenty of people who find it threatening and don't know how to respond, so they strike out at those whom they perceive as causing their discomfort. Of course, that's their problem, not yours.

In general I find that I really like submissive men and that is one of the factors that helped me find my dominance. I do not care for the arrogant machismo tenet that drives so many men. I find it limiting. It seems that so many men pat one another on the back and give a thumbs up as long as they are living within this tenet. It's like "the man club" or something. Submissive men break out of the "man club". They realize there is more out there and want to learn and grow in other ways and I find that commendable.

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 12

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 7:34:33 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

i find big boys perfect for those early morning piggy back rides to fetch the paper.

Some will see the physical aspect as a challenge and try to tip you over.

And some will simply want to know if your cock is proportionate to your body.

As for others seeing a big guy like me as comical, God i hope so, really i do.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 13

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 9:03:41 AM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

Like most things i found that when i accepted it and committed to it then others accepted it and enjoyed that part of me. i use to feel that way that because i am sub Women rejected me because they desired the Alpha Male. Once i accepted who i was and projected that happinese i notieced that Women also desired that submissive male or i started attracting those women to me. i know alot of Vanilla women who all want the Alpha Male type but they also want me. So to me it is what You project out into the world that attracts or pushes away the things you want. Change your views on the submissive part of you, accept it, love it as much as you do the Dom part of you and i think you will find plenty of women, people who accept all of you and not just the Dom part.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 14

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 9:23:48 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

You sound like my submale, he is a big man with a Dominant personality, but he is submissive to me. He at first struggled with this by turning to Gor and trying to submerge himself in that world, hoping that his submissive side would be lost. He took on a slave and hated every second of it. It was NOT who he was, it was merely a mask that he wore for the world to see.

He thought all women expected a man to act a certain way. That was his mistake assuming that ALL women had those expectations. I touched his submissive side and now he can relax and be who he truly is. He isn't uptight, he isn't unhappy, he doesn't feel that he has to hide himself from me. Now finally he is happy with who he truly is. To me the man who can truly be himself is the stronger man, not the one who pretends to be something he isn't.

I feel this way people can accept us or not, it really makes no difference to us. We are happy and we are not going to change a thing to live under anyones standards but our own.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 15

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 9:32:14 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Big boys? Bring em on! My fantasy of a big manly pet jarhead remains firmly in place. He would only be MY pet, after all, so of course he has to be manly alpha!

Where did you say you lived, OP? :)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 16

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 10:20:30 AM

Dilseachd

Posts: 53
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My advice is to accept what you are...be true to yourself. In the end it does not matter what others think of you but what you think of yourself. When you are confident in what you are..then you are truely ready to give it to someone else. I am a very strong willed person and yes when I go out to public events I am often mistaken for a Dominant, but I have yet to meet those who truely looked down on me because of the submissive role I take. As my last Lady used to say..."would you not rather have a tiger on a leash as a tabby cat?" to those who used to ask her why she would have such a strong personality as a submissive. I say...isnt it better to be a Knight in service to a Queen than be a serf in the field? Both servants....but not the same.

I hope you find what you seek.

Regards to all.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 12:09:49 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

Personally, I totally get a kick out of topping people that A) You would never expect to be a bottom from looking at them B) could totally break me in half C) topping tops is even more interesting (not topping from the bottom, but topping a top

). Why? Because irony is fun, because I know that they want (or at least are accepting of) to be in whatever predicament I have them in... otherwise I'd probably be on my ass in about 2.5 seconds. That and I'm just a fan of strong personalities and people with a bit of fire in their belly.

Don't get me wrong, I value people that are submissive through and through, in all situations and at their very core... but I really dig topping people that may normally be an alpha type character. I also like a little bit of power struggle and powerplay, which can be really hot. It's one thing if someone just bends like a reed, its another if there's a healthy dose of challenge (though I am not a fan of outright confrontation, just a little resistance). Both have their place and are fun. :)

Anyway, I digress. As for how to let things roll off your back... you just kinda do. I catch a fair bit of flack being a versatile. I very much have a dominant personality, which is met both ways: I might catch shit because "I'm twuely a dominant" because I don't switch often. I might catch shit because I don't conform to traditional gender roles and it's hard to fathom that I don't want or need a "strong man to dominate me". You switch, that means you submit.... submit to me; You switch, that means you top... dominate me. Bugger off, I do what makes me happy.

As far as people that take exception to just taking me as I am, they know where the door is. People that are disappointed that I am not interested in the same things they are, or maybe I am - I'm just not interested with them, well, that's life. People get over disappointment. I tend to carry a healthy dose of satire with me, it makes things an easier pill to swallow if you can giggle about it. :)

< Message edited by iammachine -- 10/7/2007 12:13:11 PM >

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 18

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 12:48:43 PM

pogo4pres

Posts: 593
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllforFun

I dont know how many other subbie guys there are out there with this problem, but it is a major one for me. I suppose it's society's standards, people's expectations, and my desires all colliding head on.

I am not a small man, a weak man, etc. I am the complete opposite. In almost all respects I am an alpha male. I am a natural leader among other men, I speak my mind when I feel that I must, and I dont ever take a back seat to anyone's lead. I am the type of guy that most people look at and say, "ok, lets not tangle with him." I am not bragging, its just a fact. I do not in anyway appear to be submissive.

And yet there is the call. The beck of the Moon Goddess and her leash which can tame the savage beast within. The need to be at Her feet. I guess I have always thought of it like, "strong men need their strong women." I dont know if that makes any sense or not, but im trying to explain here.

I have had several instances when women find submissive men to be quite comical. I think society in general finds it to be comical. I dont know why, but it bothers me. It is even worse for me because everybody expects the total opposite of me( I am a big guy). I know that they are thinking, "how in the world can he accept that?!" etc.

I know I am generalizing here, but I have had several instances where this accepted standard and view of things has impacted me. I have had fem subs look at me and actually be angry at me because I was a sub and not a Dom. I am so frustrated with this that Im about to just try to ignore these desires.

Have any of you guys had to deal with this? If so, how did you cope with it? How did you get it to just roll off your back? And to the Mistresses, have you had any subs like this and what did you do as a couple to deal with it? Do you hide it? Do you say screw the world and if you dont like it, I got this hulk sub who will bite you if I say so? lol.... Im kidding, but seriously, how did you overcome the pre-conceptions?

I face the same problem, being nearly 6 feet tall and a firm 210 lbs, most women expect me to be dom, but that just does not work for me 95 % of the time. I need to be submissive, and am a willing pain/sensation slut.
Being married is another draw-back even though the wife has her dom, and is ok with me seeking a Domme'. My biggest concern is never attaining the depth of feeling I know must exist between a Domme' and her sub.

(in reply to AllforFun)

Post #: 19

RE: The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash. - 10/7/2007 7:36:48 PM

Action

Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline

I'll tell you a secret. Dispite my total love for femboys, I adore the full concept of having a guard dog of a male submissive to sit at my heels, or who I could sit on his shoulders and order around.

Always and fully, domination is more then the physical but the mental. To know a little girl like me could stand over fully aware of how much weaker I am then you and know you would not move a muslce against me as I torment and abuse you, would put me on cloud nine.

So you go headlong into that feeling, if all the responses here don't let you know that, hell message me and I'd love to put you in big hunky dog leash and lead you around as my proud new dog <3

_____________________________

The only ones for me are the mad ones....who burn burn burn like fabulous roman candles. -Jack Kerouac

(in reply to pogo4pres)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> The Alpha Dog, The Moon Goddess, and Her leash.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094