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Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 1:36:51 AM

slaveofKaos

Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I am curious, I was talking to a Dominant the other day and he told me that he controls his slaves feelings by punishment. If she isnt in a good mood maybe shes sad or depressed or angry for some reason he will use punishment, or pain to force her in to a good mood. It would seem to me that one may change how there mood comes across because they dont want to be punished or hurt, but that the depression, sadness, or anger are still in there just being repressed. I dont know how I feel about this. On one hand I can understand a Dominant wanting his or her slave to be in a good mood happy and cheerful, but slaves are people to and they have bad days. So i'm wondering what people think about this, do you agree with the method or think it's bad, have you done it or known someone who has? I'm also curious to hear how Dominants out there handle it when there slave isnt emotionally feeling well, and from slaves how there Masters or Mistress' handle them. I personally like to sit my slave down and talk with him, find out whats going on and then figure out what I can do to help him in whatever is making him feel lously. I like my slave to be in a good mood and always ready to serve with a smile, but I also dont want him repressing or hiding things from me, i'd rather help him work through his problems.

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slave jodi

Post #: 1

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 1:49:58 AM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

It does not seem healthy or right to me to use punishment and pain to force someone into a good mood. That feels potentially damaging to the person whose emotions are being stepped on and to the relationship itself from my pov.

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 2

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 1:54:17 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I like to put my slave in a good mood by making stupid faces and telling dumb jokes. I guess that could be considered a form of punishment.

and on a more serious note-you are right, you can't control someone's feelings with punishment. That's ridiculous and counter productive. You will will just get a smiling unhappy slave.

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 3

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 1:54:51 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

One can be forced into a good mood?????? You can be forced into pretending to be in a good mood, but that's about it.

When my subs have been on a downer for whatever reason, I offer to talk to them. If they agree, ok, if not, I let them be until they feel better. I have no desire to force anyone to pretend to anything. It's either there or it isn't, and no amount of "punishment" is going to change it.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to heartcream)

Post #: 4

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 2:51:07 AM

sundownhawk

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline

I can't see that working out well. I wonder if he is in a bad mood do his subs whip him to cheer him up?

_____________________________

The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom. ~Joseph W. Bean~

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 5

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 2:54:41 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

Negative, you *can* be forced into a good mood. Your brain chemistry--endorphins, as one element most are familiar with--can be controlled through intense sensation, which includes a good solid punishment... and your mindset can be altered by someone who's smarter than you are and catches you unaware. I do it all the bloody time, with everyone from co-workers to friends to the girl behind the counter. With the right mix of 'punishment' (a.k.a., forcing effort of some kind, or putting them through something that's initially unpleasant) and perspective change, I can improve damned near anyone's day whether they like it or not.

I can also do it to myself. If I'm pissy or depressed, a painfully cold shower will get me out of it, often. Or a jog that keeps going until my lungs are burning. If I actually do it depends on how much I'm enjoying my funk. (Yep, you read that right.)

If someone suspects that a 'punishment' is a kindness, then they put defenses up against it--initially. Clumsy use of this tactic can make the situation worse. But these are the strings to pull on, for those who want to try: pride (they prove something to you or themselves); distraction (you make them think about something else long enough to mute the funk); mystery (you REALLY confuse the fvck out of them); and infection (by punishing them and being really happy to do so, you'll get them to be perversely happy. Which is why sadism can be deeply appreciated by some.) The physical stress you put the person through is simply the hammer which drives the nail... it's up to you to pick the right nail.

Cheers

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 6

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 2:55:49 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

No one else can control how you feel. But they can control how you feel about them, by being a decent human being.

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 7

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 2:58:18 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

I'm sorry but if I'm in a bad mood and you try to beat me out of it with a flogger (which is my passion btw), I'm more than likely to take it from your hand and turn it on you. Everyone has bad or off days, Masters/Mistresses too. I don't think one should be forced to cheer up. I don't think anyone should even attempt it. Give some space, show support, and they'll get over it in their own way on their own time.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 8

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 3:01:29 AM

slaveofKaos

Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I dont know, when im not in a good mood and someone tries to use pain and or punishment I tend to get more mad and really frustrated it intensifies everything 10 fold. I tend to have a lot of resentment towards the person doing it even if that resentment is hidden behind a smile.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 9

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 3:03:25 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I dont know, when im not in a good mood and someone tries to use pain and or punishment I tend to get more mad and really frustrated it intensifies everything 10 fold. I tend to have a lot of resentment towards the person doing it even if that resentment is hidden behind a smile.

Pretty much the way it goes. I'd have to think that anyone who used that sort of metodology needed to be beaten with a clue stick.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

Post #: 10

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 5:45:18 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

~FR~
Attempt to punish me into a good mood and you'd have to be looking over your shoulder until i REALLY had a mood change cuz i wouldn't be a happy slave. Actually, it would probably lengthen the amount of time it took me to get over whatever it was that had me in a bad mood in the first place... and i'd be figuring my revenge such that you wouldn't know i was getting it.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 11

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 5:54:23 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I dont know, when im not in a good mood and someone tries to use pain and or punishment I tend to get more mad and really frustrated it intensifies everything 10 fold. I tend to have a lot of resentment towards the person doing it even if that resentment is hidden behind a smile.

Pretty much the way it goes. I'd have to think that anyone who used that sort of metodology needed to be beaten with a clue stick.

On the flip side of this equation is the Master who doesn't care what kind of a mood you are in, if he wants to play he expects you to "joyfully" submit - that can be equally harmful emotionally. i love the clue stick line, i'm gonna remember that one.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 12

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 6:20:52 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

seconds RRafe's first sentence..but only his first sentence...

No one else can control how you feel. Period.

you can do ever favorite thing of that person and ever least favorite thing of that person and you still cannot control how that person feels...

what you can do is encourage a mood in someone....do something that you think, based on past experience or knowledge, will encourage them to feel better (or worse)...but you still have no direct control over their emotions...sorry its not a light switch....and humans are not wired that way...

edited to add: pain makes me feel better sometimes - application of pain = endorphin rush = happy kitty....but if it was under the guise of punishment, i could not personally deal with it...my brain is wired to not ever see punishment as good

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 10/8/2007 6:22:27 AM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 13

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 6:22:35 AM

jewells13

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

Physical punishment? No, that wouldn't work for me, just because punishment always makes me feel bad because if there is a need to punish, then I take that to mean I've disappointed in some way. However, if I'm in a slight funk, or just feeling a little down, then focusing on my mood also makes it worse. Give me something constructive to do physically, or something that requires me to focus mentally, and my funk disappears only because I'm redirecting my thoughts from myself to something else. But then again, that is how I typically handle a down mood when I'm alone also. I can't control those things that can get me to that place, but I can control my attitude. And redirecting my attention to something else is normally enough to get me out of the funk.
Just my opionion based on what works for me.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 14

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 6:24:01 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

hmmm how about in the context of being able to let go of the guilt and shame? being able to say, its done and over with, i am free, i feel i can move on now?

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to jewells13)

Post #: 15

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 6:44:57 AM

leatherette

Posts: 255
Status: offline

Hi slaveofkaos: Good topic, thanks.

I think people can influence our feelings, but we have the ultimate control of our own emotions, actions and reason.

If I were really in anguish, deep sorry - punishment would be harmful, the worst thing and cruel.
But if just a little stressed or sad - upbeat fun play, some pain, a dose of humor could lift my spirits...

and a smile would return - for all.

cheers, leatherette

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 16

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 7:07:20 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

Im gonna type from the opposite point of veiw here for a moment...cause Im one of those subs whos mood actually DOES get changed by physical pain. I suffer from PMDD, so once a month I get irritable, moody, severely depressed, anxious, worried, and angry. I get quite sullen and tend to lash out at everyone around me. My Sir knows that one good evening of being tied up and beaten hard will literally beat the irratibility right out of me for the rest of the month. I cant physically explain it. I dont know if its endorphins, or adrenaline, or more mental....but when I am upset or depressed, physical "punishment" can force me out of that mood faster than anything else. The frustrating thing about my mood swings, is that I generally dont realize they are happening until someone brings it to my attention that Im being a total bitch, or Ive screamed so loud at my UMs that Ive no choice but to realize it. So occasionally, when I dont realize Im being irritable and bitchy to my Sir, halfway through a conversation he will just grab me and force me to the floor and start beating. So to the rest of the world, it would probably be seen as true punishment, that Im being beating for snapping at him or at someone else. I dont know if there is a body chemistry answer for it, or if there is some mental connection in my head, but physical pain is at least for me a very effective way of controlling depression.

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to leatherette)

Post #: 17

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 8:22:09 AM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

hmm let's see if i lose a parent and am depressed and sad a good beating will get me in a good mood?

hmmmm let's cheer her up cos her best friend is dead. yup, that would work.

rolls her eyes...

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 18

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 8:26:15 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

Negative, you *can* be forced into a good mood. Your brain chemistry--endorphins, as one element most are familiar with--can be controlled through intense sensation, which includes a good solid punishment... and your mindset can be altered by someone who's smarter than you are and catches you unaware. I do it all the bloody time, with everyone from co-workers to friends to the girl behind the counter. With the right mix of 'punishment' (a.k.a., forcing effort of some kind, or putting them through something that's initially unpleasant) and perspective change, I can improve damned near anyone's day whether they like it or not.

I can also do it to myself. If I'm pissy or depressed, a painfully cold shower will get me out of it, often. Or a jog that keeps going until my lungs are burning. If I actually do it depends on how much I'm enjoying my funk. (Yep, you read that right.)

If someone suspects that a 'punishment' is a kindness, then they put defenses up against it--initially. Clumsy use of this tactic can make the situation worse. But these are the strings to pull on, for those who want to try: pride (they prove something to you or themselves); distraction (you make them think about something else long enough to mute the funk); mystery (you REALLY confuse the fvck out of them); and infection (by punishing them and being really happy to do so, you'll get them to be perversely happy. Which is why sadism can be deeply appreciated by some.) The physical stress you put the person through is simply the hammer which drives the nail... it's up to you to pick the right nail.

Cheers

I agree basically with this.

Depends on the level of the mood for me. Personally I do think you can do “punishments” to regulate a person’s mood if it is in the minor area and if the reasons are not too serious. We all do things to get ourselves in better moods when we are down for instance.

For me personally there are times when I come home from a bad shift at work and beg my Master to do some impact play on me to jolt me out of my mood but there are also times I come home from a bad shift where no play/punishment is going to help and I need to deal with it differently.

I think this just depends on the level of the mood, reasons and the individual person but I can certainly see something like this can work efficiently for a reasonable range of moods on a submissive. Certainly works for me on a certain level.

Lin

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 19

RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 8:27:25 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

winterlight, I never said it made much sense, never said I was a very logical person....I am only saying what works for me. Fairly darn sure that if Im this weird, someone else is probably weirder. Only trying to remind people that just because something seems really wrong and strange to them, it may be perfectly normal and even a bit theraputic for others. Im not saying the person the OP is talking about is like me, the guy may be a total asshole...I was only trying to describe my experances with pain and depression. Pain for me is...well....quite cathartic.....

and yes...it doesnt only work on PMDD based depression....Ive gotten over quite a few hardships by giving in to some pretty rigid control scenes....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 20

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