Control with no self control?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Control with no self control?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Control with no self control?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 4:13:31 PM

kinq

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

Two schools of thought:

Can a person with a D personality really be a D, and hope to control others, if they are overweight and smoke?

School of thought one is that because they are D, they choose to indulge themselves, to hell with the world, etc.

The other school of thought is that if you are really a D, you are a strong person, you have the will to conquor a twinkie, have the power to stop smoking, or have the self-respect to never have started. You hit the gym, because the power of the body reflects the power of the mind/spirit.

I see more and more people who are larger and larger, and believe I have resolved the answer to this myself, but I would like to hear comments.

Post #: 1

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 4:27:03 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

The other school of thought is that if you are really a D, you are a strong person, you have the will to conquor a twinkie, have the power to stop smoking, or have the self-respect to never have started. You hit the gym, because the power of the body reflects the power of the mind/spirit.

This is obviously the post of a health concious individual. While that is great I would dare to say that there are many others who don't necessarily consider the same things in this life as important as you do. There are those who like to work out so that they CAN eat the twinkies, there are those who think the twinkies ought to be outlawed entirely, there are those who love twinkies much more than a tight body....and I would imagine just about every combination in between. I don't think it is an issue of self respect as much as it is about personal choice. I certainly don't think that whether or not a person eats twinkies, smokes, drinks or goes to a gym proves anything about their dominant nature or how strong a dominant they are....if this were true wouldn't all submissives then be twinkie eating, chain smoking, whiskey guzzling, miserably out of shape people?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 2

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 4:32:38 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

I have a feeling that you are going to get some people angry with your post. I'm not one of them however. I believe that you ask a very valid question. One that might make people uneasy, but valid nonetheless.

The first thing that I'd like to clarify though before I start is that as a Dominant, I do not wish to control others. I wish to direct dynamics. There is a difference in my mind. Basically, I set the stage and general guidelines but my partners have a lot of freedom to act as they wish. So in that sense, I'm not controlling others. I don't see my role as a Dominant as one to shape someone else. I might influence them more, less or the same as they will influence me.

Now there is a notion of control and strength that is important here. If I'm directing dynamics, then I need to be aware of the other's needs, and before I can even begin to learn to be aware of another's needs, I need to be self-aware. That is where then notion of self-control and self-discipline come in. I believe that whether we are Dominant or submissive or anything else under the sun, we need to learn self-control and self-discipline.

I will say that coming into my own, as a Dominant, has permitted me to become more comfortable with who I am. I am more in tune with my needs, my desires, my limits, my fears and I believe that I can express all of them in a much more rational and respectful manner then when they were all disjointed, confused and bottled up inside of me. The era of the temper tantrum is long gone!

All in all, this alignment within me has helped me gain more control over my life, my studies, my relationships, my weight, my finances... they are all pretty much under control now and I'm happy about that. I am however still very far from perfect. And that is because I am still, and most likely will always be, human ;)

I don't think that this has to do so much with me being Dominant as it has with be being comfortable with where I am in my life. So what I would ask would be what is ailing those who cannot master self-control and self-discipline? And I know many engage in relationships where they are actually in control of someone’s life and I agree, that is a reason for concern.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 3

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 5:45:37 PM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
there are those who love twinkies much more than a tight body....

I don't know why but that is making me cackle here

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 4

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 5:53:22 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

If I had all the self control I think I should have, I'd be a monk, living off the land in some secluded place, because I'd need nothing and no one; my self control would give me the power to do without sex, companionship and potato chips.

However, I'm human. Expecting me, as a Master, to be more than human isn't fair. By feeling that we must be perfect before we can control someone else, you're setting us up to fail. Lots and lots of subs and slaves don't like that. We're no different.

And, for the record, jelly belly jelly beans are WAY better than twinkies!

Fire

< Message edited by MistressFire70 -- 7/27/2005 5:56:55 PM >

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 5

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 6:36:51 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinq

Two schools of thought:

Can a person with a D personality really be a D, and hope to control others, if they are overweight and smoke?

School of thought one is that because they are D, they choose to indulge themselves, to hell with the world, etc.

The other school of thought is that if you are really a D, you are a strong person, you have the will to conquor a twinkie, have the power to stop smoking, or have the self-respect to never have started. You hit the gym, because the power of the body reflects the power of the mind/spirit.

I see more and more people who are larger and larger, and believe I have resolved the answer to this myself, but I would like to hear comments.

I suspect that you have resolved the answer FOR yourself but nothing more.

I think your question come from a rather limited and narrow view. There are countless reasons for people to be as they are and only some of those reasons are due to any lack. I don't see where your approach has any room for anything other than your own view, and that view seems to me to say "either you are what I see as strong or you are not strong at all." Granted, it's your view and you are entitled to it, but it seems rather limited to me.

It begs a similar question - Can a person who can't see outside of their own dogma really be fit for alternative lifestyles?

It takes all kinds.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 6

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 6:49:03 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

There are so many other things that shape our lives beyond smoking preference and eating patterns. The ability to be dominant and control others in this lifestyle, I feel, comes from being secure in who I am and feeling comfortable with myself. It is through those things that I gain the power to better myself in the ways I choose to.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 7

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 7:16:01 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Hmmmm, how to answer this one? I thought short and soft about how to answer

My answer is thus: I could give a damn what people eat. If you are a Dom and you love Cheetos, eat the Cheetos. Even if you are a bit heavy, might as well enjoy it until your maker calls for ya.

Since I am a switch, does this mean that since I chose to lose 100 pounds (and still losing by the way), and am diabetic, and have high cholesterol, that I am a bad person even though I still indulge the so called forbidden fruit?

MY conclusion is this, anyone can make choice and stick to it. Be they Dom or sub, it really does not matter. I technically am still overweight, but I can still care for a sub and respect her for who she is as long as she does the same with me. Despite my lackings of body build, I am healthy, loving, caring, and respectful, and that is all people need to see, and it is why people like me.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 8

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 7:45:55 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

faramir.. how dare you have such a sexy avator!

(in reply to Faramir)

Post #: 9

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 8:26:49 PM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

King~~~You bring up a good point~ although~my mind did something else with Your though it leads me to self-control of anger and abuse!!!

Faramir

~~~just kidding!!! <smile> i'm with riot girl...very sexy avatar, and if You can change that, i can stop posting about A now. Seriously Faramir, last night at 4am
was my final post on the issue. YET, i may have done it again had it not been for early this morning when i awoke, only a few hours sleep, and i read this title. A A A ....and i knew Faramir....i was done. i am grateful to You. Thank You. Sometimes it takes the right words said by the right person, at exactly the right moment. You did. Amen.~~~~~~~

King, i believe it is an issue of personal preference. This Lifestyle is highly personalized.
Some submissives/slaves can live with a Domme'/Dom saying one thing for the sub/yet doing another for themselves. Such as working out or eating well, or sleep habits. Others it bothers terribly. That is what choice is for. But it is not for me to judge, anothers Domme' just the One i am trying to decide on choosing to be in my own life. If i wish the Dom/Domme' to work out as well as ordering me to work out, Then i will make that kind of choice. One can be thin and unhealthy. Large and healthy. Thin and have a nasty temper. Large and very kind. Thin and psychotic. Large and very stable. etc. etc. so forth.
As we all know to judge a group as a whole? Or lack self-control in one area? Does not make a person weak in all.

jmho

_____________________________

~~inner peace & mental clarity~~

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 8:28:44 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

If you consider that both personality and character are partly hereditary and partly developed, thus external influences have played a large part in the person’s make up, I’d have to say that a person if they have the will to make changes in themselves care quire capable of doing so. What you look for is the strength of character. It is harder and at times nigh on impossible for a week character to make changes unless they are in a suitable environment to help the changes they seek.

Hmmmm probably said enough else I’ll get jumped on for writing a psych text on personality and character

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 9:10:09 PM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

faramir.. how dare you have such a sexy avator!

I've always admired my big brother.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 9:46:17 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinq
Can a person with a D personality really be a D, and hope to control others, if they are overweight and smoke?

Your question is so laden with your own value judgements that it is worth pointing out, lest you think the answer is self-evident.

Your question assumes that being overweight or being a smoker is a bad thing, and that behavior involving tobacco or calories shows moral weakness - e.g. not having the will to turn down a twinkie or get to the gym, or toss the cigarettes.Cetainly if those are your values, then they are fine for you.

The problem becomes when you want to apply them to others. I think it is perfectly reasonable to value quality of life over quantity of life. Sure, not smoking may help you live longer.... but will not smoking make you happier? I think the answer is individual and that this is a third view not represented in your question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Farmir

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
there are those who love twinkies much more than a tight body....

I don't know why but that is making me cackle here

hmmm.... maybe because there are those who love twinkies with tight bodies?

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 13

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/27/2005 9:48:24 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Like most things, people take a general idea and take it to an unrealistic edge and try to apply it.

Dominants aren't gods, they aren't even superhuman.

They don't have to be, they just have to be good at management and being responsible for the authority they are given. I have absolutely no geography aptitude, but that doesn't mean I can't tell a bottom to get directions and delegate to them.

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 14

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/28/2005 4:46:53 AM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

I hate twinkies...

(in reply to kinq)

Post #: 15

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/28/2005 4:56:07 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tinkJH
I hate twinkies...

I don't even know what they are!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to tinkJH)

Post #: 16

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/28/2005 5:08:50 AM

DublinSwitch

Posts: 59
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline

I am a God of a man...I eat lettuce for breakfast lunch and dinner...I work out 2-3 hours per day...in the evenings I medidate for 3 hours before going to bed for my medically recommended 10 hours...I also play the chello overlooking my lake, often lost deep in my own thoughts (very deep and meaningful they are too).

Shake and tremble you worthless subs at my Self-Control...Muuuhahahahah...all subs need me to impose MY WILL on them as they clearly do not have any self-control whatsoever, they are spineless creatures, weak willed, cannot think for themselves, the lowest of the low, incapable of any decisions, or god forbid thinking.

Submit to me NOW and be my 24/7 subbie and I will enforce MY WILL on you, you worthless spineless subbie, you WILL accept depraved acts of lettuce eating, anerobic and aerobic exercise regime, meditation, moderation in ALL things...

Please be aware that when you reply I require 13 naked pics, and you better be goddam good looking, preferably have a sister that enjoys threesomes, able to re-locate, be worth several million dollars,

oops - nearly forgot - also have a huge toy-bag / porn colleciton as I can't really to buy any at the moment due to the scandalous cost of lettuce...and of course blond...

also - please do not have a clue - this is important for me, if you indicate in your replies that you have a clue about anything I will put you on ignore, alert the mods of CM, ignore you, alert the media and tell your parents. I expect to be inundated with replies, so please keep it simple and short like 'CNA I B UR SLARVE' - more than enough information for me to reach MY decision.

THE CONTROLLER

aka dublinswitch

(in reply to tinkJH)

Post #: 17

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/28/2005 5:18:35 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Methinks you've been hanging around with LRODANDMASTER...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to DublinSwitch)

Post #: 18

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/28/2005 5:25:29 AM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

*Choaks on her breakfast and nearly falls out of her chair laughing*

I begged for an oreo last night, he bought the new PB ones... omg, nummies!

Sigh.. I should be drawn and flogged for my insolence and lack of self control.

Wait.. Im not a dom, I don't have to worry!!! haha. Ut oh... then again. Master doesn't look like a body builder. Do I dare tell him he has no control because he doesnt go to the gym? does Martial arts count? ^.^

quote:

ORIGINAL: DublinSwitch

I am a God of a man...I eat lettuce for breakfast lunch and dinner...I work out 2-3 hours per day...in the evenings I medidate for 3 hours before going to bed for my medically recommended 10 hours...I also play the chello overlooking my lake, often lost deep in my own thoughts (very deep and meaningful they are too).

Shake and tremble you worthless subs at my Self-Control...Muuuhahahahah...all subs need me to impose MY WILL on them as they clearly do not have any self-control whatsoever, they are spineless creatures, weak willed, cannot think for themselves, the lowest of the low, incapable of any decisions, or god forbid thinking.

Submit to me NOW and be my 24/7 subbie and I will enforce MY WILL on you, you worthless spineless subbie, you WILL accept depraved acts of lettuce eating, anerobic and aerobic exercise regime, meditation, moderation in ALL things...

Please be aware that when you reply I require 13 naked pics, and you better be goddam good looking, preferably have a sister that enjoys threesomes, able to re-locate, be worth several million dollars,

oops - nearly forgot - also have a huge toy-bag / porn colleciton as I can't really to buy any at the moment due to the scandalous cost of lettuce...and of course blond...

also - please do not have a clue - this is important for me, if you indicate in your replies that you have a clue about anything I will put you on ignore, alert the mods of CM, ignore you, alert the media and tell your parents. I expect to be inundated with replies, so please keep it simple and short like 'CNA I B UR SLARVE' - more than enough information for me to reach MY decision.

THE CONTROLLER

aka dublinswitch

(in reply to DublinSwitch)

Post #: 19

RE: Control with no self control? - 7/28/2005 5:29:13 AM

DublinSwitch

Posts: 59
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Methinks you've been hanging around with LRODANDMASTER...

- LA

LRODANDMASTER is a tubby short little wimp of a man, I have bested him several times in our CyberDuals, his CAPS do not intimidate me, my sword is bigger than his!

He eats inferior lettuce, he can only benchpress 1294lbs, for gods sake he doesn't even play the chello while looking pensive!

I pfft at LRODANDMASTER as I pfft at all the other inferior doms!

Mail me now LadyAngelika and find your inner ecstacy as I impose MY will! Don't forget the nude pics as well...I can't find any decent pron online today...well not without paying for it and I already maxed out my mums credit card this month.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Control with no self control?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094