Bobkgin
Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: came4U
ORIGINAL: came4U quote:
I know manly-men who don't behave this way, is it because they don't have to?? They must see a weakness in another as a reason to avoid confrontation? They don't see the need to convey a macho-strength?
BOB: quote:
This sounds like Mohandas Gandhi whose philosophy of non-violence liberated India/Pakistan.
Throughout history there have been two models for men: Protector (warrior-caste, machismo, violent) and Nurturer (priest-caste, egalitarian, non-violent).
The ideal, for me, is a balance between the two.
Though I was raised a Nurturer, and it still dominates who I am, I've also deliberately studied the Protector model. I believe my father was seeking to create this balance in the things he taught me while he lived. That was something my mother either couldn't or didn't continue teaching after he died.
Raised to be a Nurturer?
Then studying to ba a Protector model: warrior-caste, machismo, violent (as you call it.)??
Looks like you are doing homework here, because you are acting all warrior, machismo and subtly verbally violent.
Yeah, everyone needs goals. 
From my profile:
quote:
When I was ten, I lost the men in my life, my father and grandfather. That placed me in the position where if I was to learn what it was to be a man, I'd have to learn it for myself.
Ironically, it was my mother who taught me so much of what it is to be a man. She did not want my father's idealism to be lost with him, an idealism she shared.
And so I was taught about the equality of people, of the rights of women and men.
I was taught to help those in need, and to stand up to those who harm others. I was taught to love, to trust, to be forthright and honest, to be honourable and fair.
And I embraced those lessons.
But what my mother could not teach, and no one else took an interest, is how stereotyped men are in our society. She wanted to fashion a man without the sexist bigotry. And she succeeded.
But the thought that a male could believe what I'd been taught to believe, to care for others and be compassionate was alien to most people.
Thus I graduated my mother's kitchen table and moved on to the School of Hard Knocks. And there were many of those, for strangely enough, my mother's idealism in the heart of a man fell into the category of "too good to be true" for most people.
So I've seen a -lot- of cynicism along the way.
Nonetheless, these were the principles I was taught, handed to me by my mother, bequeathed to me by my father. It was and is a sacred trust I bear proudly.
I realize today a lot of these things might be taken for granted.
They weren't being taken for granted in '70-'74 where I lived.
Machismo had its day in the '50s.
The '60s was indeed a revolution in thinking about gender.
I grew up in an age when Women's Rights was about Human Rights.
From ten on I had no male role models, other than those I found in books written by Heinlein, Herbert, Zelazny, Moorcock, Hesse and Norman; those I found in the histories such as Socrates, Gandhi, Churchill, Hitler; those I found in religion such as Jesus, Buddha, Lao Tzu, Baba Ram Dass.
I am, in almost every sense, a self-made man.
I took what my mother gave me and what my studies on being born male had meant for others and like Siddhartha carved my own path through the wilderness of life.
I did not ask to be dealt the cards I've received, but they are mine and have directed me to be who I am.
And as I am always learning, I am not today who I will be tomorrow.
_____________________________
When all is said and done, what will you regret?
That you never really lived?
Or there was so much living left to do?
For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.
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RE: Machismo and BDSM - 
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