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RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 5:22:35 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe people come her claiming to be overweight, because they are looking for attention.

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the woman you stole.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 5:25:22 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I would think this is just because they don't want to sound like an asshole by saying, "I don't date fat girls."

Or maybe since they have to look for a partner in a more limited pool of people, they've lowered their standards.


Lowered their standards????
There are many reasons why people are obese, it is at epidemic proportions in North America. One reason I as a BBW believe many BBWs, not just subs come into the lifestyle is because it is a very sensual lifestyle. Scenes can arouse all 5 senses. I am BBW because I enjoy food, eating can be a very sensual experience. A perfectly grilled steak, a smooth, creamy & chocolaty cheese cake - strawberries and oh so many more. My lifestyle is also sensual, harsh, soft, scratchy, stingy, massaging, flesh on flesh, soft whispers, my long hair used to flog a male submissive after his back and ass are stinging & sore. Sensation, music, endorphins, adrenaline, aromas - YUMMMM

In general (having spent almost 49 years in the vanilla world), there is more communication in a BDSM relationship, in building the trust, people tend to be more open with each other and partners get to experience the person inside the flesh. Attitude, humor and compatibility of goals are far more important than dress (or pant) size.

Some Dom/mes prefer playing larger subs, there is more surface area to create the S&m artwork on, more meat covering the bones. Personally I prefer a larger male, but I play with people regardless of body shape, I play with those who trust me and who honor me by placing their bodies in my hands for a space in time.

I like eye candy as much as the next person, but I am a meat & potatoes kinda gal.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 5:31:31 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury

well you asked for it ..you got it...I'm not surprised that the responses are more along the lines of attack rather than a real objective look at the question poised...
Fury


Ok, am I missing something here??? I feel like we are reading totally different threads. I didn't see any attacks or flames, I saw opinions expressed, some agree, some disagree with the OP. The OP asked a fair question and is getting fair answers.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 5:32:45 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I'll throw my own experience in here. For years, I was unhappy and ashamed of being a bigger woman. Why? Because when I go clothes shopping, I can't find anything that fits and/or looks good. It's either too small or shaped like a tent. Are there any plus sized mannikins in the stores? I've never seen one. When I watch TV or movies, I rarely see women who look like me who aren't service workers or the single friend. When I read books, the women are rarely described as 'heavy', 'chunky', 'a few extra rolls'. No, they're always slim and trim. And before anyone tells me I'm not reading the right books, or watching the right shows, or shopping in the right places, I realize that I can pick and choose where to shop, what to watch and read. Take Hollywood. Even now when there are celebrities like Camryn Manheim, Mo'Nique, Kate Winslet and Queen Latifah showing how sexy women can be even if they aren't skinny, the FIRST thing someone mentions is her size, as if in spite of her size she looks good. It's everywhere. The point is, the world we live in is just not that 'big' friendly, so it's perfectly understandable why larger women would have self esteem issues.

I still have some moments of insecurity, but with the help of my family, I shake it off and keep strolling. Two things helped me get to that point. One was a British tv show (you know the one I mean) where they make you buy a whole new wardrobe that makes YOUR body look good, not the mannekins. On that show I saw countless women with less than 'perfect shapes' and they (the hosts) showed them the positives of their bodies - nice ass, nice legs, smooth skin, etc. I started looking at myself less critically of the 'bad' parts and focused on what rocks. The other thing that helped me kick the shame was my first play party. My Dom at that time had me in a sheer lace mini and I was absolutely mortified at the thought of my body being available for all to see. When I got there, I couldn't have been more surprised. Many people - male and female - were in various states of undress and weren't ashamed. No one else cared what they looked like because that's not what's important. What was important was the experience.

So yeah, this lifestyle is a LOT more accepting of people regardless of appearance. Not to say that no one has a preference, but in the BDSM community, it's not so much about what you look like, it's more about who you are. If a woman who has insecurities about her body finds acceptance in this lifestyle, more power. If she reads this thread and it helps her get past insecurities about participating, then yeah, it would be positive.



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Never Without Love

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 5:33:45 PM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline
I do not think that BBWs get into BDSM in order to find "acceptance"... there are many FAs out there. To get into something as advanced as BDSM just so one can have a sex life witout being humiliated (whatever that means) is ridiculous.

Having said that, I will add that those large people (men and women) who enter bDSM find that they DO find acceptance because this discipline concentrates on what you DO, not what you LOOK like.

I am a BBW now. When I entered BDSM, I weighed 135 lbs. I have the photos to prove it.

Lady Sonelle

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 6:35:35 PM   
subcheryl


Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline 		Not sure how to respond to this but will try, I am bbw, have been most of teens and adult hood, went thru the surgery to help shrink mystomach and lost almost a hundred lbs, got pregnant with twins and a single afterwards, which didn't help at all. but as I have looked back at my childhood in my process of self discovery, realized yes some of eating habits came from home issues, had to eat what was put on your plate, still feel bad when I have to leave food on my plate, even though I take a small plate and small portions can't finish the meal, I eat due to being bored, so try to reconize this and do something active, I eat when I am upset, ok I also just love the smell, the taste and the texture of food, I just plain love to cook. But I am constantly trying to loose the weight, master is at a lose as to how to help me more, he sees what I eat and can't figure it out, I just can't loose it and if I do I hit a plataue and then start to climb again no matter what I do to keep it down, like my body has a mine of its own, but sorry I guess this was leading up to the fact that some of us don't like our bodies either, but have made some sort of peace with it, we focus on the person we truely are on the inside, and I will say I love the person I am, that is not the package, but the gift of me on the inside of that package and I would not change who I am for anyone you have to either except me for who I am or "NICELY" say, no thanks and leave, it is your loss in my eyes, because you will never know the real me, That is how I look at it and except what the package looks like.

(in reply to LadySonelle)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 6:35:56 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I meant to say that men leave out the fact they want as body proportionate person so they don't sound like shallow assholes.

(in reply to LadySonelle)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 6:41:00 PM   
subcheryl


Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline 		Just wanted to ad, this question was set forth at some kind of youth meeting, not sure what kind but the question stuck and made me think about the way I go about learning of people and how I except them,
The question was: " If you were given a gift wrapped in a brown paper bag, would you open it or not. " Some will not open that gift due to the fact the wrapping was not appealing enough to make them want to open it and they missed out on the diamond inside, but they choose the bright well wrapped package and all they had in it was a bunch of lemons.
THINK ABOUT IT! ! ! ! ! !

(in reply to subcheryl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 6:43:33 PM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		you may not find too many ads seeking BBWs on general vanilla sites, because of the sheer number of BBW and FA and BHM vanilla sites online. i was on for less than a week, when i found my first website for BBWs. and way too many people hitting on me for me to believe!

prior to finding the web, i had no clue that i COULD be attractive to anyone. if someone hit on me, i figured they were too drunk to know what they were doing, or they were not serious.

there is something called skin-hunger. it is hard to explain, but there was an article in "Dimensions" about it a long time ago, and it was right on target. people who are sensual by nature (and a lot of BBWs are... as are submissives), and who are not touched often (there's a reason one feels unattractive, people not touching you is one, being called repulsive is another), have this craving for sensation. me? through college, and after, if someone touched me deliberately, i would soak it up, and want more.

i think part of me knew this, and knew that my sensuality and sexuality made me vulnerable. PCOS and heredity contributed to my size initially, and in spurts after, but i didn't fight my size for a long time... it kept people from finding out they could melt me like butter.

actually, finding D/s was my salvation. it took a long time to believe i was attractive to my Master, or anyone i spent time with, but because i had already learned that in the vanilla world, there are actualy societies for men that lust after me (*soft grin* how wild is that?!?), it is something i can work on.

as for my size, as of my last Dr's appt. i have lost 88 lbs, my Master only wants me to lose more weight for my health, which i am doing anyway. He will love me no matter what, and He loves using my body for His pleasure. *puuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

anyway, if there is a singles site for people who prefer hirsute women, or one for women who want men who can speak every language used in Star Trek, maybe you won't see too many ads from them in general vanilla dating sites. doesn't mean they aren't there.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 7:28:07 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Sir, please define attack...
I see people stating their opinions sometimes in disagreement with the op; does disagreeing=attack? M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 7:55:12 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		The big question (pardon the pun) that I have... is why is this a daily topic for discussion on this forum??????
Do people not have anything else to discuss? I have also noticed that the topic seems to always be about fat women... what about men who are overweight??? Why the hell is this such an issue with some people?
how exactly does weight have anything at all to do with BDSM?? You have a personal preference for thin women... hey no problem, but there is no need to flog (again pardon the pun) this topic to death!!
I have been away for a few days and I come back to find that the two topics are "Fat" and "Abuse" ... I am sure there are other things to talk about.

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 8:24:18 PM   
arryshannadragon


Posts: 3
Status: offline 		Well my Master sent me this post. I am the Big Wonderful Woman in his life.

No I do not wallow in self pity because i can't compete with my "better looking, light weight" sisters.

I am submissive by nature and was when I was smaller (before puberty and children).

I did not seek a mate within this community because of my size but rather inspite of it.

I have always wanted to serve and the fact the enjoy a marjon of pain in my sexual contact with my Master is the reason I am where I am.

I love because I have the capasity to love and I am fortunate to belong to a man who cares about my heart and soul over a pretty shape.

But I feel their is room for all types and this is the place for it, we really can not afford to be so exclusive that we take the chance of depriving ourselves of real love, because of body image.

respectfully
arryshanna
the loving slave of Master Faibir


(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 8:25:28 PM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

Ok, I know this one might get people stirred up, but here goes.....


Being new to the BDSM online scene, I have noticed that the majority of female submissives are what (even though I hate this term) Big Beautiful Women. Even though this is non-scientific, I would wager a guess that a statistically significant portion of female subbies are what the media and society would disparagingly deem "fat" or "overweight" or "heavy".



Very non-scientific. I see more pot bellies on the men. ;) (As for the word "subbie" --- ::shudder::)

quote:



That leads me to my question. Does anyone think that some women who fall into this category drift or shift towards the BDSM lifestyle in a search for the attention and acceptance that they may find difficult to find in the 'vanilla' world? I say this because I have seen very few peronal ads and profiles on various websites that have any of those phrases that are very common on vanilla dating sites, but in my experience are very rare on BDSM oriented sites, such as "height-weight proportionate" or "no fatties" or "must be good-looking" (whatever that means).



Many years ago a good friend asked me about a lesbian rap group I was attending. "Are most of the women unattractive?"

She has since learned better, and apologized some almost 30 years later.

May your wisdom come more quickly to you.

(Actually, hers came quickly, we just hadn't reminicsed about that.)

sudja

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 8:30:09 PM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


And I personally hate both the terms BBW and subbie.


Well, you know I hate the word "subbie," but my Mistress is, and considers Herself, a BBW so I have to allow Her that usage. ;)

sudja


(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 11:50:56 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: quietkitten
I have also noticed that the topic seems to always be about fat women... what about men who are overweight??? Why the hell is this such an issue with some people?
You have a personal preference for thin women... hey no problem, but there is no need to flog

You know QuietKitten, I've always wondered like you why the topic is never about the fat men here... Suppose I could start one, but it would include other (more significant IMO) shortcommings, plus what would be the point of starting something intended to drive down one's self esteem.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/28/2005 11:56:56 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I have noticed that the majority of female submissives are what (even though I hate this term) Big Beautiful Women.


We had a similar thread about a year ago saying most dommes were bbw. I'll look for it tomorrow, going to bed now.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/29/2005 12:28:25 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

Ok, I know this one might get people stirred up, but here goes.....


Being new to the BDSM online scene, I have noticed that the majority of female submissives are what (even though I hate this term) Big Beautiful Women. Even though this is non-scientific, I would wager a guess that a statistically significant portion of female subbies are what the media and society would disparagingly deem "fat" or "overweight" or "heavy".

That leads me to my question. Does anyone think that some women who fall into this category drift or shift towards the BDSM lifestyle in a search for the attention and acceptance that they may find difficult to find in the 'vanilla' world? I say this because I have seen very few peronal ads and profiles on various websites that have any of those phrases that are very common on vanilla dating sites, but in my experience are very rare on BDSM oriented sites, such as "height-weight proportionate" or "no fatties" or "must be good-looking" (whatever that means).

Anyone wanna jump in with their opinions on this one?


Ever think that the reason that there are so many "BBW"s in the lifestyle (on both sides of the D/s spectrum) is because there are so many "BBW"s in general? There are more and more overweight people in general - so duh! of course there are going to be a lot of them in the lifestyle ... there are a lot of them everywhere.

And it's not just the women - large men abound as well (in and out of WIIWD).

Personally, it shouldn't matter what they look like, but who they are inside of the package. I'm currently losing weight, but not because of appearances - it's because I have some massive cartilage damage in one of my knees and I can't deal with it anymore. I am doing it for me and no one else - which is the only reason anyone who wants to lose weight should do it. I would never date anyone who was attracted to me for my size - I'd talk to them and let them get to know me, but it would take awhile for me to get past the "they are only attracted to me for my size" thing ...

LMAO - and just as a side note, I'm watching Harvey Birdman, Attourny at Law on Adult Swim, and one of the characters was just dating a larger woman, and had a ray that made her butt bigger and bigger ... hehehe getting better - some D/s and poly overtones

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/29/2005 12:45:59 AM   
lechat


Posts: 57
Joined: 10/19/2004
Status: offline 		i also don't like the term BBW. it's presumptous to assume that just because you're big , you're also beautiful.
but, i'd rather spank a portly butt than a scrawny one any day!

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/29/2005 2:11:16 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		LOL ya about harvey an those shows. Yesterdays tripping the rift was bout g y jlly for the ass of gay men, and they go to this explusivly gay planet where being strait is not only gross it's illegal. So they have to dress an act gay an the robot wore a leather daddies outfit, an he says you know, for this sm outfit tow ork i should have you on a leash.

(in reply to lechat)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: BBWs and BDSM - 7/29/2005 9:51:58 AM   
GoddessSasha


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Ever think that the reason that there are so many "BBW"s in the lifestyle (on both sides of the D/s spectrum) is because there are so many "BBW"s in general? There are more and more overweight people in general - so duh! of course there are going to be a lot of them in the lifestyle ... there are a lot of them everywhere.

And it's not just the women - large men abound as well (in and out of WIIWD).


Thanks for that it is roughly what I was going to say

Here in the UK it is accepted that 47% of women are a size 16 or over (I think that is a US 14 not sure) and I would say there are no more BBWs or SSBBWs into any kink or lifestyle than any other.

I define myself as BBW and enjoy being so. The only "problems" I have with my size or weight are those inflicted on me by other people's value judgements and prejudices. I can walk further and am mostly fitter than my size 8 partner. When I meet up with my vanilla friends from a BBW community site we are inundated with attention from men and women alike. Indeed I have many male friends who say one of the things they enjoy most about my company is I rarely say no to dessert and I never when eating out say "Oh I shouldnt" LOL

I dont have an self confidence issues as my relationships and friendships are based on mutual consideration, respect, trust and love not on looks. I am as beautiful as someone wants me to be and I am able to be in the true sense of the word.

If someone specifies on their profile that they do not like BBWs or prefer slim women I pass by and wish them well. If they have no desire for that rippling flesh there are plenty who do lol

love n hugs
Sasha

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 40
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