BBWs and BDSM

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anopheles -> BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 1:11:14 PM)
Ok, I know this one might get people stirred up, but here goes..... Being new to the BDSM online scene, I have noticed that the majority of female submissives are what (even though I hate this term) Big Beautiful Women. Even though this is non-scientific, I would wager a guess that a statistically significant portion of female subbies are what the media and society would disparagingly deem "fat" or "overweight" or "heavy". That leads me to my question. Does anyone think that some women who fall into this category drift or shift towards the BDSM lifestyle in a search for the attention and acceptance that they may find difficult to find in the 'vanilla' world? I say this because I have seen very few peronal ads and profiles on various websites that have any of those phrases that are very common on vanilla dating sites, but in my experience are very rare on BDSM oriented sites, such as "height-weight proportionate" or "no fatties" or "must be good-looking" (whatever that means). Anyone wanna jump in with their opinions on this one?

mnottertail -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 1:18:21 PM)
Perhaps

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 1:23:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anopheles Does anyone think that some women who fall into this category drift or shift towards the BDSM lifestyle in a search for the attention and acceptance that they may find difficult to find in the 'vanilla' world? I hope that most women don't drift into this lifestyle because they seek acceptance of their size, or abuse to feed their low self esteem from predatory types. Do most women come here to be accepted for their size? My guess is no more frequently than most men come here to get a girl to suck their d***. You could do a study though and report your findings, since it would be of interest to at leas those people who come asking this inane (wondering what possible positive this could be for) question... quote:* I say this because I have seen very few peronal ads and profiles on various websites that have any of those phrases that are very common on vanilla dating sites, but in my experience are very rare on BDSM oriented sites, such as "height-weight proportionate" or "no fatties" or "must be good-looking" (whatever that means). There are plenty of profiles asking for attractive, height/weight proportionate here too (often from dominant men who aren't). M

Kinkypupper -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 1:37:36 PM)
Yes I agree with you in principle and I also know that you and this topic will be flamed on LARGE. It is also very possable that many of the non-bbw types are very high commoditys and are well collared. If I had one I know I would be fairly protective of her. It is also very possable that large people have a lower self esteem issues and tend to become more submissive and perhaps even tend to gravitate this direction in their search for a partner. I have some VERY good friends who are "large" and everyone of them wants to loose weight and are working at it and I congratulate them. Not just because I am one of many who tends to be attracted to smaller females but for health reasons. (Note: I also accept that a female I am currently VERY attracted to also weighs 165lbs so there is more to any relationship then just "size".) Now to the question as to are the bbw's that are here are in large numbers because they have not gotten the control and guidence they seek and so become such and need control as to diet. probably. Are there legitamate reasons to be "large" yes for some but for many they eat for comfort or due to habit or because they were raised to "clean their plates". I am sorry but for 99.9% of all overweight people in this world I hate to tell you but it DOES come from someplace. Indeed thyroid conditions, diabetic and such can cause problems but "FAT" does not come from breathing. I also know there are some DOM types out there who want their submissive to eat and be large. I also know that everyone is different and there are indeed different body "sizes". I also accept that I am overweight and i eat to much crap and need to eat better. ( I also eat one meal a day and only when I am hungary- but being alone the rum and coke with a box of chips at night is something I really need to avoid.) Our technology has changed very rapidly but our physical selves has changed very little over the last few thousand years and our body wants to "store" the fat for the lean times when we cannot find sustanance.

anopheles -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 1:56:57 PM)
quote: Do most women come here to be accepted for their size? My guess is no more frequently than most men come here to get a girl to suck their d***. Boy you are probably right about that one! quote:* Yes I agree with you in principle and I also know that you and this topic will be flamed on LARGE. BTW, I applaud you for wholeheartedly voicing your opinion on the type of woman that you are attracted to. That's what everyone should do. If more guys came out there and said they like larger women, then these self-esteem issues would probably not be so bad for a lot of people. I hope I don't get flamed too hard. I only wanted to bring up a legitimate topic, and a lot of random flaming will probably kill it. I wanted to have a thread for people that have felt this way before to be able to come to and read the varying opinions that people have on body size and shape, people that have perhaps unwanted or marginalized because others thought they weren't attractive because of their size, and maybe help them in their own personal journey to be the person that they want to be.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 1:58:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper It is also very possable that many of the non-bbw types are very high commoditys and are well collared. If I had one I know I would be fairly protective of her. It is also very possable that large people have a lower self esteem issues and tend to become more submissive and perhaps even tend to gravitate this direction in their search for a partner. Are there legitamate reasons to be "large" yes for some but for many they eat for comfort or due to habit or because they were raised to "clean their plates". I am sorry but for 99.9% of all overweight people in this world I hate to tell you but it DOES come from someplace. Indeed thyroid conditions, diabetic and such can cause problems but "FAT" does not come from breathing. These sentiments sadden me because there are people who actually attach human value in inverse proportion to one's weight. These sentiments sadden me because "large/fat/overweight/BBW" are such bad words that people have to hang their heads in shame and consider themselves less human and less lovable based on their size alone. These sentiments sadden me because it adds considerable stress to the lives of so many, that instead of dealing with bigger world issues (of hunger, AIDS, ethnocentrism, racism, etc.) they have to concentrate on diet fads, gyms, anorexia, bulemia, depression related to ones looks, etc. These sentiments sadden me because there are women who will read these and start to think that they need to explain themselves for their size, and apologize to those people who make them feel devalued because of their size. That is all for now... Wish more women would read "Aint I a woman" and "Phenomenal woman" poems until it becomes their mantra. M

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:02:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper Yes I agree with you in principle and I also know that you and this topic will be flamed on LARGE. It is also very possable that many of the non-bbw types are very high commoditys and are well collared. If I had one I know I would be fairly protective of her. It is also very possable that large people have a lower self esteem issues and tend to become more submissive and perhaps even tend to gravitate this direction in their search for a partner. I have some VERY good friends who are "large" and everyone of them wants to loose weight and are working at it and I congratulate them. Not just because I am one of many who tends to be attracted to smaller females but for health reasons. (Note: I also accept that a female I am currently VERY attracted to also weighs 165lbs so there is more to any relationship then just "size".) Now to the question as to are the bbw's that are here are in large numbers because they have not gotten the control and guidence they seek and so become such and need control as to diet. probably. Are there legitamate reasons to be "large" yes for some but for many they eat for comfort or due to habit or because they were raised to "clean their plates". I am sorry but for 99.9% of all overweight people in this world I hate to tell you but it DOES come from someplace. Indeed thyroid conditions, diabetic and such can cause problems but "FAT" does not come from breathing. I also know there are some DOM types out there who want their submissive to eat and be large. I also know that everyone is different and there are indeed different body "sizes". I also accept that I am overweight and i eat to much crap and need to eat better. ( I also eat one meal a day and only when I am hungary- but being alone the rum and coke with a box of chips at night is something I really need to avoid.) Our technology has changed very rapidly but our physical selves has changed very little over the last few thousand years and our body wants to "store" the fat for the lean times when we cannot find sustanance. Plenty of larger submissives are collared, and you almost sound like you do not deem a larger submissive worthy of being collared and protected. I also know several smaller women/men who have low self-esteem amongst other issues that may cause them to gravitate towards a particular lifestyle (not necessarily BDSM). I am always curious as to why people have to go back to the size issue as if they are trying to figure out one of the greatest conundrums of the present day. It's also discouraging to still hear a lot of the tired ideas and excuses people put forth regarding why larger people are the way they are and the problems they must have. Be well, Julie

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:06:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig These sentiments sadden me because there are people who actually attach human value in inverse proportion to one's weight. These sentiments sadden me because "large/fat/overweight/BBW" are such bad words that people have to hang their heads in shame and consider themselves less human and less lovable based on their size alone. These sentiments sadden me because it adds considerable stress to the lives of so many, that instead of dealing with bigger world issues (of hunger, AIDS, ethnocentrism, racism, etc.) they have to concentrate on diet fads, gyms, anorexia, bulemia, depression related to ones looks, etc. These sentiments sadden me because there are women who will read these and start to think that they need to explain themselves for their size, and apologize to those people who make them feel devalued because of their size. That is all for now... Wish more women would read "Aint I a woman" and "Phenomenal woman" poems until it becomes their mantra. M Very well stated M. I agree with you totally. Be well, Julie

littlebuttercup -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:06:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper Are there legitamate reasons to be "large" yes for some but for many they eat for comfort or due to habit or because they were raised to "clean their plates". I am sorry but for 99.9% of all overweight people in this world I hate to tell you but it DOES come from someplace. Indeed thyroid conditions, diabetic and such can cause problems but "FAT" does not come from breathing. No one needs a legitimate reason to be who they are. And "fat" does not equal unattractive or submissive. I submit to my husband, but no fucking way will I ever submit to society's sick standards of beauty. A person can be overweight and yet still eat well and be physically fit.

Faibir -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:06:41 PM)
Perhaps for most of us as in my case size doesn't matter sub/slave traits do. This may not work for those that are into suspension. Size then would matter i would I would think. For those that are just looking for a trophy sub to show off at parties and munches this could also apply . I know I will get email on this one, but it is how I feel. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to express myself. Faibir

anopheles -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:13:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faibir Perhaps for most of us as in my case size doesn't matter sub/slave traits do. This may not work for those that are into suspension. Size then would matter i would I would think. For those that are just looking for a trophy sub to show off at parties and munches this could also apply . I know I will get email on this one, but it is how I feel. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to express myself. Faibir To me, that sounds like an honest, thoughtful opinion. More of which, this world needs. As much as I wish I could make this world into a place where nobody cared about age, sex, size, race, sexual orientation, I suppose I can't I guess this topic touches on a lot more issues than weight. Often times, i've conversed with someone online, and they ask how tall I am. And when I tell em i'm only 5'6", the response has been, "Oh.", or "Well that's OK". I'm such a stubborn jackass that I've never really cared though.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:13:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn Plenty of larger submissives are collared, and you almost sound like you do not deem a larger submissive worthy of being collared and protected. I also know several smaller women/men who have low self-esteem amongst other issues that may cause them to gravitate towards a particular lifestyle (not necessarily BDSM). Thank you for pointing out that larger people too are loved/lovable and in relationships. I know PLENTY of people smaller who have terrible self esteem issues one wouldn't be able to know until he/she opened his/her mouth. quote: I am always curious as to why people have to go back to the size issue as if they are trying to figure out one of the greatest conundrums of the present day. It's also discouraging to still hear a lot of the tired ideas and excuses people put forth regarding why larger people are the way they are and the problems they must have. Julie I think part of it has to do with the "chemistry", everyone wants what they want, and they figure the reason they're not getting it is related to excess of what they don't want... Duh, but that isn't a size problem, size is only one factor among the reasons why we don't connect. I acknowledge and respect everyone's right to choose what they will; I just simply hate and get an itch from people talking down to other human beings because they feel that person is less worthy especially based on one solitary characteristic =size. As I responded on another post quote: I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what makes your d*** rise (sorry, crass, lol)... Anyone who gives you shit for it should get a life and more self respect. As long as everyone is honest with themselves, there is no need to step on other people's egos/feelings. M

junecleaver -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:31:31 PM)
I would think this is just because they don't want to sound like an asshole by saying, "I don't date fat girls." Or maybe since they have to look for a partner in a more limited pool of people, they've lowered their standards.

anopheles -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 2:38:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: junecleaver I would think this is just because they don't want to sound like an asshole by saying, "I don't date fat girls." Or maybe since they have to look for a partner in a more limited pool of people, they've lowered their standards. I'm sorry, I don't understand your post. What do you mean exactly? Do you think that people date fat girls because they don't want to sound like an a-hole for saying that they don't want to?

darkinshadows -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 3:19:51 PM)
I think that the reality is that there are no more larger women in BDSM than there are in life outside BDSM. The only point is that the issue of their weight is not a major factor, as it is in the world outside BDSM. So, people are therefore more able to express themselves without fear of ridicule or distain. So, you come to a site like this, and BBW can post their images freely, because they are accepted - and maybe a step further - the desire for bbw is more able to be voiced without looking 'strange'. It isn't that there are more BBW - just that they can be more open about what they are... Small boned women are is like a myth ... yes, they do exist, but not everyone is perfect. And the lack of perfection , or at least the acceptance of it, is something that forward in BDSM. Small frames are good for suspension and some bondage play, but on the whole, smaller frames may damage alot easier also... Peace and Love

kezzo -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 3:21:49 PM)
size does matter who wants a bag of bones I want a real woman one with curves and breasts and hips and .............. i dont want a girl that rattles and bruises you when you fu_k her give me flesh any day And it is attitude,,,,if she has it ,,,,thats good for me Kezz

AAkasha -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 3:50:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anopheles Ok, I know this one might get people stirred up, but here goes..... Being new to the BDSM online scene, I have noticed that the majority of female submissives are what (even though I hate this term) Big Beautiful Women. Even though this is non-scientific, I would wager a guess that a statistically significant portion of female subbies are what the media and society would disparagingly deem "fat" or "overweight" or "heavy". That leads me to my question. Does anyone think that some women who fall into this category drift or shift towards the BDSM lifestyle in a search for the attention and acceptance that they may find difficult to find in the 'vanilla' world? I say this because I have seen very few peronal ads and profiles on various websites that have any of those phrases that are very common on vanilla dating sites, but in my experience are very rare on BDSM oriented sites, such as "height-weight proportionate" or "no fatties" or "must be good-looking" (whatever that means). Anyone wanna jump in with their opinions on this one? You have to consider that the sample of "women in bdsm" you are looking at is really "women into bdsm who are on the Internet as a way to meet partners". Have you considered that the subgroup "...on the Internet as a way to meet partners.." is what leads to there being more heavy women? If you consider "scene" to include real life events, I'd still consider the same thing -- how much is it driven by Internet seekers? What per cent come from that category? As for how a woman's move to BDSM could be related to self esteem or acceptance -- couldn't I just as easily point out the number of short male dominants and suggest they are making up for being insecure about being short? Akasha

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 4:15:59 PM)
Yes that is the case in many ways. I personally wonder why there seem to be a) so many more smokers in the scene as compared to the overall vanilla population b) so many more overweight people in the scene as compared to the overall vanilla population However, some people say they don't notice a difference between the populations in those areas at all so I might just be focused on them and seeing things that aren't there. Do some people get into the scene because they are not succeeding or happy in vanilla life due to their weight? Absolutely. How prevalent is it? Couldn't say for sure. And I personally hate both the terms BBW and subbie.

MstrHellsFury -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 4:18:37 PM)
well you asked for it ..you got it...I'm not surprised that the responses are more along the lines of attack rather than a real objective look at the question poised... Fury

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/28/2005 5:18:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury well you asked for it ..you got it...I'm not surprised that the responses are more along the lines of attack rather than a real objective look at the question poised... Fury How do you define "attack"? I see many people stating opinions opposite to the one that the OP stated. Does that classify as an attack? Be well, Julie

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