quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

It's a subject close to my heart because my beautiful wife, whom I've been with for the last 12 years, has struggled with body image issues, and still does sometimes. Her experiences in BDSM have seemed to help open her eyes to the beauty that I see when I look at her. Maybe I could have worded the OP differently. My real question was (and still is) how being part of this lifestyle has affected women who have had or still have body image issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: muzz

as to being a large amount of BBWs into the lifestyle...if you look at the facts...BBWs are everywhere ...esp. in the US where the average size is 18-20...(i personally don't consider that BBW but many do)...if thats the average size..then of course there are going to be a lot of BBWs into the lifestyle...but there are also many many uncollared skinny girls...

quote:

ORIGINAL: muzz

i am curious as to why it keeps getting brought up? it has become quite apparent that several Doms on here don't like BBWs...fine everyone has their own taste in what they like....but why keep pulling self esteem into it?

I ABSOLUTELY did not say I didn't like BBW's. I did however imply that a relationship with a morbidly obese person may run counter to my lifestyle. The original post was in reference to larger woman, so I thought i would offer my thoughts. In addition to this, no where in my post do I mention the self esteem issue (or a lack of), but make noteworthy mention of those who are honest and up front about their wants/likes (regardless of what they may be).

i am BBW...my self esteem is fine...someone doesn't want to get to know me because of a little fat..their loss not mine...

Once again, I did not imply that your self esteem (nor any other individual) was reduced due to our size. Indeed thin people also have self esteem issues.

as to being a large amount of BBWs into the lifestyle...if you look at the facts...BBWs are everywhere ...esp. in the US where the average size is 18-20...(i personally don't consider that BBW but many do)...if thats the average size..then of course there are going to be a lot of BBWs into the lifestyle...but there are also many many uncollared skinny girls...

instead of yet another thread being started about BBWs and self esteem why not take the time to get to know some...you may discover that many of us have great self esteem..and you may also find out that many of us are working on losing the weight...and to get to know us doesn't mean that you have to consider us for a relationship...us fat girls like just friends too. >

Firstly, I followed up my note with the thought that I have dated women who were 'pleasantly plump' and not been disappointed-- in fact EXTREMELY pleased. Unfortunately, you took my post and internalized it, perhaps believing it was an assault on BBW's. It most certainly was not.

Whether the BDSM world or not, it is best when folks do not misrepresent themselves (physical appearance, etc.) nor their intent/interest to prevent embarrassment going forward. To imply that folks are discriminating when they may voice a preference or affinity for something in particular is purely nonsense. There is no right and wrong to relationships (D's or vanilla) but only the perceptions, thoughts and fantasies we may harbor to fulfill them.

M

(in reply to muzz)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury

well you asked for it ..you got it...I'm not surprised that the responses are more along the lines of attack rather than a real objective look at the question poised...


Fury

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan



According to numerous articles posted on the Internet (and as listed in some postings here too), it appears that the average US woman is actually a size 16, not 18-20. <I had thought it was size 14 myself.>

quote:

ORIGINAL: Handspankingdom



Firstly, I followed up my note with the thought that I have dated women who were 'pleasantly plump' and not been disappointed-- in fact EXTREMELY pleased. Unfortunately, you took my post and internalized it, perhaps believing it was an assault on BBW's. It most certainly was not.

Whether the BDSM world or not, it is best when folks do not misrepresent themselves (physical appearance, etc.) nor their intent/interest to prevent embarrassment going forward. To imply that folks are discriminating when they may voice a preference or affinity for something in particular is purely nonsense. There is no right and wrong to relationships (D's or vanilla) but only the perceptions, thoughts and fantasies we may harbor to fulfill them.

M

quote:

ORIGINAL: muzz

... just because someone may be BBW it doesn't mean they are in the lifestyle because they have low self esteem

...could be because actually deep down inside...they are submissive at heart...

quote:

ORIGINAL: muzz

but in the end...my whole comment goes back to the why is this a topic? if someone doesn't like BBWs...then don't contact them...or state so in your profile...

and just because someone may be BBW it doesn't mean they are in the lifestyle because they have low self esteem and feel they can't get a man any other way...could be because actually deep down inside...they are submissive at heart...

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan


I do agree with this, muzz.

If someone has an aversion to larger people, let them have it listed in thier preferences, in their profile (or be honest and upfront), but in the same turn, I think it should be that more people should also be honest about their own body shape, when initially communicating. While I've never met a man that lied about his weight, I have found a few that added to their height, and MANY that have lied about their age, or "looking younger" than their years. It happens.

Handspankingdom writes:

FTopinMichigan, your thoughts are correct, and certainly honesty is a two way street.

I recently had a man tell, on first PM, that he didn't like BBWs. As someone working hard to get stronger (and lose weight), I found it offensive for him to presume that I wasn't one, or that I would agree with his assessment.

Handspankingdom writes:

Merely stating that you do not have a 'preference' for BBW's or tattoos is not necessarily an attack. As humans we are quick to internalize these comments. I find it admirable that he relayed this to you on your first PM session; this way no ones time was wasted. Communicating on-line- or in chat, is often anonymous (for privacy reasons for many) and frankly, most are somewhat ambiguous about themselves until a level of trust/friendship has been established (I found your profile nice, but noticed you too were a bit ambiguous about your body size). For what it's worth, I see this as perfectly normal.

I seriously don't have issue with "preferences"...but I do have issue with rude comments, and presumptions. In the same conversation, he explained how he didn't like women with tattooed bodies. I have several tattoos, so you can imagine how much fun I had chatting with this man. (I think he got the message now though. )

Handspankingdom writes:

I think you're being a bit heavy handed ;-) I agree there is no need for rudeness, but to express that your preference is not for BBW's or tattoos as rude, would depend on how it was relayed. I am not seeking a morbidly obese sub, but I would not close my eyes to one that was pleasingly plump and eager to please. I have also bottomed for larger women and enjoyed this very much-- hey, it's good to get insight from both sides of the paddle.

Also, in another forum (where the topic came up yet again), I mentioned that I felt sub ladies, that were larger in size, actually had MORE confidence and self esteem than their vanilla counterparts. I think a sub, in general, has a "stronger" self image, to be able to express and enjoy themselves.

Handspankingdom writes:

I agree with the latter part of your statement, in that it does take a person who is comfortable in their skin to be a sub. Whether or not they have a better self image than their vanilla counterparts is a matter of debate, but if this is your experience, who am I to argue?

To be honest (and generalizing again), I've found submissive ladies having far more self esteem and confidence than the what I've seen in the sub men that I've met. Some even have more than a few Dommes that I've met.

Handspankingdom writes:

I feel this has more to do with the way society portrays men (chiefly loathing women's advocacy groups- who constantly demonize men). If a women is a sub, she's exploring her sexuality, if a guy is a sub, he's a dirty minded, self gratifying, wanker (I often hear and see the word 'worthless'), trying to get his rocks off. In addition, how many female dommes are seeking a female sub for financial domination?

In general, many female dommes seem to be far less tolerant/understanding/accomodating of male subs then female subs (chiefly because the female sub has broader options) and society has branded men as 'thinking with their penises'. To this extent, it is not a wonder to me why orgasm denial, cbt and pro-domination has found a serious following amongst female dommes (they seem to love and hate our appendages all at the same time). You conclude your message by sharing your experiences with male subs and formulating the opinion that female subs are more confident and having more than one domme would suggest they have a greater level of self esteem? This is self fulfilling logic and tradition seems to play a role in this. Many female dommes seeking complete control will not allow their male sub to 'play' with others as they are seeking property (or worse their past romances may have capsized because of a cheating mate, and taking these romantic frustrations out on the sub results). Lastly, although many may deny it tooth and nail, the DNA of women tends toward a less promiscuous nature, where as the male species (as a whole) tends to be more casual about such contact. Like it or not, the world would be far less challenging and populous without us.

Regards! ;-)

M

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)