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too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 9:39:36 PM

Violetta01

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

A few months ago my Master took another slave. At first it really didnt matter to me but over time it has become an issue. I dont like her, nor do I trust her. She serves a different purpose than I do because she is into very hard scenes and humiliation, which I am not. She never speaks to me or shows any respect for my position even though I am the collared one. When he is spending time with me she interupts. She calls him at 4am when we are in bed. It never ends. Most of the time he is very good about reassuring me of my position and making me feel loved. Still I struggle with resentment, which I hate to admit. He knows how I feel and I find it hard to accept that he forces me to live with it. We discussed setting limits on her but I cant say it really worked. Can you please give me some advice as how to deal with the situation? I dont believe in the whatever Master says goes approach. For any realtionship to work it has to be win-win situation.

Thank you for your guidance.

Post #: 1

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 9:49:02 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Violetta01
She calls him at 4am when we are in bed. It never ends

And how does he feel about this? Can't he set rules that she must follow? Does he enjoy being called at such odd hours by her? If not, he needs to make it clear that it won't be tolerated and make sure she knows it's not because you don't like it but because HE doesn't like it.

quote:

We discussed setting limits on her but I cant say it really worked

Did he move beyond discussing limits and actually set them? You say it didn't really work but were the limits ever really implemented? I'm not a dom/owner/master but it seems to me if I had two slaves and there was some contention between them, since I have ultimate authority in the dynamic, I think I'd get things straight right away. No, you don't have say-so over her but if her actions are causing discord between you and him, I think I'd make it clear to her that she is under my authority as much as you are (if that is indeed the case). If both of you are set straight about the obedience he expects, she won't be calling at 4 am and interrupting and you won't be torn up by her actions. He should make clear to you both what his expectations are and not tolerate either of you not meeting them, frankly. With two slaves to deal with, seems to me that's the only reasonable way for all to have some peace. Good luck................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 2

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 9:52:27 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I really cannot give you perfect advice since I would never be in that situation. I simply do not share. I would make it very clear upfront in any relationship that another person is not welcome.

If you were ok with this initially and now are upset about it, the only thing you can do is honestly discuss your feelings with him. Just because someone is a submissive or a slave, does not mean they have to accept everything about a relationship, especially if it hurts them too much.

If he is "forcing" you to live with it and your unhappiness is overwhelming, then I would say that he is disrespecting you and the relationship for his own needs.

P.S. In reading your profile, I am actually surprised to hear this scenario since you portray yourself as very confident, having been a pro-Domme, and very much a cosmopolitan NYC woman, as I am.

But I do empathize with feelings, so I am not judging you at all.

I wish you the best of luck in what sounds like a very upsetting emotional situation.

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 3

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 9:55:00 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Was the possibility of adding more slaves discussed before you were collared?

Let's face it, most of us have to work with people we don't like, have friends who have other friends that we don't like, etc., etc. No one says we all have to get along. But if this is really bothering you, have you told your master? Discussing setting limits isn't enough if those limits aren't going to be enforced. You say he knows how you feel, but is forcing you to live with it.

Frankly, all relationships aren't a win win situation. You say that you're a slave (and I am SO not getting into the "true slave" bit), but you are refusing something that your master obviously desires, otherwise this other slave would have been sent packing. I mean look at the slaves of history, none of them were given a choice on what they did, they just did as they were told.

Maybe you need to rethink your committment to making your master happy and doing whatever it takes to keep him happy. After all, he is the master.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 4

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 9:58:21 PM

chickpea

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Violetta01

A few months ago my Master took another slave. At first it really didnt matter to me but over time it has become an issue. I dont like her, nor do I trust her. She serves a different purpose than I do because she is into very hard scenes and humiliation, which I am not. She never speaks to me or shows any respect for my position even though I am the collared one. When he is spending time with me she interupts. She calls him at 4am when we are in bed. It never ends. Most of the time he is very good about reassuring me of my position and making me feel loved. Still I struggle with resentment, which I hate to admit. He knows how I feel and I find it hard to accept that he forces me to live with it. We discussed setting limits on her but I cant say it really worked. Can you please give me some advice as how to deal with the situation? I dont believe in the whatever Master says goes approach. For any realtionship to work it has to be win-win situation.

Thank you for your guidance.

Sounds like he can't control his "scene instrument". If there's no solution, maybe you can discuss him letting go of her and finding another. Take it from the angle of how its disrupting your relationship and that he can do better.

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 5

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 10:41:41 PM

Mastersimba

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

Well, it sounds like she is trying to get you out or something. You need to tell master to behave and give you your fair share or else you may consider kicking her out cuz you are the one who is collared.

(in reply to chickpea)

Post #: 6

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 10:46:04 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

This is a tough one. I prefer to be in a multiple-slave household but many don't. I like that fact that my Domme can, and does, have other lovers and other slaves. But I didn't have that expectation going in.

Perhaps you did, and now it is grating on you. I predict you will not be there long, if your competition remains.

Some things just cannot work out. Too bad. Especially for your Master.

(in reply to Mastersimba)

Post #: 7

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 10:56:15 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Amen, MissMagnolia! You have said exactly what this slave was thinking and you said it so well. There definately seems to be a 'failure to communicate' going on here and that's never a good thing for any intimate relationship's health and vitality. It seems to me that there needs to be some very open and honest discussions taking place to get this sorted out.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Was the possibility of adding more slaves discussed before you were collared?

Let's face it, most of us have to work with people we don't like, have friends who have other friends that we don't like, etc., etc. No one says we all have to get along. But if this is really bothering you, have you told your master? Discussing setting limits isn't enough if those limits aren't going to be enforced. You say he knows how you feel, but is forcing you to live with it.

Frankly, all relationships aren't a win win situation. You say that you're a slave (and I am SO not getting into the "true slave" bit), but you are refusing something that your master obviously desires, otherwise this other slave would have been sent packing. I mean look at the slaves of history, none of them were given a choice on what they did, they just did as they were told.

Maybe you need to rethink your committment to making your master happy and doing whatever it takes to keep him happy. After all, he is the master.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 8

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 11:11:56 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

you have a great opportunity for growth here.

this experiance can teach you:

to work with others, beyond your ego, beyond your fear.
to surrender (not just submit) to your owners will
to shift your thinking
to examine your needs and expectaions
to examine who you are and what you really need from a relationship
to dig deep into jellousy and see whats there
to be in the moment and not in the future or the past
and ask yourself what does love really look like? do i need to own a person or a concept to feel love and to give love? and if so...why is that?

good luck, i am sure you have a big journey ahead of you, take some cookies and a good book.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 9

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 11:42:18 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

well sounds like you need the top three relationship tools: communication, communication and communication...
otherwise...if its a deal breaker....its a deal breaker...if its a hard set boundary for you...and it was crossed...stick to your guns and do what you said you would do if the boundary was crossed...otherwise you are choosing to be a doormat...no appologies for the tough love here....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 10

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/10/2007 11:48:35 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I seriously hope that was a joke.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mastersimba

Well, it sounds like she is trying to get you out or something. You need to tell master to behave and give you your fair share or else you may consider kicking her out cuz you are the one who is collared.

(in reply to Mastersimba)

Post #: 11

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 6:30:59 AM

chickpea

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

you have a great opportunity for growth here.

this experiance can teach you:

to work with others, beyond your ego, beyond your fear.
to surrender (not just submit) to your owners will
to shift your thinking
to examine your needs and expectaions
to examine who you are and what you really need from a relationship
to dig deep into jellousy and see whats there
to be in the moment and not in the future or the past
and ask yourself what does love really look like? do i need to own a person or a concept to feel love and to give love? and if so...why is that?

good luck, i am sure you have a big journey ahead of you, take some cookies and a good book.

I was in a similar situation once for about a month...lol Was very frustrating. But until I started focusing on myself (like you said figuring out you, what you really are and feel, and the actions you can take considering the consequences in light of your present predicament) and not on the situation/future which cannot be predicted (you know, trying to influence the situation by doing a "tit-for-tat" she does this to me, i do it to her back) then you free yourself for bigger and better in the long run and come out of the situation stronger, faster, better. If you keep focusing on the situation and when she does something shitty, you do it back to her, you: (1) give her some importance [complete no-no] (2) lower yourself [obviously you're better than her as you're the collared one] (3) let her control you... [she's a sub/slave.]

For me (i don't know your situation well and i'm not you but...), I'd let my feelings known to my Master, and then treat her with the bare minimum amount of respect needed to let your Master accomplish/get what he wants, but never let her affect you and just keep doing what you do best. (if she calls at 4am and you ignore and say okay i'll have to fall asleep again and just deal with it without acting negatively [letter her "control your emotions/behavior"], then he will start seeing what a pain-in-the-ass she is, and how much better you are, eventually )...then let the chips fall as they may. ;) Good luck!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 12

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 7:09:39 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

What came first, the slave or the egg?

Don't allow her obvious insecurity to scramble yours.

Keep it over easy with your Master, be the better woman.

Remaining sunny side up will allow him to see the cracks in her shell.

Focus on him, sooner or later bad eggs get thrown from the pan into the fire.

Give her enough rope and she'll hang herself, eggsactly how justice is served.

Bon Appetit

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 13

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 8:39:33 AM

pseudopsychotic

Posts: 145
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

I agree with the few before me.
Kill her with kindness sorta thing.
Smile at her face when she's being a douche.
Don't respond to her little bratty ways, that's just what she wants.

_____________________________

Got a problem with me Solve it.
Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoe
Can't face me? Turn around

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 14

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 8:42:34 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pseudopsychotic

I agree with the few before me.
Kill her with kindness sorta thing.
Smile at her face when she's being a douche.
Don't respond to her little bratty ways, that's just what she wants.

yes,and if I were the Top in this situation,it would probably give me even more respect for the primary doing exactly that-rather than being a bitch over it.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to pseudopsychotic)

Post #: 15

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 8:53:31 AM

gentlestarZR

Posts: 49
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

this is a hard one to help on .. i dont share either .. but i know in all relationships to work you must sit down and tell him all you are feeling .. if you dont like or trust this girl or you arnt getting along he needs to take your feelings into consideration and maybe find someone that you can get along with .. or atleast make sure the other girl respects your place in his life .. you come first. just talk to him about every little doubt or fear.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 16

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 9:10:47 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Violetta01

A few months ago my Master took another slave. At first it really didnt matter to me but over time it has become an issue. I dont like her, nor do I trust her. She serves a different purpose than I do because she is into very hard scenes and humiliation, which I am not. She never speaks to me or shows any respect for my position even though I am the collared one. When he is spending time with me she interupts. She calls him at 4am when we are in bed. It never ends. Most of the time he is very good about reassuring me of my position and making me feel loved. Still I struggle with resentment, which I hate to admit. He knows how I feel and I find it hard to accept that he forces me to live with it. We discussed setting limits on her but I cant say it really worked. Can you please give me some advice as how to deal with the situation? I dont believe in the whatever Master says goes approach. For any realtionship to work it has to be win-win situation.

Thank you for your guidance.

As chellekitty wrote all the theoretical mumbo jumbo does not matter if you personally cannot handle the situation then nothing will get solved without communication.

All relationships are not win win ones but for damn sure our main relationship should be so I disagree with the others on here who blow off this issue with terms like that.

The question you have to come to terms with is it the individual person you have a problem with or just a poly situation in general is going to always be a big problem. If it is just the person then things like what you can do to be more open minded toward her, boundaries actually established and enforced and better effort from all three of you. If you feel you just are not poly then all the theories and agreements in the world do not matter.

You have the right to be happy in your relationship otherwise why be in it? But you owe your other a consistent this is ok or this is not ok thing and both or all of you to make the effort and not some vague random target. Is it the woman, the boundaries or the situation?

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 17

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 9:15:08 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

if you set specific limits on Master (that any slave or sub he takes on must behave in a manner which pleases you), which He won't comply with, this slave would encourage you to either

a) compromise your need for that specific limit and submit to His will (that she behave however he allows her to)
or
b)release yourself from a relationship which doesn't meet your needs.

good luck

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 18

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 5:58:33 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

another slave. At first it really didnt matter to me but over time it has become an issue. I dont like her, nor do I trust her.

Is there any reason you don't trust her other than you don't like her and thinks she wants to destroy everything you have?

quote:

She serves a different purpose than I do because she is into very hard scenes and humiliation, which I am not.

And you don't feel any sort of left out/upset/annoyed at her for this?

quote:

She never speaks to me or shows any respect for my position even though I am the collared one.

And that's supposed to mean WHAT to her exactly? You're not collared to her, she's not collared to you. You just happen to have the same man in two different relationships.

And you don't trust her- why should she speak to you or "show respect"? What exactly do you mean by "show respect?"

A lot of poly couples don't realize that when they take on a new fem sub, the sub will NATURALLY gravitate to the dom- HE is the one in charge after all, HE is the one who needs to give approval, HE makes himself the source of all good.

It will take a lot of time and trust to get past the "new relationship energy" stage and into a place where everyone can really feel comfortable.

quote:

When he is spending time with me she interupts.

And exactly what boundaries has she been given on when it is and is not ok to call? How have those boundaries been reinforced?

quote:

She calls him at 4am when we are in bed. It never ends.

And my guess is he answers. This tells her that it's ok for her to call at 4 am.

quote:

Most of the time he is very good about reassuring me of my position and making me feel loved. Still I struggle with resentment, which I hate to admit. He knows how I feel and I find it hard to accept that he forces me to live with it. We discussed setting limits on her but I cant say it really worked. Can you please give me some advice as how to deal with the situation? I

I'm not saying she's a sweetheart and you're a bitch here. THis sounds like a completely typical poly relationship with everyone smiling on the surface and everyone smoldering undernearth- with no one happy or secure.

Sometimes in cases like these, the dom actually grows a backbone, fixes his mistakes and makes clear boundaries, the subs actually bond over their shared aggravations and insecurities.

Most times though, someone gets all the blame and gets pushed aside.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 10/11/2007 5:59:13 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 19

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/11/2007 6:22:57 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

There is always the possibility that the guy, of course, enjoys watching you two get green with jealousy and fight like sorority girls over his attentions, so he's perfectly happy to let it continue. Or he's hoping you'll step up and gracefully accept a situation he knows isn't your preference, because he wants to know if you're really his slave or simply a girl who likes to play one when it's comfortable. I can think of a dozen hypotheticals, in which each of you is the "bad guy" and each of you is an innocent angel. Only you and he (and she) can know which is the true situation, and the proper response is completely different for each one.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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