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RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 6:14:02 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		my question to you is why can't you explain to your mother that you're collared? do you have a hard time telling her that you're completely happy living together with yours and that she should be grateful you're in a loving relationship? time for you to have a heart to heart talk and explain things in a way she would understand ...and to state to keep her nose out of your relationship.

hate to blunt however i told my parents the same thing ...happy ever since without their interference


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 6:15:34 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		She explained that in the subsequent posts.  It's not unhealthy to want to please your parents to some extent, it's not unhealthy for parents to lecture and worry about their children, even as adults.
l

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 6:30:53 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

my question to you is why can't you explain to your mother that you're collared? do you have a hard time telling her that you're completely happy living together with yours and that she should be grateful you're in a loving relationship? time for you to have a heart to heart talk and explain things in a way she would understand ...and to state to keep her nose out of your relationship.

hate to blunt however i told my parents the same thing ...happy ever since without their interference



Well I certainly would not tell my mother that I was collared either. I am not ashamed of my relationship with my Master but really it is not something that she would understand. All she needs to know is that I am happy.

Mothers care about their children no matter how old they are. I am 47 but my parents still worry about me and want me to be happy. Telling them to keep their nose out of my relationship would be insensitve to say the least.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 6:35:25 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		then i'm blessed my parents see no reason to stick their noses where it's certainly not wanted especially when it comes to my relationships.

mothers may worry however mine have younger sibs to fuss instead of worrying about me ...lastly i don't find it insensitive telling my parents to butt out of my love/relationship life.  it's really no concern of theirs what goes on and i give the same respect about theirs.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 6:52:40 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

You can wear a collar and you can claim love but there just is no substitute for marriage.


i'm one of those "been there, done that" kinda girls... marriage means nothing to me. i can love my Master if that's what i chose to do without having someone pronounce us "man and wife."  i also agree with those that advise to legalize a relationship for the purpose of protecting those involved. i'm glad you think marriage is the only way to go... i've just had a really bad experience that spoiled the whole concept for me.

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normal is a setting on a washing machine...

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 7:17:32 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		According to everything I know, about christian faith, and certain other faiths,  which is very little, and this is what a friend who's religious, and my mom, who identifies as christian,  states the bibble says many many many times, that 

"god" does not approve of people living out of wedlock. Living out of wedlock is a sin and something "god" does not approve of. Neither does "god" approve of premartial sex.

Now, like I said,I don't know, because I am atheist and I don't even believe in god, but those are the same principals I've heard preached  over and over from people who do believe in god.
quote:

ORIGINAL: InkedMaster

but ya know God doesn't require a signed piece of paper and a stamp on it to make it Holy Matrimony, the State does

(in reply to InkedMaster)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 7:22:33 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

No offense, but I would have thought that at 41 years of age; you would stop looking for your mother's approval.

/shrug



Shrug?  You really think everyone stops looking for their parents' approval just because they pass a certain age?  Hmmmmm.  Not allowing them to dictate your life is one thing but not still wanting their approval?  I don't think that's as common as you think..............luci

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 7:27:54 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie
Well I certainly would not tell my mother that I was collared either. I am not ashamed of my relationship with my Master but really it is not something that she would understand. All she needs to know is that I am happy.

Mothers care about their children no matter how old they are. I am 47 but my parents still worry about me and want me to be happy. Telling them to keep their nose out of my relationship would be insensitve to say the least.

Ditto, Susie.  I respect my mother too much to tell her something so bluntly and rudely.  She is still the woman who brought me into this world and the woman I respect more than any other I know.  She would never understand "collaring."  She understands our dynamic really well, actually.  She just doesn't know it has anything to do with D/s or M/s (or even what those things are, for that matter).  She knows how much I adore and respect and, frankly, obey and honor my Master.  She doesn't hear me call Him that or see any of the S & M parts but that's private anyway.  Being ashamed of something and respecting others' right to be spared such private things are two different things altogether.  Telling her all the gory details would cause her hurt and confusion and probably cause her to look negatively upon the Man we both have great respect for.  Not gonna do that...............luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 7:37:36 PM   
pinioned14Me


Posts: 50
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		Is your mother aware of the lifestyle and your choices? If she is, perhaps letting her see that a collar is akin to marriage in both of your minds.

If she isn't aware....telling her might keep her from asking another question for a looooonnggg time.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 7:44:21 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		Since we seem to be in the same age bracket i can fully understand where you are coming from with this. i would never tell my mother about my D/s lifestyle  its something that she could never understand and is truly none of her business....as long as i am happy with the way my life is going then that is all she needs to know...i was married to my ex for 14 years...bad ex, bad marriage but my mother never once tried to interfere even though she hated my ex with a passion.....i think most of us of our generation will always seek the approval and understanding of our parents, its something we were raised with..or at least i know i was

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collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 7:56:40 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforck

That reminds me, if I get married I lose my alimony and social security which will be higher from my ex than if I marry my Sir. I need to remind my mom of that. lol...
I am not seeking her approval. Just needed to vent after an annoying conversation.
My Sir has said he would like to get life insurance and making out wills is a good idea. Thanks.
~smile~ we all know it was a vent, but, we also like to have you know you are not the only one in that boat..Being even more mature in age than yourself I am here to tell you that Mom will always be Mom and worry about you, no matter your age ever..and being the Mom of an adult UM, I know I do the same thing to him as well,,and he will just have to freakin deal with it!..lol..In my own instance though, I too have those little financial perks that would make re-marriage highly unlikely. But the Mom while ultimately desiring only my happiness, also worries about my older age and being alone..Somehow she equates marriage with not being alone, but then again she has been married for 57 years and happily so.While,I with the knowledge of an unhappy marriage, knows that one can grow old alone ,even while married.....Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 10:12:31 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I am posting on this thread to get rid of this stupid ass vanilla cone. yeah 26!

You really dont want to get married? Do you even want things to last forever with your boss in life?

Im with your mom though. There is no substitute for marriage. It's the ultimate collaring ceremony.


To many, the only difference between the two, is that marriage is legally binding.  I've known and met many who think just as highly of a collaring ceremony and treat it much like a wedding, there's just no legal joining viewed and acknowledged by the state.

And I've also known people to last forever without getting married.  Namely most of those couples being gay couples that COULDN'T get married.  Yet they stayed together.  Who is to say that those that do collarings and not weddings won't last forever if that is what they want?  And who says that weddings last forever?


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Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 10:17:13 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		wow that orange font is really really hard to read.

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 11:52:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You've decided for whatever reason that marriage isn't for you here and now.

The issue really is that your mom needs to accept it and stop making it a wedge between you.  My tactic is to address it directly, explain lovingly to your mom that this is your choice, that you're a happy independent adult and have figured out what works for you and that when she brings up the topic is makes you feel demeaned and upset when there doesn't need to be.  Then you say that you love her but that she needs to accept this as part of your relationship and support your decision at least to the point of not bringing it up negatively in the future.

If she DOES bring it up again, just remind her that you aren't going to talk about it and change the subject.  If she insist, then politely end the conversation.

It can take years to train parents and sadly the longer you wait, the harder it is.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/14/2007 3:57:47 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I've read many advice columns over the years that begin with, "My mom thinks I..."

You could fit any concern into this. It is interesting that people worrry so much what their mothers think and I don't mean it in a bad way. Having concern for what your parents think is inherent in most of us as is the parent worrying about you. It defies logic and the methods of dealing with others don't seem to work here. You will be the same way later as you try to pass on the family/social values to your children. With time you come to accept and deal with the parent in a way you can both live with. Just understand that it really doesn't matter what you do her "concern" is still going to be there in a way that is going to affect you.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/14/2007 4:12:57 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Just posting at the end of the page:

I'm out of an 18 year marriage as well. I simply say, over and over again that I truly do appreciate the institution of marriage, but that at this point, I am unwilling to be institutionalized. My mother also talks about my Master's lack of committment. I laugh and say it has NOTHING to do with him at all and everything to do with MY lack of committment. I have no desire to marry again. Period.

(However, I DO Love those story of O rings - wouldn't mind one of those. Course, that's just cause I like the way they look... AND I have this notion that one should earn one of those. *laughing*....)

When I get the feeling that it's been a while since my mother (or my father for that matter) has brought up the whole marriage issue, I bring it up in passing before they can. I usually use a story in the news or something like that. Conversation goes kinda like this:

me: wow...so and so just got married!

them: (looking pointedly at me): oh?

me (sighing) y'know...sometimes I think it'd be kinda neat to be married again.. you know... with someone around to read the paper with, laugh with, etc...

them (ever hopeful, but treading carefully): Soooo, maybe you should find someone to marry?

me (absentmindedly as I read the paper and have a cup of coffee while visiting them): mmm, yea...and I could marry and have a BIG wedding and wear white...

them: WHITE?! A BIG WEDDING?!

me: Well SURE! Why not? I mean after all, if it's a cold day in hell, shouldn't I do something really spectacular?

them going back to read the paper: Oh...

And we're done for another few weeks or so.

juliet

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/14/2007 5:11:18 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

There is no substitute for marriage. It's the ultimate collaring ceremony.


A large part of me agrees with that.  There IS something about making that legal committment that is different.  If civil unions were the best thing i don't think the gay and lesbian community would be fighting so hard to make same-sex marriage legal. ( How can you tell if a guy is gay?  He wants to get married.) 

On the other hand, there really isn't anything in the Bible that says that marriage is necessary for anything other than property and inheritance rights.  The sons of concubines were not inheritors only sons of wives.  God did not punish anyone for not being married.  If anyone really reads the Bible they can clearly see that God only disliked rape and random sex.  Most of the Old Testament laws were about health and safety as they related to the times 6,000 years ago like not eating pork and not eating rare meat.  Anyway i digress...

i don't know that i want to get married.  my company pension will be cut by 25% if i am married.  My social security check will be reduced.  i am not wealthy so every dime i can save during my retirement years is not something i'm willing to throw away.  On the other hand, i cannot add my Master to my really excellent health insurance plan because we are not married.  We have already discussed medical power of attorney because that is really important.  The question is not a simple one but marriage is not necessary to have a committed, bonded relationship.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/14/2007 7:15:55 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Mothers! Can't live with em'.... and well you know the rest.

Tell her to quit bugging you about it because you don't want to get married again.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/14/2007 7:59:52 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Wills, power of attorneys, contracts can all deal with those issues.  The only one that can't be changed is benefits.  Until the law recognizes SOs, most insurance only covers relations, meaning marriage.  Getting married for property and financial reasons only seems to be a bad decision in my opinion.
l
You'll notice I didn't say "marriage". I said "legalities". That means that all of  the things you listed get taken care of. It means that you do a "domestic partner" registration in the states that allow it. It means one partner doesn't get hung out to dry if something happens. You don't need to be married to do that. To me that shows commitment.





if he had a will written out he she would have been covered.  Marriage is a holy union between a man and a woman. It is funny how people want to change things to make it chaotic. If  ain't broke leave it alone. we often try to change society to fit our needs verse of how we can fit into society to help it to grow.  getting the square pet to fit in the round holes. so you just trim the edges and pound it with a hammer. but you know what it is not a square peg anymore.  my point is sometimes it is better to come up with something new then try and change something old

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/14/2007 8:05:28 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Is your mom available?  Sounds like she's doing a lot of vicarious living.

And I have a thing for older women.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforck

My mom thinks my Sir can't truely commit because he doesn't believe in marriage. It's frustrating not being able to tell her I'm collared and that we feel it is a commitment just like marriage. Actually after an 18 year vanilla marriage I feel closer and more committed to my Sir than I did my ex. I know I shouldn't care what she thinks but she's my mom and never shuts up. lol...I'm not asking for advice, just venting.

(in reply to pleasureforck)
Profile   Post #: 40
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