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How to Stop Kink? - 10/13/2007 10:40:40 PM

Ashkitty

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/2/2005
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Is there any way to go back? Once you know too much about the kinky BDSM lifestyle... once you've lived it, been taken to subspace and rocketed to utter submission with a stern look or phrase...

Can you unlearn it?
Force yourself to forget it?
Stop the cravings?
BDSM rehab, maybe?

Will vanilla ever be the same?
As good?
As contenting?

If you could brainwash yourself to forget what you've learned, back to clean slate with no rope, handcuffs... the tantalizing scent of leather...
No protection, no control, no... no... fufillment.
Would you do it?
Can you stop...

needing it?

I need to find my happy place.

Post #: 1

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/13/2007 11:44:26 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

If I could stop, I probably would, as relationships would be a lot simpler. But alas, it doesn't really work that way -- if you need it, and it's a part of you, then nothing else will satisfy.

Don't know if that's good or bad for you :P

(in reply to Ashkitty)

Post #: 2

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/13/2007 11:54:18 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Many try, few do.

Stopping kink is one thing, stopping being in happy fulfilling relationships is another.

On the other hand, many kinky people DO also enjoy vanilla relationships and find them quite fulfilling, realizing that they are simply another choice on the kink spectrum.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 3

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 12:22:22 AM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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How can you unlearn the things you've known or experienced? There's denial and make believe, but have you really forgotten? You can consciously choose to leave this lifestyle behind and pursue a different avenue, but at some point you may find the ghosts of the past creeping up. It would really depend on what caused you to walk away. If you do so simply because you've grown beyond this or require something different it could be long lasting. However, if you're simply running away and looking for a way to escape heartache or disappointment you're in for a big letdown. Speaking from experience it rarely works. You'll either find contentment in your chosen path or lament for the things you left behind when the realization hits that the 'new' no longer satisfies what you crave within.

porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 9:38:21 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I went hang gliding a few times when I was younger. WOW that rocked! What a high. I used to surf.. those were great days. I really enjoy sex. That hasn't changed. BDSM is sensation much like many other things. Every now and then I miss hang gliding but not too many years after my last glide I didn't see it as anything more than a good time. Life moves on. Things change. If not BDSM then there will be other things. First times are almost always memorable. Whether or not you can move away from it is dependent on the type of person you are and why you needed it in the first place. If it is just for sensation, then more than likely there will be other things which will attract you.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Ashkitty)

Post #: 5

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 9:53:26 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Ashkitty,

I believe you are asking a question you already know the answer to. I don't believe you arer asking for people to comment on your situation and so I will answer only on my own.

I was 16 when I was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle I was Mentored by someone who was at one time highly respected and through his mentoring of a 16 year old boy was austrisized from much of the local community. That Stigma followed me as well until I started joining different communities when I was 18 and at least legally able to consent.

From 16 to 18 most guys are sewing thier wild oats, I spent them alone. What person in thier mid to late 30's or 40's surrenders thier will to a 18 year old? I tried to go back to Vanilla relationships but I never really could reintegrate. I was a Dom it wasn't something I did in the bedroom it was something I was ALL the time and in that there was nothing to go back to. I was what I was.

In Kink it is an accepting of what you are okay with. It is accepting your sexuality and releasing the society hold on what is okay and what is NOT okay. Today there is nothing wrong with whips and chains and spanking and powerful sexual experiences I am no longer ashamed to do them and now that the shame is gone there is no reason to stop.

I know that if I had been Vanilla for my entire adolesence I would have had a very different life, but learning to accept me as who I am is something I wouldn't give up for the world.

As Always

Steel

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(in reply to Ashkitty)

Post #: 6

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 10:33:23 AM

bipolarber

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The only reason I'd ever WANT to go back, would be to just re-expereince it all over again... To me, there's no greater thrill than those first few experiences, when the adrenline is running hot and heavy. It's like the only reason I'd want to be a virgin again... just so I could lose it all over.

Seriously, why would you ever want to go back?

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 7

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 11:07:58 AM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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Once you've experienced something, you can't take that back. I don't believe that you can just "forget", especially after having had a taste.

There's some truth to the old addage "where there is a will there is a way." Behaviours can be modified, habits unlearned.

I don't have a need for much. I could lead a completely fulfilling life without kink. I imagine that I might be a bit bored living a completely vanilla life, though, so I choose not to.

I don't have any inclination to want to change any of my proclivities, I rather enjoy them. Beyond enjoying wiitwd, I'm perfectly content with that aspect of my lifestyle, as well.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Ashkitty)

Post #: 8

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 11:15:01 AM

kittybri

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

for me BDSM lifestyle felt like home when i learned about it and actually started to live it. It's in my soul. Being a sub has been there since birth. If i tried to step away from this lifestyle I would be lying to myself and won't be truly happy

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 9

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 11:50:16 AM

Switchblayde

Posts: 40
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline

I couldn't go back to a vanilla relationship. It would leave me cold.
Intimacy without bdsm does nothing for me at all. I need the 'edginess' that comes with this lifestyle. No matter how strong the relationship, if it wasn't grounded in bdsm, I couldn't handle it. The need, the pull, is too strong. I couldn't return to vanilla.....at least not till I'm too old to have a choice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittybri

for me BDSM lifestyle felt like home when i learned about it and actually started to live it. It's in my soul. Being a sub has been there since birth. If i tried to step away from this lifestyle I would be lying to myself and won't be truly happy

_____________________________

Jamais vaincu..........

(in reply to kittybri)

Post #: 10

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 12:36:18 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Of course you can stop it- it's a choice, just like homosexuality or cancer.

Just get on you knees girl- I'l start chastising your wicked flesh- now pray real good...

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-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Switchblayde)

Post #: 11

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 12:52:09 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

Can't! well,I can't, been there tried desperately hard to, but it always comes back. Perhaps it is our lot in life, like an answer to a question, but what is the question, why do we need to do these things, when others seem not to.

For me,I learned something in my desperate desire to rid myself of the yearning.That thing I have learned is seek balance in all things.So vanilla is fine,but there has to be kink there too.A happy relationship where all our facets are revealed to each other, nothing is hidden.We can experience, enjoy and learn together,male and female in perfect harmony.

< Message edited by Aneirin -- 10/14/2007 12:57:40 PM >

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(in reply to Ashkitty)

Post #: 12

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 1:10:31 PM

FullCircle

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Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

You can only stop it if you can understand the point at which it started which is hard for most of us. When I think back to my introduction into the lifestyle I can go back as far as finding people tied up in TV series’ a turn on. I’ve never really believed that someone can be instantly converted to the lifestyle but instead they would have to have the curiosity to begin with. Therefore using the same logic you can stop attending events etc. but the curiosity and desire will remain until it is settled. Understanding the desire may be one way of doing this which some people strive for I suppose.

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∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 13

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 1:16:08 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

I would feel something was missing if I couldn't have some elements of D/S in my relationship. I do crave it, a lot and I would not be happy with a guy who didn't do it once in a while.

I also noticed that I often went after the wrong type of guy before I acknowledged what I wanted from sex. I was replacing the need to be spanked or held down with behaviors from men that didn't lead to stable attraction, or an attraction that was for the right reasons

So I could go back, but it would not make me happy, and I might subconciously try to find it in other places that would not lead me to make good decisions.

So I like to keep the DS in the bedroom, in a safer place.

< Message edited by RosesHaveThorns -- 10/14/2007 1:17:04 PM >

(in reply to FullCircle)

Post #: 14

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 1:29:03 PM

pleasureforck

Posts: 95
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

I can't imagine ever being happy in a vanilla relationship again.

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Post #: 15

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 1:44:50 PM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I don't know how to stop my kink, and I guess my question would be to you "why stop it?"

I am happy the way I am.

(in reply to pleasureforck)

Post #: 16

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 1:47:58 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

a very wise man once told me "you cannot un-ring a bell".

this was when i was lamenting fal's passing and wanting to know the same thing, could i go back to the nothing i was looking at in my future....and my dear friend told me that. "you cannot un-ring a bell. you're tasted something and found it pleasing, and will not be able to go without it in your life."

he was right. he's very happy i'm now with Daddy, too.

kitten, who is mostly content

(in reply to pleasureforck)

Post #: 17

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 2:45:02 PM

probablyknowme

Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

Hi, this topic is very dear to my little heart. So, I am going to share some of my journey to where I am today.

For my thirtieth birthday, I bought myself a computer. In itself, not a big deal, but on said computer, I found out that there were other people who enjoyed what I had only fantasized about up to that point. Now would be a good time to mention that I was in a vanilla marriage at the time. After months of reading what equated to porn stories, perving pictures, reading about others' experiences, I tried to introduce this into my marriage. My husband valiantly tried it with me, we went to classes, munches, parties, all in the hopes of learning more about it. He came to the conclusion that it was not for him, and therefor not for me. (In fact he decided that all these people we met were "perverts". I said he said that like it was a bad thing!) For some time, we stayed together in a committed, monogomous relationship.

When the relationship started to fail and we seperated, I went out on my own to explore this lifestyle, had some wonderful experiences, met some amazing people, and finally felt like I was getting to know my true self. After some time, my husband and I decided to give our marriage another try, and I walked away from this lifestyle, and recomitted to it with my whole being. I realize now, that along with all the problems that were there to begin with, I was not emotionally, mentally "in" the relationship, because I knew that something that I needed desperately was missing. That is a large contributing factor in the eventual total failure of the marriage.

I now know myself well enough to know that I will never be happy in a vanilla, non power exchange relationship. I am just wired differently.

kat

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 18

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 9:35:47 PM

probablyknowme

Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
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I didn't mean to kill this thread...sorry y'all LOL

kat

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/

(in reply to probablyknowme)

Post #: 19

RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 10:18:57 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I've tried, but it didn't work. One must either accept what is within oneself or risk being restless and unfulfilled for the rest of their life. While some may dabble in it for fun, with me, its part of who I am. It’s a basic urge, much like hunger, the sex drive, and the urge to survive.

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I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to probablyknowme)

Post #: 20

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