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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/30/2005 3:43:18 AM   
quietkitten


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From: Alberta, Canada
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[/quote]

I'm pretty specific in my tastes for men and have never been shy about it. If I was unhappy about the overall "look" of the men into bdsm I don't think I'd post complaining about it and asking why there are so many men who are <insert physical attibute>. There's a difference between communicating it in a profile or an email and posting it on a forum (again and again).

[/quote]

I am glad there is someone else who feels this way. I am getting truly sick and tired of coming onto the boards only to find a group of individuals bitching about the physical attributes of women in the BDSM community.

What's next? Are there going to be complaints about height, hair color or eye color???

I know, we should make a rule that all female submissives should only be between 5 feet 3 inches and 5 feet 6 inches... they should weigh no more than 105 pounds , have long blonde hair and blue eyes and call every male here master and immediately sit at their feet. They should not have an individual personality and should be seen and not heard. Oh... I forgot... they need to have DD breasts and perfectly shaped arses. If they don't meet these standards they should be forced (at their own expense of course) to undergo painful and extensive plastic surgery in order to comply with the new "vision" of what beauty is.
And while we are at it, we should implement these new rules for all of the female Dommes as well! After all, women are supposed to meet every mans ideals for beauty. There is no room for those lazy slovenly women like myself who don't look perfect!!
And if you do not look like this, you are not healthy... so it isn't really a beauty issue... it is a health issue!
Am I sarcastic?? Am I ranting??? Why yes I am!!!!



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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/30/2005 4:00:29 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


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quote:

ORIGINAL: fourpeas
Aint I a woman (Sojourner Truth)
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again
!

Awesome Rant Fourpeas.
Thank you. Hugs and Kisses for being your bad self.. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 7/31/2005 10:13:57 PM >


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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/30/2005 4:17:22 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


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quote:

ORIGINAL: quietkitten
I think it is sad that some people's opinion of themselves hinges on what others think of them. I also think that the tired "health related" ideals related to weight are an excuse to be able to insult overweight individuals.
Yup that argument goes up the wrong way every time I see it... It's like an acceptable excuse for being evil to other people.
It's easy to say I don't care what other people think, but that is a lie; if it weren't we wouldn't have depression related to size issues, and eating disorders.
No man or woman is an Island, so to some extent we are all affected by one another's thinking/behavior.
What I hope is for everyone to have sufficient significance and direction in their lives so that when they see bulls*** that makes them feel hurt/insulted (even when it comes in the "I'm kicking you in the stomach for your own good form"), to call it exactly that and discard it for the trash that it is.

quote:

Although everyone has the right to decide what they feel is attractive, they have no right to push that opinion on anyone else.
I have said it before and I will continue to say it. If you have a problem with overweight people... be a decent human being and keep it to yourself.

EXACTLY! There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone preferring anything; but there is nothing in basic human decency that allows for that person to insult/disparage or otherwise attempt to destroy another's soul simply because of a physical preference (or lack thereof).
What one weighs has little/nothing to do with weather one is virtuous or not. Indeed basic etiquette would dictate one should have the decency to shut up instead of insult a person needlessly.. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 7/31/2005 12:09:32 AM >


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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 2:46:18 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
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From: San Antonio, Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I don't really get involved in the BBW threads either. And whether or not the generalization is true or not, it *is* interesting that you don't see women posting as often about the general physical qualities that are lacking (and yes guys, they are) in the men involved in BDSM.

Akasha


Hi Akasha,

I think it's possible that men are much more visual creatures than women are. I seem to have read something or the other to that effect in the past. Or maybe it's just that women have more readily clued in to the fact that the general physical qualities of an individual do not a good partner make. Some men in vanilla society are slowly getting this but still I think a lot of men are initially attracted to looks versus personality, while women tend to take the whole package under consideration, and are more focused on the deeper aspects of a person.

I do think that many men who are serious, educated, experienced, and knowledgeable about this lifestyle, (from my own perception while searching for a partner), are quickly coming to the realization that looks just don't matter that much. That is exactly why those ladies who are not "petite" or those gents who are short, overweight, balding, and not measuring over six inches genitalia-wise have no problem finding a taker, because if you're involved in actual dominance and submission, exchanging power with one another, it's not really about looks or even sex! It's about surrender, trust, compatibility, and the deeper things that count.

Certainly if you just want to fark somebody, get laid for the temporary and have a fling, then looks are the first thing noticed, but if you want to settle into a serious D/s relationship with a person, their looks count a lot less than their personality, points of view, whether they are kind, compassionate, understanding, honest, ethical, etc. That gorgeous hottie might be nice eye candy for men or women seeking, but his/her looks don't guarantee they are D/s relationship material.

People who are seeking something meaningful in this lifestyle, who want a serious power exchange dynamic have already discovered that the little flaws and imperfections of a person physically don't mean squat in the overall interaction. Looks and weight are not really an issue in this lifestyle in terms of the dynamic of actual dominance and submission. Yes, natural chemistry and attraction are important but the people I've met in the BDSM lifestyle just aren't looking for perfection physically. I think this attitude only comes into play when one is looking for kinky sex or a trophy to show off.

Now perhaps I'm just being a positive person here and giving the majority of the men in our lifestyle the benefit of the doubt, but I do feel that the men who count, that are worth having as dominants and submissives have already wised up to this, and those that haven't will eventually come around unless they're just out to get laid ~shrug~ this is just my personal opinion on the thing.

mischie


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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 7:51:52 AM   
anthrosub


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This has been an interesting read. I'd like to add something that seems to be hinted at but not directly stated. We are all conditioned to some degree by the society in which we live as far as standards are concerned. This is where stereotypes come from.

If you want to grow up free of society's influence, you would have to grow up in exile. But then you would be minus all the skills necessary to deal with society as an adult. Our "image" of what we consider to be attractive is part of this conditioning...by no means entirely but it's there. The rest is developed by each individual's life experiences within the framework of their host society.

I don't think any of us was born with a preference...it's a part of life. We all develop personal prejudices (food, music, sex, careers, clothing, etc.) and how people look to us is one of them. The problem becomes touchy when the "preference" is about something personal that triggers issues of self-esteem and acceptance. Nobody wants to feel like they don't belong as we are all social beings.

anthrosub


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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 8:01:56 AM   
zaynab


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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Everyone has different tastes. I don't mind if I read or hear about the different preferences, I think it's interesting actually. I don't take any of it personally, ever.

Someone I know once said, "The best thing about women with saggy boobs is that while you're f*cking them, you can suck on their tits at the same time." lol

Being from the Barbie era... no matter how great I look, it will never be great enough... it's a constant self-torture.... that will never end, but if I didn't worry about my appearance, I guess I would just worry about something else anyway.

< Message edited by zaynab -- 8/1/2005 11:15:09 PM >

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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 8:17:34 AM   
zaynab


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"We are all conditioned to some degree by the society in which we live as far as standards are concerned. This is where stereotypes come from. If you want to grow up free of society's influence, you would have to grow up in exile. But then you would be minus all the skills necessary to deal with society as an adult. Our "image" of what we consider to be attractive is part of this conditioning...by no means entirely but it's there."

anthrosub... all that is true.

Awhile back, after reading a lot of the "must be height and weight proportionate" comments on profiles, I decided to go window shopping with photos of BBW and older women too, to critique them based solely on those traits.

I discovered that those types of women were a bigger turn on than the Barbie women, although Barbie types are hot too. *smile

That helped with my self esteem about getting older. Thanks to all the BBW and older women for putting hot sexy pics out there for everyone to enjoy, they sure helped me a lot and I do appreciate it.

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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 8:56:57 AM   
ehlovindom


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Go read a terrific article on the subject at http://sensuoussadie.com/sadiescolumns/misc/sizematters.htm.

In it she discusses:
Are There More Large People in the Scene than in the General Population?
What are the Advantages of being Fat in the Scene?
What are the Special Concerns or Challenges?
How do People Deal with Their Fears?
Freedom for Fat Admirers!
Do People have a Right to Preference about Size?
What are the Issues around a Dominant "Helping" a Submissive to lose Weight?
Who's Responsible, and What you can do to Change Attitudes

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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 9:26:22 AM   
Leonidas


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And now for something completely different...

Men shouldn't dictate what women that don't belong to them look like. Women, on the other hand, have no business telling men what they are and are not allowed to find attractive, or hurling invective at them if they don't conform.

The old tired saw that the ad industry is somehow dictating what women should look like is just plain crap. It's nonsensical on its face if you give it even the smallest investment of logical thought. If Budwiser could sell more beer with commercials full of BBWs than it could with curvy, nubile women who radiate youth and sexual vitality, do you really think they'd sell less beer just on principal to "shame" BBWs? Nah. Not in this lifetime. They put in their ads what the vast majority of men like to look at. Does that make the vast majority of men shallow? Not in the least. It makes them men.

The vast majority (but certainly not all) men are attracted to women who appear fit, and nubile, and vital. It has far less to do with how men are socialized than it has to do with how, on a visceral level, men evaluate the fitness of women for reproduction. Over the millions of years of our evolution, men who preferred to mate with women who were young, vital, and strong enough to survive gestation and childbirth had an advantage (in the evolutionary sense). The vast majority of men living today have inherited that preference.

The women that you're likely to see in a beer commercial have a body type that is far more common among hunter-gatherers than it is in our society. The bodies of many of us reflect the fact that we live in a world where we have unlimited access to calories for which we don't have to work very hard. If we still had to forage and hunt 12-16 hours a day to feed ourselves (doing a lot of walking, bending, etc. in the process) the BBW (or obese man) would be a rarity. A study was done one time of the Amish, among whom only about 4% are clinically obese versus about 30% for the rest of us. The presupposition of the researchers was that their diet was healthier. They discovered that it's not. It's horrible, in fact, according to the common wisdom. What the researchers ultimately found is that if you do hard physical work all day, every day, you can eat more or less anything you want.

If you want to be a "proud BBW" that is just fine. Just be willing to accept the consequences of that choice. Those being that the vast majority of men will choose a more fit, nubile woman over you, given the choice. Notice I say given the choice. Even though it's true that the vast majority of men will seek out a more nubile woman, any woman is better than no woman at all. Most BBWs have experienced this. The man who claimes to enjoy a BBW (I love you just like you are, honey), but oddly and mysteriously takes up with a fitter woman when the opportunity presents itself.

The point of this post, as is the point of many of my posts, is that you cannot be happy consistantly living at odds with your nature. It is why we see so many people professing one thing while doing another in our world. If you choose to be a "proud BBW" just understand that you are making a choice. You are choosing comfort and ease over sexual attractiveness and desirability to the opposite sex, by-in-large. Humans tend to like comfort and ease, and it is abundantly available in the affluent world that we have created. That many women (and men) would choose it, given the choice, is not hard to understand. As with any choice, you get something, and you give something up. As unfair and politically unacceptable as that may seem, it's just the way it is, I'm afraid

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 7/31/2005 9:50:58 AM >


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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 2:28:31 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

And now for something completely different...

Men shouldn't dictate what women that don't belong to them look like. Women, on the other hand, have no business telling men what they are and are not allowed to find attractive, or hurling invective at them if they don't conform.


I can almost agree with this. Men shouldn't dictate what any woman looks like regardless of ownership. If it's a heath issue, that's one thing. If it's purely aesthetics, that man should ask himself why he wants it. And while women shouldn't try to change a man's opinion of what he finds attractive, he conversely shouldn't contend that his ideal is THE ideal.

quote:


The old tired saw that the ad industry is somehow dictating what women should look like is just plain crap. It's nonsensical on its face if you give it even the smallest investment of logical thought. If Budwiser could sell more beer with commercials full of BBWs than it could with curvy, nubile women who radiate youth and sexual vitality, do you really think they'd sell less beer just on principal to "shame" BBWs? Nah. Not in this lifetime. They put in their ads what the vast majority of men like to look at. Does that make the vast majority of men shallow? Not in the least. It makes them men.


It's not crap. It's like the chicken and the egg debate. Which came first? To say that the ad industry is not perpetuating the stereotypes is crap. If Budweiser had always used thick women in their advertising, you think they couldn't sell beer? Body images are SOLD to us every damn day. Weight loss programs, pills, plastic surgery. If 30% of the American population is over-weight, why is 90% (i'm just guessing) of said marketing done with size 4-6 models? You think if Bud used size 14 women of the same proportion as their thin models, guys would like it any less? Men look at it because they're available to look at, not necessarily because of preference. You think men who prefer thick women change the channel when a Budweiser commercial comes on? Doubtful. Men are gonna look at women, period. Because, as you said, they are men.

quote:


The vast majority (but certainly not all) men are attracted to women who appear fit, and nubile, and vital. It has far less to do with how men are socialized than it has to do with how, on a visceral level, men evaluate the fitness of women for reproduction. Over the millions of years of our evolution, men who preferred to mate with women who were young, vital, and strong enough to survive gestation and childbirth had an advantage (in the evolutionary sense). The vast majority of men living today have inherited that preference.


Ok, explain this to me. Since when have fake breasts, narrow hips and no bodyfat been ideal for reproduction? Physically fit does not automatically equal thin. There some female body builders that look bigger than I am. She's physically fit, you want her in your beer commercial? Female athletes - basketball players, weight-lifters, volleyball players, downhill skiers, gymnasts, softball players, cyclists - are all physically fit, yet the majority don't look like the women in the beer commercials.

quote:

The women that you're likely to see in a beer commercial have a body type that is far more common among hunter-gatherers than it is in our society. The bodies of many of us reflect the fact that we live in a world where we have unlimited access to calories for which we don't have to work very hard. If we still had to forage and hunt 12-16 hours a day to feed ourselves (doing a lot of walking, bending, etc. in the process) the BBW (or obese man) would be a rarity. A study was done one time of the Amish, among whom only about 4% are clinically obese versus about 30% for the rest of us. The presupposition of the researchers was that their diet was healthier. They discovered that it's not. It's horrible, in fact, according to the common wisdom. What the researchers ultimately found is that if you do hard physical work all day, every day, you can eat more or less anything you want.


Check out the Discovery channel. Or the History channel. Or your public television station. Find a show on hunter/gatherers and look at the women in that society. Their breasts aren't perky, they aren't narrow-hipped or flat stomached. When you had to work for your food, a well fed woman, i.e. plump, is a higher commodity than a skinny one. Why? Because she has access to food and physical reserves of body fat should times get hard and the food isn't as readily available. I will wholeheartedly agree that the balance between physical activity and caloric intake is skewed for most of Western society, and we as individuals should take stock of what is healthy for each of us, not what some anonymous researcher says.

quote:

If you want to be a "proud BBW" that is just fine. Just be willing to accept the consequences of that choice. Those being that the vast majority of men will choose a more fit, nubile woman over you, given the choice. Notice I say given the choice. Even though it's true that the vast majority of men will seek out a more nubile woman, any woman is better than no woman at all. Most BBWs have experienced this. The man who claimes to enjoy a BBW (I love you just like you are, honey), but oddly and mysteriously takes up with a fitter woman when the opportunity presents itself.


NO idea where you live or what you've experienced, but the majority of the situations I've witnessed first hand were the exact opposite. Many a man has cheated on his thin wife/girlfriend with a thick woman. Many times the jilted woman would say "I look so much better than her!!" and the man would respond with something to the effect of "She treats me better" or "She's more real". So while you have a point on what attracts a man may be physical, what keeps a man is (or should be) much more than that. And as for most "BBW" getting dumped for a skinny chick, I doubt it. If she gets dumped, it's probably for another thick woman.

quote:

The point of this post, as is the point of many of my posts, is that you cannot be happy consistantly living at odds with your nature. It is why we see so many people professing one thing while doing another in our world. If you choose to be a "proud BBW" just understand that you are making a choice. You are choosing comfort and ease over sexual attractiveness and desirability to the opposite sex, by-in-large. Humans tend to like comfort and ease, and it is abundantly available in the affluent world that we have created. That many women (and men) would choose it, given the choice, is not hard to understand. As with any choice, you get something, and you give something up. As unfair and politically unacceptable as that may seem, it's just the way it is, I'm afraid



Ok hold up. You want me to believe these 36HHs, curvy hips, shapely legs, smooth skin, gorgeous eyes and knock-out smile aren't sexually attractive? Give me a f--king break.

< Message edited by luvdragonx -- 7/31/2005 2:36:10 PM >


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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 3:47:54 PM   
tetheredkitty


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Kudos, Lovedragonx...you said it better than I could have.

For the record, I (a size 14) have most certainly never had a guy leave me for a skinny girl...I HAVE however had more than one guy choose me over a slender, fit woman..."She doesn't GET me, she just doesn't understand, she doesn't appreciate my interests, she's not adventurous enough in bed, etc".

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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 3:51:57 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


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The idea that one body type will be sexually attractive to everyone else is silly.

Some people find my body amazingly sexually attractive, some people find it kinda yucky.

I accept that and I don't get all huffy and upset because of it.

If the Owner decided that I needed to change my body appearance, it would be done, just like any order. Otherwise, I use my own judgement on what works for me and what I find acceptable.

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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 7:15:38 PM   
saraL


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Ooops. Guess I should look at who I'm logged in as before I post. This post is by Leonidas, not saraL (one of his slaves).

quote:

Men shouldn't dictate what any woman looks like regardless of ownership. If it's a heath issue, that's one thing. If it's purely aesthetics, that man should ask himself why he wants it.


I certainly dictate what mine looks like. Who are you to say that I shouldn't? And no, I don't ask myself why I want her that way. That I want her that way will do. I certainly wouldn't try to say that my ideal is *the* ideal, but there is every evidence in the world that it's more-or-less the ideal for the fat part of the bell curve man. If it makes you feel better not to believe that, that's fine.

quote:

It's not crap. It's like the chicken and the egg debate. Which came first? To say that the ad industry is not perpetuating the stereotypes is crap.


That theory is being disproven more and more. In recent experiments, even baby boys constitantly stared at a picture of a "pretty" (by common standards) woman, while ignoring a "less attractive" image. I know it feels good to blame someone, but it's looking more and more like the truth is that what men find attractive about women is "hard-wired". Again, it doesn't apply to every man, just the vast majority.

quote:

Body images are SOLD to us every damn day. Weight loss programs, pills, plastic surgery. If 30% of the American population is over-weight, why is 90% (i'm just guessing) of said marketing done with size 4-6 models?


Thank you for stating the falacy explicitly. Nobody is selling you a body image, nor have they ever. Nobody makes any money off of a body image. Advertisers are trying to sell you products. They use attractive women in their advertising because it creates a positive brand association with both men and women. Most men like looking at the model. Most women would like to be like the model. 90% of marketing is done with size 4-6 models because they translate better to camera than a size 8-12, which is really more what most men would find attractive in person.

quote:

You think if Bud used size 14 women of the same proportion as their thin models, guys would like it any less?


Absolutely. You know how I know? Because Bud focus groups their advertising *to death*. It is an absolutely safe bet that if you see it in their commercials, it is what got the most positive response from men in their target demographic.

quote:

Ok, explain this to me. Since when have fake breasts, narrow hips and no bodyfat been ideal for reproduction? Physically fit does not automatically equal thin.


Well, actually, you just described the typical woman in a *woman's* magazine. If you look at the women that men look at (pick up a "men's" magazine, like maxim) you'll see that the women that men like to look at have hips and behinds, and are not waif thin for the most part. It's true that most male fashion designers like their female models to look like feminized boys, but most men do not share the sexuality of most fashion designers.

quote:

Check out the Discovery channel. Or the History channel. Or your public television station. Find a show on hunter/gatherers and look at the women in that society. Their breasts aren't perky, they aren't narrow-hipped or flat stomached.


Depends on which episode of the discovery channel you caught, and which women in the picture you were looking at. It is true that some (but not all) tribal peoples in Africa, and to a lesser extent in some other cultures place a premium on "thick" (your term) women, that is in no way the norm among all such peoples. As for flat stomachs, narrow hips, and perky breasts, were you looking at the women of "prime marrying age" in those pictures (very young by our standards among hunter-gatherers), or older women already married with children of their own?

quote:

NO idea where you live or what you've experienced, but the majority of the situations I've witnessed first hand were the exact opposite. Many a man has cheated on his thin wife/girlfriend with a thick woman.


Not to sound cruel, but again, a woman is better than no woman. Yes, many men do "cheat" with "thick women". Many men have a nasty "freeloader" streak that compells them to be opportunistic sexually. They will take sex at little or no cost if it is offered. Is it that "thick" women are preferred for illicit sex, or are they simply more willing and available?

quote:

So while you have a point on what attracts a man may be physical, what keeps a man is (or should be) much more than that.


Here, we agree. If *all* a man cared about when it came to a woman was her physical attributes, then he would be rather shallow. I don't think that is the case with the vast majority of men. I'm not arguing that a woman's physical beauty is the only valid criteria, just that is it is a valid one.

quote:

Ok hold up. You want me to believe these 36HHs, curvy hips, shapely legs, smooth skin, gorgeous eyes and knock-out smile aren't sexually attractive? Give me a f--king break.


No. I didn't say that. I said that you are less so (to the vast majority of men) than a woman shaped more like Halle Berry, and that it's not that most men have been brainwashed to prefer someone who looks like Halle Berry. It's "hard-wired".



< Message edited by saraL -- 7/31/2005 7:22:06 PM >

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RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 7:32:46 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
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From: Alberta, Canada
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great great..... it is hard wired into all men to find barbie doll women attractive and shun all women who are not perfect...
so now everyone has an excuse to say that if a woman isnt perfectly thin and gorgeous it is ok to put her down .. because it is hardwired into a man's psyche!
Just what we need.. more excuses to be able to insult women for their perceived imperfections.
And seeing how women are sooooooooo inferior to men .. it doesn't matter whether we are hard wired to look for tall muscular men who drip and ooze testosterone, because basically we have to take what we can get!! After all, we are damn lucky to find guys who won't puke at the sight of us!!!!
******** WARNING*********** this post contains real opinions of a woman who has clearly been spoon fed more than enough bulls**t over the past few days to last her whole life.

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<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

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(in reply to saraL)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 7:35:02 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas
Men shouldn't dictate what women that don't belong to them look like. Women, on the other hand, have no business telling men what they are and are not allowed to find attractive, or hurling invective at them if they don't conform.

We are in complete agreement there. No one should dictate what anyone else finds attractive; nor should anyone insult the other for his or her tastes.
I disagree with the idea that budweiser's using size 2 women with fake breasts is the only way they'd get men to buy beer, but so what, that isn't even an issue I care about.
quote:

The vast majority (but certainly not all) men are attracted to women who appear fit, and nubile, and vital. It has far less to do with how men are socialized than it has to do with how, on a visceral level, men evaluate the fitness of women for reproduction.
Generally women who are vital, and fit for reproduction, eat (and don't throw up after) and they have natural curves (not at all like the ones in budweiser/magazines).
quote:

If you want to be a "proud BBW" that is just fine. Just be willing to accept the consequences of that choice. Those being that the vast majority of men will choose a more fit, nubile woman over you, given the choice. Notice I say given the choice.
Okay, I'm not even going to disagree with your words, and in fact, I will accept your word (since you're a man) that most men would prefer smaller younger women.
I would like to place what I feel the majority of heterosexual women would prefer, given the choice (with apologies to all my male friends who will read this and think me a superficial byotch, because I mean no disrespect to you):
A)A man no less than 6'tall and no heavier than #200
B)Average or better intellect/wisdom/common sense, so we don't have to look at them like "you idiot, I can't believe you just said/did that."
C)He should have a job that requires no more than 40hours/week out of the house, so he can be at home watching the children and cleaning so we can go shopping.
D)He should earn no less than $150,000/year (more if we live in Boston, NY, or LA).
E)His penis should be no less than 7' long, and no less than 5"thick.
F)One should be able to describe him with words like "honest, gentleman, chivalrous, kind, dignified, respectful, reasonable, generous, decent.
G)Given the choice, we would like for the men we F*** to be younger than 40, because women too apreciate youth, and the ability to go all night should we desire to play that way.
quote:

Even though it's true that the vast majority of men will seek out a more nubile woman, any woman is better than no woman at all. Most BBWs have experienced this. The man who claimes to enjoy a BBW (I love you just like you are, honey), but oddly and mysteriously takes up with a fitter woman when the opportunity presents itself.
When a man of mine cheats or leaves me for a thinner woman, I'll agree with you. Until than, as I've said before, there shall be no other Goddesses before me.
quote:

is the point of many of my posts, is that you cannot be happy consistantly living at odds with your nature. It is why we see so many people professing one thing while doing another in our world. If you choose to be a "proud BBW" just understand that you are making a choice. You are choosing comfort and ease over sexual attractiveness and desirability to the opposite sex, by-in-large.
I don't believe being myself, and reveling in my uniqueness is at odds with nature. I do believe everyone is attracted to another for some reason beyond what the eye can see (as I've seen plenty of men who'd be described as attractive, don't do a thing for me or my eggs).

If physical attraction was all that mattered, than everyone who lives withing whatever parameters you think means fit, should be attracted to everyone else; but you and I both know attraction is about MUCH more than physical appearance, and even with physical appearance, a lot of men find me more attractive than budweiser comercial girls.
Besides until such time as the majority of men possesses all the aforementioned qualities, women of all sizes shouldn't worry about being whatever you say most men desire/prefer... It's about balancing the scales; the scale is not tipped in your favor because men are not generally more fit than women. M


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(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 7:43:42 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quietkitten

great great..... it is hard wired into all men to find barbie doll women attractive and shun all women who are not perfect...
so now everyone has an excuse to say that if a woman isnt perfectly thin and gorgeous it is ok to put her down .. because it is hardwired into a man's psyche!

Well I've given my "most desireably physical woman" idea and I have no idea where it came from. It's just what gets my juices flowing.

If a man says "Hey, I like women who more like Halle Berry" are you going to call them shallow or bad? What's WRONG with liking Halle Berry just becuase it's what you happen to like?

As well, we're discussing what people find PHYSICALLY attractive and that alone. I could meet my dream woman and fall totally in lust with her, and yet not be able to stand her for an hour due to her personality or hygeine or something.

BUT if you're saying "Which physical person walking by is more likely to get my attention and make me smile?" well that's the one. And it's simply how it is, I have no idea where it came from and I'm not a bad or shallow person because of it.
quote:


Just what we need.. more excuses to be able to insult women for their perceived imperfections.

So YOU consider not being that body type imperfections?

Since when is saying "You're not what people [hysically prefer" an insult? It's a statement of fact.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 7:57:38 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline
I have no problem with people finding physical traits attractive or not attractive... I never have had a problem with it and I never will have a problem with it.
You like what you like... that is life. But making a blanket statement that all men prefer a certain type of woman due to biology is a load in my opinion.
(You most certainly don't need to agree with me.)
However, a person can only put up with so much unsolicited opinion before they start to get a little cheesed off. I am not perfect and never will be, but beleive it or not... there are real live men out there who find me attractive just the way I am!! Amazing isn't it!!
The reason I am getting so hot under the collar is that some people feel it is ok to come onto this site and actually complain about the physical attributes of the women here... like we are supposed to be their idea of perfection. Then when some of us take offence (NO!!??) they say
"It is the biology of a man to prefer perfection in a female" or even better " I am just concerned about their unhealthy lifestyle"

As far as me saying that anyone is shallow... I don't recall ever saying that.

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 8:06:15 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

so now everyone has an excuse to say that if a woman isnt perfectly thin and gorgeous it is ok to put her down .. because it is hardwired into a man's psyche!
Just what we need.. more excuses to be able to insult women for their perceived imperfections.


I don't think that I've said anything remotely approaching that here. I made a statement about what men tend, naturally, to prefer. Not that it's alright for them to degrade those that they do not prefer.

I own two slaves just now. One is a size 8. She was a size 14 when I took her. She is absolutely not "skinny", nor will she be "skinny" when she is a size 6 (where I think she'll be in peak physical shape). She is very curvy, and has a muscular, athletic sort of build. More of a "Xena" than a Vogue model. My other girl is a size 14-16 now. She'll be a size 8 in a year or so more of the schedule that she is following. She was probably a 22-24 when I collared her a couple of months ago. I ultimately intend to place my second girl with another man, and I know damn well that my chances of doing that successfully with a man that will be a good master to her are much better if she is physically fit.

What I have never done with either of these women is degrade or humilliate them because they weren't in shape. I have simply required that they eat well, and exercise sufficiently to achieve their physical potential. It's easier for them, because they are slaves. They can rely on my discipline, rather than their own. I personally think that it would be very hard for most women to do, consistantly, by themselves, what I require of my slaves on a daily basis. Most women don't. Most women (and men for that matter) aren't going to work out consistantly. They're going to have that drink, and eat that rich food if they want to. It's a perfectly valid choice, but it has consequences of its own. I think, again, that living happily requires that we examine our choices and accept the consequences that result, rather than trying to insist that others alter their behavior to mitigate them.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 7/31/2005 8:07:58 PM >


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(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 8:13:11 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline
In all honestly, I was not blasting you.. even though I am aware it sure as heck sounded like I was.
People have preferences... I know and accept that. Hell, I have preferences!
It is the idea that I have a problem with.. that somehow women who are not the picture of "Barbie" are not worth as much as the women who are.
There are very few barbies running around this earth, most of us are just what we are.
I guess I just have to accept the fact that there are people who think I am not worth much because I am not perfect..

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women - 7/31/2005 8:14:49 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
I SNIPED a fair amount from the beginning of this to focus on what I wanted to reply to.

quote:

Some men are making the BBW/plus size among us feel unattractive by stating that they always want someone who is height/weight proportionate. And making little jabs here and there about getting their subs in shape.
Other men are singing the praises of the BBW subs/slaves and also making the petite among us feel that there is also something wrong with *us* because we don't have a big ass to smack or "meat on our bones" as is a common saying.


About 3 months ago, I sat next to a man at a munch I hadn't been to in several years. Although I'm active in my kink community, he was a new face. We chatted for close to an hour, swapping social chit chat. He was nice, made me laugh. Toward the end of the conversation, I asked him if he was on any of the 'kink' sites. He said yes, that he was on several, including this one. I asked him his profile name and he gave it to me. I remarked that I'd remembered seeing him. He asked why I didn't say hello. I told him it was because I didn't feel we were compatible. Not exactly a lie, but not the whole truth either.

The reason I'd summarily written him off was because at the end of his profile, he had indicated that he wasn't interested in 'heavies'. And guess what? I'm a heavy. There seemed no need for me to extend a hello to someone who had already dismissed me out of hand.

But I kept running into this man in the scene, and we would sit and talk, and we'd make each other laugh and over the next month or so, built a friendship.

Consequently, after a party one night, he invited me out for a drink with him. We had a very nice time, and actually made plans to see each other a few nights from then. I'm thinking of course, that this man is not interested in me because he's not interested in 'heavies' and I'm happily going on my merry way toward what seems to be a very nice friendship developing.

In the days between our next rendezvous, he's sent me what seems to be a rather 'flirty' e-mail, which I found rather suprising, based on the fact that he's certainly not into 'heavies'.

So we meet out, and we have yet again another lovely time, and while he's walking me to my car, after he's clearly done more 'flirty' things with me, I ask him point blank if he's flirting with me. He replies, yes, I guess I am. Well, we spend some time talking about this and I made it clear that the package that surrounds what he seems to have realized is a fabulous woman isn't likely to change dramatically. In other words, I let him know that I read his profile, saw the 'no heavies' and reminded him that I was one.

What he said next will be burned indellibly into my brain for probably the rest of my life. He said, when he wrote that, he didn't know me. He knew me now, and that it didn't matter. And then he kissed me.

And for about the last month, I've called him Sir.

So, the moral of the story here is: People can say what they want, who they want physically, what their ideal is; But sometimes, reality takes hold. You let yourself go wandering out there in the big, bright real world, and you just might find magic.

And sometimes that magic is not what you wanted, and better than you could have dreamed.

God knows, I always wanted a Dom over 6 feet tall with brown hair and blue eyes.

What I got was a man who loves me for who I am and even loves the package I'm in despite what he thought he wanted.

Take a risk, you never know what kind of magic YOU'LL find out there.

Lily



quote:

Ladies!! Let's wake up and do what BlkTlFulfilling has suggested and read some Nikki Giovanni and Rita Dove poems!!

Nah, not my thing, but thanks.



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(in reply to fourpeas)
Profile   Post #: 40
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