RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women

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Tormentius -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/1/2005 11:55:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zaynab I believe that we have always had more power over men... and that we still do. Men have testosterone that drives them to us... they are the pitchers but if they don't have any catchers, the balls would just end up going nowhere. Not all of us are controlled by our desires so please keep that in mind before painting our entire gender with the same brush. Personally, if I feel like a person is playing manipulation games I'll walk.

SteelBondager -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/2/2005 12:30:11 AM)
Profiles that tell me exactly what a person wants are more beneficial than one that is being "sensitive" to people's feelings concerning their personal hangups. I read profiles from women my age (and younger) who clearly state that they are looking for men who are older than I am. So? That saves me time and energy. They want someone over 40. It's not for me to wonder or reason. They're not looking for me. I move on happily. Every person I weed out without much effort is a bonus. I don't have weight requirements in my profile. I do state that whoever is my slave will eat healthy. She will exercise too. I suppose this would be problematic? Offensive? Another point. You can be overweight and be "height and weight proportionate". The phrase does not mean "trim and fit" or they would have said that. How much body fat is proportionate? It depends on the height and the intended meaning of the person who wrote the phrase in his/her profile.

zaynab -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/2/2005 1:36:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tormentius quote: ORIGINAL: zaynab I believe that we have always had more power over men... and that we still do. Men have testosterone that drives them to us... they are the pitchers but if they don't have any catchers, the balls would just end up going nowhere. Not all of us are controlled by our desires so please keep that in mind before painting our entire gender with the same brush. Personally, if I feel like a person is playing manipulation games I'll walk. I never said anything about anyone being controlled by anything, Tormentius. I guess it can be taken that way, but I never had that in mind at all. I wasn't talking about manipulation either.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/2/2005 4:59:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: quietkitten but at one point in time I was very heavy. I am still exactly the same person I was then.. same personality same IQ same everything.. just less fat. It pisses me off that people assume I am heavy because I am arguing against discrimination based on size. First of all kitten, congrats. I know first hand how dropping a whole lot of weight is a hard battle. I'm not done my battle, around 25lbs left to lose (I've lost 60 for a total 85) and I'm actually fearing the maintenance part! But I'm a tough chica. I'll make it I'm sure. But I do want to ask a question, though I know you said you won't post on this thread again (I suggest you just ignore the posts that piss you off - that's what I've been doing). Is there really nothing about you that has changed? I'm not the same person that I was when I was 60lbs heavier. I really have changed a lot actually. I'm much less volatile, much happier, much more positive and enthusiastic and more secure. And these are both my observations and those of the people around me. My motto has always been that if you are overweight and fine with it, then you are the one that has to live in your body and therefore I won't say a thing. But if you are overweight and not fine with it, then there is no time like the present to start doing something about it. But you can't lose weight to please someone else. You have to lose it to please yourself. I'll be honest, the main reasons why I lost weight were 1) for health reasons (I had high blood pressure and was at risk of heart disease, something common in my family), 2) because a lot of my friends were doing tons of sports and I wanted to as well (and trust me, I can run a lot faster with 60lbs less to carry around), 3) because I didn't like the way I looked with all that extra weight and most importantly 4) to prove to myself that I could do it. - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/2/2005 5:11:13 AM)
quote: Another point. You can be overweight and be "height and weight proportionate". The phrase does not mean "trim and fit" or they would have said that. How much body fat is proportionate? It depends on the height and the intended meaning of the person who wrote the phrase in his/her profile. It also depends on bone structure and muscle. According to various charts, at 5'4", my ideal weight is somewhere between 115-140. When I went to see a nutritionist and she did some body fat tests percentage tests and the like, she estimated my ideal weight between 145 and 150 as 1) I am quite muscular and 2) I actually do have big bones. I don't bother with weight/height and stuff like that. When I am face to face with someone, I ask myself if they are happy with who they are. If they truly aren't, then I'm not interested. If they are, then there is an attractive quality. - LA

SteelBondager -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/2/2005 9:42:17 PM)
quote: It also depends on bone structure and muscle. I was just going for the height/weight part, but yes, you are right. quote: I don't bother with weight/height and stuff like that. When I am face to face with someone, I ask myself if they are happy with who they are. If they truly aren't, then I'm not interested. If they are, then there is an attractive quality. Yes. I'm looking for personality above anything else. I'm much more interested in the quality of our interaction than what she looks like. (Note, I said "more interested".) I've had gorgeous for the sake of gorgeous. I didn't care for it much. Even in terms of "situation", my current transitional period has made me more open-minded about what I want. I'm open to many more possibilities than when I first joined here at CollarMe. I'm still locked into "slaves", but I even have a "submissive" or two in my favorites list.

NakisisaX -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/7/2005 6:37:56 PM)
Maybe it's not "hard-wiring". Maybe some of us like to be able to lift and carry bound subs all over the house or to and from the car. It's not possible with bigger woman most times. If she doesn't want to be abducted, she won't be. It's simply a matter of preference at the time. I love them thick and firm to olive oil from popeye. Not much of a preference as long as it's not just sloppy obesity. That's just wrong.

Fidelity -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/7/2005 7:07:01 PM)
I have tried leaving the wieght thing out of profiles in the past, and it just wasn't fair. And I just can't find it a sexual turn on. Simply does not compute to my sense of lust desire. I know it is hard to lose,I am 25 pounds over my ideal wieght. But I am also not MORBIDLY obese. Do you think that health professionals would call it that if it were NOT a health issue? Let's face it,if a doctor called me in polite terms, "fat to the point of risk of dying from it", BODY image and self esteem would be the LAST thing I'd be fretting over. Nor would I be telling him how insensitive he was-he should just accept me as I AM, dammit! I'd worry more about STAYING ALIVE.

zaynab -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/8/2005 9:46:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tormentius quote: ORIGINAL: zaynab I believe that we have always had more power over men... and that we still do. Men have testosterone that drives them to us... they are the pitchers but if they don't have any catchers, the balls would just end up going nowhere. Not all of us are controlled by our desires so please keep that in mind before painting our entire gender with the same brush. Personally, if I feel like a person is playing manipulation games I'll walk. *painting you with my "All Men" paintbrush (sorry, couldn't help it) I also feel like walking up behind you and pulling that hood off of you... if I did that in real life, what would you do? Oh testey one?

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 11:07:38 AM)
I'm writing this long after this post has died down in popularity, but, in response to what you said, lily, the same thing happened to me. I am attracted to both men and women. I am plus sized, and, I think, quite cute, with beautiful eyes, a warm smile, rosey lips, and wonderfully soft hair. I also have very long, mostly lean legs, and a very attractive arch in my feet. I'm beautiful, and also fat. shrugs Such is life. I've always been attracted to men with hair. I love hair. I like short, slightly wavy blond or strawberry blond or dark brown hair. I love raking my fingers through it and I love nuzzling my cheek into it. A year and a half ago, I began a relationship with a man who is going bald. He's also on the short side. He has a teensy tiny butt, ugly pudgy feet, and a small case of the man boobs. I love him. I absolutely love and adore him. And he loves me too. We both love each other for the way we just happen to be. Neither of us are perfect, but we both have physical and mental attributes that make us attractive to one another. I still have a physical ideal of manhood. I have one of womanhood too. But I'm willing to expand that if the moment strikes me. How else would I have fallen in love with the notsoperfect guy if I hadn't been willing to see past the fuzz on his head? And on another note? To Ledonis, I think it was? Men are attracted to all sorts of women. I have dated 10 men, and had sex with 7 of them. All of them were attracted to me. You can see my picture in the corner by my name. I have fat under my chin. It indicates that I am a plus sized woman. I am a size 28, and have B cups for boobs. I have always dated thin men (with the exception of only one), 8 out of 10 were over 6 feet, 9 out of 10 had a full head of hair, one of them had a very well endowed penis. One was a full blooded Irish surfer guy, the damn sexist man I have ever seen. We lived in a house full of daaamn sexy, beautiful thin girls. Who did he CHOOSE to screw? Me, that's who. Me, the fat girl with the drop dead gorgeous smile, the coy cute demeanor, and the firm, adorable ass to spank for hours without bruising once. Maybe, just maybe, what you want in a girl isn't what every man wants. I can't tell you how many compliments I get EVERY DAY, sometimes on the HOUR, of men and women telling me how gorgeous I am. And I'm fat, honey. I've always been fat. I will always be fat on some level, no matter how many times I try out that ellipitical at the gym. Sometimes, what makes a girl most beautiful to a man is a rump he can smack, a smile to turn his head, and warm but penetrating eyes to make him growl with excitement.

anthrosub -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 3:06:51 PM)
Since this thread has gone to the top again, I thought I'd take the opportunity to add something I've been thinking about on and off over the past couple weeks. When it comes to describing ourselves, wouldn't it be less troublesome to simply state weight as a number just like height. This is something that doesn't carry with it all the ambiguity that adjectives have come to be plagued with. People can say they are "above average," "voluptuous," "rubinesque," "big boned," "large framed," and all the others but really...all these descriptions depend on the reader's interpretation. There's no interpreting a number. If a person states their weight and height, it may not be a fool proof description but along with the height, one can get a general idea. I don't know what the official medical formula is but I do know that when a person's waist measurement approaches two thirds or more of their height, they have a health related weight problem. So if you're a man or woman at 66" high and your waist is 50"...I'd say that qualifies as extremely overweight. Most people are at least a little overweight so just using that word alone is meaningless. And trying to come up with a hierarchy of adjectives is equally without value for the reasons stated above. I also think it would be helpful to state weight in numbers to separate describing one's physical appearance from the emotionally charged descriptions people use. Let's face it, people have things that attract them to others and vice versa, so why not just admit this and stop playing with word meanings to try and circumvent the issue? Of course, it goes without saying that an honest, recent, full length picture would solve this as well. anthrosub

stormsfate -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 3:34:17 PM)
I don't think that method would always give an accurate picture either, anthrosub. According to the standard height/weight charts, Arnold Swartzenegger (sp) would be considered morbidly obese. Of course we all know he isn't. best regards, fate

nella -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 5:17:49 PM)
anthrosub i am 170 cm high and weight 122,3 kg, i know this number exactly becouse i am dieting. Well, that sounds realy fat but when pepole look at me and i tell them their weight they say, no, that can not be, you do not look that fat, and i dont. i am overweight for sure, but not that overweight, so stating your hight and weight do not neserary give a good image of how you look either, it, like descriptions of the kind you mentions, are just indications.

anthrosub -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 5:44:02 PM)
I agree. Like I said, it wouldn't be fool proof so I guess only a picture is really going to tell the story. At least then you would get to see everything instead of trying to put something together in your head based on descriptions alone. This will always be a problem I suppose. anthrosub

AAkasha -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 6:01:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anthrosub I agree. Like I said, it wouldn't be fool proof so I guess only a picture is really going to tell the story. At least then you would get to see everything instead of trying to put something together in your head based on descriptions alone. This will always be a problem I suppose. anthrosub A picture might tell the story a little better, but a straight number is still useless. People "carry" weight differently, even in their attitude about it, and the clothes they wear. You can have two women with the same body type, weight, etc. -- and one may dress to show off her features and have a confidence about it, and another might dress in clothes that try to hide it, or enhance the less appealing angles, and also have slouched posture and a poor attitude. A women carrying extra pounds may still glow, take pride in her appearance and have a very happy demeanor. Another woman may not pay as much attention to her 'beauty features" like makeup, hair or overall presentation because she's unhappy with her weight and just gives up. You'd be surprised how much a person's perceived weight can change by what they wear and if they have good posture - that's a simple thing. But what's most important? How it affects or does not affect their overall spirit, sensuality, attitude and self image. Akasha

nella -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 6:09:20 PM)
Also i have found that taking pride in your looks, and doing a bit of extra whit it, gives so mutch more motivation to diet, and get of some pounds. Self esteem dos it all, unfortunatly, many, including myself ahve to little of it.

ManOwner -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 6:57:33 PM)
Slightly off topic, but have any of you seen the new FX show "Starved"? It's a sitcom about human despair that tells its story through making fun of how fucked up we are with the weight thing. In the pilot, we see that the main male character is approaching middle age and trying to find a soul mate online. He's carrying a few extra pounds (looks fine to me), so he participates in a self-help program where group members verbally abuse and threaten each other into changing their eating habits. He gets an email from a woman that says she's 5'9" and 140 lbs, and he promptly trashes it after telling his friends she's "too thick" for him. It's a hilarious show, if you get it.

MsIncognito -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/12/2005 10:03:09 PM)
Unfortunately, stating weight as a number isn't really indicative of how people carry that weight. Some people carry weight very well while others do not. Some carry it proportionately while others carry it all in their thighs/butt or in their upper body. Some men end up with what I call puddin' boobs and others don't. Some women develop voluptuous hour glass figures and others look like a cardboard box. There is so much more to it than a number. Even so I list my height and weight in my profile simply because I think it's dishonest not to do so. If someone wants to pass me by based solely on a number that's great - I'd rather they do so if that number is important enough to them.

JohnWarren -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/13/2005 6:02:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsIncognito Unfortunately, stating weight as a number isn't really indicative of how people carry that weight. Some people carry weight very well while others do not. Some carry it proportionately while others carry it all in their thighs/butt or in their upper body. Some men end up with what I call puddin' boobs and others don't. Some women develop voluptuous hour glass figures and others look like a cardboard box. There is so much more to it than a number. Even so I list my height and weight in my profile simply because I think it's dishonest not to do so. If someone wants to pass me by based solely on a number that's great - I'd rather they do so if that number is important enough to them. This is an excellent point. I'm almost exactly the same weight when I commanded a special operations platoon in the 60's. I am NOT in the same shape. (Hint: It has falled back to a more dispersed position in a southerly location.)

hardbodysub -> RE: Re: BBW, BDSM, Projection of Body Values onto Women (8/13/2005 3:41:07 PM)
Completely bogus. Men are no more at fault for spcecifying their preference for a certain body type than women are for specifying a preference for a certain minimum height or maximum age for the men they seek. I don't feel bad about myself because so many women (even very short women) feel they need extremely tall men. I'm disappointed that they limit themselves so foolishly, but that's their choice. Men who find overweight women unattractive have no reason to feel guilty for saying so - they're only stating their preferences to avoid wasting everyone's time. This site is not a workplace, and physical attraction is an important component in people's search for partners, not a value judgment about the worhtiness of an individual in society. On the other hand, people who try to conceal their physical appearance by not posting a photo and not listing height/weight, are guilty of wasting both their time and the time of others to whom such information is relevant. If you're embarrassed by your body, either get used to it or do something to change it, don't blame others.

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