RE: A theoretical question...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: A theoretical question...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A theoretical question...

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 12:30:24 PM

cbtok

Posts: 70
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

The original question was "what if your over 21-year-old child" were to confess their kink to you. And all of us above a certain age have these concerns.

I remember a question my uncle asked me many, many years ago, "Would you let your daughter marry one?"

I think my uncle was working with his own "squick" factor in terms of his daughter beginning to date. And I'd have to say my cousin didn't exactly follow her parents' wishes for her in that she didn't attain a college degree. but she is making an outstanding living, having divorced a mistake she married, in her own business and is renowned (in her field) internationally.

Who my daughter dates or who my son goes out with are really the kind of question one has to deal with on a sliding scale. My cousin is 40. I don't think her father really can worry all that much about her lifestyle, as she has moved out of his house, lives on her own and has moved into the "I just hope she's happy" category.

If my son or daughter were to announce at the age of ten that they want to submit to or dominate their Significant Other, my first problem would be with the concept of an SO for a ten-year-old. Then there'd be a talk about kink. Age 18, one would be less concerned about the dating and, perhaps, more about the kink. Over 21, I think I would offer warnings about meeting people in public places and getting to know them before domination or submission happened. Over 30, a "That's nice, dear, have fun," kind of answer would probably be appropriate.

As to steering, I think it would be to RACK and "Consensual BDSM" information, assuming they were of age.

The main concern I have is that nobody is injured, mentally, emotionally or physically.

Another issue would be whether or not this child were living in my house. One cannot rightly control what a child does (beyond just offering good suggestions about safety) once they have moved away from home.

_____________________________

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 21

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 12:42:44 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

My mother cried a lot when my sister revealed she is gay. She didn't cry because she was ashamed or felt guilty for having a gay daughter. Instead it was from worry, worry that M wouldn't find someone because face it, the selection pool narrows.I think I would feel something similiar, worry that my child was going into a place where happiness is harder to find. Living a life where most/much of society doesn't like or understand what you do is hard. But since I haven't children, my answer to the hypothetical question is also hypothetical. I would like to think that I would give full support.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to cbtok)

Post #: 22

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 12:59:44 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

My daughter came over one night and asked if I had a spare flogger she could have... so I gave her one and made sure she knew how to swing it. She also asked if I had spare suspension cuffs... I did and she went home to her girlfriend happy. My son has tried to talk me out of my leather strap and did manage to talk me out of the gas mask (they like breathe play). Since then I've made floggers for my grandson (20 years old... step grandson) and a leather strap. I've also shared my BDSM and D/s library with him. If that's what they choose to do, I for one, am going to make sure they are educated about it.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 23

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 1:08:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Regardless of the gender, I would make sure that they understood the difference between abuse and BDSM. No matter how old they are, I will not tolerate abusive behavior from my child.

I would try to make sure they knew how to do things safely, and point them in the direction of resources. I would want them to be safe. However, I have to admit that I would probably work it out so that we weren't at the same play parties!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 24

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 1:30:37 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Frankly it wouldn't bother me, I have my kink so why shouldnt my child have hers? Once she is over 18 she can do what she wants even if I may not agree with it. Thats just how life goes.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 25

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 1:37:00 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

He wants to do it for the same reason as his sub female counterparts, he wants to serve and be needed. I used to wonder at women who sat at a man's feet and I am not a supremacist, I just couldn't wrap my head around it because I am naturally dominant. But then I figured out this is who we are naturally in respect to Dominant vs submissive and why fight your true nature? So now it doesn't bother me anymore, I view it as people being true to themselves and thats better than wearing a mask anyday.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 26

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 1:41:20 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

How can I participate in this, but condemn it for a child?

And would I want to let my children wander through the dark, potentially harming themselves and others (And ceiling fans, if that one rumor is true) rather then talk to them and accept them as they truly are? I would not turn them away, through I might embrass them a bit. But that's my right as a mother, if I become one, right? I would perfer to be there to help guide them then not to be there.

That is just how I feel, through I can see other people's points.

Also, since I am a sub but my sister is a domme, if any child of me gets interested in kink, I'd make a bet on which oritentation they have.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 27

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 1:50:32 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I never got why anyone would discuss their sexual life with their parent. Or the other way around. When my mother told me she didn't understand what an orgasm was, that was enough to make me back up.. WHOA.. I so did not want to know that!
Sex for me is my concern, not for family, friends, or anyone whose dick isn't sliding into me.
But, if one of my offspring came to me and confessed their kinkiness.. I would tell them, ok. I don't need to know more than that. But please be careful and use your brains not your genitals to think.
The oddest thing I have found since I came online and discovered that people consider this kink, was finding so many of them feel the need to shout it from the rooftops. I don't see too many nillas talking about the intimate details of how their hubby feels inside, or how john's dick bends to the left. They have the decency to keep me out of their bedroom, I wish more would do that.
I do think at least one of my offspring is kinked, or is headed that way. I didn't raise any of them to embrace DS, but I do think they pick up on clues and find some compatibility.
The most I have ever told them about sex was wrap it because sex is more than sex, it is life. And to my girls I added, if you don't think you have enough money to raise a child on your own, don't go unprotected.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 28

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 2:28:59 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Most of my family seems to be dominant. I'd be rather.. shocked.. if a male of my line were to be submissive. Not "we're so macho that no one born from us could ever be submissive", rather.. "I've never seen a submissive male in any branch of my extended family, so it would be rather weird to see one in my direct family!"

I think parents often pass down traits to their children; or, perhaps, the potential for the inverse traits, should the children find their parents' traits to be detestable. I find it likely that my offspring will inheriet traits much like my own in such regards.

Then again, while the men in my family tend to be rather dominant, most pick women who range anywhere from a little submissive to quite dominant themselves. Currently, my mate is rather submissive. If my children pick up on my slave's traits, it's possible I could have some rather submissive kids.

Time will tell, eh?

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 29

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 2:55:13 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

I wonder if there have been studies about the health affects, both physical and mental, for the so-called “Kinky “ lifestyle.

I would guess if there were studies they would indicate a higher risk of problems in both areas.

Of course it would depend on the kink but in general I believe there would be an increased risk.

I would not look down on anyone I knew making a choice of kink I would just try to give them the knowledge to be safe.

But the bottom line… I would not want my daughter or son or anyone I loved to take a chance… but if they did it would make no difference how I felt about them.
Butch

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 30

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 3:27:40 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

To be honest, I'd be a little surprised and concerned that I didn't have any clue (or open discussion on it) until they were 21... That's a lot of years of a person knowing themselves already without feeling they could tell me about things. I'd be concerned that maybe my kid wasn't comfortable with themself or with me, but I'd not make a huge issue of it (that would only make them less likely to be honest with me).

As to my feelings on them being in the lifestyle itself, I'd not be bothered by it. Nor would their orientation effect my feelings.

The same old worries and considerations would apply as if they were vanilla: are you doing things because they're right for you and not in an unhealthy manner? Using common sense and being as careful as possible? Know that, now that you've told me, it really is okay to come to me if you need someone or something goes wrong or for any reason?

I've just never felt like there was something special or more risky or odd or taboo about the lifestyle vs. vanilla. There are many vanilla passtimes that are much more physically dangerous than some people's level of kink play. There are unhealthy relationships no matter what orientation in this life one is.

My main concern would be that, lifestyle or vanilla, they always do only what is within their limits and that they know I'm there for them. I just can't see anything special in them enjoying kink or PE as opposed to not.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 31

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 3:48:32 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I guess I'm like many others in that I really don't want intimate knowledge of what my boys get up to. As adults, they are entitled to their privacy as am I. If they should come to me and tell me of any kinky proclivities, my comments would most likely hedge toward "that's nice, dear, be safe". I would most likely avoid sharing any information about myself... they have taken great joy at times teasing me over what little they know of me even having a sex life; I certainly wouldn't give them any more fuel for the fire.

But to answer your specific question... like you, xoxi, I would probably have a little more difficulty understanding if they were male subs.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 32

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 4:36:43 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

My family always had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about sexual matters... i think i'd be very uncomfortable with any other arrangement, regardless of generation.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 33

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 5:13:44 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Okay I'm wording this carefully so it doesn't go against the TOS....I think I'm okay but moderators please feel free to edit anything that needs to be edited because I am genuinely interested in hearing the answers to these questions.

I hear so many people say that kink might be genetic, that they think their grandmother liked getting spanked with a hairbrush, or that their mother was a natural Domme...and I'm not even going to wonder if this is a matter of nature or nurture. What I am interested in though is....what would you do if your 21 year old child told you that they were into kink?

Would it matter if they were male or female? If they were Dom or sub? If you are a Dom/me would you be happier if your same gender child were the same orientation as you are? Would it bother a man who is into female supremacy if he knew his daughter was a slave to her husband? Or an uber dommy Man with a capital M whose son liked to be sissified and tortured and used with a strap on?

I will confess my own answers to the questions in a bit after answers get posted...mostly to keep the convo on topic because there's a bit I might get flamed for

My father suggested I go to therapy to get diagnosed and work towards a cure of my sadism and kink.

I dont recommend this response to any parents.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 34

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 5:18:34 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I'd have a long talk with him--something no one ever did for me when I was 21 and in the same situation.

I'd make sure he knows: it's never going to go away; there are other people who feel the way he does; and I'll always be ready to talk to him about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

what would you do if your 21 year old child told you that they were into kink?

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 35

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 5:33:37 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Not my kids, but a friend of mine came to me about ten years ago, slightly freaked out that his 18 year old daughter had told him that she was kinky. He had absolutely no idea how to handle it. So, he invited me over for dinner so they could all talk about it. (Talk about an awkward dinner table conversation!) Anyway, my friend broached the subject, and his daughter was deeply embarassed... at least for a few moments. When she found out WHY I was there, she began pumping me for information... where were the clubs, were there many others her age, etc...

First, I asked her a few basic questions, promising to help her, if I thought she was ready. Turned out she had done her research, and had experimented a little bit with an ex-boyfriend. She knew about SSC and RACK, safewords, and safe sex practices. Frankly, she was far better prepared for her first experiences than I had ever been! I told her father that it didn't sound to me like she was in any great danger... He wasn't too thrilled with my answers. I think he half expected me to try and scare her off with tales of "scenes gone bad" or something.

She admitted that she'd been sexually active since she was 14. The kink, her submissive feelings, had always beed there. Even when she'd played "doctor" with some of the local boys, she had been the one who suggested that they hold her down. (Her father was turning a little green at this point)

As you can imagine, from here on out, it was more about putting his mind at ease, rather than worrying about his daughter. It took a while, but her father finally realized that she was an adult, she was smart about her saftey, and she had a friend now (me) to look out for her at her first few play parties.

Kids today aren't stupid. They have more access to quality information than we ever did. They become adults. If they tell you this very personal information about their private lives, the're either out to shock you, or they are looking for support. If they are looking to shock you, nothing will piss them off more than accepting them. (LOL) If they are looking for support, they'll love you all the more for accepting them.

My one and only experience along these lines... hope it's relevant.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 36

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 6:01:57 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

(sighs) My boys (18+) each tell me way more than I EVER want to know. I think their main kink is embarassing their mother, so it isn't such a theoretical situation for me.

are they cute and single (or poly?) lol

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 37

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 6:28:06 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

(sighs) My boys (18+) each tell me way more than I EVER want to know. I think their main kink is embarassing their mother, so it isn't such a theoretical situation for me.

are they cute and single (or poly?) lol

LOL! They are very good looking boys but they have girlfriends. Sorry, Chelle. If they wind up being single I'll send them your way.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 38

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 6:47:30 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I have sons, and they seem to be fairly dominant toward their women. We've always had an open dialog regarding sex, mainly because i wanted them to stay safe and not become parents too soon. I''m aware that my oldest son and his wife enjoy rough sex, simply because his wife was my friend and confidant long before she became my daughter in law, much to my chagrin.. They know of a few of my kinks through inadvertent discovery of toys on occasion, and they also have an idea that I'm of a submissive nature, but not so much in a BDSM context. They just consider me a bit of a freak.
Our dialog can be a little funny at times, and you really could have knocked me over with a feather when my middle son casually asked me..."Mom...did you know that the clitoris is like a tiny penis?....." and commenced to telling me how he made that discovery.

I think they also enjoy trying to shock me, the fun is in never letting them know that they have...

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 39

RE: A theoretical question... - 10/15/2007 6:49:12 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

ahhh...its just as well...in the mood i'm in right now youngin's would just be an appeteazer....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A theoretical question...

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109