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RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 8:24:32 AM   
caught4u


Posts: 132
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline 		My Master has manners and i consider that nice,  but having manners doesn't mean pushover.  everyones definition of nice is different.  whats nice for you may not be nice for me.  be who you are and try not to fit in that "twu" stuff. 

_____________________________

"Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken"


~owned by Master of Wind~

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 9:31:22 AM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

I would also ask what nice is. Is it being gullible and unassertive? Simply not being a jerk? Or showing appreication, even in quirky ways or how most people wouldn't think of it? I know that my definintion is not the same as others here. So, Blaakman, I am curious as how you see yourself as nice.


That's a good question!  I have found this discussion to be quite entertaining.  It also seems that people are all over the map on this issue.

I'm not the kind of nice I was when I was much younger.  I was a "nice guy."  The kind that girls/women put into the "let's be friends" box.  That kind of "nice" is unthreatening (almost invisible to lots of women, it seems), with no "edge."

Well, I have edge now.

I see myself as nice because I think I'm caring, empathetic, and understanding.  I try not to be judgmental.  I listen to women (something that is apparently rare, judging from what I've been told) and value and love them beyond the sexual aspect.  I avoid hurting people whenever possible.

I'm that kind of nice.

I've read blogs by submissives and Doms where the Doms are not nice at all.  They appear to hurt submissives whenever they feel the urge, just because they want to and because they can.  Some are pretty sadistic.  Most are what I would call "mean."

So, I guess by "nice" I mostly mean "not mean."

It seems to me that Doms who are mean and harsh (something approaching evil) do pretty nicely in this realm!

I'm trying to find out if that's what's necessary, because I'm not confident that I can be that way.

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 9:43:12 AM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hey, I'm a sadist *and* I consider myself nice.

And being "mean" is just as ill-defined as being "nice".  I like being mean a lot of the time.  It turns both me and my sub on.


_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 11:19:53 AM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalState

Hey, I'm a sadist *and* I consider myself nice.

And being "mean" is just as ill-defined as being "nice".  I like being mean a lot of the time.  It turns both me and my sub on.



OK.  Enlighten me!

How can a sadist be "nice?"  I'm curious...

(in reply to TotalState)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 12:00:58 PM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		It's all so subjective, really.  I'll give it a try.

I do not let my sadistic streak out on those who do not wish it.  I'm generally courteous and I go out of my way to be helpful and kind.  I enjoy giving pain (somewhat)...but I only in a consensual manner.  I treat my sub roughly because she wants to be treated roughly, and she wants me to choose when I do so (although I tend to read her moods in that regard). 

I can delight in dominating her and causing the exquisite, pleasurable kind of pain, and be considering her wants and needs the entire time.  In the end, it is all done for pleasure, mine and hers.  And yet there is no getting past the fact that I caused pain and enjoyed it.


_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 12:02:12 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan
OK.  Enlighten me!
How can a sadist be "nice?"  I'm curious...


I know you weren't asking me but I want to answer too because I struggled with this at first in accepting that I'm a masochist.  I understood what drove me as a maso and didn't feel unhealthy about it, but I kept thinking, 'how could I love and respect someone who could enjoy hurting me; how could they be a good person?'  But the fact is, they can; just like a masochist can be a healthy, strong person who doesn't truly believe they deserve to suffer in life.  I couldn't play with a sadist who wasn't 'nice' in the sense of being a good, moral person; that would be dangerous and disturbing.  The dominants I've had LTRs with are very empthetic, affectoinate, caring, altruistic, gentlemanly, and also have dark sides and enjoy making sweet, pretty girls squeal and suffer to various degrees.   I swear, they can be absoulte teddybears sometimes, but don't tell them I said that.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 12:29:53 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, the short and sweet is yes, you can be a nice guy and a dominant, but you gotta menace the little bitches once in awhile------they like that, too.

Ron



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 1:03:12 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I'm a nice guy, and I'm a dom.  Everyone thinks I'm an evil motherfucker.  But that's just because I'm misunderstood.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 1:20:33 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Hah.  You are too an evil motherfucker.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 2:24:19 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

OK.  Enlighten me!

How can a sadist be "nice?"  I'm curious...


Coz we can bake great cookies?
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 2:28:57 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Well,I classify myself as a "sensation player" I like inflicting nerve overloads, and messing with heads. I see a sadist as someone who cares not-they just want to see another suffer.

The fact that I care-is what limits me.

And the fact that I care-is why I practice skill.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 2:50:59 PM   
Kalari


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline 		I personally believe that it all depends on one's definition of "nice."  Some "nice guys," in my experience, cannot bring themselves to physically hurt a submissive.  I once had a very close friend who was a self-proclaimed "nice guy," who wanted to try his hand at being a Dom.  I let him try, but every few seconds he was asking me if I was okay, and he eventually backed out because he felt that he was "forcing things" on me. 

By all means, I am a huge advocate of the gentleman Dom.  I believe that a Dom should be very refined, and I am not at all against a Dom pulling chairs out, opening doors, cuddling by the fire, etc.  But if a woman is a masochist, or gets off on humiliation, then the Dom must be able to release that darker side that isn't necessarily so nice.


(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 4:00:17 PM   
Master333


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline 		Establish the rules, guidelines, protocols, expectations and requirements up front.  Always be reasonable, fair and just, but lay the LAW down and do not be scared to discipline or punish! 
The D/s or M/s relationship is about the most intimate one possible.  It depends on mutual trust, mutual respect and mutual faith & confidence in each other. 

A slave or submissive is like a most valuable and highly treasured possession, which must be protected and cared for; but do not take sh*t … command respect and obedience.  Use the carrot & the stick; use honey & vinegar.  Use wisdom, knowledge & understanding to know when and how. 

I am a romantic, kind, thoughtful, considerate and generous man.  I caution never to mistake that for me being stupid or weak; I am neither.  I am naturally dominant and have a sadistic nature, yet, I am no boorish and low self-esteem woman hating misogynistic selfish brute who subjects vulnerable & trusting women to unlawful assault & battery and unwarranted domestic violence and define it as BDSM or the D/s relationship activities. 

I own an Australian leather single tail, riding crop, floggers, cane studded paddle and belts.  I know how to use all effectively.  I know there is a difference between erotic spankings and a great difference between training/discipline methods and corporal punishment. 

A submissive or slave must be complimented, recognized and rewarded when she deserves such.  I believe in thoughtful, tender and affection “after-care” when I know it is necessary or the spirit moves me.  I am willing to show appreciation and gratitude as much as or even more than my anger or displeasure. 

This Is An Excerpt From One Of My Quotes: 
“The submissive woman or female slave is the special sacred Temple where her Dominant Master comes for affection, amusement, care, love, comfort, pleasure, rejuvenation, relaxation, sustenance and to have his kinky carnal sexual desires and sadomasochistic cravings quenched.  Her body is his Temple and she is special and sacred.  The submissive is only the caretaker and guardian of her Master’s Temple, and she must keep it clean, sanitary, healthy, fit, safe, nourished and properly cared for.  Then when her Master, the Lord of the Manor and Temple owner comes he is happy, comfortable, relaxed and satisfied …” 
Mr.B (aka Master Barry)
California USA

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 4:04:36 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

A question for the submissives (and whoever else has something substantive to say on the issue):

I'm a newbie.  I consider myself, beneath it all, a nice guy (I recognize that even nice guys have their darker side!).

My question is, is being a nice guy an impediment to being a good Dominant?

When I read what submissives say they want in a Dom, I don't recall seing the word "nice" very often...

Do nice guys finish last in BDSM?



And I thought we'd have nothing in common! I learned last night I have a similar "problem" - being regarded as "nice and cuddly". Thread in the Mistress section.

Overall result of that thread was that it was not only fine, but ideal to come across as nice and to be yourself whatever.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 4:32:52 PM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'm a nice guy, and I'm a dom.  Everyone thinks I'm an evil motherfucker.  But that's just because I'm misunderstood.


Oh, I just bet you are!

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 4:37:34 PM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Master333

Establish the rules, guidelines, protocols, expectations and requirements up front.  Always be reasonable, fair and just, but lay the LAW down and do not be scared to discipline or punish! 
The D/s or M/s relationship is about the most intimate one possible.  It depends on mutual trust, mutual respect and mutual faith & confidence in each other. 

A slave or submissive is like a most valuable and highly treasured possession, which must be protected and cared for; but do not take sh*t … command respect and obedience.  Use the carrot & the stick; use honey & vinegar.  Use wisdom, knowledge & understanding to know when and how. 

I am a romantic, kind, thoughtful, considerate and generous man.  I caution never to mistake that for me being stupid or weak; I am neither.  I am naturally dominant and have a sadistic nature, yet, I am no boorish and low self-esteem woman hating misogynistic selfish brute who subjects vulnerable & trusting women to unlawful assault & battery and unwarranted domestic violence and define it as BDSM or the D/s relationship activities. 

I own an Australian leather single tail, riding crop, floggers, cane studded paddle and belts.  I know how to use all effectively.  I know there is a difference between erotic spankings and a great difference between training/discipline methods and corporal punishment. 

A submissive or slave must be complimented, recognized and rewarded when she deserves such.  I believe in thoughtful, tender and affection “after-care” when I know it is necessary or the spirit moves me.  I am willing to show appreciation and gratitude as much as or even more than my anger or displeasure. 

This Is An Excerpt From One Of My Quotes: 
“The submissive woman or female slave is the special sacred Temple where her Dominant Master comes for affection, amusement, care, love, comfort, pleasure, rejuvenation, relaxation, sustenance and to have his kinky carnal sexual desires and sadomasochistic cravings quenched.  Her body is his Temple and she is special and sacred.  The submissive is only the caretaker and guardian of her Master’s Temple, and she must keep it clean, sanitary, healthy, fit, safe, nourished and properly cared for.  Then when her Master, the Lord of the Manor and Temple owner comes he is happy, comfortable, relaxed and satisfied …” 
Mr.B (aka Master Barry)
California USA



Wow!

Now that was deep!

Where have you been???

(in reply to Master333)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/16/2007 8:13:43 PM   
JasonF


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

A dominant of my acquaintance and I had a pain play session which ended with blood, sweat and tears.  He cleaned the cuts and applied antibiotic ointment, pulled a blanket over my now shivering body.  He kissed the tears from my cheeks and told me how much he liked to make me cry.  Then, with a worried frown, asked “Am I a good person?”  My heart melted and I hugged him and told him that I found him wonderful because he was mean in the way I need and nice when I needed nice.  It's a balancing act!


This is exactly how I feel after doing something intensely sadistic. Nice to know I'm not the only Dom who struggles with this.


_____________________________

Jay
TNG-NC Council Member
engaged to my girl, junecleaver

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/18/2007 4:23:58 AM   
URASSISMINE85


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		yea, i am happy to find this post cause i was woundering, i am also a black male who's a newbie to the life style and i would consider myself a nice guy. at the same time i am what i am and that is daminant by nature... Is it wrong to do want to cause my subs back arching pleasure?

(in reply to JasonF)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/18/2007 5:20:52 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am nice enough to send her roses but I might drag the thorns over her cunt.  I open the car door for her and hold while she gets in but I might have made her strip naked in the parking lot.  I always make sure she cums but she might not be able to sit down.  I would never let anyone hurt her while there was still breath in my body but I might drive the breath from hers while I torture her cunt.

Just sort of depends on your definition of nice.

(in reply to URASSISMINE85)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? - 10/18/2007 1:40:30 PM   
willsupportmysub


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		When a woman desires to be dominated, i consider it nice to give that to her.  I very much enjoy giving massages and being nice in general when im not holding hair facefucking... 

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 60
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