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Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 6:59:02 PM

WiseCracknSadist

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I've done some thinking on how The Lifestyle is viewed by The Vanilla World. Most of the Vanilla World views Lifestyle people as sexual deviants or cruel cruel narcicist because of how subs are treated by Doms. I think a great deal of how we are percieved is based on misconception and ignorance.
I view Vanilla relationships as confusing mazes of emotions and responsibilities. Where as in Lifestyle relationships roles are discussed and everyone (should) know how to act and what is expected. Not only that, but as discussed so many times on these boards, the people in The Lifestyle have come to a realization of who they are. To me it just seems like a better way of living.
I was wanting to get other peoples opinions to see if I was in the majority with this or perhaps if I was completely on my own with this thought.

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 7:06:02 PM

Decimus

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One of the biggest things you will learn about this lifestyle is that everyone has their own take and opinion on it. Some see them seperate as you do with one being turmoil and the other being orderly or people may view it as the exact opposite. Myself personally I like a mixture of both, I know my place with Aerith but I like to have some aspects in a relationship that I am sure people may or may not call vanilla. Its all a matter of opinion, personally as my quote states I feel this type of lifestyle has a very deep and strong connection and I would love it for that alone if nothing else, though I admit I love the other aspects as well.

Well thats my 2 cents, 4 cents on holidays!

Edit: 50% of the world is ignorant to the other 50% which is ignorant to the other 50% who is ignorant to math :)

< Message edited by Decimus -- 10/17/2007 7:07:22 PM >

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 7:06:03 PM

RRafe

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People are freaking wierd-no matter what.

Just find the sort of wierd that you LIKE-and it's not so complicated.

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 7:21:26 PM

Missokyst

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One of the thing I have noticed is how the "lifestyle" views the nilla world. Things that come to mind are disorganized, non communicative, dull, only traditional missionary sex, undefined roles, and failure.
However.. the nilla world sure has a nice track record. Funny how they seem to have found their way to having actual long term relationships, balanced a budget, resolve differences, ect, throughout time.
MAYBE it is not nilla, but the generation of instant connections and throwing out anything that isnt working right, rather than the old mentality of "fix it" which is to blame for the negative view of nilla life.
Or maybe it is just people crowing about how the way they do things is better.
Personally I would like to see the stats in 20, 40, 60 yrs, on lifestyle couples vs nilla couples and how long they stay in a committed relationship.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 7:26:43 PM

mischievousone

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All relationships are confusing. "I view Vanilla relationships as confusing mazes of emotions and responsibilities". The nice thing here is that we accept and embrace our differences, and talk about our confusions. We realize that what is right for some, is not right for all.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 5

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 7:28:03 PM

LaMistressa

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"Vanilla people dance like this...but kinky people dance like this"

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 7:49:03 PM

chellekitty

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this lifestyle is a better way of living *for me*....it wouldn't be for a vanilla person...

bdsm relationships are in no way better nor worse than vanilla relationships....both can be good, bad, or mediocre....just depends on the people involved in them and what they want and need out of the relationship and what they are willing to put into the relationship....

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:01:19 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist
I was wanting to get other peoples opinions to see if I was in the majority with this or perhaps if I was completely on my own with this thought.

Unfortunately.. you are likely in the majority of people who like to pump up their particular way of life at the expense of some other way of life. Even the KKK seem to think their's is the right way over everyone elses... I have to wonder... if everyone's way is the best way over everyone elses way...well is anyone right?

I kinda think that there is postives and negatives in any given lifestyle...and it works for some and not for others. I have my lifestyle.. it works for me and yes.. I do have judgements of others lifestyle.... but it doesn't make my opinion right...or wrong for that matter.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 8

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:02:27 PM

FangsNfeet

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I view it all as whatever floats your boat. Every couple is different. If they're happy, then I'm not going to judge how they have there fun in the bedroom.

I believe it was Freud who stated that sex is sex no matter how it's done. It's normal to have any type of sex as long as you are having sex. The people who choose not to have sex are the ones who are not normal. After all, what kind of a freak would choose not to do something that's perfectly natural. It's in our genetic code to fuck. All our accomplishments are achieved for the purpose of increasing our chances to get laid. Who would marry and make babies with Bill Gates if he was not the richest man in the world?

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:03:51 PM

TNstepsout

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I don't know how vanilla people view D/s couples. It wasn't so long ago I knew nothing of this lifestyle and I had no idea there was anything such as a D/s relationship. All I knew of it was BDSM and what I knew of that were outrageous images from TV shows, cartoons etc... I imagine most vanilla's have no idea there is a power exchange, but only see the kinky play as what the lifestyle is all about. Who can blame them. It's a fairly unusual concept compared to what we are used to.

I agree with others who have stated that both have relationship complications. That's just the way it is. It's just that when two D/s people get together they both get to enjoy a really exciting part of themselves that they could not otherwise express. That makes it better, but the relating part still has the same difficulties.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 10

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:23:12 PM

FatDomDaddy

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Now don't be knocking vanilla....

Vanilla is far far from ordinary and plain. Vanilla is passion, it is fire, it is taste, it is the quintessence of flavor. Of the world's herbs and spices, Vanilla's value is second only to Saffron. There are extracts of Vanilla that are more valuable than an equal amount of gold . Vanilla's powers as an aphrodisiac are legendary and date back over many millennia. Men have died and wars waged over it's essence. Vanilla is the soul of the worlds greatest dishes. It is the base of the very best that cuisine has to offer. It is strong yet subtle, powerful yet forgiving. Vanilla can be simple, intense and complex all at the same. It comes as an unmistakable flavor, alive in it's entry, confidant in it's statement. Then unfolds and cascades down, swirling playfully, lingering in the experience of it's taster and leaving memories of joy to be enjoyed and craved for again.

< Message edited by FatDomDaddy -- 10/17/2007 8:25:18 PM >

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Post #: 11

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:26:08 PM

laurell3

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I don't think it honestly has anything to do with ignorance. For most vanilla people what we do is the equivalent of asking a totally straight man to suck cock, you just cannot get people to accept things they aren't wired to accept.
l

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:29:40 PM

SunNMoon

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Almost all relationships have elements of confusion and emotions that don’t work just right at the right moment. Most relationships D/s or vanilla or whatever are still relationships. Relationships are just that relationships.

Most people are all crazy the goal is just finding someone that is crazy in the same way to have a happy relationship with. Be it friend or something else.

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:30:32 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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To the OP..have to go a wee bit with KOM..attempting to see which is better vanilla or BDSM is useless,everyone has their differing preferences..I compare it to religions as well..some will vociferously proclaim that catholicism is the way to heaven whilst Jehovah Witness will say you need to practice their religion to go to heaven...Many people feel uncomfortable when someone does not view that which to them is of utmost import in the same way..Differing beliefs or ways of living make some feel threatened.Personally to me, without the difference life would sure get boring..Viva La Difference!!!...Tempting

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:36:18 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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Life is a ball of confusion!

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"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

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Post #: 15

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:37:04 PM

AnimusRex

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I'm with Missokyst on this one...

If the "lifestyle" is so superior, where are the happy Master/slave couples celebrating their 50 year anniversaries? 40? 30? hell, how many people can say they have been in a committed BDSM relationship more than 20 years long? Very few, either in the online or real time world, from My experience.
Where are the generations of Masters and slaves handing down the proud traditions of cock rings and butt plugs like family heirlooms?

I am not knocking the practice of BDSM or kink, I happen to enjoy it very much, and have for the past 9 years; I just don't think there is anything superior about it.

I doubt that a shared love of pussy whipping or anal fisting is enough to build a committed lifetime partnership, or sustain a couple through the turmoil of births, deaths, jobs, and aging.

I do feel that a symbiotic relationship of one partner being dominant and one partner being submissive is, if not "superior", at least the norm throughout the world, and has been forever. Ironically, the leading practitioners of this D/s form of lifestyle are the traditional Patriarchal vanilla couples where the husband assumes the leadership role, and the wife the submissive role.

Enjoy the kink, take pleasure in what you will, but let the pleasure be a part of a life, not the whole of it.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 16

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:39:15 PM

probablyknowme

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I once heard that Freud studied human sexuality simply as an excuse to sleep with lots of sexually frustrated women....hmmmmmm...I wonder?

kat

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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:40:18 PM

FatDomDaddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
For most vanilla people what we do is the equivalent of asking a totally straight man to suck cock, you just cannot get people to accept things they aren't wired to accept.

Ummmm....

Most people are wired a tad kinky, even if they do not know it. And since we are using most... Most non bdsm'er in the world could care less about what we do.

I think one of the biggest disservices from this community is allowing the constant use of the word vanilla as at best, a condescending adjective and at worst pejorative one.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 18

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:47:43 PM

laurell3

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Great post AnimusRex, which brings up something I strugle with. In a relationship, how entrenched does one stay in a role? I guess something I've noticed with people is they become entrenched in d/s dogma...and honestly, when it comes to relationships, I think we are (or should be) vanilla too. We are human, not roles. Often times I have found success in relationships means one has to step out of the roles and remember their own and the other's humanity first. We are not different from "vanilla", we are people first and foremost, like all people.

To say "I view Vanilla relationships as confusing mazes of emotions and responsibilities. Where as in Lifestyle relationships roles are discussed and everyone (should) know how to act and what is expected" I think is a misnomer. While we deal with each other's emotions on a much higher level and things such as someone leaving the toliet seat down are much simpler for us to deal with, because we deal with more intense emotions we have our own relationship obstacles. All relationships are mazes of emotions and responsibilities if they are an ltr and knowing what is expected is not always a road map for dealing with a human being.

I think the reason we see so many posts of 'is it ok for a dom or slave to do this?' is because it's not always clear where the role ends and the relationship takes precendence. In my mind, our relationships may be more intense and directed, but aren't all that different and certainly not superior or inferior.
l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/17/2007 8:50:08 PM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/17/2007 8:59:02 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Great post AnimusRex, which brings up something I strugle with. In a relationship, how entrenched does one stay in a role? I guess something I've noticed with people is they become entrenched in d/s dogma...and honestly, when it comes to relationships, I think we are (or should be) vanilla too. We are human, not roles. Often times I have found success in relationships means one has to step out of the roles and remember their own and the other's humanity first. We are not different from "vanilla", we are people first and foremost, like all people.

To say "I view Vanilla relationships as confusing mazes of emotions and responsibilities. Where as in Lifestyle relationships roles are discussed and everyone (should) know how to act and what is expected" I think is a misnomer. While we deal with each other's emotions on a much higher level and things such as someone leaving the toliet seat down are much simpler for us to deal with, because we deal with more intense emotions we have our own relationship obstacles. All relationships are mazes of emotions and responsibilities if they are an ltr and knowing what is expected is not always a road map for dealing with a human being.

I think the reason we see so many posts of 'is it ok for a dom or slave to do this?' is because it's not always clear where the role ends and the relationship takes precendence. In my mind, our relationships may be more intense and directed, but aren't all that different and certainly not superior or inferior.
l

Why do we qualify for more "intense" emotions? I think the error is when we try to quantify and make one more "intense" than the other. Being in a D/s relationship doesn't make anything more complicated, simple, intense...or anything that would be described as "more".

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Post #: 20

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