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RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/20/2007 10:26:57 AM

sophia37

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All relationships have power exchanges. Most dont even think to take a good look at that and give it a name. Is that what you mean by the word "vanilla"? Personally, most people on this site seem to give "vanilla" people way too much credit for everything. Like vanilla people think about BDSM people all the time. lol Right. Sure.

I mean really. Read this again, "Most of the Vanilla World views Lifestyle people as sexual deviants or cruel cruel narcicist because of how subs are treated by Doms." MOST of the Vaillla world, thinks of bdsm people, based on how subs are treated by Doms? lolol omg this is too too funny.

Subs? Doms? Subs to "vanilla" people are something you buy at subway. Doms sound like the Sopranos show. Tell you what. Start talking to a person you consder a "vanilla" person. Ask them "Excuse me, but what are your views on how Doms treat subs?" Go ahead. Ask! But be prepared for the look to go blank before your eyes.

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Post #: 41

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/20/2007 10:30:19 AM

chellekitty

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all relationships have power exchanges, true....

but not all relationships have defined power echange roles, nor do they have a primary direction of the power flow...that is one of the biggest eyerolls that i do when talking to people in the scene...and i am guilty of it too....trying to figure out who is the Dom and who is the sub in every couple that walks by...

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Post #: 42

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/20/2007 5:49:21 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Exactly Chelle. There's a huge difference between

1) Relationships which have authority dynamics inherent to their functioning (teacher/student, parent/child, employer employee)

2) Relationships based on cultural expectations (women stay home to work while men leave the house to work because that's what society says is right and best for those genders)

3) Relationships which go in and out of authority dynamics based on preference/ability (wife controls the shopping while husband controls house repair)

And Ds- which is a personal intimate relationship BASED ON having an authority transfer as its foundation.

These relationships should not be confused with eachother. They may be useful to analogize or draw parallels towards, but are not at all the same.

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Post #: 43

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/20/2007 7:44:19 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

All relationships have power exchanges.

Not all relationships have a psycho-sexual dynamic that involves getting a hard cock or getting wet because you give your slave a bedtime.

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Post #: 44

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/20/2007 8:10:00 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NLitendLady

When I came into the lifestyle eons ago, what impressed me the most was the acceptance of others. They preached that every relationship was individual and to be decided only by those within it and not to be judged in any way by those outside said relationship.

Better or worse is relative to individual need and desires. What is good for me and my relationship is all that concerns me. If you or anyone else are happy in yours I am happy for you. People judge by stereotypes as a rule instead of on an individual basis.

Vanilla people are just as happy and satisfied as those in Ds. Some relationships work. Some do not. When you add bdsm into the mix and you are turning over control then trust and open communication are forced into the forefront. That is not true outside of that realm.

When I came into the lifestyle I met couples who had been together for 25 and 30 years at that time and are still together today almost 20 years later. They are not online as they have seen what has happened to the lifestyle they love through overexposure without education. The words respect, honor, trust, mutuality as well as safe, sane and consensual were lived then. A little harder to find now I'm sad to say.

Bottom line is be careful when you judge because somewhere someone is judging you.

One of the thought processes that amuses me the most with "many" in this lifestyle is their false feeling of superiority over "vanilla" people.
That floors me, even still.
"Vanilla" people have anal sex, use sex toys, have orgies, play dress up, role play BDSM,
and a myriad of other activities.
Anyone that thinks they are better or special because they have chosen to be in this lifestyle,
has serious issues.
The line between "vanilla" people and "lifestyle" people is just much closer than most want
to admit.
To admit it, would make them less superior to the "vanilla's".

I will add that most if not all relationships have power exchanges, they are just not
acknowledged, accepted or admitted.
Most of the "vanilla" relationships that I know of, usually have Dominant and submissive
roles, and most of them don't know a damn thing about this lifestyle.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 10/20/2007 8:15:28 PM >

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Post #: 45

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/21/2007 7:48:50 AM

Ladyofthemanor

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i think it has to do with communication. In the lifestyle we communicate our wants desires, roles, ect. vanilla people don't commuincate as well as we do, they are so full of the day to day grind of life that they forget their role or placement in life.

From my experienced i have found couples that do TPE or live 24/7 as any form of a D/s couple happier then most married people i know.

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Post #: 46

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/21/2007 8:15:06 AM

daddysliloneds

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hey, i'm with the group of people who happen to think that there's plenty of cruel, and unbelievably fucked up people into bdsm and d/s, and i'm the farthest thing from vanilla that hit the face of the earth...

i'm also with the group of people that knows that not all people into bdsm or d/s relationships have good communication or know what the hell they're doing when it comes to any type or relationship, so i don't see one type of lifestyle being any better than the other to tell you the truth!

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Post #: 47

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/21/2007 10:20:19 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladyofthemanor
i think it has to do with communication. In the lifestyle we communicate our wants desires, roles, ect. vanilla people don't commuincate as well as we do, they are so full of the day to day grind of life that they forget their role or placement in life.

From my experienced i have found couples that do TPE or live 24/7 as any form of a D/s couple happier then most married people i know.

I think that shows more a lack of exposure on your part rather than the state of reality.

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Post #: 48

RE: Lifestyle vs Vanilla - 10/21/2007 10:23:11 AM

Estring