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Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 10:13:57 PM

jmasterson

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2007
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I am 20 years old and in college, and I seem to have the problem that I am attracted to older, mature women. Nothing turns me on more than the thought of being dominated by an older woman. Unfortunately at my age it is hard to be taken seriously. I was wondering if I could get any advice from any older doms out there as to what I could do to make myself more appealing. I have heard that I am very physically attractive but an older woman would not be comfortable sexually dominating me.

Post #: 1

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 10:37:17 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I have friends who are my age who would be thrilled to take you "under their wing" so to speak! Personally, the Mrs Robinson role is not for me. I appreciate youth and beauty and all that comes with it, but I see someone your age, and I go into Auntie Mode.

What do you have to offer an older woman? Or any woman? Think about that, and move forward. If age is not an issue for a person, your other qualities will have to shine through. That could mean taking an interest in current events so that you can converse about them, or finding out your potential domme's interests and background so that you can keep her entertained when you are not playing. Your profile seems very sexually oriented, so if you are pursuing a femdom you might want to tone that down some. Sex is a reward, not a service!

Good luck. :)

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 10:41:39 PM

jmasterson

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Joined: 7/1/2007
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I am pursuing femdom first, and sex second if the woman desires it. Maybe you are right, I might tone down my profile. If I had to say what I offered to older women I could say that I am impressionable and easily trainable to what they would like in a sub. Also I offer my young and attractive body for their pleasure. (I hope that doesn't sound conceited)

And by the way I personally love the auntie fantasy, it makes me feel real sexy and bad at the same time, I would love to try it with an older woman.

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 10:46:26 PM

LadySeraphina

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From: Calgary, Canada
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I'm sure it's not your intent, but to me your profile also sounds conceited. 'hot, cut, blah blah blah'. I am fully in support of boys knowing their worth, but humility is an attractive trait.

Lady Seraphina

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 10:49:00 PM

laurell3

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Yeah my response was fairly similar to the profile, but there's nothing wrong with believing in yourself.

It's not that I wouldn't take a 20 year old hot guy seriously as much as I couldn't take myself seriously with a 20 year old. Sorry
l

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Post #: 5

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 10:55:36 PM

jmasterson

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Joined: 7/1/2007
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If I were to enter a BDSM type relationship with a mistress I would of course keep it very discreet... I understand that it is not really socially acceptable in our society for an older women to have relations (femdom and/or sexual) with a younger man.

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 10:58:54 PM

laurell3

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nah it's not others knowing, it's me knowing, it creeps me out, and just makes me feel older. Besides, I want an ltr and it's most likely that even if you were the greatest guy on earth, but we would have very little to talk about.

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Post #: 7

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 11:21:02 PM

DiannaVesta

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From: Mid-Atlantic area
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Yes, learn to first be humble and a real gentleman. Then beg for an experienced woman to take you in and train you. I know plenty of older women that prefer younger subs. I've had quite a few that were 10-20 years younger. For me its more about the attitude and approach more then age. Learn that and the rest will follow.

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 11:22:31 PM

DiannaVesta

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From: Mid-Atlantic area
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Oh damn you're right in my area. When you learn to be humble look me up.

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Post #: 9

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/17/2007 11:43:04 PM

subfever

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jmasterson

... I understand that it is not really socially acceptable in our society for an older women to have relations (femdom and/or sexual) with a younger man.

Hmm... I wonder what Demi Moore would have to say about this.

(in reply to jmasterson)

Post #: 10

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 12:15:35 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jmasterson

Unfortunately at my age it is hard to be taken seriously. I was wondering if I could get any advice from any older doms out there as to what I could do to make myself more appealing.

I'm not much older, but can certainly try to help.

What you could do to make yourself more appealing?

Mature, polite and conceitless behavior and words is the biggest thing that grabs my attention in a male (or female for that matter).

Now, please keep in mind that the following is going to rather blunt, but I do not intend it in a rude way. I'm trying to be direct so that you might really understand and so can address things for your future benefit.

Maturity: Your profile comes across as quite young. To be 100% honest, at the age of 17 I would've passed it up on reading it. It makes me expect to end up dealing with someone I have to mother -as in "bring up" and largely "put up" with. That first paragraph had me cringing. Opening with "hot" "cut" and "MILF" next to a profile pic that doesn't show your face but shows your naked chest made me feel not like I was reading the profile of a 20 year old man in college but an overaged boy in college.

Polite: Much the same as above under the maturity heading. There are ways to address all the things you discuss in your profile that do not sound so vaguely or (again trying to be clear) making it feel reasonable to wonder if you've ever sent or used a penis photo as a way of meeting someone online.

Conceit: Self-confidence is a must in my book, but you've definitely passed that and gone beyond here in both words and general tone. Again, same examples as above plus add in the paragraph about bisexuality... main point is that everyone with basic self-respect is "picky", regardless of who or how often they pick... It's just plain maturity and basic self-care that you'd not be with someone you didn't wish to be with, stating that "sorry guys, I'm choosy" basically makes you sound pompous. It also slightly implies that you think others are not "picky", as you felt the need to indicate that you are.

As said, it's likely these things come across in your manner and words in person so it would be well to do more than just alter your profile here but to look into why it came out written as it is.

If you were finding what you wanted, had no concerns about how to meet and interest those you desire I'd tell you a general "Well, if that profile is you and it's working for you, that is great and good wishes with the search!".

But you're posting asking what can be done better, to get you what you're wanting, so I'm breaking it down to tell you what I see could be causing you problems.

These are the things that jump out at me, right off. The number of your age isn't the problem, it's that your words are making you seem younger.

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 5:43:44 AM

TNstepsout

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Joined: 8/3/2005
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I am contacted by a lot of younger men, so you are not the only one with this attraction. By the way, most of them are HOT. They are young, after all. The problem for me is that my own children are 21 and 22. Can you understand the ICK factor there? So I just can't get involved with these young men.

Now, to your profile. I agree with other posters. It screams, stuck on himself, do-me type. There are a lot of threads on this forum about how to write a good profile that will attract the right kind of Mistress you are seeking. Do so searching and some reading and some rewriting. You focus far too much on how fabulous you are, and what you like to do. You need to focus more on who you are (other than a fab looking cut body) and what you have to offer.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 12

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 6:21:17 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
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Yeah, I'm going to dogpile this along with everyone else and say some humility in your profile would do you a world of good. You actually come off as being younger than you are, and that won't help you buck the image of a do-me bottom vs. anything more.

And for the record, I do prefer younger men (although usually 24 is my cutoff point), so I'm your target market -- but I would take a pass on your current profile.

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Post #: 13

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 6:22:59 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

I suggest you try to find your local scene and go charm women in person. I have played with men 20 years younger than me and had a great time, but I didn't know how young they were until much later :)

I hope this does not offend, but reading your profile I think you might have better luck finding what you want in your local swinging community, not the BDSM scene.

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 7:57:50 AM

jmasterson

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Again, same examples as above plus add in the paragraph about bisexuality.

I added that line about being picky because it has to do with the nature of my bisexuality. You may have heard of the Kinsey Scale of sexuality. Although I am bisexual I am towards the lower numbers of the spectrum, so basically for me to be interested in a guy he has to be very good looking, much above the average. I am NOT that way with women, so if you are female that paragraph shoulden't really concern you.

As for the other replies... you all did lead me to go over my profile again and after reconsidering it I agree somewhat, I should tone it down. I do notice that there is a certain double standard on collarme. It seems acceptable for female submissives to talk about how hot and picky they are, but apparently it is taboo for a guy to do it. I am confused as to why people said my profile was too sexual, as I didn't mention sex in my profile, only BDSM activities.

quote:

Opening with "hot" "cut" and "MILF" next to a profile pic that doesn't show your face but shows your naked chest made me feel not like I was reading the profile of a 20 year old man in college but an overaged boy in college.

I don't show my face on my main profile for a variety of privacy reasons. I don't have any problem with showing it to people who I am in contact with via email or instant messanger.

quote:

Now, to your profile. I agree with other posters. It screams, stuck on himself, do-me type. There are a lot of threads on this forum about how to write a good profile that will attract the right kind of Mistress you are seeking. Do so searching and some reading and some rewriting. You focus far too much on how fabulous you are, and what you like to do.

Like I said above I will tone down my profile some, but on the issue of me being "stuck on myself" I think many people are blowing that out of proportion. I think my profile comes across as being a little cocky, but not as bad as you all say. I only have one sentence about my appearance... and yes I called my body hot. I think much of this comes from the cultural factor today that makes it unacceptable for a male to express confidence about his body. I will take out that line as I don't want to come across as cocky, but I really think people are making a bigger deal out of it than it really is.

quote:

I suggest you try to find your local scene and go charm women in person. I have played with men 20 years younger than me and had a great time, but I didn't know how young they were until much later :)

I would love to go out to the local scene and meet people but I don't really know where to get started with that. Any advice? ;)

quote:

Oh damn you're right in my area. When you learn to be humble look me up.

Dianna I have read many of your posts and I like what I've read, especially in the "Ass Worship and Smothering" thread. Hopefully I can learn to be humble so that we can talk sometime. ;)

Anyway I know that was a lot of quotes, sorry but I had a lot of posts to respond to. I would like to stress that in person I am confident but I am a nice person and I definately don't act concieted.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 15

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 8:14:36 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
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Okay dude. I'm 21...I'm not the older Domme...I'm the boi who got got by the older Domme. Not only in person but online I've been told how "attractive and appealing" I am. Not to toot my own horn. what's gotten me there isn't how "cute" I am but my honesty about who I am. My simple approach of "I'm doing this because it's who I am and what I do. Speaking of who I am and what I do...let me tell you..." I talk about my experiences and what I enjoy but have yet to persue anyone on the boards or online about fulfilling or continuing things in play. That's not JUST because I'm already involved it's just a part of it.

I don't know you from Adam...but I gotta tell you...lossen up a bit...be you...and just put on your best face and keep it on and you'll do fine. Be an asshole or a jerk-off looking for a quick thrill or even a long lasting thrill and you won't get anywhere. The BIGGEST suggestion you'll get is to go out into your local community and DO something. Make yourself known in a manner that shows respect and dignity and something that a Lady would be proud to own. And it's the best suggestion you'll get too.

Later

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Post #: 16

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 8:32:51 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Okay dude. I'm 21...I'm not the older Domme...I'm the boi who got got by the older Domme. Not only in person but online I've been told how "attractive and appealing" I am. Not to toot my own horn. what's gotten me there isn't how "cute" I am but my honesty about who I am. My simple approach of "I'm doing this because it's who I am and what I do. Speaking of who I am and what I do...let me tell you..." I talk about my experiences and what I enjoy but have yet to persue anyone on the boards or online about fulfilling or continuing things in play. That's not JUST because I'm already involved it's just a part of it.

I don't know you from Adam...but I gotta tell you...lossen up a bit...be you...and just put on your best face and keep it on and you'll do fine. Be an asshole or a jerk-off looking for a quick thrill or even a long lasting thrill and you won't get anywhere. The BIGGEST suggestion you'll get is to go out into your local community and DO something. Make yourself known in a manner that shows respect and dignity and something that a Lady would be proud to own. And it's the best suggestion you'll get too.

Later

Ummm...I was going to type something, but Jen plucked it out of my brain.

You've gotta stop doing that. :P

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Post #: 17

RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 9:01:41 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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So glad all the other women my age said the rest of the stuff on my mind! I didn't want to come off like the cranky old Auntie.

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 9:24:57 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
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From: Mid-Atlantic area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So glad all the other women my age said the rest of the stuff on my mind! I didn't want to come off like the cranky old Auntie.

Older Auntie? Oh I love that!

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RE: Problems with liking an older mistress - 10/18/2007 12:08:54 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I'm 11 years Fox's senior and we started when he was 19.

I don't know how much older you mean by "older" though so what worked with me may not be what works for you.

Fox went to scene munches and workshops and met my friends in these venues first. They liked him, passed on the information that a "serious young man" had come onto the scene. I wanted to meet him.

He talked to me as he would to anyone else -- openly, honestly, intelligently -- and that made me want to flirt with him. He can similar interests to me -- ancient history, RPGs, science fiction, he was at university too, he liked my husband and my current slave at that time. He was polite but not overly shy or assertive.

He didn't pretend to be anything than what he was and we just happened to have enough in common to hit it off.

Age frankly isn't as important as that.

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