RE: having hard time, need support....

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RE: having hard time, need support.... - 10/20/2007 1:38:36 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

You say you knew about this. You have to figure out if you can handle going through this every time he sees #1-3. I am not poly at all i refuse to share my Master i am glad he feels the same way about me. The flirting is a good idea never hurts. But really see if you are willing to ride this rollar coaster when he goes to see another. Best of luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to PrinceHarming)

Post #: 21

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 11/29/2007 1:02:50 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

Being new in the scene, isn't easy, and you we're lucky to find someone who wants to guide you, since you're learning about Bdsm, how do you know what you can or can't handle. It's something you've to experiance, and how do you know whats for you?

Those are things to learn, and to feel, one doesn't have all the answers upfront, if only life would be so easy.

I understand your struggle very well, and especially when you're new those things are hard. Poly isn't for everyone out there.
Bdsm isn't for everyone , grinz.

Those are things to face, and to feel, and then decide if you can handle that or not. It doesn't mean since people do it, it's for you.

you're an individual, and you've gotto feel very good in yourself, if this is something which is good for you. No one else can deside that for you, so it's helpfull to have some good friends around in the Bdsm, to discuss issues like this with.

I wish you loads of wisdom, and be safe littleone.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

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(in reply to PrinceHarming)

Post #: 22

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 11/29/2007 1:25:46 PM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

goddessteaze, thank you for the response... it has been awhile since this thread was checked... as time has gone by my Dom and i had taken a break and i did venture off a bit... i realzied being away from him what a great Dom he truly was and how patient is in training me.

i was quite fortunate he took me back and we are working on my understanding of the poly lifestyle. we are definatly taking it from a different angle.

i am so thankful for collarme because you all are my communitee and the people i turn to in my time of need and advise. i really care for my Dom and i feel he really cares for me too and i am more then willing to grow and learn from him.

thank you for taking the time to read this thread and give your advice :)

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 23

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 11/29/2007 1:27:58 PM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

So, is this the first time of having to deal with him visiting one of his other subs?
My view is that you can't know how you will feel about something without trying it, as long as it's not something that instantly repulses you. I would try to stick it out if you feel generally positive about how things are NOW (not relying too much on fears about the future), unless you get to a point where you are truly concerned about your emotional health.

But one fear of the future that you should have is STDs...watch out for your personal physical safety first!!

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 24

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 11/29/2007 5:09:58 PM

Morniel

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

Monogamy may be boring, but it damned sure helps prevent the spread of, and death by, STDs. And yes, AIDS is still a sexually transmitted disease, and yes as a matter of fact a woman can die from complications arising from a severe chlamydia infection.

So you're knew and don't know what you might like? Now's a good time to figure out you don't like a "master" who has multiple submissives, and all the risks, physical, emotional, and financial, that this entails -- Now, before a relationship gets so deep that it would scar or damage someone to end it; now, before there are any deep emotional commitments on anyone's part.

I personally have known several submissives whose "masters" had more than one submissive concurrently. Every one of them, without exception, thought she could handle the situation. Every one of them, without exception, then realised that the depth of jealousy and of "betrayal" was more than they were prepared to accept. (By "betrayal", I simply mean the emotions they experienced; technically since they knew in advance that they were just part of a collection, they couldn't be "betrayed", but they felt as if they were.)

Nothing stops you from thinking all of this over, and presenting him with your thoughts and feelings, and then saying, very politely, Thank you, but this isn't part of what I need, and if it's part of your dynamic, then goodbye, and it was nice being with you.

(in reply to goodgirl08)

Post #: 25

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 11/29/2007 6:51:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Actually IMO you sound like you're doing pretty good overall. Just keep it up- keep perspective, laugh at yourself, don't be afraid to say "I felt really weird/insecure when this happened" just be sure to say it like that and not "You left me all alone and made me feel awful!" or pent it up for it to come out the next time he leaves a sock on the floor. It's a progression.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Morniel)

Post #: 26

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 11/30/2007 2:27:12 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KiandPhoenix

I view this as a poly type question. When dealing with people like my mother, who is not poly, I explain it like this:

If you have two children, when the 2nd one is born, do you love the first one less? Of course not, you love them both, and one love does not lessen the other.

For you, I suspect, the feelings are that you are not enough for him, or something of that nature. You feel abandoned for another slave today. Remember that love for a lot of us is not exclusive. Just because he is spending the day with another slave, does not lessen his commitment to you as you Dom, or whatever else he may be to you.

That is just a guess into your feelings, so it may not be relevant at all, but it was the impression I got from your message.
~Ki

i understand this analogy but adult relationships are NOT the same as parent-child relationships. And even then, ums think a parent has a favorite. Add sex and it gets complicated.

Poly isn't good for everyone. Period. And shaming people into thinking it's just like the parent-child dynamic doesn't make sense to me.

to the OP - non-exclusive is perfectly okay! i had a lovely non-exclusive relationship with my past Doms and it worked out perfectly. i was able to have some wonderful experiences without the messy emotions getting in the way. Tell your Dominant how you feel and negotiate a non-exclusive arrangement that can make you both happy. Enjoy!

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to KiandPhoenix)

Post #: 27

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 5:42:50 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

here's the way i see it:

you're one in four play-partners; you're not his submissive, nor are any of the other girls that he plays with, and since you knew this from the get-go, there's nothing to deal with on your part, except telling him that you prefer he not have contact with them while in your presence, and that you'd rather not know when he is going to see one of them. if you don't tell him that, and stick to your guns, then he's just putting you in his own little 'cuckolding' world, which is probably right where he wants you to be; you know, feeding the needs of the narcassist, so to speak.

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 28

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 8:34:27 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

i am planning on dolling up tonight and flirting with any man who looks my way.... lol

Sounds like a plan. If he wants several subs, there's no reason you can't have several Doms. That's the way I see it.

YEP.....BINGO....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 29

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 8:46:53 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

i am planning on dolling up tonight and flirting with any man who looks my way.... lol

Sounds like a plan. If he wants several subs, there's no reason you can't have several Doms. That's the way I see it.

YEP.....BINGO....

And not every dom is going to agree with the sub having multiple doms, this is something that has to be discussed and agreed upon prior

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 30

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 8:52:38 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Monogamy may be boring,

Like hell it is...wow is this a awful generalization

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to Morniel)

Post #: 31

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 9:00:59 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

i am planning on dolling up tonight and flirting with any man who looks my way.... lol

Sounds like a plan. If he wants several subs, there's no reason you can't have several Doms. That's the way I see it.

YEP.....BINGO....

And not every dom is going to agree with the sub having multiple doms, this is something that has to be discussed and agreed upon prior

Then he should not have multiple subs... how can he honestly say she can't when he is.... lets be real...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 32

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 9:06:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Then he should not have multiple subs... how can he honestly say she can't when he is.... lets be real...

Seriously? You don't understand how there can be one set of standards for one partner and another set for the other? I mean that's the basic foundation for any authority transfer relationship. There's nothing in your relationship you've given authority over where he can do X (like, tell you to do the dishes) and you do not have that same authority (like, you tell him to do the dishes)?

A sub or slave can agree and enjoy whatever double standards they want- up to and including the master being able to fuck as many people as he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants, and the slave staying at home 24/7 and never once allowed to have sex with anyone.

I'm really surprised so many on this thread are trying to tell other people what their relationships should or should not entail.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 33

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 9:08:59 AM

onegoodgirl

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

I wont be of any help here.. I wouldn't have put myself in that situation to begin with.

#4 to one man? Like hell..

.. maybe if they were non-sexual submissives and he had tons of cash.. err.. nah, still wouldn't do it.

He'll tell you whatever he needs to to keep you a compliant element in his little fantasy world.

_____________________________

"This aint a scene.. it's a god-damned arms race!" - Fall Out Boy

http://www.myspace.com/bellaemiliana

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 34

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 9:16:06 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Then he should not have multiple subs... how can he honestly say she can't when he is.... lets be real...

Seriously? You don't understand how there can be one set of standards for one partner and another set for the other? I mean that's the basic foundation for any authority transfer relationship. There's nothing in your relationship you've given authority over where he can do X (like, tell you to do the dishes) and you do not have that same authority (like, you tell him to do the dishes)?

A sub or slave can agree and enjoy whatever double standards they want- up to and including the master being able to fuck as many people as he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants, and the slave staying at home 24/7 and never once allowed to have sex with anyone.

I'm really surprised so many on this thread are trying to tell other people what their relationships should or should not entail.

LA i'm not telling her what her relationship should entail....just my opinion....she can take it or leave it....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 9:30:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

OK so "He should not have multiple subs" isn't telling her what her relationship should entail? Exactly what is it then?

I mean you also suggest that it's not realistic for this situation to be a good relationship either (despite it working in many), but I figured that was secondary as everyone's always telling everyone else what really can and can't work.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 12/1/2007 9:32:12 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 36

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 9:50:11 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

OK so "He should not have multiple subs" isn't telling her what her relationship should entail? Exactly what is it then?

I mean you also suggest that it's not realistic for this situation to be a good relationship either (despite it working in many), but I figured that was secondary as everyone's always telling everyone else what really can and can't work.

Geezus...I guess I will do what everyone else does....[The opinions expressed by me on this forum are just that, my opinionand can be dismissed as needed]
Not telling anyone what they SHOULD do...just giving my opinion

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 37

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 10:27:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Giving your opinion that "He should not have multiple subs."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 38

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 10:52:15 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Giving your opinion that "He should not have multiple subs."

Yep..."in my opinion" managomy is the way to go.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 39

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 11:49:53 AM

lanie38

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onegoodgirl

I wont be of any help here.. I wouldn't have put myself in that situation to begin with.

#4 to one man? Like hell..

.. maybe if they were non-sexual submissives and he had tons of cash.. err.. nah, still wouldn't do it.

He'll tell you whatever he needs to to keep you a compliant element in his little fantasy world.

Ditto!

ps although I might be persuaded to reconsider depending on the amount of cash

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

(in reply to onegoodgirl)

Post #: 40

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