RE: having hard time, need support....

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RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 12:26:42 PM

Rianne

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline

There are a few good books out now on polygamy that might give you some perspective and coping models..."His Favorite Wife" and "Shattered Dreams". Both the writers were married to the same man for over 25 years, along with 8 others. I found it interesting how they discovered ways to coexist and find as much peace as possible for each of them. Good Luck.

(in reply to lanie38)

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RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 7:07:36 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

i really enjoy being with my Dom and serving him. i do get the most time with him because i am the most local, and up until today all i have had to deal with is him talking on the comp or phone with his other subs....

I picked this sentence out in particular, are you willing to stay because you are the primary one, would you still be content if he finds another local sub and she becomes the primary one he sees ???
How long has he been with sub number 1? what kind of commitment does he make to his subs? how many subs has he had in the past year? In a lot of poly relationships the subs will move in together with the dom and share household chores and live as a family unit. possibly even sharing the same bed or subs interacting together for or sith him, would you be comfortable with that ?? others have no real commitment and will change flavours of the month as they get bored, so understanding his timeframe with subs and numbers of can give you and idea where you stand as in potential longterm relationship or short term casual play partner, it can be easy to become emotionally attached to a Dom, if he is viewing you as a casual play partner and you are instead finding yourself falling in love with him, your heart/feelings could take quite a battering

Is he using condoms with you? if not chances are he is not using with other subs.... how many others is the sub having sexual relations with and if she has doms, how many subs does he have? If no condom is used they all become your sexual partners indirectly and risk of contract STDs are extremely high, it could be AIDs, HIV, or one that damages the uterus and could result in requiring a hysterectomy which would end the chance of future children, a condom will lower your risks but does not totally eliminate, so STD screening on a regular basis is a must for all involved

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Post #: 42

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/1/2007 8:00:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Yep..."in my opinion" managomy is the way to go.

I can't decide but at this point it really seems like you're choosing to avoid the point.

Saying "It's my opinion that you SHOULD stop making such stupid remarks" doesn't make it any less imposing and insultig.

Saying "For me, my opinion is that I should stop making such stupid remarks" is a personal remark about a personal situation.

Saying "For me, my opinion is that everyone should only be monogamous" is impositional and short sighted.

"In my opinion" only clarifies that such a stupid remark is actually coming from your own head. You're still telling other people how you think they should run their relationships.

In my opinion, you should stop.

But don't take that as me telling you what you should do.

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Post #: 43

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/2/2007 9:11:12 AM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

yeah i do understand poly is not for alot of people. we have been raised in a society that constantly tells us one man and one woman... in my honest opinion i disagree (hee hee couldn't help myself).

i am willing to give it an honest try. i came into this lifestyle with my eyes wide open. i am a big girl and can say no and i've had enough. i do enjoy my Dom he has taught me alot about myself and he is open to hearing my feelings and helping me deal with my insecurities. if he weren't i'd be gone.

as for the sex issue and spread of disease, we are very careful and well educated, and know what's out there.

i don't know how i would handle us all living in the same house, but that is such a non issue right now why worry about it before it has even been thought of.....

again i thank you all for your responses... you have brought up many good points and questions for me to ask myslef and my Dom, it has really opened up the communication and understanding

:)

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Post #: 44

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/2/2007 9:31:13 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Yep..."in my opinion" managomy is the way to go.

I can't decide but at this point it really seems like you're choosing to avoid the point.

Saying "It's my opinion that you SHOULD stop making such stupid remarks" doesn't make it any less imposing and insultig.

Saying "For me, my opinion is that I should stop making such stupid remarks" is a personal remark about a personal situation.

Saying "For me, my opinion is that everyone should only be monogamous" is impositional and short sighted.

"In my opinion" only clarifies that such a stupid remark is actually coming from your own head. You're still telling other people how you think they should run their relationships.

In my opinion, you should stop.

But don't take that as me telling you what you should do.

She is missing what point?

That is funny; why pick on her when you are constantly offering your own opinion on every topic here. Why not tell every person who posted here that they disagree with polyamory that they are wrong and should not be voicing their opinion?

You seem to be zealous about not letting others have a point of view that differs from your own.

In my opinion, you really should stop.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/2/2007 9:32:27 AM >

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Post #: 45

RE: having hard time, need support.... - 12/3/2007 12:32:57 AM

shootingstar67

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline

I believe in poly. I really do. But only certain poly situations

It is ok to have a poly household or family. And when there isn't a poly family I believe the sub and the dom should both have other partners.

I don't believe that the sub should be faithful while the dom has other people. It is not right.

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Post #: 46