PTSD reaction during sex/play

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

PTSD reaction during sex/play

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> PTSD reaction during sex/play

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 7:15:13 PM

onesweetsubbie

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I have a question as to whether anyone (as a top or bottom) have experienced, what I guess would be considered a PTSD reaction/flashback during play.

Background: I was sexually assaulted by someone I knew. I did report what happened.

I was with my dominant last night and he knew what had happened to me. During the course of the night, I had two drinks (in the matter of three hours). We started playing after awhile. It started with just talking, then light play.

He tried being a little more sadistic with pain and I was fine with it and enjoyed it. He said he was going to do needle play and it did excite me (never done before and wasn't done then, but I think that it was one of those "mindfuck" things). By that point in time, I was like, do whatever you want, I don't care. He didn't take advantage of the situation at all. He also brought up knife play as a mindfuck thing as well. (Afterwards, he said he would never have done needles/knives unless we talked extensively beforehand) By that time, I was so turned on, I jumped him.

Somewhere along the line, it all changed. The last thing I remember was the needle/knife discussion. He said that my reaction was the most dramatic thing he had ever seen. He said my eyes changed and I changed. He said I was trying to hit him, he saw it coming and stopped it. He said it lasted about 15 minutes, but I don't remember.

He took fantastic care of me afterwards, but I don't remember any me hitting/freaking out. Has anyone had this happen to them?

I am going to be seeing a therapist and trying to find a group for support.

Post #: 1

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 7:20:35 PM

camilleisready

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Having PTSD myself, I think getting a kind and thougthful therapist can be a considerable gift to yourself.

cammy

(in reply to onesweetsubbie)

Post #: 2

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 7:21:51 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I have PTSD, but it doesn't usually trigger unless I'm backed into a corner and emotionally abused, so I can't answer that as it's not something I have encountered or would allow in a d/s relationship. I can tell you however, that I, personally (not everyone is like me) have a good idea when it's coming and get myself into a situation where I know I am safe right away. Learning the triggers and how to deal with it takes therapy, in this case, I would recommend looking for a kink friendly therapist as that seems to be your first trigger.

Good luck to you, I know it's terrifying at first, but as with all things, you can learn to handle it once you have a better idea what's happening.
l

(in reply to onesweetsubbie)

Post #: 3

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 7:27:40 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

yes, i've had it happen....my abuse history, and its extensive, is one of the first things i talk about when i'm getting to know a person, it goes right a long with the diabetes, seizures, and bipolar...they know i have flashbacks and i dissasociate... not everyone i casually play with does, but i usually only casually play at parties and there is usually someone at the party who does know about my history and knows how to handle me...
key thing for me is that when i have a flashback, as soon as the Dominant knows, all play stops, restraints are taken off if applicable and after care is started immediately...otherwise it is no longer play and care it is a new trauma....
so...you are not alone...feel free to send me your email on the otherside, because i can't send out emails thru collarme, still....
good luck...
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 7:29:46 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I have panicked, but I've never forgotten what happened. The worst part wasn't the panic...it was getting back on the horse, so to speak. I hope you guys are able to move past this, and don't forget that he might need some support to help you deal with this.

Mine was more about phobia than abuse, but really I just let myself get good and mad which helped me. Maybe when I was mad I felt more agressive...but, I guess you just go with whatever works. Good luck!

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to onesweetsubbie)

Post #: 5

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 7:34:07 PM

xolarkinxo

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline

Sweetsubbie,

I too had a PTSD reaction/fugue once when I was with someone. I do not have the same background as you, however my reaction to a trigger was similar. It is not easy to talk about these things with others who have not experienced the same, or to talk about at all. Especially the further in time you are from the actual trauma, the harder it may be for others to understand why you have not "gotten over it." I am glad you are seeking professional help and if you wish to chat, feel free to email me.

Larkin

(in reply to camilleisready)

Post #: 6

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 8:12:23 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings onesweetsubbie,

it's happened to me a few times...i know it can be really scary. i am glad you are seeking out support and that your dominant is so understanding. *hugs* you are not alone.

respectfully,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to xolarkinxo)

Post #: 7

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 9:36:46 PM

dragonslave77

Posts: 32
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline

I have PTSD from two separate incidents in my past. Neither of them are abuse or sexual abuse related. That being said, I still have some instances during play where I have sort of flashbacks. I say sort of because I don't necessarily know what's going on, or have some distinct memory play through my head, but I know I have suddenly gone to a veyr bad place in my head. The only description I can give it is being lost in a dark space where I cannot see, and the feeling is complete abandonment.

Luckily, it only seems to happen with very intense play, which I'll only engage in with someone I trust deeply, and have some sort of relationship with ahead of play. Its the reason why I won't do heavy, intense "casual" play.

My current Mistress knows my entire history, and now knows how to spot when I'm going to a bad place in my head (I get unresponsive to things. The same strike of a single tail or whatever that brought a groan from me a moment ago will draw nothing when I've gone to a bad space). Usually, She'll tug on my hair, and it brings me back to the present. For me, that's all I really need. I personally haven't safeworded or such yet because of PTSD problems/flashbacks. But I also have had some pretty intense sub drops and staying in a bad head space for a couple days afterwards. It has taken me a lot to realize that I may sometimes need aftercare beyond the immediate after the scene, and that has a lot to do with my history. Fortunately I have a Mistress who is outstanding with Her aftercare, both immediately and the following day(s).

Anyway, the longish point here, you are certainly nto alone at all in this. And please feel free to contact me if I can be of any help to you.

(in reply to onesweetsubbie)

Post #: 8

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 9:58:11 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onesweetsubbie

Somewhere along the line, it all changed. The last thing I remember was the needle/knife discussion. He said that my reaction was the most dramatic thing he had ever seen. He said my eyes changed and I changed. He said I was trying to hit him, he saw it coming and stopped it. He said it lasted about 15 minutes, but I don't remember.

He took fantastic care of me afterwards, but I don't remember any me hitting/freaking out. Has anyone had this happen to them?

I am going to be seeing a therapist and trying to find a group for support.

I've been there with subs and was always ready for it. Some call this experience "Flash Backing." I take certain precautions for such events.

1. I make sure all bondage can be easy for me to release. If I have to cut rope or plastic wrap, I use safety sheers. There's less chance of either of us taking on a fatal stab wound.

2. I'm ready to embrace a firm hug.

3. I stay there the entire time.

Flash backs are not nice but it comes with the territory. I think you're in good hands.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to onesweetsubbie)

Post #: 9

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/20/2007 10:15:54 PM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

It happened to me once and it was the scariest thing I can remember since the actual abuse itself.

I was at a play party and it was around 2AM. We were all lounging and talking and the play had basically ended. Someone was passing a joint, which I had not done in years, but I figured, what the hell.

Next thing I knew, I was restrained to a bed, the adult me was floating on the ceiling, watching the child me being tortured by my former Dom and a fellow Dom. I could not reconnect and the child did not know what a safe word was.
It wasn't until my ex saw the tears streaming down my face that they stopped and he began aftercare. He had no idea what had happened and neither did anyone else.

From that day on, I have never touched pot and am adamantly against ANYONE playing while under the influence of any substance or alcohol.

jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 10

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 12:33:40 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

I have panicked never blanked out though but after that inicident i did tell my dom at the time after we had comforting talk that I would make 2 more additions to my hard limits -- no knife or gun play, I figured if a sensation could cause a flashback I sure as heck don't want to risk what kind of reaction I might experience with knifes or guns, since they were the main elements that lead to several years of nightmares after the abuse occured , they are not doors I want to start opening again

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)

Post #: 11

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 2:41:32 AM

Tarin

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

I notice that everyone responding to this thread that has PTSD is a sub. I come from the other side of the tracks - I have PTSD from long term (10+ year) abuse, but I love being a dom. The problem for me is that I get so worried about meeting the other person's needs I forget about my own, and then I start to react to that with a healthy dose of anxiety. Are there others out there like me?

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 12

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 5:56:53 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

First of all I don't actually know what PTSD stands for.
I am assuming it is a memory which comes from an actual abusive situation and causes a psychological or emotional reaction.
If that is true then these are my thoughts.
I was sexual abused as a child and have been physically abused as an adult.
I am a Domme because I have a very dominant personality.
Some of the things that some subs expect are beyond me because of the abuse and because of my natural dominant personality. I therefore need a very submissive strong man. I am still afraid of a lot of men.
I can not afford private therapy. And in England the Health Authority is not equipped to deal with intensive therapy. They don't have the man power the knowledge or the will. Well that's my opinion.
Tarin I think I understand what you are experiencing. If you would like to talk to me privately I will try and help. The main thing is that you have to be very sure of what you need and do not let a subs expectations of you stop you from meeting your own needs and the subs as YOU percieve them. You sound like a kind Domme. If so you need a sub who needs kindness. Lots of subs don't. They see kindness as a weakness. Again that is a personal opinion.
To those submissives who have suffered real abuse do make sure that the person who owns you or you are playing with really does have the capacity to understand what you are going through and how to deal with any possible outcomes.
If in doubt then don't. That risk is too great to assess.
I have been doing life and death risk assessments for years as a social worker.
And even a good mind fuck can have extreme consequences.
Have fun but be safe.
I do know I sound like a nanny lol

(in reply to Tarin)

Post #: 13

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 6:33:11 AM

TheChauvinist

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline

Edited because I KJR to the begining of the post and other posters instead of reading the OP all the way trough.

quote:

I am going to be seeing a therapist and trying to find a group for support.

Good for you. I hope it all works out well for you.

< Message edited by TheChauvinist -- 10/21/2007 6:38:02 AM >

(in reply to onesweetsubbie)

Post #: 14

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 7:03:14 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

PTSD = Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder....and one of the symptoms of it is having flashbacks...and my layman's explination of it is that you think and feel you are experiencing the trauma over again...and for all practical purposes, mentally you are....do a google search on it, theres lots of information on the web about it

what sammiebabygirl described would be what i would call a dissociation....not a flashback...but i am not a doctor, i can't diagnose, i just know thats how i describe it when i dissociate....and on top of that i have dissasociative identity dissorder (DID) which was formerly known as MPD...so...theres more than one of me...because a long time ago my brain figured out that when trauma happened if it just breaks off and starts fresh...i can survive....

fun fun...
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 15

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 7:34:50 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

this why some people are in the lifestyle. because of abuse some think it maybe normal. Gloria brane is a good person on this subject goto her site she talks about it in some of her post great domme with phd in mental health

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 16

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 8:23:34 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onesweetsubbie

I have a question as to whether anyone (as a top or bottom) have experienced, what I guess would be considered a PTSD reaction/flashback during play.

Background: I was sexually assaulted by someone I knew. I did report what happened.

I was with my dominant last night and he knew what had happened to me. During the course of the night, I had two drinks (in the matter of three hours). We started playing after awhile. It started with just talking, then light play.

He tried being a little more sadistic with pain and I was fine with it and enjoyed it. He said he was going to do needle play and it did excite me (never done before and wasn't done then, but I think that it was one of those "mindfuck" things). By that point in time, I was like, do whatever you want, I don't care. He didn't take advantage of the situation at all. He also brought up knife play as a mindfuck thing as well. (Afterwards, he said he would never have done needles/knives unless we talked extensively beforehand) By that time, I was so turned on, I jumped him.

Somewhere along the line, it all changed. The last thing I remember was the needle/knife discussion. He said that my reaction was the most dramatic thing he had ever seen. He said my eyes changed and I changed. He said I was trying to hit him, he saw it coming and stopped it. He said it lasted about 15 minutes, but I don't remember.

He took fantastic care of me afterwards, but I don't remember any me hitting/freaking out. Has anyone had this happen to them?

I am going to be seeing a therapist and trying to find a group for support.

the problem i see in this line of thinking is: even with people who don't have PTSD or had any bad experiences or trauma during their lifetime, when in sub-space, and someone has crossed a line physically/mentally that your body/mind can't take or turns into sensory over-load, the natural 'fight to survive instinct' kicks in and takes over even if we aren't aware of it. seen it happen a few times; had it happen with myself one time.

(in reply to onesweetsubbie)

Post #: 17

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 8:53:06 AM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

this why some people are in the lifestyle. because of abuse some think it maybe normal. Gloria brane is a good person on this subject goto her site she talks about it in some of her post great domme with phd in mental health

Her name is Gloria Brame and yes, she is incredible.

Here is the link to her site:

http://gloria-brame.com/

I am not so sure that PTSD is why some people enter the life style, but I'll save that argument for a different thread.

jen

< Message edited by sammiebabygirl -- 10/21/2007 8:54:35 AM >

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 18

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 8:55:41 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

yes that was typpy o oooo any how lol she has a lot of info and good things about ptsd.

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)

Post #: 19

RE: PTSD reaction during sex/play - 10/21/2007 8:59:00 AM

TheChauvinist

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
Flash backs are not nice but it comes with the territory.

I disagree with the "comes with the territory" part of your statement. It implies that "flashbacks" and PTSD are common. I'd rather have partners that are mentally and emotionally stable. Personally, I would refrain from having any relationship with the sub/slaves in your local community if this is how the majority of them are.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> PTSD reaction during sex/play

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.141