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Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 2:55:58 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I had been under consideration of a Master for all of 8 days. It is over because I am too insecure and impatient. he says. He was going to be coming to town in november . he said he would get me iternerary later. I asked for a rough idea of the days. he said I would have to wait. I admitted I would be insecure until I got this info so I knew he was sincere. All hell broke loose. Was it too soon to be asking for contact info? was it so wrong of me to seek verifiable proof that he was going to do what he said? Am I too insecure and too impatient? He said I should be more honest about what I needed from the beginning as he was not a mind reader, but he has ended it based on this. how would you have handled this?
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 2:59:35 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds like he's married and keeping his little excursion hidden from his wife.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 3:01:44 PM   
b4u


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/1/2007
Status: offline 		Had a similar problem and found out he was 68 instead of what was stated, married and not caring or sugar - only cruel and looking to give out pain.  Lucky to have escaped with my life from the one meeting.  He did give out his cell phone, but nothing else and we did not meet at his home.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 3:08:22 PM   
trainedobedients


Posts: 56
Joined: 1/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You probably escaped something bad. Anybody who is sincere can be open with at least your contact details and ofcourse flight details and dates.

Married or total freak in both cases you do not want to meet and get hurt physically or mentally.

I had, when I was still searching, some of these reactions and always felt glad that I had used my brains and asked questions.

There are some genuine people amonst all the fakes.Unfortenutely you have to wead through them.

Nevertheless I wish you luck and good sense of judgement.

angel

_____________________________

Play safe and sound,
trainedobedients
slave of Master JohnnyV

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 3:09:05 PM   
MDTopCouple


Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Nope.  Your request was reasonable and responsible (IMHO).
 
His behavior is a major red flag that he is possibly hiding something.  I think you are better off without this one.
 
The people that my Sir and I have found to be the most forthcoming with contact info are rarely hiding something.
 
Good Luck on your continued search.
-daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to b4u)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 3:10:47 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with asking for verifiable proof that he is who he says he is.  If he can't/won't give you that info, it's his issue not yours.  I would guess he's not who he says he is.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 4:00:22 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I had been under consideration of a Master for all of 8 days. It is over because I am too insecure and impatient. he says. He was going to be coming to town in november . he said he would get me iternerary later. I asked for a rough idea of the days. he said I would have to wait. I admitted I would be insecure until I got this info so I knew he was sincere. All hell broke loose.


I'd have wanted the days so I wouldn't plan anything during his visit that I couldn't move. In my humble opinion a polite guest/visitor provides the dates ASAP.
quote:



Was it too soon to be asking for contact info?

If he is coming to visit you, why wouldn't you have some contact info?
quote:


was it so wrong of me to seek verifiable proof that he was going to do what he said? Am I too insecure and too impatient?

Not in my opinion
quote:


He said I should be more honest about what I needed from the beginning as he was not a mind reader, but he has ended it based on this. how would you have handled this?

I would have insisted on knowing when he was arriving at least two weeks ahead of time. If he can't provide that, he simply can't come visit.

Edited to fix the quotes

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/21/2007 4:04:23 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 4:34:15 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
how would you have handled this?


With a two-ply trashbag, tongs, and a double set of latex gloves. What a slimeball.


(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 4:47:04 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		If he wrote you off that easily and readily, it seems that he was probably looking for an excuse to do so.

No, it's not unreasonable to want a confirmation, or at the very lease a rough idea of the time frame, that he would be in town. Granted, if he didn't have exact information yet, and you kept asking and asking, I could see that being irritating but I'm not getting that impression.

I think you are perfectly right for wanting verification that he is willing to put his money where his mouth is. Talk is cheap, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words. Also, if you were planning on meeting, I don't think it's too soon to ask for contact information. Actually, I think planning on arranging a meeting before having contact info is too soon, if anything. :)


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 5:37:23 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for all your sound advice. I apologized up a storm to se what it would get me. he said it was too late because I attacked his integrity. Anyone that would dismiss me so easlily is not the one for me. even if i am as insecure as stated, i think i want someone who will understand and deal with my neurosis and understand the pateince I need and have understanding. if I am going to offer my submission to someone, I want assurances that i will be safe not only physically but emotionally too.

(in reply to iammachine)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 5:50:32 PM   
Rushemery


Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
how would you have handled this?


With a two-ply trashbag, tongs, and a double set of latex gloves. What a slimeball.






lol, Thanks I needed that

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 6:07:53 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Of course you're impatient and insecure. Everyone is when first meeting someone who is possibly going to enter into a relationship. It's normal and expected, so no problems there.

To be under his consideration is quite a step for both of you, and I would have thought that if you knew each other enough to take that step, you also knew each other enough to exchange what seems to be a few very non invasive, personal details.

If you were asking for his home address and credit card details, maybe he had a right to not tell you, but to go crazy for asking for an outline of his plans to visit you, no. What's the secrecy? This is melodramatic, but how do you know that he doesn't want you telling other people he would be in town because he was going to chop you up into little pieces? Things do happen.

He sounds like a nutter/married man/user/freak to me. Bear in mind he may well get in contact with you again. I'd block him before he did that. You may have had a very lucky escape.



_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Rushemery)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 6:13:27 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		first, i would not be "under consideration" until i had met the man at least once. i don't allow myself to travel down the online fantasy path. sounds oh so good online when your longing to serve when your need to surrender is making you squirm in your chair as you type. my experience taught me this is when it is the time to shut off the comp..take a walk, go clean, go do some kind of service for someone you know. service can be found almost anywhere. ( i have been known to call a friend and almost beg to come cook for them). 

second, basic info should be offered to me pretty soon into the conversation if there is any compatabilty and a F2f  meeting is being discussed. i lose interest real soon in a Dominant if there is not a progressive movement to a meeting and information is not exchanged in a natural way when two people are getting to know each.

third, i am  busy. i have responsibilities. when a meeting is set up,  i will need a time frame so i can best accomodate meeting someone from out of town. this is common courtesy. if he can not show common courtesy then he is not the Dominant for me. 

this stuff is not really all that hard now, but it was when i first started out 5 years ago. i was so afraid i would not appear submissive enough i made some silly mistakes. my experience has shown me the Dominants you really want to meet there is no angst in the exchange of info.  if i hear that line "you are not submissive enough",or "you are not a real submissive" i am actually grateful to them for saving me the extra work of continued communication.

i was taught early on to "protect the property". really what it means is i am responsible for my well being until that day i turn it over to the Dominant that can do as good or a better job than i do. 



i hope we all find our bliss,
everhope

(in reply to iammachine)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 7:03:40 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

first, i would not be "under consideration" until i had met the man at least once. i don't allow myself to travel down the online fantasy path. sounds oh so good online when your longing to serve when your need to surrender is making you squirm in your chair as you type. my experience taught me this is when it is the time to shut off the comp..take a walk, go clean, go do some kind of service for someone you know. service can be found almost anywhere. ( i have been known to call a friend and almost beg to come cook for them). 

second, basic info should be offered to me pretty soon into the conversation if there is any compatabilty and a F2f  meeting is being discussed. i lose interest real soon in a Dominant if there is not a progressive movement to a meeting and information is not exchanged in a natural way when two people are getting to know each.

third, i am  busy. i have responsibilities. when a meeting is set up,  i will need a time frame so i can best accomodate meeting someone from out of town. this is common courtesy. if he can not show common courtesy then he is not the Dominant for me. 

this stuff is not really all that hard now, but it was when i first started out 5 years ago. i was so afraid i would not appear submissive enough i made some silly mistakes. my experience has shown me the Dominants you really want to meet there is no angst in the exchange of info.  if i hear that line "you are not submissive enough",or "you are not a real submissive" i am actually grateful to them for saving me the extra work of continued communication.

i was taught early on to "protect the property". really what it means is i am responsible for my well being until that day i turn it over to the Dominant that can do as good or a better job than i do. 



i hope we all find our bliss,
everhope


Wow you said a mouthful. i was feeling that way. more than once i felt like if I questioned I would not appear submissive enough. I also did want to find someone to love me in a way I have never experienced so the idea of this passionate love was quite a thrill for this newbie sub. I do know how to protect myself. I just keep worrying that the way i approached it was wrong. But I google doms trying to verify who they say they are. i have a child and a life to protect. if they get indignant over it, I will say bye bye.

(in reply to everhope)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 7:39:24 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You're putting carts before horses- you should be dating BEFORE considering, not the other way around.

Have you dated and been in relationships before this?  Do you think there's a difference in how they form and the people in them?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 7:46:51 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I have alot to learn. i have never been owned and I crave it. I have to not give in to the fantasy of it all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 7:49:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I would describe you as being in what we call "sub frenzy" known as the hazy fantasy laced urgency that subs get into and feel a very overwhelming urged to be owned- so much that they completely ignore all the common sense and good judgement they really have and lose sight of what it means to be owned BY someone in the search just to "be owned."

My advice is always to wait at least six months before making a commitment to anyone when you're starting out.  Go, have fun, but don't commit. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 8:11:17 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		By showing some emotional self control.

Guys get really wierded out by women who try and play "rodeo" with them.

After all-it's us that like to do the wrassling down and hog tyin-pisses us off when you turn the tables.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 8:28:20 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I would describe you as being in what we call "sub frenzy" known as the hazy fantasy laced urgency that subs get into and feel a very overwhelming urged to be owned- so much that they completely ignore all the common sense and good judgement they really have and lose sight of what it means to be owned BY someone in the search just to "be owned."

My advice is always to wait at least six months before making a commitment to anyone when you're starting out.  Go, have fun, but don't commit. 


exactly, LuckyAlbatross. my subfrenzy was so bad in the beginning that it felt like it was burning a hole in my sleeve. 


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/21/2007 8:36:54 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Strangely enough I can see both sides of this equation:..you have a woman who needs for her self preservation certain information..and not so hard to understand..but she also came off as needy, by stating that she was insecure, thus giving the man the thought that she was ,as Rafe says ,ready to lasso him, possibly making him feel as if he had gotten a hold of an emotional, desperate woman..What went wrong?..poor communication on both parts..with the great possibility that his was of a deceptive nature, "sub frenzy" as LA stated, poor judgement, naivete and ignorance,and my BS radar saying this Dominant was on the hunt for fresh, easily influenced meat....cost to this submissive?.a lesson learned, relatively unscathed... Priceless!!!....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to RRafe)
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