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Email privacy - 10/21/2007 5:26:56 PM   
RubyStiletto


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline 		I am fairly new here, and hope that I am posting my question appropriately.  I have been corresponding (email/IM) with a potential Dom for a few weeks.  Just getting to know each other but things seemed to be moving along nicely. 

Well, he noticed that I had continued to log onto the site during this time frame (mostly to read the forums, I find the information shared here to be very helpful!) and he asked for the password to my email.  I've noticed in other threads that this is not necessarily uncommon for a Dom to have access to his subs account but it seems to occur in real time relationships.  I don't have anything to hide but since we haven't met outside of the on-line realm I told him I wasn't comfortable with that. 

He's not making an issue of it but I suspect if we do meet and develop an actual relationship it will come up again.  OK, so here's the question.  As I said, I don't have anything to hide but would I be violating the privacy of people who have emailed me, especially if they don't know he has access?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 5:30:20 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		Every dominant is different, but I personally see not reason for him to have access to your accounts at this time, or why he should even want it at this time.  The only time I have ever had passwords was when I had a r/l 24/7 slave, but that is just me, and I never had the urge to use it, here, yahoo or anywhere unless she called me from work etc, to tell me about an email and then I logged on here.   What reason did he give you, just out of curiosity?  You are talking online, and not real time even, surely he doesnt think he has rights as to your submissiveness,or to check up on you at this point?>

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 5:37:27 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RubyStiletto

would I be violating the privacy of people who have emailed me, especially if they don't know he has access?


Explain it to them and let them decide.

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 5:41:05 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		personally, i would never give Daddy and/or SO my account login and password.

it's not only a matter of trust (of them trusting me while i  post on the forums ) but a matter of privacy.  

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 5:50:38 PM   
lilacs


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Everyone's relationship is different, but if you *do* eventually decide to give him access to your account, and are going to be conversing with people who may be sending you information that is sensitive, it is only fair to let them know that someone who they do not know may have access to it.  Sir and I are in a little bit more of a relaxed relationship than some, and I don't think he would ever ask for control over my email or passwords since both of us feel we need our own individual "space" sometimes.  It isn't that I'm keeping information from him, but at the same time, both of us are individuals and sometimes need to just have space that is just for us as an individual.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 5:55:15 PM   
jezzabelle


Posts: 391
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Southeastern, MA
Status: offline 		If it were me, I wouldn't give it to him.  Did he say why he wants it?  Does he not trust you or something?  Did he say that you suddenly couldn't come on here anymore to talk to others now that you are talking to him?  If it's something you're not comfortable with at this time, then I would tell him just that.

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 6:17:02 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Personally, I find it presumptious and a show of insecurity on his part. Not only would I not give it to him, I would question wether or not I would want to continue comunicating with him.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to jezzabelle)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 6:26:51 PM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Whoa.  That is crossing a boundary that is unacceptable to me.  There is Dominance, and then there is total control over every aspect of someone's life.  To me it shows insecurity.
Isn't there an option to set up a profile as a couple?  If you both agree to sharing emails then you should delete both your personal accounts and set up a new one for the both of you.
Then whoever writes knows that either one of you would be seeing it.  And you can BOTH see all the emails that come in.


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 6:38:03 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Would you give a complete stranger your email password? That is basically what you are doing. All you know is what he has told you online. People can tell you anything online to charm you. He doesn't own you, you don't have to give him anything

Once you meet in real life , establish a relationship and whatever else happens that is different.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 6:59:36 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RubyStiletto

As I said, I don't have anything to hide but would I be violating the privacy of people who have emailed me, especially if they don't know he has access?


That would be easily fixed by adding "My owner reads all my mail" to your profile, and making sure any friends you chat with here understand that as well. While a person may be comfortable telling you something, that does not mean they are comfortable telling him.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/21/2007 7:00:03 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 7:05:59 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I've offered my Master my email password before.  He didn't want it.  I tend to assume when talking to a slave friend, however, that the slave's owner may have access to what I have written to him/her.  Because of my views on slavery, I would not feel my privacy was violated if a slave friend's owner read what I sent.  On the same token, those I converse with know that while my Master does not actively go into my accounts, he is privy to anything in those accounts.  It is not uncommon for me to share emails with him, just like I sometimes relay phone conversations with him - those I think he would be interested in.

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 7:13:42 PM   
unsureslave


Posts: 17
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline 		i have actually been wrestling with the same question myself all week-end....   i think it is a matter of trust & control.  my Master had asked for my passwords for my emails & online profiles just last week.  i gave them to Him.  i also trust Him.  but on the other hand i also want to be trusted.
 
but i also hate having control.  if i cant give up control to something simple like online profiles or email, how will i ever be able to fully submit as a slave?  i dont have anything to hide in my emails and am not giving access to any financial information or anything and i know if i should change my mind all i have to do is change my passwords.  if He wants to read all my spam and boring newsletters, then by all means...   although i did get one email that almost got me in trouble...  i had a profile on another website about 2 or 3 years ago, and as my luck normally goes, someone had checked out my profile and i was sent an email.  He saw it before i did and asked if i had any other online profiles and i said no because i had told Him the ones that i've been using because i had long forgetten that other profile was even online, but i explained everything and no problem.
 
you just need know how much control you want/need and are willing to give up and whether or not you trust your Dom.
 
 

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 7:21:37 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		Master has had  all my passwords and accounts for years. At first i think it was a test to see how serious i was and how much control i would give up. Well in my mind if i cant trust him with my computer passwords, weather it is banking or simply my hotmail address i am sure in the kill not going to trust him with my life.

As for the privacy issue. Most people know i am owned slave and i have no secret with my Master if they choice not to email me because my Master might read it then i most likely shoulnt be reading it anyways.



_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to unsureslave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 7:23:05 PM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		 It took time to build the trust and once I knew I was secure in the relationship then I offered the passwords to all my accounts. he refused saying if he couldnt trust me by now then what was the point..that was 2 years ago.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to unsureslave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 7:43:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My partner and I have all passwords, pins, bank statements, family and friends phone numbers and addresses.  But then we live together and try and be practical about what could happen and it's just silly for him not to have my moms phone number so they can talk about what to get me for my birthday and stuff :)

My main point is- what boundaries are ok for you?  As Aquatic said, simply stating up front that another person can and may read all emails takes care of the problem.  I know when I speak to some of my friends that their master CAN order them to share everything they talk about with me- I accept that as part of our friendship and would never dream of trying to compromise their relationship dynamic.

You make your choices on what you are comfortable with.  But for reference, these are the sorts of requests given by cyber dorks without much stable long term offline experience.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to wisteriaV)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 7:53:01 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		You have known this guy all of a few weeks and he already wants your password; that's a red flag.  That's trust and trust takes time.  MJ doesn't have any of my passwords and we have been together for a while and known eachother even longer.  He hasn't asked for them, so I have not givem them to Him.
 
My thoughts, do NOT give him your passwords, after a few weeks he thinks he deserves them; thats a red flag. Someone who wants passwords after such a short amount of time is jumping the gun and may have a jealously issue or lacks trust; neither are very attractive.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to wisteriaV)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 8:00:49 PM   
kokonut


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline 		In my opinion, you are well within your rights to withhold your password from him. Explain to him that your problem is not in what he asks of you, but in that you simply don't know him well enough... yet. Assuming this is something you want to pursue, encourage him to do things with you that will build and enhance the relationship you have so that when the time comes [assuming this is what you want], you can give him your passwords happily and without hesitation.

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 8:04:29 PM   
silkenfire


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		This is someone you haven't even talked on the phone with. Yes, password sharing is way too early. In a serious relationship involving real life? Sure.

It could be a test of commitment, yes. And of submission. But it's too much too soon.   

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 8:06:11 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I personally wouldn't give my password to someone who I had not yet met.  Until you've met in the flesh, you could really be talking to anyone behind this screen.  

I also think offering your password to someone when (and if ) you want them to have it holds a lot more value than giving it to them because it's demanded.


_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Email privacy - 10/21/2007 8:09:12 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		What the hell, give him my password and email access.

That'll teach him to be nosy.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to RubyStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 20
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