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RE: Email privacy - 10/23/2007 10:20:21 AM

JaehreksSlave

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/1/2007
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Would you give a complete stranger your email password? That is basically what you are doing. All you know is what he has told you online. People can tell you anything online to charm you. He doesn't own you, you don't have to give him anything

Once you meet in real life , establish a relationship and whatever else happens that is different.

I agree with this ENTIRELY. If it was a real time, real life situation, yes, I would say he has right to your password, especially if you were living together. However You dont know this man from adam. It's presumptuous of him. How long have you two even been together, or did I skip over that in your post? I'd bet less than a year, and...I'd bet in truth far less time than that. Give him nothing in the way of passwords.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

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Post #: 41

RE: Email privacy - 10/23/2007 11:20:21 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RubyStiletto

I've noticed in other threads that this is not necessarily uncommon for a Dom to have access to his subs account but it seems to occur in real time relationships.

Well...1) It may be common for a Dominant to have the password to the accounts of HIS submissive, but you're not his submissive. You have not committed, contracted or collared to this man. If you to this point in real life, that would be the time to discuss this issue.

2) You've never met this man in person. Regardless of how many times you chatted and talked, he is still a complete stranger to you. You're now giving him the keys to do a lot of damage.

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(in reply to RubyStiletto)

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Post #: 42

RE: Email privacy - 10/23/2007 12:57:23 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Mastrt has my password and log in info and i have his. I don't care... i trust him with my life and i can'yt trust him with my info? That wouls seem silly to me. i know he is not going to go into my e mail whan i am not around but he could if he wished. I just don't think it is a big deal.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to freyjasdottir)

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Post #: 43

RE: Email privacy - 10/24/2007 3:10:27 PM

frazzle40

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

To the OP,
I was stupid enough to give someone all my passwords. Yes we had met and i trusted him. He immediately started answering emails and deleting the originals before i even got to read them. Told me it was a matter of obedience and i didnt need to know who had emailed, what they'd said. Just in his opinion, it wasnt stuff i needed to know.
I heard back from a couple of these people, some were long term friends and family. I got the originals and his responses.    Strange, i changed my passwords.
I did sit down and discuss this with him. Got a you are mine response and i will do as i see fit.     Interfering with family etc had already been discussed and agreed a no go area.
I just thank god i never let him have my internet business passwords, or i doubt id still have a business.
Dont be bullied into giving your passwords as a matter of obedience, or submissiveness.
Why have a relationship with someone you dont trust? That works both ways, He has to trust you as you trust Him.
I was lucky.
Ok if S asked me for my passwords, which he wouldnt, id hand them all over immediately. He has all relevant contact details and trusts that anyone i talk to, is a friend, family.
Number 1 rule of our relationship is fidelity, online or real makes no difference. I am His, not to be shared.

(in reply to littleone35)

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Post #: 44

RE: Email privacy - 10/24/2007 3:33:34 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

I agree, a wee bit early to start handing out passwords...Especially if you contact family, friends, or conduct business online.

Consider making a new CM profile to use while you are with him. Give him the password, and right from the get go say that Master sees everything.

HOWEVER, I think that not telling people that the e-mail is read by a third party, especially one that they don't know is a bad idea. People should know who is going to be reading the secrets, and should know who has their potentially damning info. If you have any of such in stored e-mails, I wouldn't even give the password to him, ever. If you can, make a public e-mail to share with him and then a private one for things that they want to keep between you and them only.

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Post #: 45

RE: Email privacy - 6/9/2009 9:16:38 PM

abuddingdom

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline

RED!!! Boundaries, girl, boundaries....There's NO logical reason for anyone to share passwords with someone they haven't even met, or, for that matter anyone with whom they haven't developed some serious trust.

Last Summer, afew months after my pretty one& I met&had been seeing a lot of & playing with each other, she went to meet&spend several days with a prospective Domme / Dom household who were well-referred&with whom she had had lots of contact.She made me her safe-call person &voluntarily offered me her passwords along with relevent family contact info on the off off off chance that something negative occurred such as her suddenly being unreachable, but I had her put it all ina sealed envelope until she came back. I had it at my fingertips if I needed it&if I didnt so much the better. I was in the past burned sharing my passwords with someone I trusted, so I'm likely sensitive on this subject, & in addition to that snooping in general isnt among my character defects - I greatly respect privacy. Thats however, more relevent to another topic, another time. We went 24/7 live-in at the end of last Summer& have grown immensely together&her passwords are still at my fingertips&still ina sealed envelope as I have no need to micro manage her, including monitoring or denying her private correpondence with others. If I ever did decide to use my right to do so I'd be obligated to have her notify anyone she's in contact with because it wouldnt be only her I'm monitoring but them, too. Again, that can be another topic entirely, but do you want to entitle this guy who you've barely broken ice with to be able to read the words of you're friend's / families / anyone else with whom you exchange emails?

As you said you're somewhat new to all of this, & you'll find that, as in vanilla relationship life , there's universal ways of doing D/s which most everyone does things in similair ways while at the same time everyone does things their own way as well. Sharing passwords with ANYone is something which shouldnt even be something for you to be thinking about at your point in the realm of D/s. Learn what submission means before giving it willy nilly(& the forums CAN be a valuable tool - one of many). Things get negotiated as you go along with someone, & hopefully you'll find the value in having limits&boundaries. Maybe that will be one & maybe it wont, but - please - take your time.........

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)

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Post #: 46

RE: Email privacy - 6/9/2009 9:35:11 PM

suhlut

Posts: 622
Joined: 7/20/2007
Status: offline

did you know that you are responding to a thread that is 2 years old?

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Post #: 47

RE: Email privacy - 6/9/2009 11:56:02 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

if you're just getting to know one another then you shouldn't have to give it to him. if you start to build a serious long term relationship then that's between the two of you and your comfort level. Master and I have been together a little over 7 months, If he asked I would give him my account information on here and other places but there's no need to. He trusts me and we've talked about it, the only time he'd want my cm information and would moniter my account is if I start having massive email problems.

(in reply to RubyStiletto)

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Post #: 48

RE: Email privacy - 6/10/2009 12:05:50 AM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
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~FR~

Hello,

I’d have to say that I would not be at all comfortable with this, at this time.

I’m not sure how I would feel later in the relationship… part of me thinks that in a real life situation, he would tell me to do it, and I would be OK with it… *smiles* I may get flack for it, but that’s how I feel…(right now, in this moment. I may decide otherwise tomorrow…lol….)

I do think that everyone would have to be forewarned that it was changing to a joint account.

Perhaps an acceptable “counter offer” would be (again, when you are real life) that he watches you open and glances through to see who you are speaking to?

However, I do agree that it seems like it is a trust issue…but perhaps it isn’t that he won’t trust you, just that he wants that part of you.

Just a thought or two!

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Post #: 49

RE: Email privacy - 6/10/2009 12:08:23 AM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: suhlut

did you know that you are responding to a thread that is 2 years old?

Geez....

_____________________________

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BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

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Post #: 50

RE: Email privacy - 6/10/2009 5:16:02 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We didn't share passwords till after we were living together and even now it isn't for him to keep tabs on me but in case I'm not home and need him to check something. Mainly I check his account when he's without internet and read him stuff.

If you give him your password be prepared for him to change it and you to be locked out of your account.

Beyond that, of course it is a violation of privacy for the other people who write you. If it's just a 'kneel bitch' type email it doesn't really matter but if you develop a friendship with someone and are providing support and advice on a real life issue, I doubt she'll feel warm and fuzzy that some guy she's never heard of is getting a thrill from it.

Should you develop a long term relationship with this guy, then you could add a line to your profile that no mail will be confidential. But tell your friends first in case they want you to delete sensitive information.

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Post #: 51

RE: Email privacy - 6/10/2009 7:21:22 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RubyStiletto
As I said, I don't have anything to hide but would I be violating the privacy of people who have emailed me, especially if they don't know he has access?

Yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt in my mind. This is fairly unethical behavior. It'd be different if you created a NEW email account and notified anyone who sent anything to you there that that email account was open to your dominant.

*sighs* Damnit, and here's me countering my own argument. At least in the vanilla world with a husband and wife, I automatically assume that anything I say to one, I am saying to the other. They are a partnership. Expecting them to withhold information from each other is just not reasonable in my book.

So in the end I guess I am firmly committed to answering "yes and no"

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to RubyStiletto)

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Post #: 52

RE: Email privacy - 6/10/2009 12:58:55 PM

abuddingdom

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
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Heh! it appears that I've kickstarted a thread which played itslef out a couple years ago. I'm certain that rubystiletto has learned much in the meantime, I know I have.....It's still a good topic for discussion, though.

(in reply to leadership527)

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Post #: 53