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TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 5:49:38 PM

TPE4life

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

If you put a chain around the neck of a slave, the other end fastens itself around your own” Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a real slave was offered. Would you take it? Many won’t or cannot. They don’t have; - The self esteem, - The self confidence, - The faith, - The believe, - The true desire, to own another person. - The patience - The ability or skills - Do not want the responsibility:
So the questions is: how many are truely seeking a TPE relationship.
No one word answeres please elaborate on why you are or are not seeking TPE

Post #: 1

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:00:28 PM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

At this point in time in my life, I am not seeking a TPE. on ethier end. (I am a switch.) I do not feel that I have sufficent amount of experience. Plus I like the S/M aspects more righ now. On the other hand I do feel a need to submit, so if I meet the right Lady or couple, I might take that path.

It is a huge responsibility. and I cannot blame alot of people for not wanting to take it.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 2

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:01:16 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I recently begged the collar of a man who seeks such a relationship. I cannot say i would seek a total power exchange with many other people and i cannot say yet if it will eventually become just that but that is what we have decided to work towards.

Personally i have begun leaning in this direction because i have found i crave structure. It's not just the rewards for doing a good job but the knowledge that there consequences for messing up that excites me. I feel the most comfortable when at my Master's feet and would not enjoy a relationship where i expected to turn this side of me on and off. That said the idea of a TPE relationship initially appalled me. I could not understand why anyone would want to be under someone else's control at all times, be told what to do every second. I have come to learn that this is not exactly how it has to work. Master and i seem to share similar feelings and beliefs about what a TPE means to us so that the times of strict control and "real life" flow naturally without feeling like we have to step into or out of a role.

Perhaps in a few years i could answer this question better. At the moment i guess the best i can say is that i am seeking the security i feel in the knowledge that not only am i not expected to step out of the role i find myself becoming but that i will not be allowed to. This allows me to explore many aspects of myself that i would otherwise shrink away from or simply not be aware of.

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 3

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:04:09 PM

MistresssAria

Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

I would take it. But it would be dependant on what this slavery would entail. Would I watch this slave constantly, or could I lock them in a room all day and night and be by myself. What abililty and skills are you referring to - "typical" BDSM qualities........or simply someone with the capacity to tell you what your jobs and place are and make sure that is enforced?
Your Biblical quotes make me think you'd be happy on bread and water...........but would you also go to work during the day? How extreme are you?

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 4

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:11:53 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I'd take the slave but wouldn't call it TPE. For several reasons. First, the phrase makes no sense. It's supposed to be "total power exchange" (although some people say it really means "totally pointless expression"). But power isn't exchanged in a so-called TPE relationship. Power is SEIZED. I don't exchange power with a slave. It has never made sense to me and never will.

Second, it's too fucking light and airy-fairy. It's all neatly packaged and ready to go. Well, a real TPE relationship isn't light and airy-fairy and neatly packaged and ready to go.

Third, it implies that all TPE relationships are the same because they're all called the same thing. Anyone who has ever owned another human being knows that they're not all the same thing. They CAN'T be, because everyone is different. Owning a human being means knowing how to own that human being, and that means knowing her better than anyone else in the world.

So I'd take that slave, teach her how to please me, and then put the collar around her heart and soul so she can never leave.

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 5

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:22:12 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

It never is totally a TPE relationship unless your a door mat

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 6

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:42:53 PM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

So I'd take that slave, teach her how to please me, and then put the collar around her heart and soul so she can never leave.

Sir, do you say these things with the INTENT on making women swoon?

jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 7

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:55:42 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'd take the slave but wouldn't call it TPE. For several reasons. First, the phrase makes no sense. It's supposed to be "total power exchange" (although some people say it really means "totally pointless expression"). But power isn't exchanged in a so-called TPE relationship. Power is SEIZED. I don't exchange power with a slave. It has never made sense to me and never will.

Second, it's too fucking light and airy-fairy. It's all neatly packaged and ready to go. Well, a real TPE relationship isn't light and airy-fairy and neatly packaged and ready to go.

Third, it implies that all TPE relationships are the same because they're all called the same thing. Anyone who has ever owned another human being knows that they're not all the same thing. They CAN'T be, because everyone is different. Owning a human being means knowing how to own that human being, and that means knowing her better than anyone else in the world.

So I'd take that slave, teach her how to please me, and then put the collar around her heart and soul so she can never leave.

This is really fantastic. In my perfect world, it makes the most sense.

To the OP:
I don't want a "TPE" where I have to figure out every move the other person makes... I want a "person" not a friggin robot. I also don't want to micro manage to the point where the other person is brain dead and can't think for themselves.
Do I want someone who will follow my direction and work in tandem with my needs? Yes, completely.

Psy - aka Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 8

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 6:56:00 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Wouldn't want the responsiblity? What're you talking about?! People love the feeling that they're ultimately in control of their destiny! That's why we have God, laws, and social norms to tell us what to do. Because.. um.. ..yeah, we like responsibility.. ..that's it..

Yeah. I'd take any reasonable number of slaves (a trillion would be unreasonable on Earth..).

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 9

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 7:57:38 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TPE4life
So the questions is: how many are truely seeking a TPE relationship.
No one word answeres please elaborate on why you are or are not seeking TPE

i came to CollarMe in search of a TPE relationship. i found out about CollarMe and The Slave Register sites the same day from a man who told me about them when i was searching for a Master, who wanted to own a slave for complete power exchange.

That was on Oct. 27, 2005 and, that same day i posted my profile, as slavelinda, and my pics on both sites. The next day, Oct. 28, 2005, i posted the following on the "Upcoming Events" forum:

Hello to All,

i am a slave without an Owner/Master and i am frustrated by trying to find a Man who wants me for His property/slave for real life. Is there any place where a free slave can go to be looked over by a large number of prospective Masters?

It would be a huge help if there was such a place where i could feel safe going unaccompanied to be looked over and interviewed by a large number of Masters at one place and time so that my chances of being selected by one of Them would be better than trying to do it over the Internet. Thank You for any help You can offer me in this quest.

Most Respectfully Yours,
slave linda
http://www.collarchat.com/m_191138/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#191138

i never went to a slave auction, because i found my Master on CollarMe. On Dec. 5, 2005, i was collared by Master David and i have been His property ever since.

BTW, you never need to worry about getting a one word answer from me (lol).

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 10

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/22/2007 8:53:48 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

I'm busy enough trying to lead my own life to even think about trying to lead anyone else's full time as well. :) It wouldn't be fair or ideal for anyone involved in my case.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 11

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/23/2007 5:01:26 PM

TPE4life

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

"So the questions is: how many are truely seeking a TPE relationship.
No one word answeres please elaborate on why you are or are not seeking TPE "
such a varied responce....please I'd like to hear more.

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 12

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/23/2007 8:29:01 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TPE4life

If you put a chain around the neck of a slave, the other end fastens itself around your own” Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a real slave was offered. Would you take it? Many won’t or cannot. They don’t have; - The self esteem, - The self confidence, - The faith, - The believe, - The true desire, to own another person. - The patience - The ability or skills - Do not want the responsibility:
So the questions is: how many are truely seeking a TPE relationship.
No one word answeres please elaborate on why you are or are not seeking TPE

I know that most here know what aTPE is but srill love the Wipipedia sefintion of TPE on our Informed Consent which is:
The phrase Total Power Exchange was coined by Steven S. Davis in the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage during his debates with Jon Jacobs in the mid 1990's. In 1997, Davis gave this definition: : "A TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship, sometimes described as an absolute lifestyle D/s relationship (that such relationships can actually be neither "total" or "absolute" is agreed; these are ideal states to be worked towards but which will not be achieved, which is why TPE may be better seen as a process or goal than as a state), is a relationship in which no impediment to the exercise of the owner's power is accepted (some may, of course, exist, and what prudent owners do is to avoid direct collisions with these impediments, while working to overcome those that can be overcome (since the laws of gravity can't be overcome, a sane owner isn't going to ask a slave to fly (w/o appropriate equipment, of course), nor will a sensible owner try push a slave into things that are hard limits for her(but the owner might push a slave up against what the slave thinks are hard limits but which she can in fact overcome)). Such things as safewords, contracts, negotiated limits, and anything else which recognizes / acknowledges / formalizes limits on the owner's power are inimical to TPE." Both TPE and Jacob's preferred term, Absolute Power Exchange, or APE are problematic terms for some people, including many who pursue exactly these types of D/s relationship, since the relationship is subject to the physical and the emotional limitations of the participants and therefore cannot genuinely be total nor absolute. Most adherents to TPE or APE philosophies agree that the distinguishing feature is that the limitations are not "chosen" by the submissive or slave, and the word enslavement (especially in Internal Enslavement) has become more popular as a term which focuses on the submissive's, or slave's, state of mind.

I love the defintion because it encompasses an aspect of TPE which is culturally very 'in' here at the moment and that is mental or psycholgical TPE, transcending therefore the physical necessity of living together tewnt-four seven.

Personally I have started off at one extreme, gone to the other and come back to the need for more structure...like this. I have been considered to be '24/7' in three different vanilla marriages (irony) in as much as those men I married gave me no freedom...but I knew it was not power exchange because it felt like dreadful psychological and physical restraint and not a willingness on my part. It was power over. Hence the very costly divorces.
I always got my kinks and power from playing away from home, got connected to bdsm via alt over 10 years ago. I have had the whole spectrum of requests from Doms including one who phoned me from his car phone and wanted me to submit to a TPE before meeting him. (The world is a wonderful place).
I got enslaved mentally for four years with a married man. That nearly cost me my sanity.
I am moving more and more towards the need for a 24/7 but the practicalities of my life (single mom, teenagers, busy professonal life) do not or would not enable this right now.
I have a slave's mentality. I have recently had a stay away wekend with my new Dom which was a mini 24/7. He managed to micro manage even my movements during HIS sleep. It's a chemistry thing. I have come home with withdrawal symptoms.

There are two types of freedom. Feedom to DO being free.
And freedom to be free from the fear of freedom.
24/7 to me offers the freedom to be free of the fear of being free.

I have a friend whom I know lives his life with that old school of thinking that insists, believes and practices 24/7 at his feet type of power exchange. If I could I would be tempted to dip my toe across the ocean and go and check it out. But the catch 22 is that he would offer no return.

But I can allow myself to experience love in 24/7 physical format when weekends permit. Time spent away from my Dom is actually an uwelcome torture but my 24/7 committment keeps me safe.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 10/23/2007 8:36:03 PM >

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 13

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/23/2007 8:33:31 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

TPE relationships do not necessitate that the Dominant make every decision. Only that the Dominant has the authority to make whatever decision he/she wishes to make. And I am personally a devotee of TPE relationships.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 14

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/23/2007 8:37:52 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TPE4life
"So the questions is: how many are truely seeking a TPE relationship.
No one word answeres please elaborate on why you are or are not seeking TPE "

I seek exactly that, TPE, and no I don't care that the terms are vague... I'm always perfectly willing to explain to anyone who approaches me what I mean by you give the power or authority and I take it and lead to my specifications, not yours. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 15

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 6:36:02 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

I am in a TPE relationship with Master..as Rover Sir stated: TPE relationships do not necessitate that the Dominant make every decision. Only that the Dominant has the authority to make whatever decision he/she wishes to make. "
Master does however have access to anything with my name on it. This includes my bank accounts. He may ask for my opinion but HE ultimately makes the final choices in all things. The one thing he doesn't mind is when it comes to the kitchen and cooking...I've organized things to suit me because nine times out of ten I'm the one in there not him..but yet he has me make up a menu for the month and shop accordingly each week for the menu, which he approves of...chuckles he even approves of the brands of the products we buy because we try to stay as close to organic and earth friendly with products as possible...and no msg which means I do can and freeze alot of foods we eat.

< Message edited by wisteriaV -- 10/24/2007 6:39:33 AM >

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 6:46:13 AM

SirMichealspeach

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

to me TPE does not have to mean a 24/7 micromanaged relationship...I personally thrive of the" knowledge" that Master is in control of my thoughts and actions whether I am at His feet or at my desk at work. I am nowhere near a doormat but i know where that line is and although is gets tested on occasion, very seldom is it crossed. Knowing in my heart and soul who is in charge is the most rewarding thing I can think of in terms of the mental aspect of TPE.

(in reply to wisteriaV)

Post #: 17

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 6:48:21 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'd take the slave but wouldn't call it TPE. For several reasons. First, the phrase makes no sense. It's supposed to be "total power exchange" (although some people say it really means "totally pointless expression"). But power isn't exchanged in a so-called TPE relationship. Power is SEIZED. I don't exchange power with a slave. It has never made sense to me and never will.

Second, it's too fucking light and airy-fairy. It's all neatly packaged and ready to go. Well, a real TPE relationship isn't light and airy-fairy and neatly packaged and ready to go.

Third, it implies that all TPE relationships are the same because they're all called the same thing. Anyone who has ever owned another human being knows that they're not all the same thing. They CAN'T be, because everyone is different. Owning a human being means knowing how to own that human being, and that means knowing her better than anyone else in the world.

So I'd take that slave, teach her how to please me, and then put the collar around her heart and soul so she can never leave.

very nicely stated

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 18

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 7:02:08 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

I agree. We don't call it TPE either. Power is not exchanged between us. He exerts his power(authority, control, and influence) over me. I can't exert power(except perhaps occasional influence) over him. I don't like the term because it makes it sound all nice and neatly packaged and it isn't. Total is an always expanding concept in this household. What constitues total today will be different from what constitues total 6 months from now. He is always expanding his scopre of authority, control and influence over me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'd take the slave but wouldn't call it TPE. For several reasons. First, the phrase makes no sense. It's supposed to be "total power exchange" (although some people say it really means "totally pointless expression"). But power isn't exchanged in a so-called TPE relationship. Power is SEIZED. I don't exchange power with a slave. It has never made sense to me and never will.

Second, it's too fucking light and airy-fairy. It's all neatly packaged and ready to go. Well, a real TPE relationship isn't light and airy-fairy and neatly packaged and ready to go.

Third, it implies that all TPE relationships are the same because they're all called the same thing. Anyone who has ever owned another human being knows that they're not all the same thing. They CAN'T be, because everyone is different. Owning a human being means knowing how to own that human being, and that means knowing her better than anyone else in the world.

So I'd take that slave, teach her how to please me, and then put the collar around her heart and soul so she can never leave.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 19

RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 7:04:19 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TPE4life

If you put a chain around the neck of a slave, the other end fastens itself around your own” Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a real slave was offered. Would you take it? Many won’t or cannot. They don’t have; - The self esteem, - The self confidence, - The faith, - The believe, - The true desire, to own another person. - The patience - The ability or skills - Do not want the responsibility:
So the questions is: how many are truely seeking a TPE relationship.
No one word answeres please elaborate on why you are or are not seeking TPE

I'm sorry but when you say "real slave" I have to think of historical and institutional slavery and frankly "NO" I wouldn't want that and this is way.

In general those systems are based on mutual fear and distrust. The slave must fear the owner, at the very least the slave must worry about being sold or killed or injured with little legal protections if any. The owner to must live in fear -- fear of rebellion, fear that food will be poisoned, fear that family will be harmed, fear that property will harm itself or others. Neither party can trust the other because legally and socially they are placed into a relationship that is based on coercion and fear, both of which are supported by laws and social expectations. Both parties can be held accountable if they fail to maintain this coercion.

Please don't give me "loving examples" because I'm fully aware of them and they are exceedingly rare.

Living in fear and distrust is not something I'd gladly welcome.

If however you were really talking about BDSM dynamics that are called TPE then I don't use that term because I think it is a lie. Everyone has power. Even the historical or institutional slave has some power and that is why coercion, fear and distrust are necessary.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 10/24/2007 7:07:38 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TPE4life)

Post #: 20

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