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RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 3:51:43 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kirby104

Now my orientation is being questioned!


stop....drop....and rollllllllll

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 6:14:17 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline
yeah, what she said

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs


There is also a point I wish to add upon, and that is of having anybody come to one's home unless there has been a long and tested relationship with someone.  Home is safety and your sense of grounding, security and peace as well as control.  Once robbed of such, you really cannot feel at peace or feel as safe anymore. 
 

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 7:25:41 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kirby104

Now my orientation is being questioned!


I'm not questioning your orientation.....your profile LISTS you as dominant.   My question is, are you complaining how a "big bad domme" took advantage of another "domme" who supposedly is in control?  I'm questioning more than your orientation, hun.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 9:01:51 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Invictus754

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

But in relation to the 'community' stance,  I too have witnessed what the OP talks about.  Lies and deceit in order to wield control over a submissive, or just get a shag.  I have broken friendships with long standing friends because of such behaviour. 


How does this differ from vanilla?  It is not the community that does this, it is just sorry individuals who happen to profess to be in the community. 


I completely agree with you.  There are people in all walks of life that practice such crap, but how many vanilla use power to further dishonest agendas, for example 'you are being punished for X, do not contact me... blah blah blah'.  These people masquerade as doms and Master in this community, when they are nothing more than pussy-led.  So this can be BDSM specific.  Should I tolerate it ..... nah, not for a moment, regardless of genre, kink, or orientation.

Faith
:: smiles ::

(in reply to Invictus754)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 9:35:58 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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So do you go around helping the clueless?  I for one think that as adults we should learn from mistakes we make, maybe listen to others to avoid mistakes, but always take responsibility for our own part in the situation.  I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, I try to take a clue from each one.  Should I be relying on the community to help me negotiate through my life? 
As for nillas having something like that, check out dontdatehimgirl.com.  It is full of people fed up with real or imagined bs, and giving out details on the bad guys out there.  Seems bitchy to me, but people do it.  It also presumes that because a person was wrong for someone, he must be a piece of * and bad for anyone else.
I wonder how many of us would pass the good for everyone challenge?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

quote:

ORIGINAL: Invictus754

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

But in relation to the 'community' stance,  I too have witnessed what the OP talks about.  Lies and deceit in order to wield control over a submissive, or just get a shag.  I have broken friendships with long standing friends because of such behaviour. 


How does this differ from vanilla?  It is not the community that does this, it is just sorry individuals who happen to profess to be in the community. 


I completely agree with you.  There are people in all walks of life that practice such crap, but how many vanilla use power to further dishonest agendas, for example 'you are being punished for X, do not contact me... blah blah blah'.  These people masquerade as doms and Master in this community, when they are nothing more than pussy-led.  So this can be BDSM specific.  Should I tolerate it ..... nah, not for a moment, regardless of genre, kink, or orientation.

Faith
:: smiles ::



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 12:28:49 PM   
kirby104


Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline
So, I'm a horrible storyteller. But I WOULD be there for decent people, and I would not attack unless defending myself.  As for this crap about not taking responsibility, this is the only thing that I've been doing. I thought at least I could find one person not judgemental.

The only thing I asked for in the relationship was mutual respect. Instead I was mocked, threatened, an assaulted.

Apparently, the "woman" fooled everyone and was a mere con artist. I entered the relationship being service-oriented.
I, along with another, removed my collar.

The desire to Serve is long gone.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 12:46:50 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I thought at least I could find one person not judgemental.

The only thing I asked for in the relationship was mutual respect. Instead I was mocked, threatened, an assaulted.

Apparently, the "woman" fooled everyone and was a mere con artist. I entered the relationship being service-oriented.
I, along with another, removed my collar.


You were burned. It sucks. Life goes on.

Do you want a cookie?


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 1:01:12 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Dear kirby104, Ladies and Gentlemen,
 
I could not help but notice that you made a statement in post #46, that you asked for mutual respect and in turn, you got mocked, threatened and assaulted.
 
Now, it has been requested by other posters and now I also ask, in what manner have you been mocked, threatened and or assaulted.  Apparently, from your own post--the authorities were not interested in the pursuit of this incident.  In legal circles, to investigate further, prosecute and take it to trial--elements of threats, assault and such must be present.  Otherwise, the legal authorities' hands are tied and helpless as well.
 
There are certain criterias that have to be met as to fulfill the premises of 'assault.'  In each state and country, it reads differently.  In Washington, DC --a mere touch, such as a finger touching you without your expressed consent is grounds for assault yet, the law goes on as to make a distinction between an accidental brush or touch, such as to excuse themselves as to get by--requiring your attention via a touch.  The real focus is the 'intent' to do harm and or injury which satisfys the Courts in DC.  Unfortunately, the law does not cover or prosecute cases of hurt feelings and the emotional jerking about.  The courts would be flooded with cases of people's hurt feelings or dignity and or wounded pride.
 
It is not an attack on you, the situation and or making light of what might have taken place.  However, there are two sides of the story and at times the story needs to be looked at more closely and elements explained.  But, I am of the belief, most here answering and or reading your story would much prefer seeing how they may assist in seeing you close the door on an unfortunate chapter and do the best to see you make a fresh start.
 
That said, please do understand--that a lot of forum readers read those posts to which is really a created 'drama' as to create a knee-jerk reaction and or create a response as to pounce on well meaning responding posters.  It is also evident, that some will post to pull one's last nerve and or the last bit of patience a person has.  Anger being an emotion, it is not often rational.  I am just hopeful that when things calm down for you--that you can see a lot of individuals are just trying to understand, be supportive and give their opinions based on what they have to work with--which is what and how you write about.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 1:49:08 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
My Master also believes that being poly means he can go out and fuck anyone he wants at anytime he wants. My understanding of poly would tell me that isnt a poly relationship at all. I dont know yet what is going to happen, but it seems a lot of people dont truly know andunderstand the defination of a polyamorus relationship.I am very glad you managed to find a relationship that wasnt abusive and one that your happy in.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 1:50:28 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline



If she doesn't want it, can I have her cookie?



(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/24/2007 5:05:56 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
It it's choccy chip, can we share?

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/25/2007 3:41:41 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kirby104

So, I'm a horrible storyteller. But I WOULD be there for decent people, and I would not attack unless defending myself.  As for this crap about not taking responsibility, this is the only thing that I've been doing. I thought at least I could find one person not judgemental.

The only thing I asked for in the relationship was mutual respect. Instead I was mocked, threatened, an assaulted.

Apparently, the "woman" fooled everyone and was a mere con artist. I entered the relationship being service-oriented.
I, along with another, removed my collar.

The desire to Serve is long gone.



**Takes a Deep Deep Breath**

Your story makes NO sense. This is why you are being questioned. If you were Dominant then you are in control of yourself if nothing else. If you are in control of yourself then you have NO ONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF to blame for what has happened to you.

If you were assaulted then call the Police as they can actually do something about it the MYRIAD of people on Collar Me cannot. If you are looking for someone to BE there for you then I suggest you look for someone who is willing to listen to how the Big Bad Domme took advantage of somoene who is supposed to be in CONTROL of HER OWN ACTIONS.

It sounds to me like this is a kinky game you play that allows you to put on cute costumes and I must admit you are a cute girl, but the drama is far too much baggage for me to give a damn about what you are.

I know this is coming across mean, but it isn't supposed to be. I am asking you to take a HARD look at what you have told us and ask yourself if even YOU would feel bad for YOU?

If you are going to be a Dominant and complaining about how your the victim of someone elses control over you, then all you are doing is saying things that make you sound like a liar or a spaz.

I'm done with this one now.

Adios

Steel



_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 12:17:00 AM   
kirby104


Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline
Well , I am not dominate then fore I don't know all the answers nor how to spell.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 6:04:07 AM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kirby104

Well , I am not dominate then fore I don't know all the answers nor how to spell.


Then why in the HELL does your profile list you as such?
i happen to believe that more ppl than not have been burned at some point over something in this lifestyle... hell, i've been burned NOT in this lifestyle - it happens... deal with it and move on. And the statement about having "found more 'scum' in the lifestyle" is just stupid. There are plenty of scum everywhere - it's certainly not exclusive to BDSM. Trust me, i've lived both in and out of the lifestyle and i can attest to the "scumminess" of everyone...
i'm truly sorry someone played you... i hope you find the ability to heal and move past this.
 
*edited to add... it's "DominaNT" not "dominATE"... just a pet peeve of mine.

< Message edited by apiercedkitty -- 10/26/2007 6:05:19 AM >


_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 6:56:28 AM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kirby104


The lifestyle states "Safe, Sane, and Consensual"; yet it fails to protect the wounded.
there is no lifestyle bible or big book for that matter. this is a saying that some subscribe to... others to RACK.
none of  it means diddly to me. just means they read some books maybe...or are members to a few online sites.
no one can protect you from your emotional state but you and this is what you are talking about.



In my experience, the community "buries its head." I have lost trust. Am I alone?

you are if you don't friends




(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 7:22:54 AM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Expecting the world to be good to you because you THINK you are a nice person, is like expecting a bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.



This is exactly the fallacy she fell into.  I watched it happen, so, I know. 

She expected her service to be honored, since honor was given in service. She respected the one served, but received little respect.

She thought the bull would be nice. Alas, it was a bull, and acted according to it's nature.

Tim
been charged by bulls, once upon a time... good thing the trees were thick!


(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 7:30:03 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
Well this thread has turned into a pack of dogs on fresh meat.  You know just do what ever.  Just do not step on my toes in process as i always tell people piss in my wheaties  and I will shit in your oats. 

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 7:35:12 AM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

quote:

ORIGINAL: kirby104


The lifestyle states "Safe, Sane, and Consensual"; yet it fails to protect the wounded.
there is no lifestyle bible or big book for that matter. this is a saying that some subscribe to... others to RACK.
none of  it means diddly to me. just means they read some books maybe...or are members to a few online sites.
no one can protect you from your emotional state but you and this is what you are talking about.



In my experience, the community "buries its head." I have lost trust. Am I alone?

you are if you don't friends




No, she isn't talking about being protected from her emotional state. She knows she is responsible for her own feelings - said something similar on another page in this thread.

She wants to know if others have similar experiences in their communities.  Others in this thread understood the question.  She wonders if any of the kink communities protect their own.  She has a network of friends and that's not what she is talking about. She is trying to get a sense of understanding what it means to be "in the kink community". 

Between Kirby, Lyndsey and I we have experience in at least two dozen kink communities. Even with all that, we still think our view is parochial at best. We are curious about the experiences of others.  That is why this thread is on collarme.

Tim

(in reply to everhope)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 10:54:03 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
PonyGroom,
I guess I would ask what it is you think the community SHOULD do?  How do we decide who is wrong and right?  Hell there's not one of us here that has the same definitions of simple labels let alone desires for types of activities or relationships styles.  As a policing body we would surely suffer from complete inconsistency. People talk about things here everyday that I personally would find abusive, but yet they revel in it, should I shun them or their owner/dom/me/master?  You see we have no clearly defined standards, thus the mantra of don't criticise other's kinks.
The most you can ever expect is some support from others in similar situations.  Look around at the posts OP we've all been burned at one point or another from the simple of having feelings hurt to being brutally physically abused.  Plain and simple, it sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you.  I can't chase down the person that hurt you and that wouldn't help you anyway, letting it go and learning from it is the only thing that will.
good luck to you,
l

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 10/26/2007 11:28:13 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kirby104

Well , I am not dominate then fore I don't know all the answers nor how to spell.


You are listed as dominant on your profile, that is why we all speak about that.,

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to kirby104)
Profile   Post #: 60
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