laurell3
Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PonyGroom
quote:
IORIGINAL: laurell3
I guess I would ask what it is you think the community SHOULD do?
In the case of "he said she said" breakups, I try to remain friends with both. Usually one or the other will decide I am not a keeper, and the situation sorts itself out. Sometimes I get to keep both, after a rough period passes. Where we are living, a fair number of people handle breakups the same way as I do.
What has happened to Kirby is not a "he said she said" breakup. The behavior of the other party followed a pattern of abuse that is standard in domestic violence. This, according to the police who were summoned to the last physical incident. The pattern of emotional abuse moved on to physical acts, and then once Kirby was physically out of reach, moved on to menacing and other indirect actions and words. This is the pattern the provisions of the Domestic Violence Act was meant to address.
Sometimes, I have been faced with an abuser in the community and had to figure out how to deal with them. I could run, I could confront, I could ... what? So, since I was a witness to the abuse, I chose to make reports to other people, as factual and non-judgemental as possible, and leave their decisions to them. There were other witnesses. There were multiple incidents, all similar. The abuser was cast out of membership at a kink club. Then, later, refused membership at another. That person is still active and accepted in some places to this day.
The community owes people a safer place than the world around them: if they know a person is abusive and they take no action to protect the next victim they are partners in abuse.
I warn people about those very few I am convinced are abusive, or grossly unethical, or criminal. It takes a lot to convince me. Way more than "he said, she said", of course.
In Kirby's case? More than one incident, similar incidents with several other people, and her abuser has other victims here.
Let me ask you again, assuming this is true, which is not at all what the OP posted, what is it you would have me do to this alleged abuser? Should I somehow attempt to track their net correspondence and seek out everyone they contact and tell them someone I don't know made a claim of abuse against this person? Should I hunt them down in person, assuming I actually knew them of course, and tell them they are an abuser?
As I said previously, many of the things people on this board do every day would be considered abuse for me, but is not for them. In this world "abuse" is often an illusive concept.
You see my point. It isn't that I am without sympathy for what the op felt was abuse, which again the OP really didn't state, it's that there really is not much I can do about the actual alleged abuser. The fact that law enforcement was involved indicates the OP has done what they can, which is much more than I can do from my pc.
It's very easy to say "you should have chosen more wisely", however, this is the internet, what you believe someone is, isn't necessarily what they end up being. Even meeting people in person in public multiple times is no guarantee that the situation won't end up badly. People can and do lie about themselves and take advantage. It's happened to me here, it's happened to me in vanilla life as well.
I have personally been subjected to abuse in the past, I know it's hard to get over and can be debilitating. Again OP you have my sincere sympathies for what you experienced. However, I cannot wave my magic wand and punish your alleged abuser or take away the hurt that was caused to you. I can only offer my sympathy and support, which I have and do.
Good luck to both of you,
l
|
RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with pro... - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread