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iammachine -> RE: A local “Domme” has confused polyamory with promiscuity. (10/23/2007 1:38:04 AM)
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ORIGINAL: kirby104
Polyamory should consist of honest communication and respect; not deceitfulness and abuse.
So should everything.
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Life is difficult without making it more chaotic.
C'est la vie.
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The lifestyle states "Safe, Sane, and Consensual";
No, some people state SSC. What is "safe"? What is "sane"? The only thing that most of us seem to be able to agree on is consent. Personally, I'm more of a RACK kind of girl.
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yet it fails to protect the wounded.
I'm sorry, I didn't know that was my responsibility. Everyone has a responsibility to themselves. It is not my or anyone's responsibility to save someone from their own choices, including their mistakes. You can attempt to educate and even warn people until you are blue in the face, but adults are perfectly capable and will make their own choices, including those that are to their own detriment.
I can offer my perspective where it is warranted, I can even be an impartial ear, but I can not protect or otherwise help someone that is unable or unwilling to help themselves.
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I found myself in an abusive situation where the "Domme" played me under the guise of a polyamory relationship.
You were burned, that sucks big ones.
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Needless to say, I escaped with my sanity.
Good for you.
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I am now in a true loving and respectable poly relationship.
I am sure that there are honest people because I actually found some.
Even better for you!
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In my experience, the community "buries its head."
I'm not one to look the other way, nor turn the other cheek. All the same, I am also not one to get worked up over things that are out of my control.
Life sucks. Shit happens. There are bad people in this world, in every subculture and community. Everyone has lived through bad experiences on some level or another, and that sucks. It's life.
I can't change that any more than I can change the earth's rotation. What I can do is offer advice when it is requested, and generally try to be as positive of an influence as possible by virtue of example and education.
Aside from that, I am one person. A rather noisy person at that, but just one person. I can't change the world, but I can at the very least control what little influence I do have by virtue of my own behaviour.
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I have lost trust. Am I alone?
I doubt it.
Personally, I can't lose faith in something I never had faith in to begin with. Overall, I don't have much faith in humanity at large to begin with. Screw any group or subculture, people are fabulous at fucking up my optimism. I would like to think that most people are generally pretty groovy, but I hate it when "people" prove that sentiment wrong. So, my remedy is to take every person as an individual, with no preconceived notions or ideals, and a healthy dose of salt ready in my back pocket. If the person turns out to be groovy, it's a pleasant surprise. If they turn out to be an asshat, it's no skin off of my back if I didn't have any rosy ideals invested into them to begin with.
So no, I haven't lost trust. I didn't have any blanket set of trust to begin with. I trust people as far as not actively distrusting anyone unless/util I am given a reason to. Being universally suspicious is paranoid and a waste of energy and effort. I'm willing to take people at face value until I notice that the talk is not matching the walk. My personal investment at that point pretty much stops there. As far as deeper levels of trust, well, that has to be earned, too.
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