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When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 9:47:36 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Some of the posts recently have caused me to reflect back on my viewpoints when I first got involved in the lifestyle and how different they are now. I have to laugh at the difference. My prior, extensive laundry list of what hard limits has been whittled down substantially to really only a handful of things. My viewpoint on d/s relationships has also changed substantially. I've also gone from a straight sub to a bisexual switch.

I'm just curious about others and how much their viewpoints/perspectives on activities in the lifestyle or in general have changed as they have gained experience. Anyone care to share?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/26/2007 9:48:52 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 10:01:41 AM

brattysarahjane

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

i'm still new and things have already changed for me. i've decreased my limits and have gone from bi sub to bi switch (mostly sub though). i can't wait for a few more years to pass to see where i am then.

bratty sarah jane

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 2

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 10:07:47 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I started out as a observer. I had a Dom friend who let me watch him. He became my mentor. I progressed from there and decided to become a switch. I really never knew this lifestyle existed. It was and still is an eyeopening experience. The only disapointment is that I found that there are just as many narrow minded idiots and jerks in here as in vanilla. You learn to take everything and everyone with a grain of salt.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 10:32:58 AM

justLady

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

hehe, Gawd, where to start?

Well, I guess I'm lucky in that I always knew that dominance was as much about fulfilling a submissive's needs as it was about being served and having my needs catered to. I've always seen it as a relationship structure which allowed two equal partners to assume roles which gave them joy, peace, excitement and contentment in a conflict free environment.

But I didn't believe that I could have my needs fulfilled by one person alone and always saw myself as a polyamourous bisexual Mistress. My last serious BDSM relationship was a poly triad.

But my current relationship changed my outlook considerably. I found myself not wanting to engage with others - so full with one man that I didn't desire anyone else to play with, let alone love.

I am the happiest I have ever been in a monogomous relationship. That surprises and amuses me.

I also would have considered myself to be pretty sadistic. I enjoyed inflicting serious amounts of pain, and assumed that it was an area that would always be core to my arousal and entertainment.

But the man who serves me so beautifully has a low pain threshold. While I enjoy excercising my dominance by whipping him on occasion, it has faded in importance to me. I realise it is the reaction I enjoy - the submissive's own response to pain, and not the quantity I inflict that makes my clit throb.

I also still have much to learn and look forward to that process. My role evolves month on month. We've been together almost a year and I'm looking forward to the road ahead with impatience and wonder.

_____________________________

“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.”

Faith Whittlesey

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 4

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 10:34:36 AM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I've thought about exactly these things a lot too, and I've only been here a couple of months! I too have gone from a straight sub to a bi switch, I've embraced the fact that I really am a masochist and that sadists can actually be good people (which was the primary block in accepting that I'm a masochist), and that I have a little sadistic side myself and that that doesn't make me a bad person, that was a big step in finding myself here.

There are many other changes I can't do justice to here, I'm just not feeling very eloquent this morning. Maybe I'll be back later with more to add.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to brattysarahjane)

Post #: 5

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 10:48:12 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

When I started out, I was a very frusterated Vanilla. I was too dominant for the vanilla men I kept meeting, but I had no idea there was anything else out there. My next door neighbor in college was an experienced Dominant, and she thought I would do better in the lfiestyle than just trying to readjust my taste in Vanilla men.
She introduced me to a poly group she was involved with, D and s types both, and they taught me that what I liked wasnt wrong. Now, I have been in the lifestyle on and off. I rule it, it does not rule me, and I have given it up on occasion to pursue what I thought would be worthwhile relationships.
Now, though, I know better. I a am Dominant. I am not going to be happy with a vanilla man, unless i have a slave as well. Now, I have my two boys, and I am thrilled. Angel is doing well with me nearby, and Fox is blossoming into a very capable slave.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 6

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 10:59:18 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

I came into this gig thinking all people would take things serious and there would be these wonderful intellectual discussions. It did NOT take me long to find out that some take this life choice as a joke and mock those of us that take it seriously. The ones that really get me are the ones cheating behind their spouses backs and think its fine, but yet if you call them on it or they are found out, they pitch hissy fits and whine ass about it. It is those type that in my view diminish those of us that live the life choice seriously!!

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 7

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:01:21 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i guess i have been lucky...my labels haven't really changed...i am still a bisexual, poly, mostly submissive, slave-like to the right person, masochistic, smart assed, brat kitty with very few limits...i have actually added one limit since i started (related to a rape)...btw...brat is not an excuse to be a disobedient disrespectful shithead...to me it means playful and childlike at appropriate times...but still obedient and respectful...anyway...
the thing that has changed since i first got involved in the lifestyle is that i have grown up...well, duh! ya'll say...you went from 18 to 24, chelle, you're gonna do some growing up....but seriously...i didn't realize how much growing up i would really do in those years...but looking back....omg...how did anyone put up with me?? but thank God they did... (i think Rover knew me when i was 18...he might have blocked out those days though...traumatic memories and all) i was emotionally manipulative and irrational and illogical and heck sometimes i still am....but i am getting better at catching myself and stopping it and appologizing for it when i calm down...because i am human and not perfect....
so yea....thats me...in a nut shell...help help...i don't want to be in a nut shell...i prefer a cage...

chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 8

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:02:23 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

And there are some of us that just think this shit should be fun as well as fulfilling.

Master Stuckinthemiddlewithyou.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to wisteriaV)

Post #: 9

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:06:28 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Ron, I'm curious about the changes you've experienced. (ignore the bitter post, maybe they will get over and post something of value instead).
l

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 10

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:07:26 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Ron now has to take viagra to cock slap his bitches...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 11

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:08:40 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, I used to go to the bar and do the bump tests and shit. Kinda didn't seek accord, rather implemented it, and it pretty much worked.

Now, I will be up front about it. On the order of, see---here's the deal......

I been at this awhile.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 12

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:16:09 AM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

A little over 8 years ago, I walked into a NJ dungeon and said, "I want something here, but I am not sure what. The one thing I know is that I am not into pain."

Well, a lot has changed since then and I can attribute several things to the wonderful people at that dungeon.

I am a submissive, sometimes a SAM, but always playfully and never disrespectful, love pain play, willing to play with both male and female, but want 24/7 with a male Dom.

jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 13

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:16:38 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

Ron now has to take viagra to cock slap his bitches...

cialis, anything----------most like thud rather than stingy in the face.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 14

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:46:55 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

Ron now has to take viagra to cock slap his bitches...

LOL

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 15

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:53:08 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

Ah ... yes. The early days of being a sub, afraid to say anything "wrong", afraid to appear unsublike. Ahhhhhhhh boy. My how things can evolve.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:57:02 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

for someone that had a rape fantasy and wanted to be spanked i guess i have come quite a long way

i'm a slave, (which was always a no prior to Master) i have no limits there is nothing i wouldn't do (for Him anyways)

i'm still humiliated easily, i'm still shy and still very much like a little girl but i think that's something my Master enjoys so he hasn't "broken" those habbits yet....

there's so much and your only finding out the basics.....maybe i'll post more later

~meticulous~

< Message edited by meticulousgirl -- 10/26/2007 11:58:27 AM >

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 17

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:58:02 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for your replies. Details. Here's a laughable one of mine. I started out with the hard limit of no sensory dep. I still will wait a sufficient period of time before doing so in order to give time for the person to know my limits, but now it's much like bondage, a feeling of safety and even a challenge, rather than exclusion.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 18

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 11:59:56 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

oh and not to mention this is no longer play for me......it's my lifestyle and litterally about the only thing in life i actually enjoy at this point (i have a very boring life) four hours a day in traffic doesn't help much......

~meticulous~

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 19

RE: When you started and where you are now - 10/26/2007 12:01:01 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

I was introduces to the lifestyle when a friend asked me to join her at a "fetish club" that night I felt one of the most exuberiant high in my life to that point when she beat me raw. My tastes as a bottom have changed, some hard limits have gone away, others have become less. I tried the submissive role, did not like it. I have tried the Top role, absolutely love it, I have yet to attempt the Dom role outside of a scene, but I have a strong desire for it.

When I started I thought that bottom and sub were the same, so it felt wrong not to want to be submissive. I would guess that in the begining I considered myself a sub, but at this point I consider myself a Toppy switch.

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 20

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