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DMFParadox -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/26/2007 6:34:32 PM)
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I'm not a sub, but I think I can help with this.
Most men DON'T have follow up skills--per se. I'm defining follow up as "Learning about you as a person and not just a picture with boobs in it." They can chat with beautiful friends... sometimes... but if the stakes are a real relationship and kinky sex, then it has to happen as 'naturally' as it does for women, with common interests, common humor and opinions, or even contrary ones that lead to passion on a deeper level. Natural conversation is not easy online; there are differences in the environment. And the Dom/sub dynamic leaves more room for the 'deep commitment' (read: whips, chains, and sex) and less space--initially--for the small talk. Small talk is essential for what you're asking of these men--i.e., a continuing presence. Small talk, or any talk or act beyond the rigid boundaries of submission to a hypothetical female with a picture on a website, requires a bit of courage with a hot chick--since back in ye tribal times talking to the wrong hot chick could get you thoroughly killed by the chief and his buddies. Subs, especially, are feeling this fear and will need you to take charge of the conversation.
You have a couple of choices here: first, you can do what you're doing, screening out the guys that can't get over their fear and the way that they cling to the idea of you as a hypothetical object; but, sweetie, that's ALL men, to essentially the same degree; the men that get past that fear are more lucky than they are superior beings, because they ended up in circumstances that pushed them past it often enough. If you block everyone who won't give you a life story right off the bat, you'll block a lot of solid winners that way, and it doesn't necessarily filter out the losers.
The other thing you can do is start learning to be more adept at the mercenary aspects of small talk, yourself. Become a saleswoman, with the product being you and the price being a fully realized, fully committed, hunk... talk him into the idea. He's a freaking sub. He wants to be a sub because he wants you to make him prove he can be worthy to fuck you, and your criteria of worth is that he talk--er, type--a good game, and keeps it going past "you're so hot, I like everything you want me to like.". You can find subs to do that, and you can even shape subs into doing that--priviledge of being a Domme. But to do that, first you have to master that field yourself.
It will take more time, and a lot--a LOT--of that time will be spent chatting with losers. Gasp! Men do this all the time, we have to. Which is why the 'initial' correspondence of men you've seen is so much stronger. If you want to actively seek out men that meet your standards, then you'll have to master that initial correspondence yourself, talk to HUNDREDS of losers, and get a feel for what works in manipulating them into proving themselves long-term material, and what doesn't.
Oh, a lot of guys will get scared that they're 'friend zone' when you small-talk them, especially after a heavy scene.. So tease. Suggest what you'll do to them, but don't spell it outright until they've spent enough time paying their dues. Don't turn off the heat, but don't turn it too high either.
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