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RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 1:49:21 PM   
RosesHaveThorns


Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Am I the only one here wondering what the problem with the message is? I think I'm horribly confused.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 1:52:52 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

I haven't posted in a while, but I was reading a few profiles today and came across this:

( I have recently met a man that I think will be a wonderful Dom/Master, a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires and who hopefully I can please with my own submission and servitude.  He has me "under consideration" and we shall soon meet.  I really feel good about this, amazingly good and hopeful. )

Fucking Christ.

There are too many broken women trying to rationalize their wounds by hiding them beneath a banner of submission on sites like this.


So... she wrote about her current situation using flowery terms... and this means she is automatically a broken woman trying to rationalize her wounds.

Interesting. Perhaps you should consider that some of us non-broken women still enjoy flowery terms and poetic phrasings when it comes to our relationships and love lives. It's her profile, she can write what she likes.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 1:55:32 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Am I the only one here wondering what the problem with the message is? I think I'm horribly confused.


No you are not alone. Perhaps I am missing something but I don't see "broken woman" in that post

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 1:58:55 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i guess i'm confused as to the problem.  Are there delusional people in the cyber world who confuse text boxes with the art of conversation?  Are there people who replace computers with more traditional forms of human interaction?  Of course.

What had the profile read "i recently met a man at a dinner party that i think will be a wonderful (fill in the blank) and who hopefully i can please with (fill in the blank).  He said he likes me, and we are planning to go out to the movies soon." ?  

There will always be people who are desperate for a relationship.  my own ums have said similar things about first dates.  That they were talking about people they initially met in real life doesn't change much.

my Master and i are so much alike in so many ways that we didn't use "under consideration" or change our profiles until we had spent a couple of long weekends together.  Many would say even that is not enough.

The internet allows us to come into contact with a broader range of people and when one considers the nature of our interests being misunderstood by the populace at large, places like CollarMe tend to be a good place to find potential partners. 

There are plenty of people who would argue that meeting at munch groups is a better way, but munch groups are not all equal.  Where i live, munch groups are NOT a way to meet available people as they are comprised primarily of established couples.  Unless of course i was looking to serve an established couple, it's never worked out for me. 

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 2:01:33 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

The part of the post that bothers me, for those who didn't stop to really read it, is where she says that all they have done is talk online. She is planning to meet this guy in real life... based on what is almost certainly a line of bullshit. You don't need to be a guru on this lifestyle to know that the vast majority of those who make healthy connections in this lifestyle are FAR more carreful than this chick is apparently being.

*snip*

Too often situations like this are not good. The girl is willing to give this guy a chance to hurt her, in all probability, because she has de-valued herself. The guy is, is all probability, working a line on someone he perceives to be an easy mark.

I don't care who you are... that sucks.


This is an internet dating site. You talk to people online and you decide if you want to them based on what you know of them. I've met a few people off here as friends and so far I'm not dead (Thanks for not killing me guys ). I'm planning to meet more once I have more money for travel. If you disapprove of people meeting off Internet dating sites, because you believe it is all almost certainly bullshit, why are you here and actively seeking people?

I actually don't see in the quote that you provide where she says "We have only talked online". Here it is again if someone can point it out

quote:


( I have recently met a man that I think will be a wonderful Dom/Master, a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires and who hopefully I can please with my own submission and servitude.  He has me "under consideration" and we shall soon meet.  I really feel good about this, amazingly good and hopeful. )


Sounds to me like they've talked, maybe just over the internet, maybe with e-mail and on the phones and they are ready for the first meet.

You are assuming a lot about this woman based off her profile. Maybe you should actually talk to her if you are so concerned about it. I mean, she probably isn't posting every single safety precaution on her profile to make sure that no random dominant who has never said a peep to her isn't worried about her being a broken and foolish woman.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/29/2007 2:03:25 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 2:06:38 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Am I the only one here wondering what the problem with the message is? I think I'm horribly confused.


The problem some have believed it to be symptomatic of is.. well.  They think that the women writing the messages have been badly abused enough to the point where they'll immediately attach to anyone who comes along online in a attempt at mending their broken hearts.

No worries; you're hardly alone in not agreeing.

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 2:12:23 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Am I the only one here wondering what the problem with the message is? I think I'm horribly confused.


I'm with you here entirely.
Sounds to me like she just thinks she may have found someone special and is speaking out about the fact. I see nothing that says wounded or puts any red flags up for me.
Maybe shes been a little pre-emptive considering she hasnt met him yet but thats all.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 2:14:02 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		Prinsexx...nice new pic...its hawt...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 2:32:05 PM   
KashmirKitten


Posts: 67
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

I tend to view those posts are likely a consquence of..
1.  Some Dom courts a sub.
2.  Dom puts sub under consideration.
3.  Dom tells sub to put up a message that she's under consideration.
4.  sub tries to please the Dom by writing the most indulgent message possible.

So, yeah.  You don't have to feel bad about it.

I tried two subs from off of this site.  The first, I told her to put up a message saying that she wasn't on the market for now.  She wrote something like that, completely romanticizing it like I was some great idol from Heaven or something, and that she'd love me and be mine for all of time.

By the way, it lasted three dates.  And neither of us was exactly surprised.  It was just a casual go at it.  I'm pretty sure she just wrote the profile in an attempt to be pleasing.



I think this is probably the exact reason why, as it has been observed here on board before, that so many subs on this site have these long poetic profiles talking about how MasterWonderful forever and ever is all she will ever need. You then look up Master W's profile and theres no mention of her or any sub for that matter. That is if there even is a profile. I think its really sad.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 3:38:33 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KashmirKitten

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

I tend to view those posts are likely a consquence of..
1.  Some Dom courts a sub.
2.  Dom puts sub under consideration.
3.  Dom tells sub to put up a message that she's under consideration.
4.  sub tries to please the Dom by writing the most indulgent message possible.

So, yeah.  You don't have to feel bad about it.

I tried two subs from off of this site.  The first, I told her to put up a message saying that she wasn't on the market for now.  She wrote something like that, completely romanticizing it like I was some great idol from Heaven or something, and that she'd love me and be mine for all of time.

By the way, it lasted three dates.  And neither of us was exactly surprised.  It was just a casual go at it.  I'm pretty sure she just wrote the profile in an attempt to be pleasing.



I think this is probably the exact reason why, as it has been observed here on board before, that so many subs on this site have these long poetic profiles talking about how MasterWonderful forever and ever is all she will ever need. You then look up Master W's profile and theres no mention of her or any sub for that matter. That is if there even is a profile. I think its really sad.


*raises hand*  Daddy's profile doesnt mention me.  i know that.  mine mentions him....partly because i was really tired of answering at least 3 emails a day to affirm that yes, i am quite happily collared, and no, i am not interested in doing anything that would damage my relationship with himself.

its also why i changed my picture.  there are some who will NOT respect a profile that does say "only looking for friends" and "taken".  i didnt see the need to get all poetic over Daddy....he knows how i feel about him, and i know how he feels about me.  (he also doesnt check his own mail here over once a week or so)

do i  hope this relationship lasts a long time?  yes.  have i been in relationships that havent?  yes.  one lost to them moving, two lost to death.   so far...things are lovely.

kitten, fairly content

(in reply to KashmirKitten)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 3:43:02 PM   
Kondolinni


Posts: 67
Joined: 4/2/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks to everyone (sort of) for your responses.

Let's get a few things straight:

There is nothing wrong with romance. To be inspired to express yourself with flowery language is nothing more or less than a matter of taste.

Prost!

I am NOT actively seeking at the moment. I am living with my sub. As is clearly stated in my profile. However, I remain a member of this site. Mostly for fellowship with like-minded people. I've been a member of this site for 6 years now. I have used it to date.

I don't have a problem with people meeting online. It works. I've done it. I have a problem with idiots, but that is the grist for another post. I also have a big problem with self-destruction. I have already stated my opinion regarding the post in question. There is no need to state it again. I personally believe the post is evidence that the woman is willing to compramise not only her dignity, but also potentially her safety, in order to be "claimed" by a Dom.

I don't know. I've read everyone's opinions on this. I can't honestly say I find a huge problem with any of them, pro or con. I see some good and some bad in almost everyone's posts in this thread, including mine.

Let me say this: I would be relieved to find that I am totally wrong about this woman.

I am probably not. Almost everyone I know on this site who's opinion matters to me personally agrees.

(in reply to KashmirKitten)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 3:44:34 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

I haven't posted in a while, but I was reading a few profiles today and came across this:

( I have recently met a man that I think will be a wonderful Dom/Master, a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires and who hopefully I can please with my own submission and servitude.  He has me "under consideration" and we shall soon meet.  I really feel good about this, amazingly good and hopeful. )

Fucking Christ.

There are too many broken women trying to rationalize their wounds by hiding them beneath a banner of submission on sites like this.


i had to think about this a while.  i'd have easily written this in feb/march when i was first looking here on collarme.  and yes, i was wounded then (and still am)....

because i was half-heartedly obeying final orders from my late Sir.  he knew me, you see, and knew what would happen to me if i didnt have someone to lean on after he died.  you see....he was the one who picked me back up after james had passed away.   (james had a heart attack, fallcon had cancer.  my bad fortune to have loved them, and my great joy also.)

Daddy has let me lean on him, and propped me back to my own two feet also.  and although i have a past filled with abuses, no, he doesnt abuse me, just lets me BE me, and cares about/for me as i am, while encouraging me to better myself.

would i write something so flowery?  no, but that's because Daddy is more private than that.  but i do have his name in my profile, and i am exceedingly proud of being his.

kitten, thoughtful

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 3:44:35 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

My comments have nothing to do with her being "under consideration".

While I am not one for protocol, I don't care if someone uses this phrase. If you dig it, god bless ya.

The part of the post that bothers me, for those who didn't stop to really read it, is where she says that all they have done is talk online. She is planning to meet this guy in real life... based on what is almost certainly a line of bullshit. You don't need to be a guru on this lifestyle to know that the vast majority of those who make healthy connections in this lifestyle are FAR more carreful than this chick is apparently being.

Could this guy be for real? Obviously the answer is yes. Could this be someting that works for them both? Of course.

Too often situations like this are not good. The girl is willing to give this guy a chance to hurt her, in all probability, because she has de-valued herself. The guy is, is all probability, working a line on someone he perceives to be an easy mark.

I don't care who you are... that sucks.


Yeah they can appear to be walking time bombs, but they are adults and there's not much you can do about it.  Hopefully they wander into someone that gives them some education.
good luck to you,
l

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 3:51:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

I am NOT actively seeking at the moment. I am living with my sub. As is clearly stated in my profile. However, I remain a member of this site. Mostly for fellowship with like-minded people. I've been a member of this site for 6 years now. I have used it to date.

Then you provide a wonderful example of how a profile does not reflect reality. The text in your profile may say one thing, but you still have it set to say that you are actively seeking submissive women. Might want to take care of that.
quote:


I don't have a problem with people meeting online. It works. I've done it. I have a problem with idiots, but that is the grist for another post. I also have a big problem with self-destruction. I have already stated my opinion regarding the post in question. There is no need to state it again. I personally believe the post is evidence that the woman is willing to compramise not only her dignity, but also potentially her safety, in order to be "claimed" by a Dom.

How and why?

Should she post every single step she taking make sure she is safe because the great Kondolinni might not approve of her actions and he wants to know the business of every single woman here who meets someone online? What would make you happy and content that strangers are living their lives well enough for you?

Frankly, I don't post that sort of information here because it's none of anyone's business. Certainly not dominants who care to make guesses about me in a public forum but not actually contact me to ask questions. If they know me well enough to know what details and precautions I'm taking before meeting someone, they know me well enough to have my livejournal, AIM, talk to me regularly on the other side of CM or my phone number. Until evidence is provided otherwise, I don't see why I should assume any less of her.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/29/2007 3:52:24 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 4:08:19 PM   
Kondolinni


Posts: 67
Joined: 4/2/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I changed my profile. It now says I only want to make freinds. To suggest even in the slightest that I am guilty of supplying misleading information is laughable, however. If I had a penny for everytime I miss a box in a long list of questions online, I'd.... have about 9 cents, actually, but that is also besides the point.

Seriously, it was just an over-site.

To all who suggested I simply ignore these kinds of profiles or posts; I do, normally. Ones like this, and others that do not appeal to me for various reasons. That said, isn't this a forum for the exchange of thoughts and ideas concerning the BDSM lifestyle? Is it inappropriate for me to post something that bothers me, as a topic for discussion? Are the only acceptable posts ones that are positive?

To those who suggest that I am overly concerned with this woman's situation; is this true of every post? Does posting on a subject, because you do not agree or perhaps not like the content, mean the original poster is obsessed? How far will we, as human beings, allow this kind of thinking to go?

Should we all think and feel the same way?

I have appreciated the responses in this thread. Positive and negative alike. I am glad that nobody posted something rude or innane (so far)... It seems at least, that the topic was one everyone could render an opinion on.

Sounds like the proper use of the forum to me.

Oh, well.

< Message edited by Kondolinni -- 10/29/2007 4:09:48 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 4:08:53 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires


This is the part of the profile which I have a problem with and probably what Kondolinni is seeing as well that concerns him, it is almost as though she is looking for a crutch to support and take care of her, and suggests she is not really ready for a relationship and puts her at risk of being the victim.


I have used "under consideration" in my profile as well.  but it simply meant t as I am taking time out to get to know this someone better to see if we have compatible interests who lives some distance away before going thru the expense of meeting each other.  I am not looking for a person to take care of my needs, I am very independent, I am quite capable of looking after my own needs /wants.   The difference is I am looking for a partner to share interests in to be the spice of my life not to be life itself.,He is looking for a woman that is strong, is capable and willing to meet lifes problems head on,  can take the initiative, and can use common sense he does not want a doormat or somebody whose nose he has to wipe.   
If I submit to him it will be out out wanting to inorder to please and to recieve pleasure,  not out of need  to inorder to feel complete/whole or out of need to have someone  direct my life, nor will I give up those things that are important to me like my family or my own financial security       


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 4:11:04 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I am probably not. Almost everyone I know on this site who's opinion matters to me personally agrees.

Excuse me!!
I'm sorry to shatter your ego here but there is nothing in that post to say she is damaged in any way. A romantic, yes, damaged no.

man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires
I feel the same about my Sir, does that make me damaged or in need of an emotional crutch?

< Message edited by missturbation -- 10/29/2007 4:12:42 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 4:13:32 PM   
MidnightMaiden


Posts: 142
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

( I have recently met a man that I think will be a wonderful Dom/Master, a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires and who hopefully I can please with my own submission and servitude.  He has me "under consideration" and we shall soon meet.  I really feel good about this, amazingly good and hopeful. )

Fucking Christ.

There are too many broken women trying to rationalize their wounds by hiding them beneath a banner of submission on sites like this.


I could easily have been the author of that, but don't for an instant think that makes me broken.

For 20 years I have been having vanilla relationships, hiding who I am.  Heck I've done the therapy thing to try and reconcile who I am, believing that my kink is a direct cause of child abuse... I mean what normal, healthy, fully functioning female would want to be whipped, bound, humiliated... right?

When you find someone that embraces that part of you, whether it be in real life or online, its liberating.  It feels fucking amazing! Don't think for an instant though that means I have forgotten who I am, quite the opposite in fact. 

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 4:14:26 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

Well, I changed my profile. It now says I only want to make freinds. To suggest even in the slightest that I am guilty of supplying misleading information is laughable, however. If I had a penny for everytime I miss a box in a long list of questions online, I'd.... have about 9 cents, actually, but that is also besides the point.

Seriously, it was just an over-site.

I wasn't suggesting that you were supplying misleading information. I was pointing out how very easy it is to misread a profile since people don't exactly treat them like a thesis.
quote:


Is it inappropriate for me to post something that bothers me, as a topic for discussion? Are the only acceptable posts ones that are positive?

No but that doesn't mean people are going to agree with you or refrain from questioning your stance.
quote:


To those who suggest that I am overly concerned with this woman's situation; is this true of every post? Does posting on a subject, because you do not agree or perhaps not like the content, mean the original poster is obsessed? How far will we, as human beings, allow this kind of thinking to go?

I'm just curious as to why you care enough to post part of this woman's profile in a public forum without saying peep to her about it. I vote you invite her in here to provide her own side of the story.
quote:


Should we all think and feel the same way?

Definately not.
quote:


I have appreciated the responses in this thread. Positive and negative alike. I am glad that nobody posted something rude or innane (so far)... It seems at least, that the topic was one everyone could render an opinion on.

Good to know.
quote:


Sounds like the proper use of the forum to me.


I don't think anyone actually said you shouldn't have posted it or that you using the forums improperly. Just... why let it bother you so much and where you are getting all this broken woman stuff from a few lines on her profiles when you don't actually know a damn thing about her? A small blip from a person's life, taken out of context, doesn't really tell all that much about them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Kondolinni)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wea... - 10/29/2007 4:14:52 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Am I the only one here wondering what the problem with the message is? I think I'm horribly confused.


No you are not alone. Perhaps I am missing something but I don't see "broken woman" in that post


Neither do I. Some people just like to pontificate and assume, and you know what that makes them....

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 40
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