RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts?

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 12:52:17 PM

writergirl

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Lemon for me please!

wg

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 12:54:37 PM

SmokingGun82

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM
yawns at the personal insults... sorry i am too old for high school flaming... next contestant

Saying "I'm too good for this" or any variation is the most pathetic retort possible. You're acting like a self-righteous, holier than thou little prick. Of course you're catching flack for that. It'll continue until your attitude improves or you wander away to spread your pretentious and uninteresting opinions other places.

As for your actual question, like others have said it's not an either or thing for me.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:00:04 PM

CuriousLord

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I typically view Dominance/submission as seperate from sadomasocism, each having its own axis in a graph. (Like D/s is the y-axis with D being the positive side; sadomasocism is in the x-axis with sadist being the positive side.) Pretty often, they're corelated (postive y with positive x, negative y with negative x), but there's plenty of exceptions.

Like, me. I'm really into D/s to the point of it being M/s, and I'm on the M side. But I'm definately not a masocist, and I'm hardly a sadist. So I'd be pretty much high up on the y-axis, very slightly to the right.

I tend to define different types of subsets of the larger set of lifestyles based on this sort of graph.

For instance, pure M/s is on or near the y-axis, far from the origin both ways.
Pure D/s is on or near the y-axis, closer to the origin.
Most individuals seem to fall in the upper right or lower left of the graph (being both Dominant and sadistic or submissive and masochistic), but, again, plenty of exceptions.

I tend to view conventional BDSM as |[M/s]|>|y=x|>0.

Vanilla would be |y| = ~|x| = ~0.

This is my half-assed attempt at expressing one of my thoughts in English while being tired. My apologies if it's incomprehensible to anyone.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 10/29/2007 1:06:42 PM >

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:00:21 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
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The only reason i ever experience B&D and S&M, in the first place, was because a Dominant man brought me into it. He either saw that i had a submissive nature and felt that i would be a willing participant or, he just figured he would try it with me and see what would happen. He was 37 and i was a not too innocent but, somewhat naive 21 year old. He had a position of authority over me, to begin with, not only in his age but, also in our workplace. Yeah, he was my First Sergeant and he was also a very romantic Italian from Newark. He had a very confident aire about him that turned me on like crazy, plus he knew good wine. He didn't talk to me about BD/SM, first. He just did it to me, starting on our first date. He didn't just pounce on me and scare me to death. He did it gradually and step by step. And, each time, he took me farther and each time, i went eagerly and enjoyed it more. He seduced me with His dominance and got me high on a feeling of powerlessness and vulnerability and i was hooked. He took control of me and that's what made me want to do whatever he wanted. He later married me and all the time we were together, he never once heard me say the word "no" or, "i can't/won't."

So, for me, take away the Dominance Factor and i really have no interest in B&D or S&M. But, dominate me and the kinky side of me just flows like a raging river and the more i am dominated, the kinkier i get. They are pretty much intertwined for me but, i am definately more in need of the Dominance Factor than anything else.

slave joy
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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:02:02 PM

Viridana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM
Personally I always viewed D/s M/s as the relationship dynamic... the S&M being a kink much like any other. Sometimes I get the impression that people forget the differences

These are different categories that you decide to make according to whatever reasonings you have. Others may or may not share your view on categorization so why should there be any qualms about "differences to forget"

quote:

Personally, I am not a kinkster, but to each his own. I do find that many enter into the "lifestyle" for the kink and thrill more so than the totality of a relationship... it becomes more about the sex than the relationship as a whole.

You are obviously inclined to d/s or m/s dynamic as you stated in your post. So it's not unusual or surprising that your vision of a different dynamic isn't that expanded. And that's all right in it's own way. Most of us see the world from a center point, ourselves.

What you fail to notice here (according to your post) is that for many people kink isn't connected to sex, at all or little. Just as for many d/s is merely a kink during sex.

As a person who only engages in s/m play I can tell you that trust, honesty and spiritual connection is just as important as in any power exchange relationship. I am trusting my spouse to do (and have overview over) extreme things to my body and in doing so, trusting him with my life and wellbeing. That is something that is way beyond mere sexual arousal and sexual focus (specially since for us, play isn't sexual at all), and because of our intensity of play, it affects our whole relationship, so s/m play is deeply intergrated into the totality of our relationship.

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:06:42 PM

slavemaia

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Joined: 8/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

So I am being all introspective today... What are your thoughts and feelings on S&M kink vs D/s M/s

Personally I always viewed D/s M/s as the relationship dynamic... the S&M being a kink much like any other. Sometimes I get the impression that people forget the differences

being a s&m bottom does not make you necessarily a sub/slave. same god for Tops vs Dominants

Personally, I am not a kinkster, but to each his own. I do find that many enter into the "lifestyle" for the kink and thrill more so than the totality of a relationship... it becomes more about the sex than the relationship as a whole.

I prefer 24/7 M/s relationships... thats just my "thing"... but find the whips and chains boring in terms of sessions (though i do love a woman in chains... so maybe i have some kink in me... or is that more of a fetish lol )

thoughts?

i view kink and M/s as different as well. It's very possible to have a M/s relationship with no kink at all. i'm not into many kinks but there are a few we have incorporated into our relationship simply because they're fun and intense.

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:08:57 PM

MasterDaveM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM
yawns at the personal insults... sorry i am too old for high school flaming... next contestant

Saying "I'm too good for this" or any variation is the most pathetic retort possible. You're acting like a self-righteous, holier than thou little prick. Of course you're catching flack for that. It'll continue until your attitude improves or you wander away to spread your pretentious and uninteresting opinions other places.

As for your actual question, like others have said it's not an either or thing for me.

if stating that i am "too good" for personal insults is self righteous, then self righteous i am... it is beneath me. next...

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:10:57 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

What are your thoughts and feelings on S&M kink vs D/s M/s

Being a sadomasochist, I'm all over S&M and I'm not particular about who's topping or who's bottoming to whom. I'm completely switchy when it comes to pain. Giving, receiving .. both good. Unless I happen to be engaging in S&M with my own Master, sexual intercourse (of any sort) is not part of the pain package though despite the fact I may get the wet squishy's from engaging.

On the flip side, I'm not at all switchy when it comes to M/s. I'm the 's', period. Call it hard wiring, call it nurture, call it a tomato. It is what it is and it's the most important part of who I am. I can go without chess, video games and the entertainment of S&M, but I can't stop being who I am nor do I want to nor would I try.

I think BDSM and M/s hold hands very well together but they're not required to marry one another. You can have one without the other or, you can be like me and enjoy all the letters in the acronyms and I wouldn't ever say to anyone they are right or wrong for taking the parts they enjoy and leaving the rest behind.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:17:00 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

In it's simplest breakdown.....

Dominant/submissive is who we are.

Master/slave is our relationship.

Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism are activities we participate in.

This is the way i see things as well. It was through my need to experience B&D that i discovered who i am.

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:45:10 PM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM
if stating that i am "too good" for personal insults is self righteous, then self righteous i am... it is beneath me. next...

and dissmissive... wow, you're really racking up brownie points with the regulars...

here's a little hint....have you ever hung out at a bar? or a restraunt where the same people went every day? you know how its a bad idea to waltz into one of those places with established regulars and act like you know something or you're all that and a bag of chips? it's the same way around here...we all paid our dues...pay yours, then you get to be a smart ass...

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:50:38 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM
yawns at the personal insults... sorry i am too old for high school flaming... next contestant

Saying "I'm too good for this" or any variation is the most pathetic retort possible. You're acting like a self-righteous, holier than thou little prick. Of course you're catching flack for that. It'll continue until your attitude improves or you wander away to spread your pretentious and uninteresting opinions other places.

As for your actual question, like others have said it's not an either or thing for me.

if stating that i am "too good" for personal insults is self righteous, then self righteous i am... it is beneath me. next...

Are you sure you're not a masochist? You're seriously inviting some unpleasant results with this attitude. We're all different here. For the most part, the one thing we have in common, the one thing we all attempt to preach is TOLERANCE. You've broken the only one rule while looking for something common. That's it, that's our commonality. Learn it and get the hell over yourself.

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:52:12 PM

MasterDaveM

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
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quote:

and dissmissive... wow, you're really racking up brownie points with the regulars...

here's a little hint....have you ever hung out at a bar? or a restraunt where the same people went every day? you know how its a bad idea to waltz into one of those places with established regulars and act like you know something or you're all that and a bag of chips? it's the same way around here...we all paid our dues...pay yours, then you get to be a smart ass...

now who is acting "all that"? who is the one stating that i have to tip toe around until i have your acceptance? you assume that i want or need it and that i am not my own man. there are no dues to pay because this place isnt "my life". if it has become "your life" and anyone posting here must meet with "your" approval then perhaps it is you who are thinking too highly of yourself.

i have as much right to post as i see fit as long as i am not outright harrassing or insulting another... (though the regulars seem to be quick with an insult)

i am my own man. i do not seek validation from "online regulars" .... right, wrong or indifferent... i do not follow "the crowd"... i stand on my own merits... and stand firm on my own convictions. insult me if you wish... it is beneath me and i will not trade 3rd grade name calling with anyone. i am better than that and in more control of my own actions as a man than that.

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:53:21 PM

LadyPact

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My return question in this is..... Why can't anyone be more than one?

I owned My first slave years ago. I was his Mistress. I have been involved with other submissives (yes, different term) since then. I was their Dominant. In the course of time, there have been folks that I played with casually. I was their Top. None of these is greater or lesser than the other. Some of them happened at the same time. Even with My boy today, I still have others that I engage with casually. The benefits of one don't outshadow the other. All experiences are worthwhile. Of course, ymmv.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:56:35 PM

Decimus

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Hmmm Sherbert? Are you buying?

*hoping this helps to stop flames*

< Message edited by Decimus -- 10/29/2007 1:57:45 PM >

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Here is my story that some people have asked for, www.beginningofdreams.com

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 1:56:42 PM

MasterDaveM

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quote:

My return question in this is..... Why can't anyone be more than one?

i dont see why you couldnt be more than one. how you conduct yourself with one doesnt have to neccessarily be the way you conduct yourself with another...

i would think that there are some consistancies of personality but you can take on any role that you see fit based on a multitude of factors (desires, whims, interest, attractions, respect, etc)

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 2:05:55 PM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

now who is acting "all that"? who is the one stating that i have to tip toe around until i have your acceptance? you assume that i want or need it and that i am not my own man. there are no dues to pay because this place isnt "my life". if it has become "your life" and anyone posting here must meet with "your" approval then perhaps it is you who are thinking too highly of yourself.

i have as much right to post as i see fit as long as i am not outright harrassing or insulting another... (though the regulars seem to be quick with an insult)

i am my own man. i do not seek validation from "online regulars" .... right, wrong or indifferent... i do not follow "the crowd"... i stand on my own merits... and stand firm on my own convictions. insult me if you wish... it is beneath me and i will not trade 3rd grade name calling with anyone. i am better than that and in more control of my own actions as a man than that.

then deal with the "online regulars" bashing you and quit your whining....its annoying....and it will get worse if you continue with your holier-than-thou attitude...find something crazy like...humility...

as "acting all that"....its not an act....i know my place on these boards...i also know that there are a few that don't like me...but, ask around...there are plenty that do...i just don't mince words or coddle people...

btw...i didn't see any 3rd grade name calling...that would have been calling you a stupid head, liar liar pants on fire...the name calling that was done with a much higher education...

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 2:12:40 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

quote:

My return question in this is..... Why can't anyone be more than one?

i dont see why you couldnt be more than one. how you conduct yourself with one doesnt have to neccessarily be the way you conduct yourself with another...

i would think that there are some consistancies of personality but you can take on any role that you see fit based on a multitude of factors (desires, whims, interest, attractions, respect, etc)

Which was My point of the post, exactly.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 2:16:50 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

now who is acting "all that"? who is the one stating that i have to tip toe around until i have your acceptance? you assume that i want or need it and that i am not my own man. there are no dues to pay because this place isnt "my life". if it has become "your life" and anyone posting here must meet with "your" approval then perhaps it is you who are thinking too highly of yourself.

i have as much right to post as i see fit as long as i am not outright harrassing or insulting another... (though the regulars seem to be quick with an insult)

i am my own man. i do not seek validation from "online regulars" .... right, wrong or indifferent... i do not follow "the crowd"... i stand on my own merits... and stand firm on my own convictions. insult me if you wish... it is beneath me and i will not trade 3rd grade name calling with anyone. i am better than that and in more control of my own actions as a man than that.

then deal with the "online regulars" bashing you and quit your whining....its annoying....and it will get worse if you continue with your holier-than-thou attitude...find something crazy like...humility...

as "acting all that"....its not an act....i know my place on these boards...i also know that there are a few that don't like me...but, ask around...there are plenty that do...i just don't mince words or coddle people...

btw...i didn't see any 3rd grade name calling...that would have been calling you a stupid head, liar liar pants on fire...the name calling that was done with a much higher education...

We may not always agree but chelle's honest and intelligent. Your comments on her life are inappropriate as you know nothing about her and if you did, you'd think twice about such comments.

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 2:19:08 PM

missturbation

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but i am one for clean little catchall boxes... even if life doesnt always fit in one

Figures!!
Labels, labels, why why why?
Why do you have the need for things to fit into nice little boxes?
Why not accept that most of us fit into far more than one box.
I alone fit into:-
Mother
Employer
Slave
Slut
Friend
Daughter
Employee
Freak
Masochist
Etc etc etc

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RE: S&M kink vs Master/slave (or Dom/sub) thoughts? - 10/29/2007 2:21:46 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Your comments on her life are inappropriate as you know nothing about her and if you did, you'd think twice about such comments.

The problem is, this insinuates that he is capable of thinking once before speaking, let alone twice.

That would be a third grade insult, which feels oddly appropriate here.

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It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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