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Flipped your.. Switch? - 10/31/2007 2:12:07 PM

MIstrezzTanya

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

I am a Dominant Female. naturally.
I have been practicing BDSM as a Mistress for the last 7 years or so.

and I believe in power exchange.

I struggled to admit this at first but I have been magnificently topped, by an alpha male. (vanilla! imagine that!)

I never really considered myself a Switch, however I SEE the submissive struggle within myself, and have accepted that title in THIS particular situation ..lol (I was told that being a Switch is kind of like being demoted.. I wonder if thats a common thought.)

and I was wondering first if there were other Switches here that once identified as Dominant.

and

other than the person that you Switch with.. do u still consider yourself a Dominant, or do you identify yourselves to all others in the lifestyle as a Switch?

Miss Tanya

_____________________________

Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life... lol

http://360.yahoo.com/mistrezztanya

Post #: 1

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 10/31/2007 2:52:43 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I am a switch whose primary role is submissive, so I'm not sure I qualify to answer some of your questions and I would suggest you ask it in the Ask a Mistress section as this section doesn't get that much traffic and I can think of several there who might have more specific answers.
Only you know if this is a limited thing to this one paticular person. Is it a demotion to be who you are? Are you more concerned about the crowd and having the appropriate label than being yourself? These are not snarky questions, because while I view it as ridiculous, yes, there are many in the lifestyle that will tell you that being a switch means being confused and roleless. To them I say, I'm happy, if you don't like it, don't fuck me

.

good luck to you,
l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/31/2007 3:17:47 PM >

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 2

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 10/31/2007 4:17:47 PM

Mercurialdame

Posts: 66
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I personally, would identified as dominant. In life, career, parenting style, you name it, alpha all the way. But had always thought, 'if' i ever met a person, who inspired submission in me, id give it a go. Just never found one.
Then in my 40's i did. Bang!
I was not gonna let this opportunity to experience, all that i had given to others slip by, not if it took 40 yrs to crop up!. And began getting to know him.
We met, chemistry at 100%, and within a hour, im playing at a level ive never been before. A complete virgin almost. He did things to me, ive never had done to me. Only done to others. Its fantastic!
The submitting to his will part, well, we started bedroom only, then leaked a little outside of that, gradually finding our own level.
We are a very loving couple first and foremost. We are D/s 24/7 as in not bedroom only, and we live together. With my daughter.
When you've been a single parent, with a successful career, your own home/car, etc. What do you 'need' a man/dom for? That was the crux of our relationship. I simply did not have a need to be micro-managed, by someone, who frankly, manages his affairs less well than i do. So im not going to be taking financial, or budgetry advice from this guy. I had to look very honestly at what i needed from him, and visa versa.
Now, ive grown and can accept his role for me, and mine for him. He takes care of me, like im a queen. Im often struck by how odd it is, that what i sought as a Domme, was found as a sub. The true inner needs. To be thought the world of, to be No1, to be 'the' one. Sod all to do with bdsm, more to do with being a person.
The sex side of things, well, ive never had a problem getting laid lol. And kink is easily available from others. But kink with a dynamic, a huge dollop of love, now that's intense!
Go for it!
Its about the journey, not the destination.
md

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/2/2007 5:58:24 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I am ME .. plain n simple . Some people s energy draws me to them in a manner i get down on bended knee , others i must have- share and experiance in a Topping role .And then others ,that nothingness energy ,where i do not care to do a thing , maybe ask them to please move outta the way of the finger foods . I have Never felt demoted ,nor ashamed , maybe greedy at times ?...Changing roles to me has never been a struggle either its just been natural . Yet on the subbie bottom side of me i will admit i am picky , just cuz your a Domme does not me you get a bdsm exchange with me .In short if your desire is strong enough try it wit people you know and trust and have some fun then sam I am you may like green eggs and ham .However if your uncomfortable , uneasy , worried what people will say and think of you for swapping roles you are in then it may not be for you . best wishes

(in reply to Mercurialdame)

Post #: 4

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/3/2007 3:40:35 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

My question to you would be:

You were topped....so what did that entail? Because if it were just being topped, perhaps you are a Dominant female who (likes pain/bondage/etc). It doesn't always mean you are a submissive unless you have the urge to actually submit to someone and serve them. My being a painslut has nothing to do with my need to serve my partner. In many cases, I tell him to give me pain, but sometimes it is he who wants to give me that pain without me asking/ordering it.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 5

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/3/2007 7:20:44 PM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Becoming a switch is a promotion ;)

You are learning the experiences and emotions of both sides of the whip. TO me that is much more balanced.

fergus

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 6

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/4/2007 5:21:35 AM

deadscout

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

I only started exploring my submissive side about a year ago and am presently working and growing in my personality and discovering a lot of new things. It is something that I am glad I didn't miss. I only recently thought it best to call myself a swith because I am so dominate and have been for so long. It just doned on me that it would be most honest to describe myself that way.

(in reply to fergus)

Post #: 7

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/4/2007 6:25:24 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Being switch is "less than" being pure dominant? Less than being purely submissive? Tanya, I don't know who you've been listening to, but obviously they have some very odd ideas. Kink is not some kind of high school "clique" that you have to belong to one camp or the other... (although there are plenty within the lifestyle who would really like it to be... ex-cheerleaders and football players, mostly) No, we just do what we do, enjoy the hell out of it, and tell everyone else who tries to judge us to kindly piss off.

I came at this situation from the opposite end. I was/am primarily submissive, but found I had toppish feelings toward certain people. (I guess I got a "promotion?") Strangely, I never had the kind of identity crisis that you seem to be expereinceing. I just thanked God that I have the ability to enjoy myself, no matter what the dynamics between me and my partner(s) end up being.

(in reply to deadscout)

Post #: 8

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/5/2007 8:43:26 AM

SpielMitMir

Posts: 80
Joined: 1/16/2006
From: Pittsburgh/Chicago
Status: offline

I still list myself as a Dominant no matter what we just did.
Switching when the mood hits me doesn't make me feel in anyway less controling at the end of the day. If someone feels I am. Then I guess we just don't see eye to eye.

When I switch I want to feel pain from my partner. I am a sadist. But also love getting what I gave to someone.

Could I switch with someone and they asked me worship their boot? Nope, sorry. I think I would die from laughing.

I had a convo with a male Dom the other day. After our talk he says I would never make a good sub/slave. Which was fine with me since I don't see myself as one. A lot of painsluts don't like to be controled. Like a lot of slaves don't like pain. Does that make a sub/slave less submissive?

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 9

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/28/2007 12:18:54 PM

Teles

Posts: 44
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

I would say I'm dominant in 99 percent of my dealings with anybody and the idea of submitting to most people is disgusting to me.

Yet, in my current relationship, I totally identify as a submissive. I think it just depends on the person you're involved with.

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 10

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/30/2007 4:37:57 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

I consider myself human. I really don't fit into anyone's buckets. This isn't about my personality. For me it's all more nuanced. And no I don't consider switch to be a "demotion". And don't give a fuck about others who do. the world is too full of narrow-minded box fillers for me to care about their perception of my life and choices.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 11

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/30/2007 10:59:51 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

The whole idea of someone being either totally dominant or totally submissive is completely idiotic. Dominance and submission don't exist in a vacuum; they're RELATIVE terms, requiring at least two parties. You're only dominant or submissive in relation to another particular person.

Also, nobody is dominant to EVERYONE or submissive to EVERYONE. If people like that existed, what would happen when two "dominant to everyone" people met, or two "submissive to everyone" people met? An implosion like matter and anti-matter meeting? It's ridiculous.

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 12

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 11/30/2007 1:13:40 PM

deeddlit

Posts: 484
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm with azropedntied on this one...it really does depend on the energy that is happening between me and the other person/s. I feel my biggest hurdle in this area is not fighting my natural feelings when that happens.

I am a dominant personality for the most part in most situations, but when someone inspires my submissive side, it is just as intense and deserves to be payed attention to.

Deeddlit

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 13

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 12/1/2007 7:57:55 AM

BayouSub

Posts: 40
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

The whole idea of someone being either totally dominant or totally submissive is completely idiotic. Dominance and submission don't exist in a vacuum; they're RELATIVE terms, requiring at least two parties. You're only dominant or submissive in relation to another particular person.

Also, nobody is dominant to EVERYONE or submissive to EVERYONE.

Absolutely true. Ultimately, the issue of dominant or submissive is resolved between two persons. Many of us prefer the submissive side so we seek out individuals who prefer the dominant side. However, I do often meet individuals where it just feels right for me to take the dominant side and I really enjoy dominating them. I do it for my own enjoyment but I well understand their enjoyment in submitting to me. So my dominance or submission is relative to the person with whom I am interacting.

As you said, dominance and submission don't exist in a vacuum.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 14

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 1/31/2008 2:40:33 PM

EmergingMe

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MIstrezzTanya

other than the person that you Switch with.. do u still consider yourself a Dominant, or do you identify yourselves to all others in the lifestyle as a Switch?

Miss Tanya

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 15

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 1/31/2008 2:55:57 PM

EmergingMe

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline

Woops sorry! lol
Here is my take. (For what it is worth) The way I view me being a switch, is very dynamic. In my business world, I am the Dom. I control everything and everyone in that world, regardless of their position, or association to me.

In my personal life, I am Submissive only to my Dom and whom he orders me to be submissive to.

During play time, I submit to D and Dominate our third. So, technically, I switch roles, but it is based upon the partner that I am with and the situation that I am in. I am NEVER Dominate over my Master.

I don't really have any answers for you, just sharing how different each individual "switch" functions within our own comfort level.

Always seek those who are open, honest, and free of judgement. Being a switch is not a bad thing! It is wonderful!

Good luck

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 16

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 1/31/2008 7:17:45 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Its not a big deal...people make it a big..deal <shrugs>

I am what I am and if I dont want to sit on the sidelines...I sure don`t have..to.

Enjoy it...

(in reply to EmergingMe)

Post #: 17

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 2/1/2008 5:24:12 AM

XtreamMind

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Im often struck by how odd it is, that what i sought as a Domme, was found as a sub. The true inner needs. To be thought the world of, to be No1, to be 'the' one.

VERY interesting observation! It kind of happened to me when, as a Dom, taking responsibility for everything under the sun(wink)...well one day I think I just got tired. I thought "DAMN, I'd like to just be mindless and let someone else "take the ball" for awhile. Kind of like "Do you care enough to give me a break? Can I 'give it up'?" And the more I think about it, the deeper the dichotomy goes.......Controlling by submission?.....Or was my sub really a highly skilled, patient Domme,luring me into her trap over the years?....ok, I'm going to go shoot some pool before my head explodes.

(in reply to Mercurialdame)

Post #: 18

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 2/1/2008 5:43:03 AM

Parataxis

Posts: 56
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Despite what some people make pretenses of, there are no 'rankings' of players. Switches are not better or worse than Dominants, who are no better or worse than Subs, who are no better or worse that Switches; we're all just people enjoying ourselves while exploring ourselves. This is not a hierarchy, this is an open field.

Personally, as I've never met a single soul who is 100% dominant or 100% submissive (just like I've never met anybody who is 100% gay or straight), I wonder about people feeling the need to classify themselves. Really, everybody is a switch, some just fall more (sometimes vastly more) to one side than the other (or are willing to admit it).

Your question strikes me as similar to the issue of sexuality in general. If I'm a lesbian but I sleep with a man (and enjoy it), am I still a lesbian?

If I had to put a label on you, I'd say that the most appropriate one was switch with dommy tendencies. But I don't have to put a label on you (and you don't have to put one on you either) so I won't. I'd just say that you enjoy yourself.

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 19

RE: Flipped your.. Switch? - 2/2/2008 4:22:02 PM

Biwesttnswitch

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline

Above all else, be true to yourself. Life is not always black and white, if it was wouldn't the world be a lot more boring place? SMILE, and enjoy everything you experience, as long as you take something positive away with you that is all that really matters in the end

(in reply to MIstrezzTanya)

Post #: 20

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