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RE: Relationship question - 8/4/2005 1:47:14 PM

LilyOR

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Joined: 7/26/2005
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And that's exactly what I fear the most...being able to tell the difference between him really truly coming around, and, well...coming around because he's lonely. The key is being able to tell the difference, and it's really hard. That's when those who advise "bail out" tell me that if I have to even WORRY about that...it's not a good thing.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

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RE: Relationship question - 8/4/2005 2:17:03 PM

Fidelity

Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
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Did you ever get to the root of why he's afraid to commit?

Sometimes it happens from bad past experiences that create this fear. Which is not to excuse it-but it may be that he feels the need to express devotion in other ways now.

Try to remember-not everyone will express love the same way that you do.

(in reply to LilyOR)

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RE: Relationship question - 8/4/2005 2:47:11 PM

LilyOR

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity

Did you ever get to the root of why he's afraid to commit?

Not yet. I suspect it's a combination of both emotional issues and logistic issues.

The emotional ones are possibly due to a rejection he took really hard that I suspect he hasn't recovered from. Years ago, though...I suspect it's left him with committment issues.

The logistic worries he has are legit, but shouldn't, in my mind, preclude him from having feelings for me. Since he has previous issues, though, it seems as though the logistic issues are enough, in combination, to make emotionally back off. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to justify or reason for him. The worries he has involve the fact that I live in a college town 1.5 hours away, and am in professional school. He worries about my being that way for almost 3 more years. Also, our age. We both want a family (babies). Though I am a fit woman and take care of my health more than many, he worries about my age at first birth (it would be 39 or so).

Last night, he told me that he wanted to get those worries out on the table to work them out, so that he could eliminate them as worries, and maybe be able to dig more into his feelings. He's trying.

(in reply to Fidelity)

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RE: Relationship question - 8/4/2005 2:48:31 PM

LilyOR

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Joined: 7/26/2005
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Um...I need to learn this system better. That "reply" above isn't all a quote. The quote is the question at the top. My response starts with "Not yet"

OOps.

(in reply to LilyOR)

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RE: Relationship question - 8/4/2005 4:32:05 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilyOR

And that's exactly what I fear the most...being able to tell the difference between him really truly coming around, and, well...coming around because he's lonely. The key is being able to tell the difference, and it's really hard. That's when those who advise "bail out" tell me that if I have to even WORRY about that...it's not a good thing.

in my previous post, i mentioned that there is no way to know for sure if this fellow is sincere. i'd like to expand on the suggestion i made. mostly, because it is what worked for me, both with ending it with my former Master, and with taking the giant step of trusting the motives of my current Master.

it is easy to say "It sounds bad, walk away."

but it does not seem like you are ready to walk away.

if you can ask yourself these questions, they might help... well, the answers might.

-If you do go back with him, what are the possible outcomes?
--If your heart is broken again, can you handle it?
--Is it worth the potential good outcome to risk your heart being broken?

-If he is sincere, and can commit, and does love you, is that what you want?

-Could you go on with the intimacy, but no "I love you's," just to have that intimacy?
-- Would that be worth it?

-Is the emotional drain of resisting his attempts to reconcile worth trying to maintain even a friendly relationship?

-Have you let go?
--Do you really want to?

-If you have some time to mourn the relationship, will you be alright and find another?

-Is there something not-yet-finished about this relationship with this man?

for me, i had to ask myself these questions... and i decided that even if i got my heart broken again, i had to try, for He is the one i want a future with. there is no doubt, now.

but if He had tried to let me go, it would have been worth it to be His again, even just to try.

that's me, though.

You can not know what is truly in his head, until he shows you. All you can do is decide if you want to try to cross that road again without knowing the rate of the traffic.

i wish you so very much love, and luck, and happiness.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to LilyOR)

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