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Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/2/2007 11:10:10 PM

IanS

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/1/2007
Status: offline

I hope the title gets some attention here. I've been in the lifestyle for a while now, and recently I've talked to several newbies who are getting disenchanted with the lifestyle because of some unscrupulous few who are passing themselves off as Masters/Doms, etc when in reality they're nothing more than users, losers, and abusers. Okay, we all have our kinks, I guess, but trying to say that there is only one path and ideal in this lifestyle, then forbidding the newbie from seeking advice elsewhere is just totally insane! Advice to the newbies, and to anyone else who happens to be curious about their situation: seek out different perspectives on the subject. There are some excellent sites out there that will give you the benefit of opinions. If your prospective Master/Dom tells you that you shouldn't be looking elsewhere for information, that His/Her word is gospel and that you will just have to learn from them I have one thing to say: "Be afraid, be very afraid!" Back away and quickly, get another perspective. Your life, health, and emotional well-being is more important than rushing into something without the right preparation or education of the subject. Okay, now I'll get off my soap-box for a while!

Post #: 1

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/2/2007 11:29:38 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

There are definitely alot of users out there. Had a couple of bad experiences myself, but I don't judge others based on what someone else did or take it out on them.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to IanS)

Post #: 2

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 12:42:50 AM

slimcontroller

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

Bored again ! Replied to my mails and now what - look at these forums. ( and no I am not prepared to enter in to discussions about whether, what or why the english plural !)

Ian that reads as sound advice. I will only add ' Get a life ', which is meant as advice too. Try and get to a munch or somewhere you can meet real people. They won't bite - usually - and then only if you ask. I know it can be daunting just to turn up and you haven't caught your Dom(me) yet, so go with a fellow subbie.

Slimc.

(in reply to IanS)

Post #: 3

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 12:58:45 AM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

I have met 2 blatant liars/losers on here but I am not going to let them make it bad for the next guy..I also dont leave myself open to being hurt which definately helps ...I didnt before the two fuktards that may be why I had a fast "move on time" LOL..Im sure there will be more but thats part of life......I totally agree with you *Ian* on seeking out different perspectives.....

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to slimcontroller)

Post #: 4

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 1:08:18 AM

MistressPurpleFL

Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

Yes it is unfortunate that sometimes a few bad apples ruin the whole barrel. Getting burned unfortunately comes with being a human being and especially with the internet and all the posers it can be rather frustrating. We just have to take our time and be aware of ourselves and the people around us. My thing is if I smell BS I am out. I have no time to waste and so I will not waste other peoples time. I treat others as I would like to be treated. I take a person at face value until he or she shows me that they are not really who they are and once I do that I MOVE ON. I do not punish the next person for what the last did but I am careful.

Smiles,
MP

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to mya75)

Post #: 5

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 7:59:18 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)

Post #: 6

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:01:14 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy.

I keep telling women to drop the castle realm crap and get a life. But they don't want to listen-so I guess they will just have to suffer at the hands of those-who have seen that movie too.

I can see by your eyes you must be lying
When you think I don't have a clue
Baby you're crazy
If you think that you can fool me
Because I've seen that movie too

The one where the players are acting surprised
Saying love's just a four letter word
Between forcing smiles, with the knives in their eyes
Well their actions become so absurd

So keep your auditions for somebody
Who hasn't got so much to lose
`Cause you can tell by the lines I'm reciting
That I've seen that movie too

It's a habit I have, I don't get pushed around
Stop twinkling your star like you do
I'm not the blue print for all of your B films
Because I've seen that movie too

Elton John

< Message edited by RRafe -- 11/3/2007 8:02:43 AM >

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:09:31 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy.

This goes for the men as well.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:11:56 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy.

This goes for the men as well.

If you are totally out of contact with the bedrock-nothing you build has a chance of standing.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:16:56 AM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

Ditto the OP's comments - it also should be true for everything you do - seek out other perspectives, learn, soak up knowledge.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 10

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:30:33 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

No matter how in touch you are with yourself, ANYONE can get played. It goes a long way to have a sense of self, and a set of desires and goals.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MrSpectacular)

Post #: 11

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:41:08 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

No matter how in touch you are with yourself, ANYONE can get played. It goes a long way to have a sense of self, and a set of desires and goals.

a favorite saying of mine, which i like to think i made up, but could be stolen-who knows.....is....

someone can only play you if you hand them the instrument......

so i respectfully disagree that anyone can be played.....

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:43:11 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

No matter how in touch you are with yourself, ANYONE can get played. It goes a long way to have a sense of self, and a set of desires and goals.

I agree with this. It's not so much the being taken or played as much as how you deal with it and how long you allow it to go on that's important.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 13

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:47:09 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

I always find it strange that posts like the OP suggesting that newbie subs are careful tend to come from male Doms. Is this a touch of White Knight Syndrome in action?

Amazingly, although people may be new to this site or new to the lifestyle, they are not actually new to life. Many have plenty of life experience behind them and are well able to spot the ones to avoid just as they are able to do so in vanilla relationships.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 14

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:48:24 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

I always find it strange that posts like the OP suggesting that newbie subs are careful tend to come from male Doms. Is this a touch of White Knight Syndrome in action?

Amazingly, although people may be new to this site or new to the lifestyle, they are not actually new to life. Many have plenty of life experience behind them and are well able to spot the ones to avoid just as they are able to do so in vanilla relationships.

The men are too embarassed to post that they do the same things.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 15

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:54:09 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

Personally, I enjoyed reading yet another self idolizing post where yet another dominant places himself on a pedestal high above everyone else by negating over people with stick figure labels based on whatever flaws and imperfections they have as individuals that could possibly cause some of kind of emotional issue to a submissive or slave.

This wave of judgment and righteous that is washing over me as I feel the urge to join in the delusion that I don't have any bad behaviors or problems that could possibly qualify me as a "user, abuser, and loser" in the eyes of another dominant trying to get a submissive to show him her boobs is kind of a nice psycho high.

Thank you for the viewpoint.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to IanS)

Post #: 16

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 8:58:25 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slimcontroller

Bored again ! Replied to my mails and now what - look at these forums. ( and no I am not prepared to enter in to discussions about whether, what or why the english plural !)

Ian that reads as sound advice. I will only add ' Get a life ', which is meant as advice too. Try and get to a munch or somewhere you can meet real people. They won't bite - usually - and then only if you ask. I know it can be daunting just to turn up and you haven't caught your Dom(me) yet, so go with a fellow subbie.

Slimc.

It could just be where i live but i have never ever ever met a potential partner at a munch, demo, or any other community event. But i still get out from behind the computer and spend time with people. It's a healthy thing to do.

The real issue is just to know that there players, users, abusers, and losers. Period. They attend munches too, by the way, it's not any different than any other aspect of life. The trick is to not allow oneself to be motivated by desperation. A person can be a whole person without a partner, they can be just as interesting, engaging and worthy when not in a relationship.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to slimcontroller)

Post #: 17

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 9:38:51 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy.

I keep telling women to drop the castle realm crap and get a life. But they don't want to listen-so I guess they will just have to suffer at the hands of those-who have seen that movie too.

I can see by your eyes you must be lying
When you think I don't have a clue
Baby you're crazy
If you think that you can fool me
Because I've seen that movie too

The one where the players are acting surprised
Saying love's just a four letter word
Between forcing smiles, with the knives in their eyes
Well their actions become so absurd

So keep your auditions for somebody
Who hasn't got so much to lose
`Cause you can tell by the lines I'm reciting
That I've seen that movie too

It's a habit I have, I don't get pushed around
Stop twinkling your star like you do
I'm not the blue print for all of your B films
Because I've seen that movie too

Elton John

yep the caslte relem and other sites. I think you have to learn the basics which is understand the balance of two sides NIlla and bdsm they are intwined. yes there are bad apples. It is easy to feel hardend with bad relationships back stabbing, Gossip. cheater abusive peeople. So what is it all about. Just being the best you can be for you. When you bring the best of you to someone you want to be with then it becomes the best of we. being the best of one unit. It really is that simple. Hard part is finding who you are

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 18

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 11:02:36 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

There seems to be an almost inverse proportion law involved here:

How competent the "Dom" is inversely proportional to how much fantasy-based material he has absorbed.

Being able to differentiate between fantasy and reality is what makes up the second "S" (sane) in SSC. This is one of the primary reasons I have a low opinion of folks who style themselves around fictional material. Fanboys who have forgotten that they are not living some pulp novel have no business having a whip in their hand when they are around another person. I don't care if their particular brand of fantasy is: the Beauty Trilogy, Story of O, the fiction of Desade, Masoch, Gor, or the Marketplace novels.

"Get a life, will you people?" -Shatner

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 19

RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers - 11/3/2007 11:16:37 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

There seems to be an almost inverse proportion law involved here:

How competent the "Dom" is inversely proportional to how much fantasy-based material he has absorbed.

Being able to differentiate between fantasy and reality is what makes up the second "S" (sane) in SSC. This is one of the primary reasons I have a low opinion of folks who style themselves around fictional material. Fanboys who have forgotten that they are not living some pulp novel have no business having a whip in their hand when they are around another person. I don't care if their particular brand of fantasy is: the Beauty Trilogy, Story of O, the fiction of Desade, Masoch, Gor, or the Marketplace novels.

"Get a life, will you people?" -Shatner

Oh MAN, super QFE.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 20

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