RumpusParable
Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laurell3
In your opinion, if you are in the situation where aftercare can be given, is it discretionary on the part of the Dom/me or a necessity to those that engage in bdsm? If you have the opinion that it is up to the Dom/me, why? and what is your response to the backlash or difficulties the sub/slave may have without aftercare?
Really I think this is one of those things that should be touched on beforehand or be familiar enough with the person's personality and play to know what to expect, then decide whether to scene in the first place based on that.
I think going into it just assuming that everything after is going to be how you need or like it is just as foolish and responsibility-avoiding as choosing to go blindly into a scene itself. If you don't talk about it first or have a long history of pattern with this person, it's on one's own head if it there is no aftercare and they are prone to needing it... or even just *may*.
I think it's discretionary as anything else in life -for the dominant/top or the sub/bottom. Getting away from the less known person and into a long, established relationship whether it was required or optional for the dominant to give aftercare would depend on the relationship and the scene. But again, that's true for the sub/bottom as well -they may or may not feel that this particular time they want or need it.
Depending on the relationship, I would generally say that the option is up to the dominant. If a sub has chosen to be with a dominant that doesn't always give aftercare and they are a person who absolutely must have it, then it's their fault for choosing to be in a relationship where they are not compatible with their mate. Conversely, if they *are* staying then aftercare can't really be *that* necessary for them.
Also, again depending, there may be a reason for the dominant to not be giving aftercare in certain situations. I mean planned, intentional and with a goal in mind. Some people are heavy into training of various sorts and this can be one of the tools.
For that matter, dominants/tops sometimes need aftercare, too. In my personal experience, they need it more often than bottoms/subs.
I've rarely played or partnered with a sub that seriously needed aftercare beyond some rest at times... but doms/tops almost constantly seem to be needing care after our scenes. Not all, but most.
This is a bit of a repeating issue because I only do play where I'll need aftercare with one person, all the rest of the things I dowith other people I do not need it and I tend to end up with shaken-up tops regularly...
On the top side of things, I am not an aftercare person (beyond safety measures like bandaging anything that needs it or such) and avoid play with those that require it.
< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 11/6/2007 7:48:10 PM >
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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.
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Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.
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RE: Aftercare: discretionary or necessary? - 
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