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if you are queer.. - 11/3/2007 5:48:49 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		Do you identify primarily as non-vanilla/kinky etc or do you primarily identify yourself by sexual orientation?

I guess I am called bisexual. It's not that I give everyone a chance, males and females- my relationships with women operate through a certain dynamic and fill certain needs of mine while my relationships with men are of a different flavor.

I have some involvement with the queer scene but really see my sexuality as kinky. I think I feel my sexuality has more in common with straight or gay kinky people over bisexual women.

How do others feel?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/3/2007 6:40:41 PM   
SubtleEmbers


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		well, I feel that you really need to work on your wording and approach....

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/3/2007 6:45:07 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Do you identify primarily as non-vanilla/kinky etc or do you primarily identify yourself by sexual orientation?

I guess I am called bisexual. It's not that I give everyone a chance, males and females- my relationships with women operate through a certain dynamic and fill certain needs of mine while my relationships with men are of a different flavor.

I have some involvement with the queer scene but really see my sexuality as kinky. I think I feel my sexuality has more in common with straight or gay kinky people over bisexual women.

How do others feel?

Geeze

First you come on here and state that overweight submissives are only here because it's the only way they can 'find a relationship'; and now you are babbling about queers?

Where the fuck did you learn communication skills? From your skinny friend?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/3/2007 6:46:07 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		? In this part of the country, queer seems to be the preferred nomenclature for the LGBT crowd. Some people, I suppose, still find the term disparaging.

(in reply to SubtleEmbers)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/3/2007 7:22:55 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Do you identify primarily as non-vanilla/kinky etc or do you primarily identify yourself by sexual orientation?

I guess I am called bisexual. It's not that I give everyone a chance, males and females- my relationships with women operate through a certain dynamic and fill certain needs of mine while my relationships with men are of a different flavor.

I have some involvement with the queer scene but really see my sexuality as kinky. I think I feel my sexuality has more in common with straight or gay kinky people over bisexual women.

How do others feel?


"The queer scene" WTF?

I would think most will feel the same as me, that you are obviously here for the sole purpose of posting inflammatory remarks.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 3:47:21 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		You are certainly forthright in your questioning. I don't know if you get off on being so blatant or if you really don't know how words can trigger people. I suggest doing a little research as to how the general population of CM interacts, if it is the latter instead of the former. If you do get off on being a rattler of cages ... well ... carry on.

In answer to your question, I identify most strongly with submissives. I am bisexual (my profile says "straight" because it cuts down on the perv mail on the other side) and at this time I am a yaldah (girl) with an Aba (Daddy).

I don't particularly identify with other bisexual women only based on sexuality. The degrees of bisexuality are different. I prefer men but like to mix things up once in awhile and am really drawn to boobs. ~shrug~ I don't hunt for women, don't often get the appetite because I'm not much on casual play.

I don't particularly identify with other girls in the Daddy / daughter dynamic because it is also a matter of degree. Our relationship is not describable but definitely has the D / d element, but there are also times that Aba is Adoni. The nurturing nature goes away and is replaced by something entirely different, something sadistic and hard. At those times, I am zona, no longer a beloved yaldah, but instead I am a piece of flesh / furniture / fuck toy to be used for his pleasure.

Relating to others is complex and most often situational. My submissiveness, however, is never situational and is always a part of me.

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 3:56:47 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		WTF???

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 4:12:19 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		I didn’t read the other post about overweight women but I feel every individual thread should be dealt with on it’s on merits. Maybe this thread has no merits at all but why are some people dragging up the other thread  to attack the op with?

Also the term queer is perfectly acceptable in some areas to gay people. What people find offensive is really funny to me sometimes e.g. people find the term straight perfectly acceptable but the opposite of straight is bent and people don’t like that term so much. The word gay also used to mean happy so are we now saying straight people are all sad?

Worrying about offensive words means missing the really offensive things in society.

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 5:49:33 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		And for every person a majority finds offensive there is always at least one, that wants to build themselves a pulpit and preach to the masses about acceptance and manners and blah blah blah blahhhh.

Next cause?!?!? Anyone??

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:05:14 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		kitttty,

Oddly enough, "Queer" is still considered a derragatory remark here. A lot of the BDSM community still isn't comfortable with the term even though many of the GLBT communities reclaimed the term a deacde or so ago. (Using it as a term for those of us who are extremely versitile in our sexuality.) Just a word to the wise... use it cautiously. 

For my own part, I tend to describe myself to others as being BDSM oriented first, and a bi male second. (Actually, both the terms get used after a lot of other descriptions, like artist, woodworker, writer, theatre techie, avid reader.... etc.)

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:14:18 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Do you identify primarily as non-vanilla/kinky etc or do you primarily identify yourself by sexual orientation?

I guess I am called bisexual. It's not that I give everyone a chance, males and females- my relationships with women operate through a certain dynamic and fill certain needs of mine while my relationships with men are of a different flavor.

I have some involvement with the queer scene but really see my sexuality as kinky. I think I feel my sexuality has more in common with straight or gay kinky people over bisexual women.

How do others feel?


I won't react to this in a negative way although I am also tempted to say WTF?
I identify myself by the power dynamic primarily and then by orientation, usually but not always.
This is because at this point in time I have only been submissive to male dominants. However I am a switch and I switch when I am with a woman. I do therefore get the urge to hunt for women. Two of my closest friends are a gay man a nd a gay woman (both use the term queer in an affectionate way about themselves and others).
I have intra-switched in one relationship with another switch but that was complex. And I am in the process of interviewing submissive males, but that is to serve myself and my Dom.
I would prefer the term pansexual to describe my orientation. But polybi will do.as I cannot remain for long in a monogamous relationship without cheating (never a good idea with an astute Dom) or getting depressed becase my needs aren't being met.
But I believe for as long as we have labels we have doagnoses from the norm.
Follow?.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:17:44 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber


(Actually, both the terms get used after a lot of other descriptions, like artist, woodworker, writer, theatre techie, avid reader.... etc.)


Yes agree I would have to say; mother, writer, artist, teacher, therapist, psychic, inastiable mad woman first........just in case anyone thought that bdsm procuupied me..........?

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:18:55 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And for every person a majority finds offensive there is always at least one, that wants to build themselves a pulpit and preach to the masses about acceptance and manners and blah blah blah blahhhh.

Next cause?!?!? Anyone??

earth worms..........?

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:20:09 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Do you identify primarily as non-vanilla/kinky etc or do you primarily identify yourself by sexual orientation?

I guess I am called bisexual. It's not that I give everyone a chance, males and females- my relationships with women operate through a certain dynamic and fill certain needs of mine while my relationships with men are of a different flavor.

I have some involvement with the queer scene but really see my sexuality as kinky. I think I feel my sexuality has more in common with straight or gay kinky people over bisexual women.

How do others feel?


To start with, I have no problem with the queer terminology. Just for the people objecting to the term... the OP is correct, it's a word that's been reclaimed within the community.

I'm bi and have been in a committed lesbian relationship for more than a decade. It's also a D/s relationship.  If you walk up to me and ask me about who I am, I won't tell you bisexual, lesbian, queer, or kinky.  I am likely to tell you I'm a technical writer, or that I am a history geek.

When I am looking for ideas and suggestions and feedback about kink, I come here. Or attend a meeting of like-minded folk. I don't have to tell any of you I'm kinky, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, n'est-ce pas?

If I attend a Gay Pride event or workshop at the GLBT community center or a Queer Film Festival, sometimes people do in fact split hairs about what being bisexual "means".  Older dykes in particular are hostile about self-identifying as bi while living as a lesbian. My suspicion there is that they had to fight harder than I to acknowledge and embrace their sexuality, and they see claiming "bi" as "trying to pass". I note that the much younger people don't seem to have this issue so much. But that's the only venue in which people seem to worry about it much.

My advice - don't worry about putting yourself in a particular box. Abandon labels and just BE.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:46:54 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Oh well, I thought it was an interesting post/question; sincerely asked without malice or intent to offend. 

The word *trannie* was my social faux pas........ As I recall, it was very nicely pointed out that SOME  people aren't comfy with the word. I was used to being around ones that used the word themselves. I was educated about something that I was unaware of at the time, and the conversation carried on without any daft shock/horror that I had *put my foot in it* unintentionally.

Anyhow, in answer to your question; I don't do either.

I've not actually thought about which is uppermost, which is why I liked the question. I haven't a concrete grasp on what I *am* sexually because I'm not attracted to females and the way I'm attracted to males  isn't in a completely female way. I don't see myself as kinky either, because even though I might be seen that way by others, it's all normal to me.

Conclusion; I don't do either and I don't know.

agirl









(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:55:07 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And for every person a majority finds offensive there is always at least one, that wants to build themselves a pulpit and preach to the masses about acceptance and manners and blah blah blah blahhhh.

Next cause?!?!? Anyone??


Sorry did I superglue your eyelids open, shove your face in front of the screen and force you to read?

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 6:58:22 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		i pick 1230 pm eastern time for when this one gets pulled....wheres the office pool?

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 7:00:33 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		drive by posters are like that  lol But here is the thing I might be wrong in this. I think more then half on here are Bi maybe more. I think being gay or lesibian is to be able to love like nilla people do you know date flowers love the whole thing.  I might be confuzzeled  never really look at that side of things much. Just kinda shrugged and went ok 

(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 7:02:05 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I don't compatmentalize myself nor do I go looking for a group to belong to. I am who I am. All of these parts go into making me me. I don't think that being a straight woman trumps being submissive, or that submissive is more important than liking bondage. Or even that my preference for chocolate ice cream is more important than my love of miniature golf. Those are all aspects of me, and all of them need to be satisfied from time to time for me to be happy.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: if you are queer.. - 11/4/2007 7:06:01 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And for every person a majority finds offensive there is always at least one, that wants to build themselves a pulpit and preach to the masses about acceptance and manners and blah blah blah blahhhh.

Next cause?!?!? Anyone??



Sorry did I superglue your eyelids open, shove your face in front of the screen and force you to read?


Awwww, did someone get up on the wrong side of the alter this morning?

Oh, and I identify as a sarcastic bitch wayyyyyyyyyyyy before I identify as queer, kinky or any other such label

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/4/2007 7:09:21 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 20
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