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RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 7:48:52 AM

Lashra

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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Truthful, being pleasing and living a lie perhaps is determinental to the relationship.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 21

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:07:15 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A Dominant friend asked me: which is more important - being truthful with a Dom, or pleasing the Dom, especially if it is not possible to do both?

How is it impossible to not do both? I just don't get it. Give us me an example. I thought of a few examples and in all the examples I created, lying would simply lead to further displeasure. Lies have a way of surfacing and once it surfaces, wouldn't that cause further displeasure. For example---Master wants to do a scene. Part of the way through, he asks how I am doing and I respond that I am fine simply because me taking more would please him, but really I am not fine and I wind up harmed because of it. In my case that would simply piss him off more than if I said, "Master, I am having trouble with this."

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 22

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:15:28 AM

deziray

Posts: 18
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A Dominant friend asked me: which is more important - being truthful with a Dom, or pleasing the Dom, especially if it is not possible to do both?

Telling the truth is much more important. If he asks a question that he can not handle the answer to; that is his fault, not mine; he should not have asked to begin with.

J has always told me, from the beginning of our relationship; if you can not handle the truth, do not ask. He employs the same advice on himself.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 23

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:18:14 AM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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there has been an important lesson that people have been trying to teach me for i don't know how long, but i think i finally got it in this phrase "It's not what you say, but how you say it"....and to me that means i can think that my Dominant is being a complete asshole, but i can't say that....what i can say is "Sir, i don't think that you are considering everything in this situaton." or "Sir, my feelings were really hurt, can we talk about it?" it's the truth, when i thought it, it was a truth that would have gotten me in a lot of trouble....but rethought and reworded, it can be expressed in a better manner...

chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 24

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:19:33 AM

submittous

Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
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Truth is an absolute necessity in M/s relationships, pleasing a Dom comes and goes. Better to have a displeased Dom than no Dom.

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"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 25

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:35:54 AM

SoHott

Posts: 80
Joined: 11/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A Dominant friend asked me: which is more important - being truthful with a Dom, or pleasing the Dom, especially if it is not possible to do both?

what is truth..?

_____________________________

If everything in life was free
We'd float in our own reverie
The things that you can't seem to see
seal the gap between you and me

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 26

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:36:51 AM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

I agree that telling the truth is the most important. In my relationship lying could mean more then just displeasing Him it could mean the end of the relationship.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to submittous)

Post #: 27

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:38:26 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A Dominant friend asked me: which is more important - being truthful with a Dom, or pleasing the Dom, especially if it is not possible to do both?

Truthful. If I lie to him I am being displeasing.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 28

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:38:26 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

There is no way to please him without being truthful. It is not an either or question. I will choose to be truthful and pleasing. If I were to lie he would not be pleased with me. If I tell the truth, he will be pleased that I told the truth even if he is not pleased with the answer.

Knight's Kyra

Exactly.

Plus you can deliver truly terrible truths in the approach fashion -- that is what tact is about.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 29

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:46:26 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gillybean

I have in the past said exactly what i think and feel to him, and i get reminded that i am taking the fun out of it and i don't get spoken to again until i speak in a way he finds acceptable and say things he wants to hear.

When Valyraen wants me to say specific things because he wants to hear them, he just tells me to. If my being honest about a scene (say he is hitting harder than I would like) would take away from his enjoyment, he simply doesn't ask. He knows that I will not volunteer the information unless it becomes an actual issue.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to gillybean)

Post #: 30

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 8:54:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

FR

In past threads, plenty of subs have said that they would withhold or lie about fantasies or other things because it's not necessary to share them in a relationship or upset the dom about them.

The REALITY is that a lot of doms are seriously insecure and don't want the whole real bald truth, you know "they can't handle it."

The good news is that people who want and actively make long term fulfilling relationships work are the ones who know the truth.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 31

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 10:05:29 AM

rmanrr

Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline

Greetings
To no one in particular.
I wonder what it is about sundays...brings out My weird side perhaps.
This whole thread....reminds Me of Jack Nicholson "YOU CAN"T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"...Now what movie was that from? A few Good Men I think...heh heh
As for Me and My woman....the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...whether it is delayed by a couple of days due to weather, or circumstances....being at the moment LDR...but not for long. She and I are of the same opinion on this matter. Which is quite good since we will be cohabiting the same space.

_____________________________

Be Well, Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 10:22:32 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VieVivante

Although this is an important question, does anyone really expect someone to admit on this board they would lie rather than tell the truth? Just curious.

Dunno. I'm the self-confessed liar on this board.

I tell situational lies and I really don't worry at all about saying so. M asks questions knowing I'm going to lie....... we're weird perhaps, we find it amusing. Is lying lying when you both know the truth?

In answer to the OP......... It's not possible to displease him with the truth....it's possible to upset him a little, frustrate, anger or even hurt him, but not displease and that's my only experience with being owned.

agirl

(in reply to VieVivante)

Post #: 33

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 10:43:36 AM

slaveofKaos

Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Definatly being truthful as far as I'm concerned. I know my Master would rather me be both, but if I could only be one he would perfer me to be truthful as he does not stand for lies at all in any situation for any reason.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 34

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 11:40:28 AM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A Dominant friend asked me: which is more important - being truthful with a Dom, or pleasing the Dom, especially if it is not possible to do both?

the truth..
I have learned>
I could never displease him with the truth as much as I would displease him with a lie.

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 35

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 11:50:08 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I have had to tell him some truths that outright pissed him off. But he has made it clear, he may not like what I have to say, but he needs to know it. Withholding information - be it my feelings, my thoughts, inappropriate actions, or anything else - is presenting him a false situation with which to work. Do I want him to Master my life or do I not? If he is to do so, he needs to know everything, and the truth about everything. He has always made it clear, "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me the truth."

We can always work through the anger and the problem, he has shown that. But relationships based on lies are doomed to failure. I'd rather deal with his anger and continue in a healthy relationship than live inside my head, knowing a different truth than he believes. Such seperation of spirit will only grow until it is unfixable.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 36

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 2:24:55 PM

MistressPurpleFL

Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

One must always be honest with oneself and with their partner. I would rather have a submissive be honest with me than lie to please me SINCE I despise liars. I may not always be pleased with an answer but I will always be pleased that I was told the truth.

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 37

RE: Which is more important - 11/4/2007 2:34:45 PM

forg0ttenclone

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

I would have to say it's impossible in this lifetyel to NOT be honest. Being honest is a MUST, period. Trust is a very big player in a D/s relationship. You cannot violate those relationships with lies and dishonesty. I cannot lie to my Dominant. Even if my honesty meant me getting into more trouble. Fine. So be it. I'd rather get in trouble be being honest, than violating trust by dishonesty. It's a no-brainer for me. Honesty, period at all times.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 38

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