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RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 7:13:57 AM

thetammyjo

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If you brought up the issue in therapy then it must bother you at some level.

While I don't think it is ever appropriate for a mental health care provider to tell you what to think or feel -- I believe their job is to help us discover it ourselves, he is correct that you may want to explore your feelings more.

If he brings it up when you do not, you might want to consider a different therapist. There is a fine line between trying to run your life and helping you learn to run it better.

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(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 61

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 8:26:53 AM

miladyh

Posts: 64
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I didn't say it was anything but strange. I'm not a psychiatrist and I don't play one on tv. I have, however, worked FOR psychiatrists, psychologists, and other levels of mental health professionals for years. Advising them on how to run their practices most efficiently, how to get their billing done correctly, all of the "business" side of mental health. Seeing patients for free is MUCH more common among the lower levels than at the MD level. Not saying it never happens, saying it is very uncommon. And many times, the provider either sees the patient for free or not at all. For instance, if a patient has Medicaid, but the provider doesn't take it, then the provider can see the patient for free but NOT for cash. That is just one example.

I'm betting whoever is responsible for your psychiatrist's business would rather have you pay $20 or so a pop than nothing at all. Support staff ALWAYS recommends/advises/begs the doctors to just practice medicine, and stay out of the business side of it.

Cali

As a mental health Case Manager that works very closely with the Psychiatrists and the patients I can tell you that many of my client's believe they are being seen for free as well until I explain to them they are board pay.

What this means is the county's Mental Health Board will pay for psychiatric care for individual's in the county that do not have the means to pay for it themselves and do not have public or private insurance. Many times the client is unaware this exists and the office of the Psychiatrist will automatically sign them up for this service.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 62

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 8:37:18 AM

batshalom

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Joined: 9/17/2007
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As someone who is indirectly in the industry (and studying neuro-, bio- and cognitive psychology) I haven't met a psychiatrist who told patients what they are thinking or feeling, or what they should or should not do in situations like this. It is counterproductive. Perhaps it is due to my region or the people with whom I choose to associate, but the proffered scenario does not say "pyschiatric relationship" to me.

(in reply to miladyh)

Post #: 63

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 9:35:02 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: miladyh

not have public or private insurance. Many times the client is unaware this exists and the office of the Psychiatrist will automatically sign them up for this service.

Lord have mercy, I wish our county allowed us to do that! We have to have the patient's signature on the signup forms, we have to have their signature when we need approval for more visits, etc., etc.

And for the PP who mentioned the Victims of Crime Program (formerly called "Victim Witness" in Calif)... every state in the U.S. has some version of this program and I highly encourage people to apply if they are either a victim of crime, or a "bystander" that has been affected by crime. VOC is the "payer of last resort", meaning if you have regular insurance, that pays the bill first, but if there is a copay or other out of pocket expense, then VOC will pick that up. If you have no insurance at all, then VOC will pay it all (up to certain maximum benefit limits) and it is a good deal for the doctor. In Calif, they pay MORE than alot of commercial insurance companies.

Cali

(in reply to miladyh)

Post #: 64

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 10:24:23 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I told me shrink that my vanilla boyfriends had been highly affectionate and that I liked the physical affection.

If you trust your mental health professional, and s/he has not steered you wrong before, why are you bucking it now? You provided your MHP with information (quoted above) and now, say that it's ok to live without affection. You're the one contradicting yourself (esp now that I've gone and looked at a number of your other posts outside of this thread.) It sounds like maybe the MHP is telling you something you don't want to hear. There is a ton of evidence pointing to the fact that you are in fact, unhappy with the goings on in your relationship. Own your unhappiness and become actively involved in doing something about it. Settling for something that only meets half your needs is selling yourself short.

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 11/10/2007 10:30:40 AM >

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(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 65

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 10:38:40 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Anyhoo, back to the action..........................

OP, there is no one, NO ONE, who can validate your feelings and thoughts and wishes, except for you. A psychiatrist, or anyone else, can only look from the outside, not from the inside where you are.

If you are ok with the way things are, fabulous. If you are not ok with it, fabulous too. It just means either finding a way to deal with it, or letting the relationship go. A chance for growth and understanding.

Humans are capable of great change, especially when the changes are of their choosing. I used to be quite co dependant when I was very young. Circumstances changed, and I could no longer hang on to that person and my co dependance. Therefore, I had to rethink what I was capable of dealing with and what I wasn't. I'm not saying it's always ideal, but it is YOUR choice, whichever way you go.

You don't need your psychiatrist to tell you something is unhealthy for you. He simply gives advice, based on his knowledge and opinion. He isn't living your life. You are. Listen to your quiet self and find your own answer.

I stopped reading when I got to this post, because it made the most sense to me so far, in fact, from where I am in life, it made absolute perfect sense.

I used to feel somewhat slighted because my Master isn't affectionate. Then I learned to read him and know him and recognize that HIS way of expressing affection is simply different than MY way of having recognized it before. Now I see his affection in all sorts of ways, I only needed to open myself up to doing so.

I also used to be quite co-dependent and clingy, and felt if that "need" of mine wasn't fed, then I wasn't getting "enough." That was an internal lie, and I have since developed into a person who loves affection but doesn't wither without it, like I used to.

Also, back when I was complaining to a friend about what I perceived to be his lack of affection, she simply asked me whose body this is, and had I really given it over to him to do with what he wanted, or was I still controlling what happened to it? She knew my view of slavery meant giving everything over so she called me on it. My body is my Master's body to hold or not hold as he sees fit. I understand this philosophy does not work for everyone, but it worked wonders for me.

Finally, I also had received affection from past boyfriends. Affection does not equal a healthy relationship. A lot of men who beat their wives silly end up holding and kissing them afterwards. It doesn't equal an unhealthy relationship, either. It is simply an element - of many, many elements - within a relationship.

So, as Miss Magnolia so wonderfully said, listen to your quiet self, and find your answers.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 66

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 10:58:28 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

The reason he thinks my relationship i flawed for me is because I noted that Master is not highly affectionate in the sense that he does not hold me or kiss me on the lips everytime he sees me, nor does he seem to see me as much as he has time for. Master sees me at least once a week and on those times he spends the night or an entire day with me, but he does not seem to want to see me every other day yet.

Look: I just walked from a so-called Master. He also did not, or witheld kissing on the lips. He used it as a carrot on a stuck...just do this for me, just do that....and I will kiss you. Bahhumbug!
Just put yourself in the shoes of someone who would not, could not, didn't feel the need to kiss another...even as after care or friendly affection, or even as good friends might kiss, or a mother kiss a child? What would that mean? That the person you were witholding kisses from meant nothing, or was not kissable, or you felt no emotional desire for them?

My so-called Master also asked me to find a woman for him, or a couple for him...actually I did....I folowed through with everything....baby girl I just served it. But in the end he turned out to be heartless.....so I walked...and yes I cried leaving and yes I felt drained and yes I felt used....but you at least have beauty and youth on your side and the luxury of a boyfriend and also the luxury of no kids dependent on you (as yet).

But I fear for you and I respect the approach your shrink is taking with you....it is not directive, it is allowing you to unfold and realise your needs. It simply feels like you need a Master who kisses you.

So find one.
I am meeting a new one on Thursday. We have text, chatted and spoken by phone. One of the things I said to him was: ~look I am needy. That is because my needs aren't being met.~ He simple said: ~I will fulfill your needs if you tell me what they are.~ There is a maturity with some Masters that doesn't naturally some wih age. It simplt comes with by having Mastery.
Good luck. Hugs hon.

Prinnie

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 11/10/2007 11:01:34 AM >

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 67

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 11:02:34 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

My best friend ever is a psychiatrist...I met him while he was still in school, dated him for a few years,now we are closer than any couple I know, we don't sleep together since I got deeper into the kink lifestyle than he ever wanted to go...but I will say he sees people for free all the time...a good example is when Katrina hit, and busloads of misplaced people hit Charlotte...he would go to the hospital and his office all day long, then go to the coliseum and help out with all the hurting people there...some people honestly do choose the medical/mental health profession for the good that they can do, not just for the money they can make...and no he I am not a 'case study' for him, nor is he writing a book about me

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 68

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 11:06:10 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

As someone who is indirectly in the industry (and studying neuro-, bio- and cognitive psychology) I haven't met a psychiatrist who told patients what they are thinking or feeling, or what they should or should not do in situations like this. It is counterproductive. Perhaps it is due to my region or the people with whom I choose to associate, but the proffered scenario does not say "pyschiatric relationship" to me.

Dear Batshalom: and allso to help kittty. It may not be cognitive...it sounds like person-centred...a very different approach but still within a psychiatric context.

Prin xx

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 69

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 11:06:38 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Well the OP was not in Katrina, that was a disaster, that is far different than the OP's situation. I wasn't trying to say they are in it for the money.

Cali

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 70

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 11:07:34 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Not everyone who goes to a psychiatrist is "mentally fucked up" - it's a rather hostile way of putting things.

I can relate.

I hate it when I take my car to the mechanic, people automatically assume that there might be something wrong with it.

What are they thinking?

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(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 71

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 11:10:37 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My body is my Master's body to hold or not hold as he sees fit. I understand this philosophy does not work for everyone, but it worked wonders for me.

I understand and totally support what you are saying. But whilst I gave myself over completely I still discovered I needed a Master who could and would be able to show affection as well as sadism. So it wasn't the dynamic which was not for me it was the master.. Maybe you could argue that I did not therefore give myself over...but he drained me of my capacity to love. I was pulled into a heartless world where i did not want to be.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 72

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 11:13:16 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Not everyone who goes to a psychiatrist is "mentally fucked up" - it's a rather hostile way of putting things.

I can relate.

I hate it when I take my car to the mechanic, people automatically assume that there might be something wrong with it.

What are they thinking?

And not every psych wants to work only with the 'fucked up'. Just like a car mechanic might do a routing maintainance check, long term therapy is also about supporting the person's on going ell being.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 11/10/2007 11:14:08 AM >

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 73

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 11:20:33 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

why do you have a boyfriend and a master?

Yes I saw that....but each to their own.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 74

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 12:25:25 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

why do you have a boyfriend and a master?
Yes I saw that....but each to their own.

Some people do poly.

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(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 75

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 12:30:26 PM

Domisub111

Posts: 14
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

I think you should find a shrink who is more kink friendly. They do exist!

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 76

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 12:42:31 PM

kitttty

Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline

1) I said it before, Ill say it again- I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND. not aside from the Master. My OP did not state that I did- it implied that in the past I had boyfriends.
2) My srhink has not acted in an unprofessional manner, I do not think. He did not tell me to get rid of the Master. He did not tell me what to do at all.
3) I have good health insurance, but my shrink does not ascribe to it. He saw me when I was unemlpoyed and had no insurance and he still does not seem to care to collect much money from me. I am still relatively low income and paying $200/hr would be impossible (minimum going rate in this area for MDs).

4) My issue is whether or not affection is a necessity for me. As of now, I am not strongly pining for it. This might change. I certainly do not expect the Master to change his behavior to me. I also do not know if the lower amount of demonsrated affection will grow to become problematic for me.

(in reply to Domisub111)

Post #: 77

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 3:57:01 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

kitttty, i think there's a question of boundaries involved here. IMO, your therapist is out on a limb telling you that a particular relationship is destructive, etc. My understanding of theraputic techniques is that he/she would raise the question and help you explore it, which might prove quite fruitful.

Maybe you can redirect the theraputic dialogue to this subject, because in the end what matters is what you feel.

pinksugarsub

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Post #: 78

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 4:30:10 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Not everyone who goes to a psychiatrist is "mentally fucked up" - it's a rather hostile way of putting things.

I can relate.

I hate it when I take my car to the mechanic, people automatically assume that there might be something wrong with it.

What are they thinking?

yeah i know... sheesh what dolts.... and you only wanted a tune up and oil change

_____________________________

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Post #: 79

RE: My psychiatrist is against the Master. - 11/10/2007 5:14:44 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Not everyone who goes to a psychiatrist is "mentally fucked up" - it's a rather hostile way of putting things.

I can relate.

I hate it when I take my car to the mechanic, people automatically assume that there might be something wrong with it.

What are they thinking?

yeah i know... sheesh what dolts.... and you only wanted a tune up and oil change

yeah and there I was looking for a lifetime's guarantee from a kwik fit-fitter.....derrrrrrrrr

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 80

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