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red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 10:11:46 AM

Obedient1nPA

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i asked one about his info as far as full name,address,phone numbers to be reached at, employment status, living status etc...and i was told that i was being disrespectful and doubting him......i am like hmmm time for me to move...

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 10:16:13 AM

Celeste43

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How long had you talked to him before you asked all this. Because I wouldn't give up my privacy like that in the first chat session. Many people who prefer to meet immediately don't ask any of these questions until after the first meet, when they are sure they want to see the other person again.

He might well be saying that you wanting all this immediately is a privacy invasion and threat to him, and deciding this is a red flag for him.

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 10:17:07 AM

agirl

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How long have you known him?

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 10:18:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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THe problem isn't that he didn't want to give up that info, it's the reasons he gave. He tried to shame and guilt you into not asking questions. That shows insecurity and lack of mature relationship skills.

I wouldn't give that information to you either likely- but I'd simply say "I'm not comfortable sharing that at this point in our relationship. I understand if you need that for your own security, but it doesn't work for me and I don't find it necessary. I'm fine if you feel you need to not meet with me because of it."

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 10:18:24 AM

sakidorei

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i concur with Celeste. What is He asking of you in order for you to feel that this type of information is necessary?

~saki
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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 11:29:10 AM

phedre81

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I agree that the problem is his reasons for not wanting ot give the info--you may or may not have been reasonable in asking it (I would certainly want some of that info before I met anyone in private), but his answer seems to show a lack of respect for you, and the concerns you might have about your safety...

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 3:16:07 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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your line of questioning seems to me that you were going do a police search on him. i agree with him - i wouldn't give up private info like that so readily until i feel comfortable with that person.

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 5:21:18 PM

asubmissiveheart

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These questions are reasonable depending on how long you had known him?
How long had you been talking to him?

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 5:39:16 PM

azropedntied

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what no DNA report ?criminal record ?family history ?I agree that basic info can and should be gathered but also depending on time known and the level of the relationship .

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 5:44:08 PM

juliaoceania

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FR

I see no problem with asking someone what they do for a living, if they have a job, if they live alone, and if I had been talking to him for more than a few weeks on instant messenger or emailing, that would get pretty tiring. If someone did not want to move to phone conversations, was acting as though their entire life was some kinda national secret... hell yeah that would be a red flag!

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 5:56:10 PM

eyesopened

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When my Master wanted me to fly out to meet Him in person, then i asked Him for His full name, address, (i already had His phone number because we'd been talking on the phone for a while). If we were going to meet locally for coffee i might not have asked for His address but since i was going out of state, it was important. He was very willing to give me the information i requested. i would not have considered it a red flag if He had not be comfortable with it during our initial emails.

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 7:17:16 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

THe problem isn't that he didn't want to give up that info, it's the reasons he gave. He tried to shame and guilt you into not asking questions. That shows insecurity and lack of mature relationship skills.

I wouldn't give that information to you either likely- but I'd simply say "I'm not comfortable sharing that at this point in our relationship. I understand if you need that for your own security, but it doesn't work for me and I don't find it necessary. I'm fine if you feel you need to not meet with me because of it."

I agree with LA.

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 8:24:16 PM

Lordandmaster

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Yeah, I agree with LA too.

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/10/2007 10:54:34 PM

trusting

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no one is going to give you all of this information right off the bat! it all depends on how long the two of you have been talking, if a few days... i would hope He would not be telling You all about Himself. but, if for a few weeks and you know nothing of Him and have not at least been able to contact Him by phone, i would let it be! there are so many married men on here playing games for a kick.

go with your gut feeling on this and if there is that much dount, you should move on!

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/11/2007 7:51:54 AM

lusciouslips19

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Well this sounds farmiliar to me. The amount of time I was talking to someone may not have normally waranted information. But he already talked of coming to my city. Also everytime I would show misgivings, I was not a "true sub". The red flag popped up when he requested my phone number, asked if I felt I trusted him enough to give it. i said yes and gave it. BUT when he called me, his number was blocked. Now if that wasnt a red flag for me. So then a few days later I started asking for contact and he said I was being pushy when I said I would need it to feel secure. Then he called me too insecure for him and too jaded.

I thank my lucky starts that my alert signals are working fine.

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/11/2007 7:54:20 AM

juliaoceania

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fast reply, and a question for those who have responded so far....

There is no right or wrong answers to this, I was just wondering....

If you are talking to someone and interested in meeting them and they do not want to share any information about themselves and their lives (I am not talking full names here), is that a red flag for you? If the person will not tell you what their living situation is (married, divorced, living with kids, living my alone), and they will not share if they are employed or not, wouldn't that give you pause?

Personally, men that seemed hesitant to share information about themselves when I was looking got sent to the back of the line... there were just too many open people emailing me to waste my time on mystery men. Now, they have the right to be mysterious all they like, their life after all, but it is a "red flag", isn't it? People have the right to withhold information about themselves, but the people they are unwilling to share information with have a right to dismiss them from the radar screen... both are appropriate reactions in my mind....

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/11/2007 8:02:52 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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Living/dating situation and whether or not they are employed (along with some idea of what they do) are going to be a couple of the first things I would require to know. If that information wasn't given up front when requested, then there would be no possibility of even conversing to see if we were interested in meeting.

Why waste my time talking to someone who was married or is chronically unemployed, both of which would be unacceptable to me in a potential relationship?

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 11/11/2007 8:03:56 AM >

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/11/2007 8:06:15 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

Living/dating situation and whether or not they are employed (along with some idea of what they do) are going to be a couple of the first things I would require to know. If that information wasn't given up front when requested, then there would be no possibility of even conversing to see if we were interested in meeting.

Why waste my time talking to someone who was married or is chronically unemployed, both of which would be unacceptable to me in a potential relationship?

Amen!

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/11/2007 8:07:11 AM

phedre81

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

People have the right to withhold information about themselves, but the people they are unwilling to share information with have a right to dismiss them from the radar screen... both are appropriate reactions in my mind....

I agree wholeheartedly. We could talk all day and night about what information is "reasonable" to expect. I'm more comfortable saying you have the right to ask for whatever information makes you feel safe. And the person you're asking it from has equal right not to give it, and both of you have the right to walk away if at any time you feel uncomfortable.

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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/11/2007 1:56:50 PM

missCurvacious

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I feel if your at the place where your ready to meet then of course your entitiled to some of that information, I think to many times in this lifestyle our submission is taken advantage of and we are talked down to and scowled for things at an unnessary level. I personally have an understanding with all of the doms I interact with, and that is I can ask any question I want as long as I am respectful about it, and if he feels its not information I need at this time then he is to also be respectful in his reply. This is important because the only unreasonable questions are the ones not asked, it what keeps us safe, and we have to remember its not just safe,sane, and consensual with ours bodies but with our minds and hearts as well.

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