Stephann
Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
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Hi folks,
This may be a little pedantic, but I think there's a few semantics that need to be addressed. First, "to dominate" is an action, an activity. Everyone dominates someone or something in the course of their daily lives; (good) parents dominate their children, employers (at least occasionally) dominate their employees, salespeople dominate customers. The question isn't if we do it, but rather how we do it (and ideally, how do we do it better, when we choose to do so.) A dominant (in BDSM), is not necessarily an inherently a dominant person. Rather, it is the term we acribe to an individual who enjoys holding authority in a relationship. We don't assess if they are particularly good at the act of domination before we ascribe this term (though after the fact it's not uncommon to simply say that Bob Schmuckatelli isn't a very good dominant.)
So as I mentioned in the original post, one doesn't become a Buddhist simply by saying "I am a Buddist." (Insert your favorite religion here, if you prefer.) One may embrace the concept of Buddhism based on what they understand of it, and proclaim themselves now Buddhist; but it is through study, reflection, and meditation that one actually becomes Buddhist. This is the crux of the conversation here.
The best advice I can give does incorporate what others have said: a dominant is at his best, when he/she is being themselves. But there's more to it than that; regardless of our role, we are at our best when we are ourselves, especially when we are being the best 'us' we can be. This doesn't provide much insight into the actual skills or mentality of a dominant.
For me, I sum it up with a word; taking responsibility. Consider if you ask a teenager to clean the kitchen. What do you usually expect? The trash might go out, the dishes might get washed, the counter might get cleaned up. If they're feeling particularly motivated, the floor might even get swept. Compare this to (what I consider to be) the mindset of a good dominant; I look at the kitchen, and think "what is the most cleaning I can do in the time I have?" This means dishes, trash, counter, and floors; but it also means fixing the leaky faucet, wiping all that gunk at the bottom of the fridge, organizing that back corner that always has a pile of junk, wiping EVERYTHING down, mopping the floor, and leaving it in a state that isn't just clean, but at it's shiny best. This doesn't spring from a well of handi-maid skills; it comes from a mindset and mentality that states "I don't simply accept responsibility, I take responsibility for everything in my charge." This means I'm not simply mildly interested in the various activities that my slave engages in; it means I take special pride in the things she does well, and special concern in the things that she does not. Obviously, not everyone has a need or desire for that depth of intimacy; but I believe it's a necessary ingrediant for healthy and stable D/s relationships.
In short, a good dominant dominates...by taking charge, and accepts responsibility (and to that end, accountability) for all aspects of the relationship. This doesn't mean the submissive has no role to play; it simply means that role is, by and large, defined by the dominant.
Stephan
(p.s. Stephan, on CM, was taken by some nigerian slave who vanished after a day. That's why my nick here is 'Stephann')
_____________________________
Nosce Te Ipsum
"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer
Men: Find a Woman here
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RE: How Does a Dominant Dominate You??? What does he/s... - 
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. What my Sir and I have together isn't something I could sum up with words, well I could but they'd be general words hee hee. 
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