Jasmyn
Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
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Blaakmaan I personally don't think this question gets asked enough  kudos to you for putting it out there
To paraphrase someone from these boards, who wrote a longtime ago on a thread, the opposite of dominance is not submission and the opposite of submission is not dominance ... the opposite of dominance is indecision and the opposite of submission is stubborness ... when I first read those words, I kid you not, a light bulb appeared above my head and my whole world was illuminated ...I've since lost the light bulb but those words, succinctly put as there were, gave me, whats the word, permission, if you like to stand in my own power ... that, within my own ethics, moral compass and kinks ...I'm in charge and make no apologies for it ... (if the author of this wee gem of info is out there, and I think you still are *waves* ya changed my life *smooch*).
One of the first things to consider, is deciding what kind of 'dominant' you wish to be ... for sure we can tick kink checklists until the cows come home ... but it's kind of hard to marry all those kinks and desires together without first understanding what about them rocks ya socks ... think of the control, the power charge, what is it that makes you want to have the experience of a submissive in your life ... what is it you want from those private exchanges?
Midori, in her Fem Domination class I attended when she visited New Zealand last year, had us do an exercise where we wrote in one column, women we have admired throughout our lives and in the other column had us write their qualities, the things that made us admire them ... the males in our midst also did the same ... later she asked us all to fold our papers in half and to focus on the qualities column ... and there it was in black and white... the 'fem dom' I wanted to be ... and for the men? the fem dom they wanted to serve ...
I guess you could apply the same exercise to yourself, men that you have admired, to give you somewhere to start fishing for who you are...and for the qualities you want in a submissive ...you could do the same exercise ... of women (personally, television or book characters, stereotypes, archetypes, etc) that have pushed your buttons ...
Find out where the commonalities are and work from there ...
For example ... a female with a 1950's household kick may not necessarily be suited to you if your power figure is more about taming a shrew ... whereas the 1950's kick could be greatly suited to you if your power figure is charged with a quiet and unquestioned magnetism that allows for a natural tendency of subservience to exist (if that makes sense).
As for the actual activity of dominating someone ...controlling them ... this was a post a made sometime ago about how I view and encompass my dominant self with submissives ...
quote:
Be consistent... ie if you say "don't move" and they do pull them up on it, if you state they must in say a scene, always answer 'yes Madam Peanut Butterfly" everytime you ask them to do something (before they move to do it) and they don't, pull them up on it ... make them return to whatever position they were in, and issue the order again ... the biggest complaint I have had from submissives, both male and female, I have played with in the past is their past dominant/s inconsistency within their (the dominants) own rules and stipulations (for play or for the relationship) ... finding dismay when the dominant doesn't even notice the sub has just broken one of the rules of engagement ... it's leaves the sub feeling like the dominant doesn't care for their own dominance ... let alone the person's submission ...
On a personal level, give yourself permission to be a biarch. Another one of those things I've often heard complaints about ... the dom struggling to shrug on their dominant coat and just be dominant ... if you want them to dance the funky chicken while wearing the national dress of Timbucktoo ...then do it ... if you want them to seperate the M&M colours using their nose and nothing else simply because you think they should... then do it ... (the M&M idea, found in a great post I can't now find grr) ... it's an ego thing ... give yourself permission to have an ego. Don't buy into what society tells us, that to be egotisical, self centered, bossy, aggressive, demanding is a bad thing ... the most successful people in the world, in some way are ... and so is a successful dominant ... people aren't one dimensional... there is always the opposite to ego, self centeredness, aggression and demanding that exist within all of us ... temper your style with love, passion, and empathy ...you subs will love you all the more for it.
Sorry I haven't given any concrete examples ... I might offer up some later ... but as a quick insight ... I like to work with rituals ... ways of being addressed, how they must be attired when they are coming to see me, having them stop and buy a newspaper before visiting with me ... that must be stamped by the shop I have told them to purchase it from ... the reason being ... every day they may read the newspaper...it delivered to their work or home or one they read at the coffee shop ... will remind them of me ... but that having to buy the one paper at a particular shop for me ... is all about following my lead ... or having them write a hand written letter that must be posted through the mail to me once a week, regardless that they may see me on a daily basis ... it's the control I enjoy ...and I enjoy who they become within that control ..
I fear I may have rambled a bit here ... hope not ... ask for clarification if I have lol ..
Enjoy your journey
_____________________________
quote:
"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.
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RE: How Does a Dominant Dominate You??? What does he/s... - 
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