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That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 5:33:04 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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I read on a current thread that a male sub client was "serving" a Pro-Domme on a regular basis.
It just struck Me wrong.
I view service as an all encompassing part of an ongoing relationship. Not a professional relationship, but a personal one. I realize that many use the term as a catch-all for any BDSM interaction which would include D/s and M/s aspects, but a statement such as "serving a Pro-Domme on a regular basis" just doesn't seem appropriate to Me.
I would personally prefer the terms "session" or "play". There is a beginning and an end, after which the client goes on his merry way and has no accountability to Me. I never considered My interactions with clients, when I did Pro work, as service from them. It was a business transaction that was much more limited in scope.
The assumed use of this term (service) in the context of a Professional Session bothers Me, and I see that it could be the basis of many a male sub's misunderstanding that he wants to "serve" when he really means he wants Me to beat his butt or tie him up and perform a little CBT, and that, to him, is serving Me.
It is entertaining to Me.
It is, under certain circumstances, providing a service that I require at that moment in time...
but is it actual "service"?
How do you, as FemDoms, define the word "service"? What does it encompass for you?
How do the male subs who participate here define "service"? What does it encompass for you?
Bear in mind that I am not referring to those who are in actual "service" to ProDominas, as in an ongoing personal relationship, and their FemDom also happens to work in the Pro end of things. I am also not referring to those who want and keep bedroom subs/slaves as only that which means that is the entire scope of their service to the FemDom. For I also consider that to be a personal relationship wherein the bedroom duties of the sub/slave have been set forth by the FemDom and those services are to be provided upon Her whim.
I would love to have some discussion on this...come one, come all...the floor is open!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 11/13/2007 5:36:12 PM >

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Post #: 1

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 5:41:51 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
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For me service is one of those terms that is almost as grey as humiliation. There are many things I do that some, or even many call service. To me they're nothing special, things that I might do for my friends. Household chores to me are also nothing special in terms of bdsm...I've lived alone long enough that they're things that simply need to be done. Does having a bdsm relationship make that any different than in vanilla? It's that viewpoint that's given me the idea that a "service oriented sub" is someone who gets a thrill out of doing chores etc (ie: the maid role).

I've never viewed any playtime activities as service. A possible exception being something that a sub absolutely hates, but wants to do it to please their dominant. It gets down to a lot of hair splitting that I really can't be bothered to think too much about.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 6:02:31 PM

NakedHouseboySlv

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/19/2007
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I have cleaned many floors, and scrubed many toilets clean, for dominant ladies to simply be of service. Being of real service, and doing things to make a dominant ladies life easier and more enjoyable, is very satisfying to me alone.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 3

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 6:17:17 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
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I know I'm not a "male sub" however I posted on this not too terribly long ago...here's the link

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1362053/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1362053

As a boi who serves a Pro...I don't think of the clients as "serving"..."sserving" is not some guy asking to get buttfucked...it's asking to do the dishes. service is done for the Domme's pleasure...entertainment...well being...not mine. It's not what I want when I want it cuz I'm not the one issuing the orders...She is. And it's what She wants the way She wants it when She wants it.

(in reply to NakedHouseboySlv)

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 6:41:32 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
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From: NYC now!
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I agree with BoiJen on this...

It's really not a professional issue, though, as the OP seemed to expressing. Rather, you see this same thing all the time in non-pro interactions.

"Oh please, Mistress let me serve you by handing you my favorite toy and having you use it on me!"

A sub certainly can serve me in a pro-session, but as on the non-pro side of things most are looking for a fetish/kink-top.

Service, whether in a set block of time or randomly, my time paid for or not, is a sub doing something that I want, for me, to make my life easier or more pleasant. Not just catering to their desires with some window-dressing.

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 7:02:29 PM

unravel

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/3/2007
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i agree with BoiJen and RumpusParable.
my simple submissive view from my limited experiences is that service is the honour of doing as told by the Dominant to please Her and fill the need She has at that moment in time. i see it as a rather simple and straightforward gesture for the submissive to embrace, be grateful about, and not question.
unravel

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Post #: 6

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 7:05:16 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I'm going to echo what I did in the thread that boijen (how are you, dear?) posted the link for reference. Service to Me are those things that make My life easier, just like Tammyjo mentioned. When he does My dishes or cleans the cat box, that keeps Me from having to do the task Myself. They may not be big things, but they are ways he shows his devotion to Me for not having to do them. That is worth more to Me than all of the sexual gratification or financial tribute he could possibly give.

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 7:28:24 PM

spinntja

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/13/2004
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Her service is my freedom and my her service is my strength.

And that's pretty much how I decide whether I am well served or not. If what she does eats up my time, or distracts me, or annoys me, then it's not service.

You are saying, Dusty, that there are other ways? ;-)

- SJ

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 7:37:52 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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A former friend of mine who was also a pro domme referred to her clients as "serving" her. It doesn't seem correct to me, either. I always said I was "working" with my clients, just as I work with my playmates and submissives normally. A service relationship may encompass a variety of things, but for me a person who makes my life easier, or does the things that I require, is serving me.

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 8:05:52 PM

MystressDream

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From: Colorado
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I agree that service is anything that makes my life easier. Whether that is domestic service (cleaning, yardwork, cooking, etc.), personal service (running my bath, giving me massages, etc.), sexual service (kind of self explanatory, but not "sexual worship"), or financial service (working an outside job to help pay the living expenses in a 24/7 live-in relationship).

Service, to me, doesn't include any BDSM at all. That is a seperate thing, IMO.

I have met service oriented submissives who get all of their pleasure just by performing the services mentioned above. They are not masochists, and are not into the BDSM activities at all.

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 8:45:22 PM

MissAstrid

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Joined: 10/28/2007
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See, I agree with most of the distinctions that have been made here, but wanted to add this option as well:

When I send a slave home from a session with an assignment, one that does not involve him working for me directly (say, a chastity requirement or something he needs to remember/practice for next time), I consider that "serving" me.

But I don't consider it "a service."

Perhaps the issue is semantic, then...

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 8:47:02 PM

FullfigRIMaam

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Joined: 6/21/2007
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Service is whatever makes my life easier, as others have said, so I would imagine it's different for everyone, depending on our needs and desires; during the day, it is probably housework, and at night it may be sexual/kinkier. To me service is what I need from my submissive within my D/s relationship, everything else is fun I could have with any man I'm involved with. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 11/13/2007 8:48:00 PM >

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(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 12

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 9:27:20 PM

cloudboy

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Dear GDG,

A tennis friend of mine refers to service as "honey-dos."

My input on this question is already recorded on boijen's thread.

I agree with MystressDream that service lies outside of BDSM altogether.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 13

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/13/2007 10:24:55 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

In my recent travels I came across a young woman who was in need of service, and I've been serving her on a regular basis, but not in a bdsm relationship at all. She takes advantage of my desire to serve, and I take care of her needs. There's nothing of drama about it, or anything that requires having to fill it up with stereotypical necessities. At some point, I discovered she was a wonderful woman who needed a knightly friend to come to her assistance, and I've discovered I can be happy with that for the time being.

I used to keep trying to find the "ultimate" submissive relationship that was always alluding me, and I'd give up one chance after another in hopes of achieving something that may or may not even have existed. At one point, I started to realize that maybe what I'm seeking is something so much simpler. Instead of looking all over the place, or at munches, or clubs, I found someone in graduate school with me who likes spending time with me because I'm intelligent, can make her laugh, and I love to help her when I can. I guess for now, it can be that simple.

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(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 14

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/14/2007 3:57:22 AM

Politesub53

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Surely a submissive could be in service to a ProDomme if he just did the cleaning and household chores for Her ? i have read of guys who just like to do this while they are dressed as a maid or something, or get punished for any mistakes in return for cleaning house.

It could also be that some submissives are happy to pay for a session and just serve, with no need for the play element of a relationship. While that is still a professional relationship, it is also service.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 15

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/14/2007 6:30:54 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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quote:

but a statement such as "serving a Pro-Domme on a regular basis" just doesn't seem appropriate to Me.

Depends on the dynamic between the pro dom and the person serving her or him ... I have clients who are available to me at my beck and call ... when I want to session with them they make themselves available, with tribute in hand... telling them I want to see them that week, that day, that month ... the dynamic is not much different from so called 'lifestyle' d/s ..

quote:

I would personally prefer the terms "session" or "play". There is a beginning and an end, after which the client goes on his merry way and has no accountability to Me.

Not necessarily true of all pro clientel ...depends on the individual ...

---

As a pro dom I could get all het up over the sheer numbers of 'lifestylers' who have jumped on the 'tribute' bandwagon ... but hey, it's not worth the energy expended to refute the "genuine or not" chorus each time lifestyle tributes are defended by the "I'm not a pro domme but I want a tribute to prove your genuine" crowd ... with an amazon, ebay, or victoria secrets wishlist to back up just how real a dominant they are ...

I guess if a man or woman considers themselves to be serving a pro dom then it's of no ones concern but the two involved ...

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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/14/2007 11:34:28 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
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From: Arizona
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~fast reply~

I think that Francine and Jasmyn have come the closest to understanding My meaning here.
And yes, Politesub it could be "service" if this client was coming over at the appointed and paid for time to do housework. Since he referred to "sessions" in his post, I may have made an unfair leap in assuming that it was more likely he was enjoying some mutual BDSM acitivites rather than serving in a household chores capacity.
My boy does not live with Me. When he comes over, per My schedule, his service could include anything from a pedicure to cleaning My bathroom to a beating if I am so inclined. (He is a maso). He is also accountable to Me when he is not in My presence.
Jasmyn is right in stating that even though She has paying clients, some of those are at Her 24/7 beck and call. So whether She commands their presence for garbage duty or a bondage scene, She simply has some who are in service even though they pay for that privilege. It is the intent. They are serving Her as She sees fit when She desires. Not by appointment and according to a mutual interest and agreeement in and for certain BDSM play.
I view this as intent. I see little intent to "serve" the Ladies whim when the "session" is planned, even though it may be planned a little differently than the client imagined. The end result and satisfaction is, hopefully, the same.
I guess the word service means more to Me than kneeling and offering a body for whatever abuse for an hour or two, whether payment is involved or not. It also means more than "honey-dos". For Me it encompasses an ongoing attitude and I never experienced that with My clients. I knew, in My heart of hearts, that there was a mutual goal that was temporary. Therefore, I viewed it as "play", a "session" or a "scene". When it was done, it was done... until the next time.

BoiJen, I am sorry I missed your thread. I will read it. And I just reread your reply to this topic. You know exactly what I mean!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 11/14/2007 11:40:46 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

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Post #: 17

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/15/2007 2:02:21 AM

masochistneedsU

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Before enlightenment,
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After enlightenment,
I chopped wood and carried water.
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RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/15/2007 7:32:54 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
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Dear GoddessDustyGold, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I would have to state up front, that 'service' is a salad bar of which elements of acts and or behaviors would be deemed service, to which each Dominant would have to create from the many elements of what is/what could be and or what may be--service.

For me, service from a slave could be anything from being at my feet and 'just there' to being a 'wonder slave,' to which all sorts of tasks, errands and 'to do' things are quickly dispatched to their final conclusion in a most efficient and satisfactory way--to what would be my standards.

My opinion of what service 'is'--is situational. I may need my slave's help and or service when I am building a new Saint Andrews Cross or to help me finish off a flogger and then 'test drive' the flogger. It isn't a scene but a means to test a flogger just made. Swinging it in air is not a good test of the work. So, it could be "BDSM" related but, it does not have to be.

I consider it a service, that my slave acts in a role of 'body guard' and checks a premise prior to exiting my automobile--to see if it poses a problem. [One thing I love about former military who have been assigned to officials and or high ranking officers and or Embassy details]. I feel much more secure because of this. This can be seen as just being a gentleman, being protective as a gentleman and or good manners. Yet, it can also be seen as a service also. It depends on a Dominant's perspective of what service can/may/should be.

I see a slave of mine beyond 'service' and 'doing things.' I see a slave of mine a compliment to the life I wish to lead and a special relationship to which gives me freedom through their power and ability to act on things on their own and get them done as to present an opportunity to where we, as Mistress/Master-slave have more quality time to each other--not enslaved to the maintaining of the house and or its contents.

I see a slave of mine as my strength and a perfectionist in their own right and way. It is a great help to me when a slave of mine 'clock watches' as I enjoy guests and or entertain--or perhaps during a presentation and or demonstration. Some may see it as service--to me it is a necessity. I see a slave as the one who makes up for my short comings and or weaknesses. This to might be considered as a form of service and yet, I see it as a compliment to our relationship, a manner of which their power/strength sustains me and I do the same for a slave of mine. That exchange of power, talent and wisdom is more than doing something for me in a physical sense but, also in a mental, emotional and spiritual way, as a slave feeds my mental, emotional and spiritual side--making me a better person and that is a wonderful service to me.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 11/15/2007 7:35:32 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: That pesky word "service" - 11/15/2007 7:50:09 PM

planomaid

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
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Generally speaking, you can serve anyone, but service is something special (in my book at least).

I do believe you can serve a domme (pro or not) in a capacity, because there is usually something accompanying your serving, or perhaps you are working towards some sort of goal. Perhaps you like to wear a maid uniform and when you wear it you like to serve a woman in the role of a maid. But when you take off the uniform, the desire either goes away or it is not nearly as strong. In my mind that is serving. It can be a powerful desire, but it is somewhat transient, or it is triggered by some other thing.

Service however, is usually a much more deep-seated need. It may or may not be part of your core character, but it nonetheless has a definite impact on your life, and the desire is always there, either smoldering just below the surface or it is a fiery hot need that is all consuming. In that case you can be wearing a t-shirt and keds, or a tuxedo with tails, or the obligatory sissy maid outfit. But in any instance, the person who is in service has the strong desire to please the person they are in service too. And service is far more encompassing than sexual servitude (and is usually kept seperate) that many men tend to think of as the chief goal of any domme. I have found that most women are quite discriminating (especially dommes) about choosing a sexual partners - and many 'submissive' men have found this to be quite true to their horny consternation.

Service is also much more of a two-way street, or at least it should be in my mind. A maid, butler, waiter, even a plumber can serve you. You can choose to be polite or short with them, but the service will usually still occur - you just might not find them being anything but perfunctory in their service. But being in service is different. Even though you may find yourself doing the same thing, I tend to think that the desire on both parties is oriented around maintaining and growing said service relationship. It is a mutually beneficial arrangement that needs to be nurtured, which tends to make it deeper and stronger over time where it becomes easier and easier to sustain because it is so rewarding. Neglecting it, or making it purely a take-only relationship, it will most likely collapse as the person in service finds that they have nothing left to give. Which is a sad thing when you think about the potential it could have.

Sorry for the rambling... it's been a very long day with little sleep and the promise of a rinse&repeat tomorrow. This is an interesting thread and I'm curious to see how it will continue.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 20

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